


Thinking Of You

by Caro_Evomad1



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Falling In Love, Family, Friendship, M/M, Sense of Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 03:34:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 146,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6687559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caro_Evomad1/pseuds/Caro_Evomad1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes what you are looking for comes when you are not looking at all....</p><p>AU:<br/>After losing his family in a car accident, a grieving Robert takes some time off work and returns to Emmerdale to reconnect with his sister. However even after twelve years away he has no desire whatsoever to make peace with his father or brother.</p><p>Aaron's dad went to prison at the end of April and through everything he'd found his sister, Liv. All he wants now is to move on, rebuild his life and take care of his sister, but parenting a fourteen year old is proving a challenge and he is struggling to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> I have changed history quite a lot: Robert didn’t come back to Emmerdale in 2014. Katie and Andy stayed married from their first marriage in Feb 2004 but never had children; they run Emmerdale Farm together (no issues with subsidence). Val is dead from a freak accident. Robert's father, Jack, is still alive (age 68) and married to Diane; in April they moved into the B&B after buying half share. Diane sold her share in the pub and Jack has just retired fully from farming. The trial of Aaron’s dad is over and Gordon was sent to prison; Sandra returned to Ireland leaving Liv with Aaron, both living at the Woolpack with Chas.

Robert, Beginning July 2016

This is my first lie-in since I can’t remember when and now finding myself stood in the kitchen staring round at everything, I have no idea where to begin; Jess used to take care of all that. I decide it can wait for a few days, it’s not exactly as though I am in a rush to unpack; except the coffee machine, that is a priority. I dig around the stacks of removal boxes and finding what I think is the right one, I let out a big sigh of relief upon opening it, seeing the coffee machine on top with some coffee and mugs underneath it. My coffee addiction is about the only thing I need to keep me on the go; it’s not even a caffeine thing, just coffee and is probably something I should work on to drink a little less of, but it’s my only vice and sometimes I swear it’s the only thing that keeps me sane.

The coffee freshly brewed, I take my mug outside with me to sit on the steps overlooking the garden and enjoy the solitude. It’s been so full-on with the move home from the US, between that and finishing work off to a sensible point for whilst I’m away, it feels like I haven’t had a minute to myself and I’ve hardly slept in what feels like forever. I’m not so sure though if this wasn’t all subconsciously intentional, because if I had slowed down, then I would have started to think about things and that just meant the hurt and anger creeping back in and taking over.

I also can’t remember the last time when I lived on my own, it’s a good ten years ago at least so it’s probably going to take a bit of getting used to. I’m curious if the village has changed, experience tells me probably not, maybe a few new faces here and there, but places like Emmerdale don’t really change much, nor do the people who live in them. I laugh out loud to myself quietly; I wonder what dad and the others will say when they see me for the first time. Well I’m not here for them and I’m not really interested in what they think or what they have to say; the only person I’m interested in is my sister Vic.

I can’t explain the sudden urge I felt after all these years to come home, but after everything this last few months I knew I couldn’t carry on as I was and decided to take some time away from work. I had definitely felt a pull to reconnect with my sister and I suppose that’s what had got me thinking about coming back to Emmerdale for a while to have a chance to get to know her again. She’s the only family who is important to me that I have left, although saying that, I’m not so sure what reception I will get even from her. It’s been a very long time and I never did get round to giving her a call like I had meant to do to let her know I’m coming home.

.

After checking the weather forecast on my phone, not quite trusting of the blue skies above me with this being Emmerdale and not New York, it looks good so I decide just to take my jumper and head off in the direction of the village.

I don’t recognise the few faces I pass in the street when I get there, but as expected it hasn’t changed much. Standing outside, I see the shop is now a coffee shop triggering a debate with myself if to go to the pub or here but the Woolpack was always going to win out this being my first day back. Ambling over, there are so many memories invading my thoughts; it all feels like a lifetime ago.

Pushing through the door, without even thinking about it, I brace myself for the unknown and see Chas behind the bar; there are a couple other faces I recognise like Cain and Jimmy, some that look half familiar but I’m not quite sure. Cain is the first to acknowledge me, “Well well well, here’s a turn up for the books, it’s been a while.” He has that same challenging tone, he never did like me after I messed his Debbie around. “Take a wrong turning did you?”

“No, I’m exactly where I intended to be and I’m sure you’ll be delighted to know that I’m going to be sticking around for a while; won’t that be fun.” Chas turns in my direction after hearing my voice and it’s not often you see her stumped for words but apparently she is today which I find tickles my sense of humour, “I’ll have an orange juice please Chas.”

She doesn’t move, but there is a definite glare and she doesn’t look one bit pleased to see me, clearly still part of the ‘I love Katie’ club, “Is that all you’re having?”

I look at her nonchalantly, “That’s what I ordered, but you know if you don’t want my money then I’ll just go to the coffee shop. When you see her, tell Vic I’ll be in at teatime if I don’t manage to catch up with her beforehand.” I’m not in the mood for playing games with Chas and before she even responds, feeling everyone’s stares on my back, I walk out and head in the direction of the coffee shop. I couldn’t even be bothered with a glib response; it must be the jetlag still; either that or I’m beginning to mellow. I’m not the same Robert Sugden that left this village that’s for sure; something they will all find out in my own good time.

.

“I’ll have an Americano Bob please.”

“Hello stranger, coming right up.” I’m not too chit chatty these days and let the silence linger as I wait, “Are you drinking in or taking out?”

I look around; it’s fairly quiet and comfy enough, “I think I’ll stay.”

“If you go find yourself a spot, I’ll bring it over; you just passing through then?”

“Not really.” Bob always was nosy, not as bad as Viv though; I wonder where she’s hiding.

“Oh?”

“I just moved into Home Farm so I’m going to be around for a while.”

“Right....., I see.” He pauses and I take the opportunity to go sit on the sofa before he starts up again, but I can feel him looking over curiously in my direction. He finally brings over my drink and hovers a moment, “You had chance to catch up with the family, it’s been a long while.” 

I take a drink of my coffee and it’s good, making me a little more generous with my conversation, “Not yet, I’m going to try and see Vic later on. How’s Viv doing these days?”

“Errm she passed away, long while back now.” He has another couple of customers who distract him before I get chance to give my condolences and stops me feeling any more awkward from putting my foot in it. My wallet is prodding into me and I pull it out, putting it down on the coffee table before starting to read some articles on my phone to pass the time.

.

The loud brat with whoever at the counter keeps disrupting my peace and quiet as they argue about whatever; I’m not really listening but I can’t seem to shut her out like I normally would. She sees me watching her, “What you looking at Mr Nosy, got nothing better to do than stare at teenage girls?”

The man with her turns round and stares in my direction, noticing me for the first time and I answer her back, “Just the loud annoying obnoxious ones disturbing the peace. Shouldn’t you be in school?”

She pulls a face, a perfect picture of disdain, “Summer holidays, what planet do you live on?”

I pull a face back, not caring if I'm being childish, “Unfortunately the same one as you.”

The guy with her intervenes, “Give it a rest Liv will you; here take your drink and get somewhere for us to sit.” He gestures to the free table nearby and then gives me a not so friendly warning look.

I see her coming past and before I know it I’m shaking my head after she spectacularly throws her drink over me, probably intentionally if I had to make a bet. Bob rushes over with a tea towel, glaring at the young miss; I get up and walk to the counter after giving up with my feeble attempt to soak up some of the wet. “You know what Bob, can you just put me my coffee to take out.” He gives me an apologetic look and something tells me he’s had bother with this one before. I can hear the brat getting a telling off in the background but I won’t hold out for an apology, she doesn’t seem the type.

Back to the table to collect my things I notice my wallet isn’t where I had left it. As expected I’m not going to get an apology, just a stone-faced teenager, arms folded and pouting face as I go stand by their table. “Are you going to give it back....., Liv was it?”

She looks at me all innocent like and the guy seems just as fed up with her as the rest of us; he stares at her questioningly, “Liv?”

“I didn’t take nothing.”

He turns back to me, “Look I don’t know what you think she took, but she didn’t okay. If my sister said she didn’t then I believe her.”

“Well, I'm pretty certain she did, but you know what, I’ll let you learn the hard way. There’s no cash in it much but quite a high limit on the Visa so the more she spends, the more you’ll have to pay me back. I hope you have that kind of money because if not, she is old enough to get a prison sentence right? I hear such nice things about prison for young offenders these days, highly educational.” With that I leave them to it and walk out into the sunshine; I can’t be bothered with them either and I head home thinking to myself at least it wasn’t a boring first outing into the village. I should get out like this more often, though maybe next time keeping my wallet in my pocket would make life easier. I’ll have to block everything which is mildly inconvenient to say the least or I could just call the office to do it for me, a perk of being the boss.

.

I go to sit outside in the sunshine round the back of the house when I get in home, I’m just about falling asleep when I hear a banging; I so can’t be bothered to go and look who it is, thinking to myself they’ll have to come back later until I hear the sound of footsteps and then the not so dulcet tones of a protesting teenager. Sitting up I squint at the people standing over me, now blocking the sunlight; he pushes his sister towards me who clearly is sulking and definitely isn’t here by choice. She holds out my wallet, “I didn’t spend owt.”

I raise my eyebrows expectantly, “Is that some form of apology?”

She looks like she isn’t going to say anything until she gets a hard nudge in her back, “Sorry.”

I look between her and her brother, “Sounds like it.” I get up and wait to see if there is anything else forthcoming, but it doesn’t seem like it, “You can get lost now you’ve played nice for your brother.” She huffs and heads off, but he isn’t so quick to move looking embarrassed.

“Sorry, she’s just being difficult with everything at the minute, crap at home and….; well you probably don’t want to hear excuses. Anyway I’m sorry I didn’t make her empty her stuff out earlier; she won’t be bothering you again, I’ll see to it.” He at least looks sincere in the apology.

He’s about to turn and follow his sister, “Robert Sugden.” I think better of holding my hand out, he doesn’t strike me as the type for formalities, “Thank you for bringing it back at least.“

“Yeah, I know who you are, Bob told me. I’m Aaron….., Aaron Livesy and the obnoxious one is Liv, you probably remember that though.” He’s swaying slightly with another embarrassed smile on his face; quite adorable really.

The cogs in my brain are whirring, I know him from somewhere I’m sure I do, “Why do you look familiar; have we met before?”

“I’m Chas’ son. I wasn’t living here back then; just used to visit and I saw you around.”

“Ah, the lovely Chas.” I pull a face as I think back, “I thought she only had you?”

“Liv is my half-sister, dad’s side…..” He hesitates and there’s a kind of shadow crosses his expression, “It’s complicated. I’d best be going before she gets up to more mischief; maybe I’ll see you in the pub or something sometime.” With that he turns and this time I watch him leave.

I talk more to myself than anything, “You just might Aaron Livesy; you just might.”

.

When it gets past tea-time I make my way back into the village to see if Vic is at the pub. I wonder if Chas already told her that I’m back. I decide to call round at Keepers Cottage where I’d at least got round to finding out this is where she’s been living for the last couple of years. Some guy opens the door and stares at me, “Yes mate, what can I do for you?”

“Ermm, I’m looking for Vic; is she around?” I can feel him go a little tense, sizing me up.

“She’s gone shopping to Harrogate with Diane for the day; she won’t be back for a little while yet. I can give her a message.”

“I’ll catch her later; she’s not expecting me, I thought I’d just call by as I was passing.”

He’s not impolite, but guarded, “Can I ask who you are mate?”

“Robert, Robert Sugden; Vic’s my sister. You can tell her I just moved into Home Farm and I’ll try calling round another time to catch up.”

He stares a little surprised, clearly not expecting it to be me and I can feel him studying me, “I’m Adam Barton, Vic’s my wife.”

I shake his hand, “Nice to meet you Adam Barton. I didn’t know she got wed; congratulations….., I think.” I smile at my own ignorance, “Just tell her I’ll catch her later.” I turn and start heading down the path; considering what I do for a living, it’s kind of weird that I hadn’t really bothered checking out my own family before coming home. I’m getting a nagging doubt that this might not go as well with Vic as I had hoped having missed so much of her life. I turn round hearing Adam call out to me.

“We’ll be in the Woolpack later for a drink, if you want to join us; I don’t think they’ll be long ‘til they get back. I reckon she’ll be stoked to see you.”

“You think….., after all this time?”

He grins at me, “Yeah, I think she’ll be smiling from ear to ear.”

I smirk at him hearing that, picturing Vic in my head; she was just a little girl when I left and I might not even recognise her any more, but she always had a beautiful smile.

.

Looking at my phone to check the time I see it’s going up-to six; there’s no point going home just to come back again so I take a deep breath and go into the Woolpack for the second time today. The rumour mill had certainly been working well as there aren’t too many surprised faces when I walk in, but there’s the staring thing going on and I see a few of them unsure whether to talk to me or to leave me to myself. Fortunately they decide on the latter and this time the lovely Chas decides to serve me my orange juice without having a go.

Sitting in the corner out of the way, I catch up on the news reading my tablet. Seeing Aaron come in from the back, he nods at me and I nod back watching him join Cain and Zak at the far side of the bar. There are so many faces I recognise still as I gaze around me; like I thought, nothing really changes much.

I’m engrossed in an article when I hear a shriek and looking up I see Vic, “Hello little sister.” We give each other the biggest hug I think ever possible, “You look good….” I take a step back; she looks really good, “Married life must suit you.”

I get a smack on my arm and a grin, “Well you’d know if you'd called in what....., twelve years.”

“Hhmm, doesn’t time fly when you’re busy.” Diane is standing next to her; I give her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Diane, you’re looking well.”

“Thanks pet, how about you?”

“I’m alright, you know, ticking along.”

Vic is impatient as they sit down at my table and Chas brings over their drinks, “You could have warned us you were coming home Robert.”

I can’t help smiling at her non-stop, I feel this surge of pride seeing how she’s grown from the little girl I remember, “I know but I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well you did that. Adam will be over in a minute, I just texted him that we got back.”

“I met him earlier, I called round the house.”

Diane darts a glance at my hand, “You not married then Robert?”

I manage to not let my face slip, the indent from where my wedding ring used to be has disappeared in this last few weeks so there is no tell-tale sign left, “No.”

She has that knowing expression, almost pitying, probably assuming that I haven't changed from my old ways; she means well, “I'm sure you’ll meet someone when you’re ready, there’s no rush these days is there.”

Adam comes in and my face falls when I see directly behind him Andy and dad following him through the door. Dad stops and gives me a hard stare, he looks thoughtful but he doesn’t let anything slip whereas Andy, he is the same as ever, just about managing to hold his anger in check. There are no words spoken as they then ignore me, turning to the bar to order their pints; if time is supposed to mellow people then it well and truly bypassed Jack and Andy Sugden.

Vic and Diane watch on quietly, Diane looking at me sadly, “Give him time Robert, he does love you deep down; he’s just stubborn like you.”

I turn to look at her, my tone harder than I had intended, “I’m not here for him,” I soften it down smiling at Vic, “I’m just here to see my beautiful sister and no-one else." I quickly add on with a wry grin, "No offense intended Diane."

"None taken."

My phone starts to ring and it’s a call I need to take which is going to last a while, “Look I have to go already, but I’m living up at Home Farm, come over and we’ll catch up.” I answer the phone, “Hold on a sec,” I give my sister a kiss on the cheek. “I missed you Vic, I missed you more than you can ever imagine. I’ll see you later alright.” She smiles at me and nods; smiling back at her I walk out into the night air, putting the phone to my ear as I start the walk home.

TBC


	2. Just A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert start to learn a little more about each other.

Aaron, Mid July 2016

Liv seems to be doing everything she can at the minute to get a rise out of me, I can’t work her out. I know I used to be bad at her age, I don’t know if it’s the girl thing or what but she is definitely driving me to distraction. If she keeps this up, mum will throw us both out, even she is struggling to get Liv to toe the line, having lost it again with her big time earlier.

I see Robert Sugden walking into the yard, “Morning.”

“Hi. You after Adam?” He looks at me confused, “Sorry I thought you must be here to see Adam, we run this place together.”

“Ah, no; I’m actually after getting rid of some stuff. I’ve been checking out the garages at the house and the previous owners left a whole load of junk in there, I was wondering if you could come collect it and get rid of it for me.”

“No problem; big stuff, small stuff, I mean does it need both me and Adam or just one of us?”

“I didn’t look at all of it, but I think mostly smaller stuff, should be okay with just one of you and I can give you a hand if needed but there’s quite a lot of it.”

I pull my gloves off, “Let me check what we’ve got on, Adam’s out with the truck right now.”

He follows me into the portacabin and my hand brushes against his as I hold the door open for him; I’m caught a little off-guard by the tingle of excitement from his touch and how his face draws me to him, “Sorry.” It's an effort to stop myself from staring at him like an idiot so I force my attention to the log book, praying that he doesn't notice my blushing. When I lift my head back up I see him looking around the office, hopefully meaning he hasn't clicked on to my odd behaviour, “How about tomorrow morning?”

Looking back to me our eyes meet, his smile is so disarming as he stands there, “Sounds good; just come over whenever you are ready. Not too early though.” 

“Great, I’ll put you down.” Robert looks at me oddly, “In the book I mean.” His eyes are laughing at me as I go red with embarrassment, feeling increasingly awkward from the affect he is having on me, “I’ll just be quiet now.”

He’s openly laughing at me now and his eyes have mischievous glint in them as he walks out of the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow Aaron.” Sitting down in my chair, I curse myself, thinking could I have been any more obvious.

.

It’s just after nine when I go knocking; there’s no sound so I try again a lot louder and this time hear him shouting at me that he’s coming. Upon opening the door, he’s wearing only jogging bottoms and towelling his hair, looking like he’s just got out of the shower. “Come on in.” I just about manage to keep my tongue in but I can’t stop my eyes wandering over his body as I follow him into the kitchen, very much liking what I see. “Do you want a cuppa?”

I nod as he waves a mug at me, “If you’re making; don’t suppose you’ve got tea?”

“Mmmh, not sure; maybe in one of these boxes.” He puts the towel down and starts looking at the labels on the boxes.

“Coffee’s fine, don’t go hunting on my account.” He smiles at me and starts making drinks whilst I go and sit at the breakfast bar. It’s a while since I’ve been inside Home Farm and it looks completely different, newly painted, a lot less fussy decor and from the little I can see more or less empty. “You still waiting for the movers?”

“No this is it; I need to find some motivation to buy some furniture and stuff before I can start unpacking. The plan was to put my own stamp on the place first, but I don’t even know what that is anymore.” He stops and seems lost in his own thoughts for a few seconds, then realising this and that he’s probably told me something he wouldn’t normally say to practically a complete stranger, he busies himself with the coffee.

I don’t say anything, trying not to make it feel any more awkward than it already is but with the place so empty, I find my eyes being drawn back to Robert’s naked upper body. Shifting a little uneasily in my seat, I feel the need to fill the silence to distract me, “I heard you bought this place, does that mean you are planning on coming back here for good?”

“I don’t know; I thought I’d just see how it goes. I don’t really have a plan except to spend some time with Vic.”

My curiosity to learn more about him gets the better of me, “You work though right?”

“I’m taking some time off for a few months.”

“Lucky you, wish I could do that.” I look at him oddly, “It's a lot of hassle to set this place up how you want it to then just leave after a few months.”

He smirks at me and shrugs his shoulders, “I'm used to it. Like I said, don’t really have a plan; if I don’t get round to unpacking then if I sell at least I won’t have much to pack up again.” Handing me my coffee, he pushes the milk bottle and bag of sugar in my direction for me to doctor my drink to how I like it. He seems caught up in his own thoughts again, “I don’t even know why I came back here sometimes; it seemed like a good idea at the time, I’m not so sure now.” I can’t quite tell what he’s thinking or if he’s expecting me to say something until he snaps himself out of it, “Come on....., let me show you what needs doing and then there’s some old wardrobes upstairs that I'm pulling out as well.”

.

It’s almost lunchtime when I head back into the house and go looking for Robert upstairs. The truck is loaded after having already made one trip to the yard earlier; in the meantime, Robert has been dismantling the built-in wardrobes upstairs. I don’t really know why he’s taking them out, they seemed fine to me, but who am I to question other people’s taste. I give him a hand bringing off the back board and then we carry it all piece by piece downstairs and finish loading it onto the back of the truck. We grin at each other, pleased with a good job done, “Another coffee before you head off?”

I take a quick look at the time, “Why not.” I watch him make the drinks and we take them out the back and sit on the steps outside.

“What are you going to do with all this space? It’s a bit big for one person.” I'd noticed upstairs was even more empty than downstairs, with only a bed and packing boxes in his bedroom.

“It was the only place going anywhere close to the village; there wasn’t even anything for rent and I was kind of stuck for time, it was just easier.” I look at him curiously thinking he must be loaded as he continues, “I moved back from the US, I’ve been out there the last couple of years and then before that in London; hence the lack of furniture, it was always simpler just leaving it all behind. Everything you see in the house not in a box is pretty much the result of some quick on-line shopping; not quite sure when I’ll get round to the rest.”

I take a sip of my drink, “What’s it like being back?”

He smiles a little shyly, “Weird.”

“You were what, eighteen, nineteen when you left?”

“Just nineteen; a long time ago now, it feels like a lifetime almost.”

“I remember you used to be a mechanic at the garage. I worked there for a while before I set up with Adam.”

“Any good?”

“What, at being a mechanic?” He nods. “Alright I suppose. I’ll do you a good job if you need anything seeing to, mates’ rates an' all.”

He grins at me, letting out a quiet laugh, “I might just take you up on that at some point.”

“Easier than doing it yourself.”

“That and I don’t have the tools any more. I’d have to be buying everything and what would be the point when I can have mates’ rates.”

I smile back at him. It’s comfortable between us as we chat, although we hardly know each other he's easy to talk to. I feel relaxed in his company but whenever I asked anything too personal he changed the subject; I get the impression there's a lot more to Robert Sugden than he's letting on. I very clearly have a thing for him, I know I’m completely deluding myself that he could possibly fancy me which is probably for the best; I have my hands full with Liv and don't have space for any other complications. Anyway I don’t get any vibe from him that he’s into men and from what I remember he was more than a bit of a ladies’ man when he was younger so I should probably steer clear of Robert Sugden to avoid making a fool of myself with him, “Right then I suppose I’d best be off, got to pick Liv up from her friends.”

Robert takes my mug from me as we stand up, “She seems a bit of a handful if you don’t mind me saying.”

I smile, not wanting to get into a discussion about the pros and cons of having my sister living with me; at the minute I’m just happy to have her in my life and that she was safe from dad. She might not be safe from herself, but at least she was safe from him all these years, “She has her moments. I’ll see you around Robert.”

.

Aaron, Beginning August 2016

“What are you looking so pleased about young miss?” I go and sit next to Liv, seeing her smiling away to herself sat on the picnic table outside the pub. I’ve finished everything for the day and decided to pack in work early for once.

“Nothing.”

I raise my eyebrows questioning just how true that is, “I know that look.”

She snaps my head off, her smile now back to her standard sulk, “You’re just like mum, you always assume the worst.”

I sigh; I can’t win as I watch her stomping off practically crashing into Robert as he comes towards us, “Watch where you’re going old man.”

Sitting down next to me, he looks at me, “Charming, lovely little lady you have for a sister there.” 

Shaking my head at Liv, I’m all riled up; my good mood from earlier also spoiled and I don't appreciate the comment. “You don’t have kids do you?”

“No.”

“Then you have no fucking idea.” I do a good impression of Liv, storming off into the pub and upstairs. I don’t know why I took it out on Robert, I suppose just because he was there and I know I’m not coping with Liv as I should be doing. I’m doing my best but it just never seems to be enough.

.

I’m banging around the kitchen making a mug of tea when I hear a knock at the door and Robert puts his head round, “I just wanted to say sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I sigh, slowly relaxing, “You didn’t and it should be me apologising to you, come on in. Do you want a brew, coffee right?” Robert nods and comes over, standing learning against the kitchen counter as I make our drinks. “She does my head in every single day. I used to push every button there was when I was her age and she’s just as bad; it doesn’t seem to matter whatever I do, it’s like she’s challenging me all the time to see if I’ll give up on her. It’s like she expects it and is just waiting for me to send her away.” Robert looks at me quietly and I pass him his drink, “Sorry…., again.”

“No need. Where’s her mum?”

“Ireland, Liv didn’t want to go and I said she could stay with me. Sandra warned me what it would be like but I didn’t believe her; I do now.”

“What about her dad? Your dad right?”

I don’t really want to talk about Gordon with Robert; I don’t even know why I’m telling him all this stuff about Liv, “Not around.” If he has questions, he keeps them to himself as I go sit at the kitchen table and I think he gets the message that I don’t want to talk about it. I deflect it back onto him. “How’s it going with your dad?” Touché Robert Sugden.

Seemingly unriled by the question he sits down next to me, “It’s not. I don’t see him or Andy and I don’t want to see them.”

Now it’s my turn to look at him for more explanation but he’s not biting any more than I had. I so need a break from everything, “You fancy going for a drink later? Somewhere other than Emmerdale; I really need to get out of here before I go completely mad.”

“If you like; I should probably warn you though, I don’t drink.”

“I didn’t think I’d seen you with a pint or anything since you came back. You don’t drink at all?”

“Not really; I can do, but I don’t usually. I'll drive; pick you about eight?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Gives me time to have a shower and get some food.” 

I watch him down his coffee and he gives me a quick smile back before getting up to leave. "Right then, I'll see you later," He closes the door quietly behind him, leaving me sitting, smiling to myself, so much for steering clear of Robert Sugden. We've had coffee in passing a couple of times and I always seem to relax with him and we talk about things I would never talk about with the others. I'll just have to watch I don't drink too much and go embarrass myself or him for that matter or it could be the last drink we have together.

It’s about an hour later when Liv slides into the room and I give her a warning look, “Don’t start Liv; I’m not in the mood.” I get up and go upstairs for a shower before I lose any chance of having a good mood left for later. It feels like I’ve reached a permanent state of war with Liv now, I have my defences up with her before she even opens her mouth most of the time.

.

I’m sat outside the pub and it’s going on for eight-thirty. Robert doesn’t strike me as the type of person who turns up late and I thought we had left things okay, so there’s no reason why he wouldn’t have texted me if he was running late or something came up. I call him and for the third time it goes straight to voicemail and after about an hour I give up, my good mood is nowhere to be seen as I head back into the pub. I do not want to listen to mum or the others rattle on about their favourite subject which still seems to be Robert being back in the village. I ignore them, pull myself a pint and take it into the back room, flicking through the TV channels after switching the telly on. Three pints later I go looking to see where Liv is, she should have been home by now.

I head in through the bar, “Mum, have you seen Liv?”

“No love, I thought she was in the back with you.”

“I’ve haven’t seen her since earlier; she knows she’s supposed to be home by now.” Mum gives me the look that I’m getting from her increasingly these days where Liv is concerned and after getting my coat I go out and start to walk round all the places I can think of where she could be. Not too surprisingly I see her at the cricket pavilion. I can’t help smiling because it had been one of my favourite places to go together with Vic; we spent a lot of time here when we were younger.

I don’t let her see I’m there and creep round the side, sneaking up before leaning against the railing, “You’re going to have to be more inventive if you don’t want me to find you.”

I go and sit next to her, it looks like she’s been crying but she’s trying her best to hide it, “Who said I didn’t want you to find me; thought you were going out?”

“Apparently not, he never turned up.”

“He’s right stuck up anyway; you can do way better than him.”

I raise my eye brows surprised at the vehemence in her voice, “What’s that supposed to mean? It wasn’t a date; he's just a friend Liv.”

“He doesn’t have any; everyone hates him....., except Vic....., and you.”

“That’s not true. He’s been away a long time; it’s bound to be hard coming back after all this time.”

“I wish he hadn’t.”

Smirking at her, I nudge Liv teasing, “Why, what’s he ever done to you, except catch you steal his wallet.”

“He fancies you.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“You don’t see the way he looks at you when you’re not watching.”

I pull a disbelieving face at Liv, “Now you’re making things up; I hardly know him.”

“Enough to be going out together; I know you fancy him too.”

“Right that’s it. Home time," I stand up, shaking my head tiredly; I don't have the energy for a fight, "Anyone would think you’re jealous. It was just a drink Liv; you're not the only one who finds it difficult sometimes.”

Liv takes me by surprise after she gets up, putting her arm through mine, “You won’t ever send me away will you?”

We stop a moment, “No. Whatever gives you that idea?”

She shrugs, “I love being here with you; you know that right and that I love you.”

“I know. I love you too; you just make it hard at times Liv. You should know me well enough by now, I only just got you back and you won’t get rid of me, no matter what.” We hug and I squeeze her gently before we start walking again, arm in arm, “Try being nice to people sometimes, it wouldn’t kill you and you might find people will actually see what a wonderful person is hiding under all that front you have.” She grins at me, I love it when she’s like this with no guard up, just Liv, “Come on you, let’s go home and have some ice cream.”

"Bagsy the chocolate chip cookie dough, you can have the strawberry."

I smirk at her, "Mmmh, why don't we share both?"

I get a grin back, "Okay, we can share; only because it's you though."

TBC


	3. We All Have Our Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv's jealously of Aaron's friendship with Robert has dangerous consequences.

Aaron, Beginning August 2016

I wake up feeling a constant nudging on my arm and opening my eyes I see Liv sitting next to me on the bed, “What’s up Liv? What time is it?” I rub my eyes to try and wake up properly.

“Just past midnight.”

“Can’t you sleep or something?”

She shakes her head and hesitates before speaking, “I did something.”

I prop myself up on my elbows looking bemused as to why this can't wait until morning, “Okay.....”

“Promise you won’t be mad at me.”

I resist the urge to sigh in despair at whatever mischief she has got herself into now, “That kind of depends.”

“Promise me, please.”

The sigh escapes now, “I promise.”

“I got jealous....., before.”

“What do you mean, 'before'?”

“I don’t want him to take you away from me.”

“Who?” I can’t work out what she’s going on about and then the penny drops as I finally shrug off the haze of sleep, “You mean Robert? Liv I told you, we’re just friends; I hardly know him. There is nothing going on and even if there were, which there isn’t, I love you and you'll always be an important part of my life. If I ever start seeing someone Liv, that'll never change I promise.”

“You’ll hate me.”

“No I won't; whatever it is just tell me and we'll sort it.”

“I pushed him.”

Hearing this, I sit up properly, now watching her closely, “What do you mean you pushed him? Liv, tell me exactly what you did.”

She looks at me but her eyes keep flitting away nervously, “I followed him on his way home; he always takes the path through the woods. I pushed him and he fell down the banking.”

I look at her aghast that she could do something like this, “He was okay though? You did go to check he was okay?”

She doesn’t answer me and looks away ashamed but I'd already seen in her eyes that she hadn't, “Liv, look at me; when was this?”

She barely dare look at me but she does look, “After he left here at teatime.”

I get up and start pulling on some clothes, “Liv you need to show me where; he didn’t even call or text and his phone went to voicemail when I called him. You need to show me exactly where you were. I can't believe you didn’t tell me this earlier when you knew he didn't turn up to meet me.”

“You promised me you wouldn’t be mad.”

It takes all my effort to stay calm and hide my rising panic, “I’m not mad Liv I promise; I’m just worried. Come on, you need to get dressed.” I make her stand still a moment, grabbing onto her arms and look her straight in the eye. “Do not wake anyone else, this stays between you and me for now, you got that?” Liv nods quietly, wiping away the tears now tumbling down her cheeks.

.

After finding me out in the car park we drive in total silence up-to the woods and then taking a couple of torches we walk down the main path that leads to Home Farm; it's so dark, “How far, how far on were you?”

“I dunno.”

"Think Liv, you need to try and remember." After we’ve walked quite a stretch, I stand and look around us; he could be anywhere or not here at all. I realise we should have gone to Home Farm first and checked there, but I wasn’t thinking straight when we left. Liv has started walking up the path again and shouts my name: I can hear the panic in her voice as I rush towards her. Reaching her, I shine my torch down to the same place where she is pointing hers making certain that it is Robert lying unmoving in the darkness.

I race down the banking almost falling arse over tit in the process, “Liv stay there, don’t move okay; I don’t want you to fall and get hurt, it's really steep.” I reach Robert and he feels cold; I have never felt so relieved in all my life at finding his pulse, but he’s unconscious. “Robert. Robert it's Aaron, you need to wake up.” He doesn’t move or react at all; I pull my phone out and call an ambulance, explaining where we are. God knows what I’m going to say when they ask me what happened; it’s well past one in the morning, I can hardly say we were out having a midnight stroll.

I keep talking to Robert to try and get him to wake up as we wait for the ambulance to arrive. Liv has now joined me and is kneeling by my side; she doesn’t let go of me, not saying a word and I can tell she’s really scared. I'm not exactly doing much better myself. Finally, after what feels like an age I can hear the sound of the paramedics shouting us and we yell out to help guide them to where we are. I have to move back as they treat him, he looks deathly pale in the brighter light of their torches and as they carry Robert to the ambulance I tell them I’ll meet them at the hospital after dropping Liv at home.

Before I let Liv out of the car, I tell her under no circumstances does she say anything about this to anyone and I’ll text her as soon as I can to let her know how he is. She nods at me silently, sensing my anger and disappointment with her, but there’s no point having a go now; I need to get to the hospital to see how Robert is and think of a way how we are going to get ourselves out of this mess.

.

Whilst I’m waiting at the hospital I help with Robert’s details and getting him registered; they had already put me as point of contact thankfully as I’d given the ambulance crew my name and address which had been transferred onto his sheet so they won’t be contacting anyone else, for now anyway. Once done with the paperwork, I go in search of his room and watch the nurse attending through the window; it seems to take forever before she finishes, coming out into the corridor where I’ve been waiting impatiently, “How is he?”

“He will be fine; he has concussion and we need to keep him in overnight to monitor his blood glucose levels but it’s a good job you found him when you did. If he’d been out all night, he would have dropped into a coma and it could have been fatal.”

I look at her confused hearing this, “I don’t understand; I thought you said he just had concussion.”

“Mr Sugden is a type 1 diabetic; he missed his insulin shot; the body can only go so long without it. We just need to give his body time to re-balance, he's sleeping now.” I sit down in the chair behind me in a kind of shock as I watch her walk off down the corridor. After texting Liv that he’ll be okay and to go to sleep, I go into Robert’s room and pull up a chair by his bedside where I then sit watching him sleep.

What the hell am I going to say to him when he wakes up. He’ll probably never want anything to do with us again; I'll be lucky if he doesn't shop Liv to the police. I can’t believe she did this, all just because she was jealous; I might have fancied him but I don’t ever remember him looking at me in any way other than just friends. I know I did some things as bad when I was younger but Carl and mum were a far cry to me and Robert, I mean there is no me and Robert for starters. It’s not as though we have been spending that much time together either, just in passing around the village. I had Paddy to help me learn how to be a better person but I’m not Paddy and he's in Germany still; I just don’t know how to get through to her anymore.

.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I open my eyes, Robert is awake and watching me. Realising I'm slouched down I sit up properly, “How are you feeling?”

“Why are you here?”

I don’t know what to say and I avoid his gaze; I can’t help feeling ashamed that he’s here because of me and Liv, "I was the one who found you.”

“How?”

I can’t look him in the eye when I answer, "I came looking for you after you didn't turn up earlier."

"Liar, I wouldn't be in here like this if you'd found me earlier."

He looks angry and I decide to tell him the truth, "Liv." 

“So it was her then.”

Hearing this surprises me, “You saw her?”

His eyes never leave mine, "She said something; it sounded like her but I must have hit my head when I landed and then later I wasn't so sure anymore the short time I was conscious. Let's face it, it could have been anyone, there are plenty of people in that village that would cheer to find out I’m dead; Liv is just part of a very long queue.”

“Yeah well I’m not.”

“Go home Aaron. Go home to your sister.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want to know. I’m tired, I ache and I have enough of my own problems without having to put up with yours as well.”

The nurse comes in interrupting us and I have to go out whilst she does some checks. Waiting outside I wonder what Robert means about his own problems. He's shown me glimpses of what he’s thinking sometimes, probably more than with anyone else by the sounds of it going by how Vic was talking the other day, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about his life away from Emmerdale. He’s guarded that very closely and whenever I had nudged him, he'd pulled away from it, just like I had done whenever he pushed me more about certain things in my life.

.

The nurse done and gone, I go back in; Robert sounds annoyed with me, “Why are you still here? I don’t want you here.”

“You want me to call someone?”

Robert scowls at me, “No, I want you to leave.”

“How long do you have to stay in for?”

“Til later this morning and then I can go after the doctor has seen me.”

“I’ll wait and take you home.”

His eyes burn into mine, “Are you deaf? Fuck off Aaron, just fuck off.”

Robert hasn’t seen my stubborn side until now, “No. I’m not leaving you.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t blab about it being the darling little demon monster you call a sister. You’ll have to make up your own story about how you found me though.”

“She didn’t mean to do it.”

I can hear the anger in his voice despite him sounding tired, “Oh I think she did Aaron, though I don’t quite know why.”

I don't shy away to answer, keeping my eyes locked with his, “She was jealous.”

He huffs irritably, “Of what?”

“You.” He looks at me incredulously, “I’m gay and she thinks we like each other; I'd not seen Liv for years until a few months ago and she's frightened that you'll take me away from her.”

“You are definitely all hers and I’m not gay.”

I sit down, also feeling tired as well as embarrassed, “I don’t even know how to begin to make this right with you.”

“Leaving me in peace would be a good start.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do and you really need to get a handle on your sister before next time she really does kill someone.”

I look away from him and I can’t stop the tear fall down my cheek, “You don’t understand; we’ve been through so much shit this year, I've only just got her back in my life and I won’t give up on her Robert.”

“I have my own crap to work through Aaron and I don’t want yours into the bargain. Sending her back to her mother isn’t giving up on her, you can still be there; she doesn’t have to be your responsibility.”

“I was just like her at that age. I rebelled against everything; because of what happened I couldn't just be like everyone else. If Paddy hadn’t helped me I wouldn’t even have made it as far as eighteen before trying to end it all. Liv doesn't understand how lucky she was that Sandra took her away like she did and all she does is fight us all the time. I promised her that I would take care of her and I will; I just have to find a way to get through to her like Paddy did with me because she deserves the chance to be happy.” It goes quiet between us and I close my eyes, exhausted; I open them and look sadly at Robert, “Just let me take you home when you get discharged then I’ll make sure that neither of us bothers you again and leave you in peace.”

Robert doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t object any further, instead closing his eyes; I don’t know if he’s pretending or if he actually sleeps, but the doctor wakes us both up when he comes in later to give Robert the all clear to go home.

.

Robert, Beginning August 2016

I don’t know why I let Aaron stay with me in the hospital and then drive me home. I suppose it was easier than having to call someone or paying for a taxi. I know it wasn’t his fault and he touched something inside me when he was talking earlier; a part of me wants to understand what he meant and what affected him so deeply so I can help him, a part of me wants to let him help me.

Aaron pulls the car up outside the house, I look across at him and he can hardly look me in the eye. “I meant what I said Aaron, I won’t tell anyone it was Liv, so you needn’t worry.”

He looks at me, grey bags under his eyes making their blue stand out even more than usual, “I half wish you would, maybe that’s the only way she’ll learn. I just don’t want her to learn the hard way like I had to and getting into trouble all the time.”

I sigh, staring out of the car window across the garden, “You want to come in?”

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me or my demon sister?”

“We all have our demons Aaron, you and Liv are not the only ones who’s done some dubious things in your time.” I open the car door, “You coming or what?” Getting out I go to unlock the front door, not looking back but after a moment I hear the car door and the crunch of his feet on the gravel as he comes up behind me, following me into the house.

.

Aaron calls Liv to check she’s okay and I leave him on his own to talk to her, wandering outside. I crave the fresh air all the time, being in the empty house just reminds me how alone I am; it all feels so empty. I’ve been here just over a month and everything except the bare essentials are still all boxed up. Aaron comes out and sits next to me and I glance across at him, “She okay?”

“Yeah, she says she's sorry; she’ll probably give you a wide berth for all of two minutes before she’s forgotten all about it though.” Aaron gives me a rueful smile, but it’s tinged with so much sadness.

“What did you mean before when you said about trying to end it all?”

“I didn’t like who I was, what I was and I tried to kill myself; I was messed up long before that though. I cut the brakes on Carl King’s car once when I was younger. Mum had left Paddy to go back to him and I hated him more than anything but it was Jimmy and Nicola with the baby in the car. I stopped it in time, but only cos Adam got through to me.....,"

I see him lost in the memory a little and I think back to when I was that age, “When I was nineteen it got really bad with Andy and dad again, we had this massive row and I drove my car straight at Andy in the Landrover; they swerved off the road after Max King grabbed the steering wheel. I got Andy out but it exploded before I could go back for Max and he died. Dad covered with the police but him and Andy told me to leave and made it clear I should never come back; I never did."

“Until now.”

“Yeah, until now and like I said, I’m not really sure why I’m here now.” We look at each other, there’s something macabre yet strangely bonding about our pasts as we sit here trying to make sense of things.

Aaron shakes his head seemingly annoyed with himself, "I'm kidding myself thinking I can be what Liv needs; I don't have a clue what I'm doing Robert."

I don't envy him with Liv, but family is a part of who we are and I know better than anyone it's not easy to let go, "Give it time Aaron, don't sell yourself short. She knows you love her and that's a good start, you'll find a way."

He smiles but I can tell he doesn't believe me, “I thought you came back to see Vic and chill out, have some time off work and enjoy life; it didn't seem like that from how you were talking earlier. Is that really why you've come home?”

I pull out my phone and find the picture I’m looking for, “That’s Jess, my wife; the girl is Chloe, she was nine and that’s Harry, he was seven.”

Aaron takes the phone from my hand and after a minute he looks at me intently, “You said you weren’t married and no kids.”

“That was taken a couple of days before they were killed in an accident last December. It was just before New Year; I was driving home from the airport after we’d been on holiday for a few days; it was late and dark out, Chloe and Harry were asleep in the back.” I take a deep breath, this is the first time I’ve told anyone myself and I’ve hardly talked about it, not even with those closest to me. “They were just drunken kids in the other car, out joy riding. The car flipped and rolled after I swerved to avoid them; I don’t remember anything after that. When I woke up, they told me.....” I can’t breathe and I get up to walk a few paces to try and hold it in, I suddenly feel dizzy and have to crouch down. I don't notice as Aaron catches me to stop me falling completely.

I can't stop the tears that start to stream down my face, the dam that had been building all these months finally broken and I know now that this is why I had come home. Sitting on the grass together I cling onto Aaron tightly as he cradles me crying uncontrollably in his arms; I don’t think once about trying to push him away. He doesn’t talk or ask questions, he just holds and comforts me until I have no tears left to cry with, just the occasional sob creeping out. I look into Aaron’s eyes, but I know he doesn’t have any answers, no more than I have; he can’t bring my family back to me. ”I walked away from hospital with hardly a scratch, but I'd lost my entire world and it's like I don’t how to live without them. People expect you to move on but I can't; nothing matters anymore Aaron. I might as well have died with them; I wish you hadn't found me last night, I wish you'd never come looking.”

TBC


	4. You Need Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert start to lean on each other for support.

Aaron, Mid-August 2016

Walking down into the bar just before midday, I see Vic huddled together with Finn around his tablet with Vic frowning. I pour myself a pint and go round nosying next to them, “You both look suspiciously like you’re up to no good.”

It’s Finn that answers, his face deadpan, “Googling to see where Robert gets his money from.”

Trying to suppress the laugh didn't work and it's unfortunately timed when I’m taking a drink of my pint causing me to spill everywhere and then having to wipe the dribbling beer from my chin with my sleeve, “Do you not think that’s a bit weird; why don’t you just ask him?”

Vic looks at me frustrated and pouty, “He doesn’t tell us anything, so what does he expect.”

I can’t help the wry smile on my face and I’m also curious, “So did you find anything?”

The glum look on both their faces tells me they haven’t, “No unfortunately, nothing we didn’t know before anyway.”

“Maybe he won the lottery?”

Vic gives me a look that says this is a stupid suggestion, “I don’t think my brother has bought a lottery ticket once in his entire life.”

With hindsight, going by what little I know about Robert, I have to admit she’s probably right, “Does it matter though?”

“Yes, it matters. Robert has come back into my life after twelve years, lives up at the big house and I have no idea what he’s been doing all this time. All he tells me is he works for some company based in London and he’s taking time out. He never actually once says what he does, but it must pay well if he can afford Home Farm.”

Finn makes a suggestion, ever helpful, “Maybe he was in prison and has a diamond stash somewhere.” This gets him a less than amused stare from Vic and he pulls a face at her, “Well he could have been.”

Vic is batting her eyelids at me, pulling the charm face that she has, “You could find out Aaron.”

I look at her warily, “How do you work that out?”

“Well Adam says you’re spending time up there, friendly even.” I look away a little embarrassed, “I’ve been up there a couple of times to help him clear out some stuff; I’d hardly call it friends.”

Mum sticks her oar in, “You said you were going up later though, so you could do some snooping. He seems to like you; other than Vic you’re the only one he really talks to.”

I dart a glance of annoyance in her direction before surveying the others, “Why are you all so interested? I don’t get the fascination, have you got nothing better to do?”

They chime their answer all together at once, “No.”

Shaking my head at them I know I’ll have to agree, if nothing but to shut them up, “I’ll see what I can find out. He won’t tell me anything though so don’t go getting your hopes up.”

.

I had promised Robert I would go up today; he’s decided to open up the packing boxes with Chloe and Harry’s things in them. He didn’t think he could do it alone so I said I would help; I'll take the good stuff to charity or for the church jumble sale and then just put the rest for the tip collection. I have been so busy this last couple of weeks between Liv, work and everything that I haven’t really seen Robert other than in passing round the village and anyway, I still feel awkward after the whole Liv almost killing him episode. We’d texted a little but I was surprised when in his last text he asked me to help him.

I don’t really understand why he doesn’t want to tell anyone about his family, but he had made me promise and it’s none of my business except that Vic is my friend but it’s not my place to interfere. I shake my head as I get out of my car to go knock on the door, half amused thinking back at the conversation with Vic in the pub.

“Hi.” I’m caught unawares a little by Robert coming up behind me, “Sorry, I’m late back from my walk, lost track of time.” He carries on past me, unlocks the door and I can’t help thinking that he must be really quite well off to not have to work if he doesn’t want to. I catch myself at this and shake my head; god I’m as bad as Vic now. Robert must have seen the odd look on my face and is looking at me amused, “What?”

“Nothing. Your sister that’s all.”

“What’s she been up-to now?”

“They were googling you in the pub and were disappointed when they couldn’t find anything out about you.”

He sniggers amused, “Well they wouldn’t.” I look at him a little puzzled after he says this, “What were they searching under?”

I think back, not quite sure, I wasn’t taking that much notice, “Dunno, Robert Sugden I suppose.” Now I am curious, “Why?”

“I don’t use my first name much away from here so if you google Robert Sugden you won’t get anything, but if you google Robert Jacob Sugden or Jacob Sugden, then you get a whole different picture.”

“So dare I ask?”

“Only if you promise not to tell.”

“I don’t really care Robert, if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to.”

“Okay.”

.

He wanders off upstairs into the empty bedroom with all the boxes we have to sort through, I follow him up and he knows he has my curiosity peaked though I could just google it myself now he’s told me that. “Alright I promise not to tell, but please don’t say you’re a bank robber with a stash of diamonds though.” He looks at me as though I’m a little mad and I shake my head slightly at him, “Don’t ask, Finn’s idea.” This has him smirking at me, now thoroughly amused. God the Sugdens are a weird lot, they make the Dingles look normal and that’s saying something.

“Do you want the official blurb or the unofficial blurb?”

“I probably won’t understand the official blurb so just keep it simple.”

“I own my own company with about fifty people working for me. It’s based in London, but there’s an office in New York and one in Sydney then we use contractors as well. We do work for the Government or international companies, sometimes it’s for them or if it’s something bigger we work together. It's mostly doing security, but not the bouncer on the door kind, more cyber and information for risk management and projections, that sort of stuff."

This kind of has me wishing I’d not asked, I’m definitely glad I didn’t want to hear the official version, but I can’t help looking impressed, “What’s it called?”

“The Observation Group.”

“Who’s running it now then whilst you're taking time off?”

“I have a couple of people who I trust; they’ve worked with me since we started up. It’s how I met Jess; did I mention she was American?" I shake my head as he continues, "It’s kind of why we went out there for a while; she wanted the kids to get to know the US a bit better.”

He stops and I can see that he's finding it really hard to talk about them, but he holds it together and I change the conversation a little, “So you could have done background checks on us all then before you came home?”

“We do that kind of work as well.”

.

I'm intrigued, “So did you?”

“That would be unethical,” I give him a look that says I’m not sure that would have stopped him, “No Aaron I didn’t.” His expression is thoughtful, “You’d think I’d have done some kind of checking after all this time wouldn’t you, but I didn’t; I didn’t even know Vic was married, how screwed up is that.” He looks back at me and there's a hint of a rueful smile, maybe regretting that he hadn't, “If I had; what would I find out about you?”

I go quiet, not sure what to say but there’s no point hiding, if he wants to know he only has to ask around the village but I can’t quite look him in the eye when I answer, “I have a record, nothing really serious; I got in with the wrong crowd when I was younger. I was up on a charge of murder for assisted suicide five years ago and earlier this year my dad got sent down for raping me when I was a kid.” I pause a moment, “You probably wished you’d never asked now.”

It’s Robert’s turn to be quiet, “Sorry, you want to talk about it?”

“No, all I did at the beginning of the year and through the trial is talk about it; I’m done talking about it. I just want to get on with things and forget about it.”

“It’s not that easy is it though.”

I look at him quietly, “So where do you want to start with the boxes?”

He takes the hint and doesn’t push. There’s a sombre mood hanging as we start to sort things into new boxes depending on where they’re to go. I hear Robert crying quietly when he comes across certain things and sometimes he talks, memories triggered by a toy, a dress from a birthday, first report card from school. He struggles to decide what to do with some of it so we agreed if he wasn’t sure we’d just box it back up and he can look at them another time when he's ready.

It’s really late when we call it a night, it takes longer than you think and we still haven't finished. We’d ordered take out a little while ago and are sitting on the floor upstairs talking; I'm listening to him tell me about his family. It’s clear they were close and that he’d been determined his children wouldn’t have the same difficult relationship with him as he did with his dad.

.

“Dad would have hated Jess.”

“Why?”

“She would have struck down every argument he could put forward; she was a negotiator working for the UN, she was good at it.” He smiles as he talks about her, “She worked for the CIA before that; don’t ask me what she did, because even I don’t know. She didn't like talking about it and it was long before I met her; she was quite a bit older than me.”

That takes me a little by surprise, “How much older?”

“Ten years. You wouldn't have known it though; she was fitter than most twenty year olds with all the running. She liked to run to clear her head and she ran marathons. I have a video of her somewhere on the laptop where she’s finished the New York marathon and she looks like she could run it all over again. There’s no way you'd catch me running for a bus never mind a marathon, but she got the kids into doing triathlons, that was their time together.”

“When was the last time you were actually on a bus?”

He smacks my arm grinning at me for that, “I’ll have you know I take public transport all the time, no-one wants to drive a car in New York or London for that matter.”

I smirk back at him, “So what was your thing with the kids?” I almost regret asking this, but he doesn’t hesitate, it seems to do him good to finally be able to talk about them.

.

“Chloe was the really smart one, scarily smart sometimes, we’d do the crossword every night together and if I was away she would save them up and then we’d do them when I got back.” He’s smiling thinking about it, “Her favourite word was butterfingers because I’m quite clumsy and she used to call me it all the time in a fit of giggles. Then Harry was....., mmhh, how would I describe Harry; he wasn’t as academically smart like Chloe but he made up for it in other ways. He was always up to something, he was like me; he always had a scheme on the go, planning his next move. He liked board games, we used to play backgammon and he was good for a seven year old. You want that last bit of pizza?”

I shake my head, “Nope, it’s all yours.” I push the box over to him, “I can’t imagine doing either of those with Liv. She’s off plotting with Gabby half the time, you know Bernice’s daughter?” He nods, “Before the summer holidays I think I was in school more than she was the amount of time I had to see the teachers. They gave us a lot of slack last term because of everything, but I got the lecture from the Head just before they broke up that I won’t be getting the same leeway with her this next term so she needs to buckle down and actually do some work. Turning up would be a major event though.”

“It can’t be easy for either of you; at least she hasn’t tried to kill me recently.”

I give him a wry smile glad he can at least joke about it, “It’s just frustrating, because she’s actually quite bright if she could be bothered. I want her to be able to have the chance to do stuff that I never did. I went completely off the rails when I was her age, but she could go to college or Uni if she made an effort. She thinks she can get away with everything and I let her, I can’t get mad at her because it reminds me of him and I don’t ever want to be like him.” I shake my head, lost in my own memories for an instant, “He used to get so angry, he would never hit me but I could see it coming when I’d pushed him too far. That’s why he did it; he said he did it to punish me for being naughty.” I feel a tear escape and I brush it away with my hand, I hadn’t intended talking about any of this with Robert and it goes quiet between us a little while. “He wrote me a letter.”

“Your dad did?”

“Yeah, from in prison.”

“What did it say?”

“I don’t know I never opened it.”

“You still have it?”

I nod, “He killed himself not long after he got sentenced; I didn’t dare read it after that. He wasn’t even allowed to have contact with us, but as always he managed to find a way to get to me. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but then after he was dead it felt like he’d won anyway.”

.

“Do you want to read it?”

I shrug, “I don’t know, one day perhaps. He left us some money, a lot of money but I’ve haven’t....., I didn’t want to think about it, so it’s just sat there.”

“There’s no time limit; you could give it all to charity if you don’t want it.”

“Maybe; Liv’s half is in trust anyway so she’ll get to decide for herself when she’s old enough.” Looking at my watch I realise how late it is, “I’d best be going. I’ll call round for the boxes tomorrow if that’s alright.”

“Whenever you have time, there’s no rush.” We get up and go downstairs where I put my coat on as we go to the door, “Aaron, if you want someone to talk to or anything, you know where I am okay?”

I let out a big sigh and nod, “Let me know if you have any miracle cures for difficult sisters.”

Robert tips his head to one side and smiles at me, “You never know.” I open the door ready to leave, “Send her here to do her homework and tell her she doesn’t get fed or pocket money unless she does her time. If she doesn’t play ball, we’ll just tell her that I’ll have the police call round for a not so nice chat.”

“She’d call our bluff.”

“I have contacts remember.” I laugh at him; I actually think he would find a way, “Tell her this is her punishment, none negotiable once term time starts.”

“I’ll think about it. I’m not quite sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for.”

“She needs boundaries Aaron, at the minute she needs a parent not a brother; you can’t always be both so you need me, let me help. I can support on the schooling side, it’s not as though I don’t have time and you work on her at home. Stop feeling guilty and start standing your ground. You said she was like you, so how did Paddy get through to you?”

I look at him as though he’s mad for even thinking she’s going to take any notice of us, but maybe it is time to get tougher her with her before it’s too late. I smile at him not quite convinced we can do this, that I can do this with her but I’ll do anything for her to have the best life possible and if Robert wants to help, then I’m not going to say no, “Night Robert.”

.

Aaron, End August 2016

Trying not to let my frustration get the better of me, I unclench my fists but it's too late, he's finally tipped me over the edge, “Nooo....., just get that one; oh god you’re hopeless.”

“No I’m not, I don’t like that one; the colour’s hideous.”

“It’s grey.”

“I don’t like grey.”

“Well what do you like?”

“I don’t know, not grey.”

I shake my head in despair and walk off hearing him shout my name as he runs to catch up with me; this is not going quite as I’d hoped. Home Farm is still as empty as it was when he moved in at the beginning of July causing Vic and Diane to moan all the time that there is nowhere comfy to sit when they go round. The living room is completely empty, not even a sofa to sit on so we’ve come shopping. He doesn’t watch TV apparently, but I told him to get one anyway and then we can watch a film sometimes. That was the easy bit; furniture though....., whole other ball game.

He’s fussy about the stupidest things and picky about every little detail. I had decided Jess must have been a saint but I’ve finally clicked on; he doesn’t know how to move on from what Jess would have picked and just be comfortable choosing for himself which means he can't decide at all. He still doesn’t think of himself as independent from his family so he's going to need a prod from yours truly, “Look you asked for my help but if you don’t want to listen, then I might as well just go home.”

“I do want your help; I’m just not good at this kind of thing.”

“Robert you run your own company, surely you can do a bit of furniture shopping without turning it into a drama.”

He smirks at me mischievously, “Are you saying I’m a drama queen?”

I’m laughing at him now, “Don’t twist my words; just buy the sodding sofa.” He gives me a look that says he’s not used to being told what to do. “Let me put this another way. You don’t buy a sofa, I won’t come to visit and as I’m your only friend outside Vic and Diane, you need me.”

“Okay okay I’ll buy the sofa.” He wanders off muttering to go sort it and he comes back muttering, “I still don’t like grey,”

“I’ll buy you a nice pink throw for it.”

He grimaces at me, “You do that and those contacts I mentioned....., they’ll be coming for you instead of that little demon sister of yours.” Then we both crack out laughing after getting an alarmed stare from some lady who started tugging the little girl with her a little more quickly than normal away from us.

.

In the last couple of weeks, we’ve sorted through all Chloe and Harry’s belongings. Some I've passed onto Harriet just telling her it had come from an off the books clearance for a friend and she accepted gratefully, it’s not often she gets stuff as good quality. The rest I took to charity shops or to the tip if we couldn’t find a home for it. Robert isn’t quite ready to start sorting Jess’ belongings but he’ll get there.

He talks a lot more easily about them now, with me at least, but he still refuses to tell his own family. He’d tell Vic I think but he doesn’t trust her not to blab and I’ve worked out he’s frightened of getting hurt, that his dad would throw his loss back in his face at him. I’ve seen them now a couple more times in the pub and it’s like pistols at dawn, with his dad and with both Andy and Katie. The hatred between them is worse than I had expected; time hasn’t healed much in the Sugden family.

Despite our furniture shopping excursion, the house is still pretty much empty. As well as the TV he'd bought two sofas and a coffee table for the living room and a chest of drawers and a wardrobe for his bedroom with Robert saying there's no point buying anything else if he’s not staying and he never seems sure on what he’s going to do long term. It’s weird, I’ve learned that Robert has lived and travelled all over the world yet the only place where he doesn’t really know how to live is here, in Emmerdale.

TBC


	5. Roots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert starts coming to terms with the loss of his family but an argument with his dad causes a rift with Vic and Aaron.

Robert, Mid-September 2016

“Don’t know why you have to walk me home and I don’t know why I need to do stupid maths homework.”

I’ve never known anyone who has mastered the grumpy expression quite to the same level as Liv; she makes Vic look like an amateur, “I’m not walking you home, I just happen to be walking in the same direction as you at the same time. Feel free to take an alternative route and maths is not stupid, it’s the basis for everything around us, we just don’t understand it all yet.”

“It’s still pointless; it’s worse than being on detention having to do my homework with you.” I was as surprised as anyone when Aaron had agreed to my proposal for Liv to come to Home Farm to do her work after school, but he put his foot down with her and I think he nearly went into shock when I texted him to say she’d actually turned up. It was only then that I started to consider what I’d let myself in for but she’s kept turning up; we’re still working on her being productive when she’s at Home Farm, but give me time.

I can’t resist a little sarcastic dig as we pass the place where we had last been together on this footpath, “Oh look, you want to try killing me again, isn’t this the place?”

Liv goes quiet kicking her bag along with her feet, “You’re weird, I mean who’d choose to do homework with a teenager.” I’ll take weird any day over boring and I’ve been called a lot worse; I decide not to say anything back, prepared to let her moan a little, or I was, “I’ll tell them you touched me then I won’t need to do it anymore.”

At this I stop in my tracks, “Liv do you love your brother?”

She stops and turns to stare at me, “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“You know saying something like that would destroy him and you know how he hates it when you lie.” She gives me a look of thunder as we start to walk again but she doesn’t continue with her threat knowing she’d overstepped the mark; not that it means I'm going to get an apology mind, “He’s so busy trying to help you Liv that he doesn’t have time to help himself; he needs help too sometimes.”

“Is that what you think you are doing, helping him by leading him on; you do know he fancies you right?”

And we come back to this again, it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other because as far as I’m concerned Aaron has never done or said anything to make me feel uncomfortable and I enjoy his company. We’ve been spending quite a lot of time together these last few weeks, nothing special, I just find him easy to talk to. He doesn't judge me like the others in the village and he’s the only one who I seem to properly relax with even though he is attached to the Dingle lot, “We’re just friends Liv and don't go changing the subject. He doesn’t need me, he needs your help; you both need to help each other.”

.

For the first time she looks a little contrite, “I do try, I just hate school, it’s so boring.”

“I’m not sure you’ve actually bothered to give it a real go, but he wouldn’t care if you become the prime minister or if you’re cleaning the pub toilets for a job as long as you are happy. He wants you to have the choice Liv.”

“Maybe.”

“You know when I was younger my dad took me and Andy out of school. I hated it.”

“Why? Anything’s better than school.”

“The farm wasn’t doing so good at the time and he made us stay home to help him, we were only kids. I’d have given anything to be back at school instead of there working from dawn to dusk. Sarah was the one who put a stop to it and helped us; my dad didn’t think school was important either.”

“Who’s Sarah?”

“My step-mum, she’s dead now, just like my real mum.”

“Soz.”

“It was a long time ago and I got myself an education when I left but I learned the hard way and had to do it on my own. You have Aaron and a family that loves you; you don’t know how lucky you are to have someone who loves you as much as he does. Just don’t give him as much grief okay, try listening to him for once instead of always thinking about yourself. Spend some time with him, do something together.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know Liv; you’re a bright girl, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

.

Leaving Liv to her own devices when we reach the village I go across to the scrap yard finding Aaron and Adam mucking around. They stop when they see me, but still continue playing off each other with little digs like naughty schoolboys when Adam talks in my direction, “Right I’m off to see my wife, take him out somewhere will you, please he’s doing my 'ead in.”

I look between them amused as Adam grabs his stuff and heads off after which I turn back to Aaron with a quizzical expression on my face, “Just ignore him, he’s been acting the fool all day.”

Leaning against the car they’d been working on, I nod my head in acknowledgement and decide I don’t want to know details, “We can go somewhere if you want.”

“Oh yeah; where do you fancy?”

I shrug, “No idea.” I look at my watch; it’s going up-to seven, “Come on there is somewhere I've been meaning to go and not got yet, we just need to call in the shop on the way. You don’t need to go back to the pub do you?”

“Nope, mum’ll sort Liv out if I call her.” Twenty minutes later we are getting out of Aaron's car in the bottom of the quarry parked up next to a large pool of water and I throw him a can of beer which sprays everywhere when he opens it making me smile. Opening mine, I take a drink and see Aaron looking at me a little surprised, “Thought you didn’t drink?”

“I don’t usually, but on odd occasions I have a beer to remember what it’s like, for old times' sake, a bit like coming here.” I can see Aaron’s questioning gaze, “I’m not supposed to drink more than two pints with the diabetes and when I first got diagnosed, I found it hard. It was easier to stop completely than have a couple and then spend the rest of the night craving more; as I’ve got older I don’t mind as much. It’s just habit more than anything to not drink now.

“So you’ve not been diabetic all your life then?”

“No, went on a trip to Africa a few years back and got ill, it screwed with my immune system; I was diagnosed a while after I got back.”

“That must have been hard.”

“I struggled in the beginning, having Jess helped; she had the patience of a saint though. I’ve mellowed since then and it’s just a part of my life like anything else, you get used to it.”

.

Aaron looks around us, “So what’s special about this place then?”

“Nothing really, used to come here when we kids, me and Andy, to get away from dad most of the time, that or bunking off school.” I pick up a stone and throw it, watching it skim across the water with a certain satisfaction that I’d not lost the touch. I pick up another stone and throw it to Aaron who follows on.

He grins at me when his is just as good, “I did that a lot....., bunking off school.”

“Ah, speaking of which, just so you know.”

Aaron lets out a frustrated sigh in anticipation, “What’s she done now?”

“Don’t have a go at her, it'll only make things worse and I sorted it, but she threatened to tell you I tried to....., well you know...., tried to....., with her.” I'd gestured enough with my hand and Aaron realises what I'm trying to say and looks at me not knowing quite how to respond; he looks horrified and clearly embarrassed by the extent Liv is prepared to go. “It’s fine Aaron, she was just pushing my buttons and I pushed a few back; let’s see what falls out.”

“Sorry.” Aaron shuffles his feet in the gravel, not quite able to look at me.

“It’s okay.” I throw another stone but I pull a face as it crashes and burns this time causing me to hunt for a better stone, “Did you know all this belongs to Home Farm?”

“Heard it somewhere, no-one really bothers with it now, it’s not used is it?”

“No, it borders onto dad’s place, well Andy’s now I suppose. There was a load of hoo-ha when we were kids with the owners of Home Farm about access; all a long time ago now.”

“That must feel weird with Andy and Katie running the farm now.”

“Not really, I never did like farming; I did it because I had to. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want now.”

“You going to try and sort things with your dad and them?”

“No point.”

“Never saw you as one to walk away from a challenge.”

“Funny.” I pull a face, pick up a better stone and watch it skim along the surface of the water as I talk, “I’m not, but some things are meant to be and some things just aren’t.” I look at him a little sadly, “You can’t pick your family Aaron, you know that same as me.”

“So what’s the deal then, this Sugden feud?”

“It’s a long and never-ending story, maybe another time.” I help myself to another can of beer and hold one out for Aaron, “You want another?”

“Why not; best not throw it this time though ey.”

.

I’m sat in the pub reading some emails from work that I have to look over for approvals but I keep getting distracted and in the end I give up trying to concentrate. A section of the church roof blew off in storms at the weekend and the church committee have retired to the pub after their meeting but are still brainstorming fund-raising events to raise enough to have it fixed. Watching them go their separate ways after they finished I follow Harriet back over the road and catch up her, “Hi.”

“Oh hello.”

“I’m Robert Sugden.”

“I know who you are Mr Sugden.”

“Robert, please call me Robert.”

“Nice to meet you Robert, I’m Harriet, what can I do for you?”

“I was hoping we could help each other a little; do you have ten minutes?”

She looks at me curiously, “I do, come on into the house.”

.

“So is that something you can do? I realise the timing is a little out of hours and I'm asking you to keep it a secret.”

“There is no such thing as out of hours in this job and it’s not that unusual, the church can be surprisingly flexible these days. Are you sure you don’t want anyone to know it was you?”

“No, they’ll only think I’m doing it for the wrong reasons and I wouldn’t say I’m doing it for the right reasons, but it feels right you know if we can help each other with something that’s important to both of us?”

“It certainly doesn’t hurt if it helps the community.”

This makes me smile a little in remembrance, “Hhm, that’s the kind of thing Jess would have said. You won’t tell anyone will you.....? About my family I mean.”

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

“No.”

“Do you want me to choose or will you do that?”

“I’ll choose and then have them sent over. I’ll drop you an email.”

.

I shuffle my feet awkwardly, “Thanks for coming,” Aaron is waiting for an explanation after getting my odd call this late at night, “I was going to do it on my own, but then I wasn’t sure I could handle it.” I look at him apologetically, he’s done enough already, “Sorry it’s so late.”

He shrugs, “You were a little cryptic I’ll give you that and it is midnight. So are you going to tell me what we’re doing here in the middle of the graveyard at this time of night?” I pass him a spade, “And this just gets weirder." With no clouds, the graveyard is surprisingly bright in the light of the moon and I can see him grinning at me, "You’re not planning on digging anyone up are you?”

“Nope,” I nod in Harriet’s direction who I spy walking towards us.

Upon reaching us, she recognises that Aaron is here as well but she doesn’t say anything as she turns towards me, “You ready?” I nod with Aaron now looking at me like I’ve gone a little bit bonkers as we all start to walk over to the far side of the graveyard.

.

Aaron is still waiting for me to explain to him what we are doing here, “You know that box where you were going to unpack and I freaked out?”

“Vividly, I thought you were going to have a heart attack.”

“Sorry about that. So it had all the urns with their ashes inside. I’ve never known what I wanted to do with them; we moved around so much, we never really had a place we called home and neither of us were religious. Jess was adopted so she never knew her real family and her adopted parents had passed away already. I didn’t like the idea of pouring them into the sea or the like. I don’t know Aaron, nothing seemed right until now.”

He doesn't say anything as we follow Harriet across the graveyard, “Jess always said I’d come home one day and then she’d get to meet everyone and convince them I wasn’t so bad after all. We had a bet, if she could negotiate peace between warring countries then she could fix the Sugdens but I was always too stubborn to come back despite her best efforts; she was used to me being like that when it came to Emmerdale and home.” I stop talking, hearing Jess’ voice in my head and wondering if she’s looking down on us, “I still don’t want anyone to know, so I’ve done a bit of deal with Harriet here. Even if I don’t stay in Emmerdale, they can watch over Vic for me, mingle with the family a little.” I smile at him knowing I’m sounding a little eccentric but he lets me go with it, “They each have their own tree and in exchange for a donation to fix the church roof Harriet’s going to bless them for me and make sure it’s noted for posterity without anyone in the village finding out. I don’t want it to be forgotten who the trees were planted for, but I don’t want the village gossiping about it either.”

I’d chosen the spot we'd now reached together with Harriet when we’d talked before; after digging then preparing the three holes in the ground I pass Aaron the apple tree, “Here you take this one, Harriet pear for you and I get the Walnut.” Harriet says a prayer as I pour the contents of each urn into the hole for the tree I’d chosen, then we go along placing each tree in their new home and spading in the dirt, making sure they are all planted properly. It’s still and quiet until I give a nod that I’m ready and Harriet walks along, blessing each of the trees, saying a last prayer whilst I silently cry as my family are put to rest. Aaron is stood at my side and I grab his hand needing something to hold onto, it has taken me a long time but I’m finally coming to terms with my loss. I look around us when Harriet has finished, “I think Jess would like it here, she always said that one day we would put roots down.” I grin at Aaron and Harriet through the haze of my tears, “Not sure she quite meant it like this, but she’ll be good with it.” Aaron doesn’t say anything, instead simply squeezing my hand and I’m glad he’s here with me.

After a few words, Harriet leaves us alone in the stillness of the night air and I take a deep breath feeling at peace with my choice; it’s Aaron who breaks the silence, “I want you to meet someone.” He guides me along through the graveyard, “Robert Sugden, meet Jackson Walsh.” I remain quiet, recognising this is important to him and patiently waiting for him to explain. He lets go of my hand, puts his fingers to his mouth, kisses them and then rests them on top of the headstone. “I fell in love, I didn’t want to fall in love with him, but I did.”

I don’t know if to say anything as I see Aaron struggling with his own memories and the slight heave of his shoulders, “He had an accident which was all my fault; we’d argued and he drove off after breaking up with me. He dropped his phone when he was driving and crashed whilst trying to answer my call. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in paraplegic chair; it took me a very long time to make peace with what I did, even though he had begged us, his mum and me. She couldn’t do what he was asking her to do when the time came so I did it. His mum moved away so maybe Jess can watch over him too, you think?”

I go to Aaron and put my arm round his shoulder, “Yes, I think she’ll do that.” I see Aaron wipe a tear away and I pull him into a hug where we stay, holding each other quietly, each lost in our grief. It affects everyone differently but I don't think it quite ever leaves you, time might make it fade, but the sadness never goes away completely. I go across to Sarah’s grave and similar to Aaron, I leave a kiss for the only mum I’d ever known.

.

Aaron, End September 2016

We look at each other, mum speaking, as startled as me, “What the hell is going on?” We both dash outside, hearing a right commotion going on.

“You had no fucking right to do that, no fucking right at all; she was like my mother and they were my things.”

Jack is spitting the words out at Robert. I go to hold Robert back and mum puts herself in-between them as we try and work out what is going on, “I had every right, you haven’t been my son for the past twelve years, what makes you think that anything’s changed just because you’re back?”

“They were all I had left to remember them by.”

“You should have taken them with you then because I told you never to come back. You should have listened better; they clearly weren’t on your mind back then, but you always were a selfish boy.”

I can see Robert is upset and trying to pull him away, I can feel the trembling of the anger coursing through his body, “Come on Robert, whatever it is, this isn’t going to help; come with me, come on.”

He looks into my eyes and the hurt is shining out for all to see, “He burnt all my things, pictures and mementoes I had from Sarah and the only pictures I had of mum.”

“Vic will have some; you can get them from her.”

“Not of my real mum she won’t and you think he’ll give me one; he probably doesn’t even have any.” Robert tips his head in Jack’s direction and I have to hold him back again. “Shallow empty man with a heart of stone.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

He looks at Jack bitterly, “Who’d ever want you for a father? I hate you now as much as the day I left.”

I catch Vic standing staring at her brother and father, tears in her eyes at hearing the words tumble out of Robert who finally lets me walk him away whilst Jack just turns and walks down the street in the opposite direction with mum left standing speechless having to comfort Vic.

.

I push Robert along the path to Home Farm, still fuming and agitated until nearing the house where he now seems to have calmed down enough to talk, “So you going to tell me what all that was about?”

"I want to remember the people in my life that mean something to me and I realised I didn’t have any pictures of Sarah who was basically my mum or of my real my mum, she died when I was little. I’d left a box of stuff at the farm, you don’t think the same when you’re nineteen and I asked dad for it back. Stupid me, I should have known he’d get rid of them; he doesn’t have sentimental bone in his body. I never did see what Sarah, Diane or any of the others saw to love in him.” I let him ramble on, better to get it out of his system.

When we finally get into Home Farm, I see pictures laid out on the table and Robert stands, now quietly calm, staring at them, “I wanted to create a memory wall.”

“You should have maybe started by asking Vic or Diane even. You know they’d help you find some if there were any.”

“I shouldn’t have to.”

“Maybe not, but you’re smart, you must have known your dad wasn’t going to be too helpful whatever.”

“I’m tired Aaron, I’m tired of all the crap in my family. I did what I came for, maybe it’s time to leave. Vic’s happy or she was until I came and started to ruin everything. I’m finally reaching a point where I've accepted I have to move on but I’m never going to do that here; I’m too stuck in the past, just like dad and Andy.”

I’m startled by Robert’s suggestion that he might leave, although I’d known he wasn’t going to be here forever, since he’s arrived, things have been better; Liv is finally beginning to listen and at least for now trying, I couldn’t have done that without Robert.”

“You’re just upset, Vic doesn’t want you to go and I don’t want you to go.”

.

There’s a banging at the door and when Robert opens it Vic comes in all worked up and upset, “What is wrong with you Robert?” He doesn’t say anything, “I don’t know why you came back if you’re not going to make an effort.”

“I don’t know why I came back either if this is how it’s going to be and I’m not the only one that needs to make an effort, don’t go putting all this on me. I didn’t come back for them, I came back to see you and to get know you.”

Vic shakes her head in frustration, “If you want to get to know me again and be a part of my life then you have to find a way to make peace with dad and Andy. It’s the only way this is going to work if we act like a family.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What if I want you to Robert, because if you can’t you might as well go back to wherever it is you’ve been for the last twelve years. You don’t want me to know anything about you or your life and maybe you have your reasons for that, but this is my home and I can’t stand it when you’re all at each other’s throats. So if you can’t be the bigger person, then you might as well leave because I won’t take sides and I can’t be in the middle like this all the time." She walks back out slamming the door behind her.

.

I know Vic will calm down and so does Robert, she’ll probably give Jack a lecture as well but that’s not going to help Robert any and I can see him fighting the tears as he starts to bang around the kitchen making a coffee.

“She’s just upset Robert.”

“She’s not the only one and you were wrong, she doesn’t want me here either.”

“That’s not true, stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to keep hold of Vic, then you have to find a way.”

“Or I just leave; no-one wants me here, it was madness to think I could put roots down in Emmerdale again, it's never going to work.”

“I don’t want you to leave and if you'll calm down long enough to think about it, you'll realise don't want to leave either.”

“This isn’t about you, go fix your own family problems before you start meddling in mine. Just go Aaron I want to be on my own.”

“Fine; I’ll tell Liv not to bother coming round then, seeing how’s you won’t be sticking round. You know she’s actually trying for the first in her life she’s trying to impress someone. It’s just a shame you haven’t got what it takes to try and hold a family together, run away like always.”

I storm out already regretting my words and the sting they will have made knowing how fragile he is about the loss of his own family, but until now I hadn’t realised how much I’ve been leaning on him recently and the impact he has had on my life. Stupid me, I should have known better; I let my feelings for him get in the way, probably feeing close to him in a way I shouldn’t have and I know he’ll never care back for me in the same way. I’ve told him things I haven’t told anyone else and talked about stuff I never would with anyone else, except maybe Paddy but what’s the point if he can’t stay the distance. Liv and me we need stability, we need to be able to trust people not to give up on us and be there when we need them and not just threaten to up and off when the going gets tough, she has to come first.

My phone buzzes and I look at it irritated, it’s from Robert apologising and saying to make sure Liv comes round. I don’t answer him, but I don’t say anything to Liv either letting her go after school as usual. She might as well learn as much from him as possible for as long as he’s here, but I’ve learned I need to keep my distance; I shouldn’t have let myself get so close to him.

TBC


	6. You're Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron turns to Robert for help after deciding he wants to know what Gordon wrote in his letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of self-harm.

Robert, Beginning October 2016

“You did good Liv, really good. You’ll have to let me know what your teacher says and if she doesn’t give it an A then I’ll go and see her myself.”

She looks embarrassed from the praise, but she’s earned it, “Thanks.”

Liv starts packing up her stuff into her bag but she's taking her time, usually she can't wait to be done and off, “What are you waiting for, you liking homework so much now that you want to stay and do more?”

She pulls a face that tells me that might not quite be the case, “How come you don’t spend any time with Aaron much anymore?”

I shrug, “I’m busy; he’s busy.”

“Busy doing what, he sits in the pub when he’s not working and you sit here reading when you're not out walking. What’s so busy about that?”

“Well as you don’t like me it’s really none of your business, is it.”

“I never said I didn’t like you.” I give her a look that begs to differ but even with her bag now packed she’s still hovering. “I heard them saying you might be leaving?”

“Nope, I just had an argument with Vic and it blew up a bit. Sisters hey, they can be quite annoying at times.” I grin at her and she knows I might as well be referring to her as much as Vic. “Did you ever decide what you and him could do together?”

“You’ll take the mickey.”

“No I won’t.”

“He’s teaching me how to strip down and rebuild an engine.”

“Is he now and whose idea was that?”

“Mine.”

“Didn’t think cars were your thing?”

“They’re not.”

“The idea is that you do something that you both like.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“Liv, you accused me of leading him on so don’t you be doing that. When you’ve finished whatever it is you’re working on, find something that you'll both enjoy and do it in a way that he doesn’t cotton on, got it?" I smirk at her, "Now get lost before you get a telling off for being late in for tea and then I’ll cop it from Chas for keeping you too long.” She smiles at me before walking off towards the path to the village. I watch her shaking my head, I can’t believe Aaron hasn’t seen straight through her; I swear he’s blind sometimes.

Aaron’s been keeping his distance with me since the spat with dad and Vic. We talk but it’s not the same as before, more a hello, how are you and goodbye, slightly more if we’re talking about Liv's progress. He’s pulled away from me and the couple of times I’ve tried to arrange something more he’s declined. I don’t really know why I am still in Emmerdale, him and Vic were the two people that made it bearable and now I don’t really have them for support.

.

Aaron, Mid October 2016

“Mum stop hassling, god. I don’t want to think about it; you said I didn’t have a time limit so just let it be. Liv’s made her decision and I’m good with that. Being executor you manage the trust with her for what she needs but I don’t need the money so it’s not important right now.”

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t put it to good use for your own future that’s all.”

“And I don't understand why you keep pushing. I’m moving on, everything’s good; Liv’s doing better and the scrapyard’s doing well.”

“Mmmh, you don’t seem to be hanging round with Robert Sugden as much, you fallen out?”

“We were hardly friends to begin with; we see each other in the village and he’s helping Liv. I see Vic’s still not talking to him though.”

“No, but she’s not talking to her dad either, so until one of them makes the first move the Sugdens are not a happy lot.”

“Yeah well, none of our business.”

Mum gets up from the table intending to go back into the bar whilst I start taking our plates to the sink, “Just think about the money thing love. I know you think it’s like taking a pay-off but it could really help you; you could expand the scrap yard or you could even buy into this place and then I could get rid of the silent partner.”

I give her a knowing look, “That's why you want me to make a decision isn't it and you won't let it drop, angling for me to buy into this place with you?"

"No." She's swaying with the innocent little girl look which is saying the exact opposite from what's coming out of her mouth and I shake my head smiling at her; she knows I'm right.

"I still think it's a bit of a strange set-up. You never did find out from the brewery who bought Diane’s share right?”

“No; whoever they are used the brewery to approach me with the offer and act as go-between, it was all done through them. Whoever they are stay silent and I kept the running of the place as sole licensee so I agreed. So far so good, but just think about it eh....., for me. If you took your dad’s money you could buy out Mr or Mrs Silent and this would all be ours.”

“Drop it mum.”

“Just saying love.”

“And so am I, just leave it.”

.

It's Friday teatime and after finishing early I’m sat at the bar quietly reading the Hotten Gazette. Mum's being nosy whilst serving Harriet her second round, “There you go; so who’s the dishy fella with the dog collar?”

Classy as ever my mum but Harriet smirks and quietly answers so he doesn’t hear from over where he's sat, “Oh that’s the dishy Bishop; he has all the congregation swooning wherever he goes.” I have to laugh as she takes the drinks to their table; I take a look, not my type, but I see a fair few of the ladies are looking longingly in his direction and I think to myself that they’re easily pleased. I'm about to go back to reading my paper when I see Robert come in; we nod a hello but he stays over at his side of the bar and orders his usual orange juice. I can’t help it, I still get that same flutter whenever I see him, no matter how much I try ignore it, he still has that same effect on me as the first time I met him. Fortunately, he’s hardly been in the pub recently and when he has I’ve been on my way out so I’ve not had to be around him. Well I’m not going to leave just because he’s walked in and today I’ve got nothing better to do, this is my home, not his.

It’s not long after when Jack and Diane walk in; I can see mum's thinking the same as me. Typical, they’ve been very busy with Eric and the B&B recently and haven’t been in much; the one night they decide to come just happens to be one of the few times when Robert decides to grace us with his presence. I am so not in the mood for a Sugden special and I can see mum glance over warily in Robert’s direction but he just carries on reading whatever he’s reading, like he's not even noticed them. Nothing seems like it's going to kick off but I can’t help myself taking the odd glance over at him, annoyed with myself each time I do.

.

Liv comes down helping herself to a bag of crisps which mum promptly takes away from her, “Errr, not without paying young lady and you’ve just had your tea. If you want something, go have some fruit instead.”

Liv pulls a face in disgust at the idea and tips her head in my direction, “You don’t make him pay for his beer.”

“Actually I do, he does all the heavy lifting for me around the pub, so it’s payment in kind.” With just a hint of mischief in her eyes, elbow on the bar and her chin resting in her hand, mum challenges Liv, “How do you contribute to the running of this lovely establishment?” Liv as expected has no good answer so falls back on her usual response in these circumstances and pulls a sulky expression but apparently she has another reason for coming into the bar. She must have known Robert is in because she goes round and puts some pieces of paper in front of him; he lays down whatever he’s reading and takes a look.

I’m taking notice now, because Liv doesn’t usually voluntarily speak with Robert or anyone really above the age of sixteen unless there’s something in it for her. He’s smiling at her, “See I told you. Well done.” Liv is blushing, my sister is actually blushing and even better she’s getting praised in public which doesn’t happen too often. “You’ll have to up your game though for the next one, don’t want her to think it’s a one hit wonder.”

“As if.”

“Funny folk teachers, they like you to keep up the good work,” He pulls a face at her, “It looks well on their end of year results; doesn’t do you any harm either.”

I watch him with her; I’d never be able to give her this kind of support. It’s not that I’m stupid but I never really did all that well at school, wasn’t good at attending and didn’t have the attention span for it when I did, plus I just don’t have Robert’s way of explaining things. The couple of times I tried with Liv, she ended up storming off in a strop in one direction and me in the other. She can’t help smiling at me as she passes to go back upstairs and she can see I’m proud of her although at the same time I feel a little sad that it’s Robert she now goes to for the school stuff. He looks over at me and I acknowledge his help with a half-smile and a slight nod and he does the same back. It had looked like he is about to leave but then seemingly changes his mind, surprising mum by ordering a pint, probably his first in here since moving back to Emmerdale. Pint pulled, mum puts it down in front of him, “There you go Mr Sugden, it’s on the house.” He looks at her to check she’s being serious and she pulls that face she reserves just for him but just now begrudgingly a bit softer, “Don’t get used it; not often though Liv comes home buzzing about her homework mark.”

“Thanks, she’s bright when she's a mind to want.”

.

It's not long after when things then go a little unexpectedly off the reservation. Harriet, who is accompanying the Bishop out, suddenly gets all flustered as he stops by Robert on the way, “You wouldn’t be Robert Sugden by any chance?”

Robert can hardly say no with everyone watching on, “Yes, how can I help?”

“Well you already have.” Harriet is doing her best to interrupt but apparently the Bishop doesn’t get that too often and carries on regardless. “I just wanted to thank you for your generous donation for the fixing of the church roof, it’s not often we get such a charitable contribution for the community. It was very kind.”

Immediately I can hear Jack muttering in the corner to Diane, “Pfft, only if there’s something in it for him unless Harriet pulled a blinder with him.”

Robert glances at Harriet, having clearly been put on the spot but he doesn’t rise to Jack’s comments which were loud enough for most people to hear, “I was happy to help.” He goes back to reading his papers and the Bishop takes the hint, now making his way to the door with Harriet looking back apologetically at Robert who if he’s annoyed doesn’t show it. It’s not long before Jack is at the bar ordering another round for him and Diane with Andy and Katie now having joined them. “Can’t help yourself can you?”

Robert looks his dad straight in the eye, “Excuse me.”

“Lording it over the village, throwing your money around.” Robert doesn’t rise to the bait, instead remains remarkably calm, downs the last of his pint and gets up to leave but Jack is that way out and keeps on going. “No-one wants you here, you can’t buy the people round here; why don’t you piss back off to where you came from.”

“Yeah well, it won’t matter anyway. You might not have a church soon enough if the Synod get their way. Not enough churchgoers in Emmerdale, apparently too many people like you.” He practically sneers at Jack, “You never were one for religion were you dad, too many dos and don'ts.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“About which bit; the fact that they’re going to combine the church with the other villages and sell the buildings they don't want to keep or that you’re a pious hypocrite?”

Diane now intervenes, unlike Jack she does go to church, “How do you know that Robert?”

“I read things that have more words in it than pictures and adverts.”

I look down at the paper I’m reading and decide any warm and fuzzy feelings I had about feeling sorry for him with his dad trying to wind him up, just went out the window. The gossip level in the pub is rising with this unknown information now in the open and Robert takes the opportunity to leave, walking out after well and truly having put the cat amongst the pigeons. Harriet will not be too popular if this turns out to be true and the village had to find out from Robert Sugden rather than her.

.

Fed up of listening to all the grumblings, not long after I'd gone upstairs for some peace and quiet, but seeing Robert earlier had got me thinking. I miss talking to him about things where I need to sort it out in my head and he’s good at laying out all the facts and keeping a logic to it, unless it’s to do with his own family of course and then logic has got nothing to do with it. I’ve been thinking a lot about opening the letter that dad wrote, partly because of mum’s constant pressure to make a decision on the money but also the need to know what he wrote has been pulling at me more and more. I can't bring myself to do it though and he’s the only person I’ve ever told. We both have complicated relationships with our dads; although mine’s dead, it’s still like he’s there always in my head, still controlling me from his grave.

Now stood here waiting for Robert to answer the door I’m not quite sure how I’m going to ask him; we’ve not exactly been talking this last few weeks and that’s been mostly my doing. We’d both apologised for what we’d said before and he’s still been helping Liv even though I've not wanted anything to do with him. I’m stood with my hands shoved in my jeans pockets when the door opens and he clearly wasn’t expecting to see me on his doorstep but once he gets over the surprise he opens the door wide and without saying a word turns to go into the kitchen leaving me to follow in his footsteps, closing the door behind me.

.

He silently puts the kettle on and I hover not quite sure where to start and not feeling comfortable enough to sit. I look around the kitchen and nothing seems to have changed as I start fidgeting nervously, “How’s the memory wall coming along?”

Immediately I regret saying this as this was what triggered our falling the other week and he gives me a look that says as much, but then his expression softens. “What do you want Aaron?”

I watch him making drinks, “What makes you think I want anything?”

“Well there’s no other reason for you to be here considering you haven’t wanted a bar of me since I was a prize dick the other week, for which I apologize……, again.”

“You’re still here.”

“Yeah, odd that; you and Vic seem to have that effect on me, though I don’t know why because neither of you are hardly talking to me at the minute.” I raise my eyebrows because I don’t think I have any influence over what Robert Sugden does. Kettle boiled he pours the water and pushes my tea in front of me, passing me the sugar from the cupboard and I go sit on one of the high chairs.

.

Robert stares at me expectantly, “So come on then, enlighten me.”

I pull the letter out of my back pocket, it’s folded and all crumpled, the envelope not in the best of condition anymore but it’s still unopened with my name on the front of it and I hand it to him silently.

He puts down his mug, looks at the letter and then back at me before coming to sit on the breakfast bar chair beside me. He doesn’t attempt to open it, instead putting it down on the table in front of us, “So what’s made you want to do this now?”

I shrug, “Mum's nagging me about sorting out the inheritance, you know she’s executor?”

Robert nods, “That’s not the reason though is it?”

“I don’t know why.” He doesn’t say anything and waits for me to continue but I need a little time; there’s no pressure from him, he just waits until I’m ready, “I want to know, I want to know if he’s sorry or if he just wanted.....,” I let the sentence trail off not quite sure what I want sometimes. I’m suddenly feeling emotional, standing up I turn away from him, brushing a tear from my cheek with my sleeve. “I can’t get him out of my head, he’s there all the time," I knock my fist against my forehead, as always my feelings getting the better of me, "He's in here and he won’t leave me alone.”

“You still seeing the counsellor?”

I nod, still feeling agitated, “It doesn’t really seem to help much though, I mean it does, but not with this and I haven’t told him about the letter, just you.”

“You should tell him.”

I shake my head, “No, I don’t want to.” I turn and look at him, suddenly regretting coming here and I go to pick up the letter and my coat, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come.”

Robert catches my arm before I reach either the letter or my coat. “It’s okay to be scared Aaron.” I stop and search into his eyes; I relax, my eyes moving to the letter lying there on the table unopened whilst Robert’s calming hand on my arm guides me to sit back down, “Tell me when you’re ready, there’s no rush.”

I take a drink of my tea and I keep taking a drink until there’s nothing left to drink, nowhere to hide, nothing to hide behind. I finally push the letter closer to Robert and he picks it up, but I stop him, my hand resting on his arm and he puts it back down on the table. “I need to show you something first; don’t freak out.” I pull up my jumper so he can see my stomach revealing a cut. It's a couple of days old and is healing but I see his eyes reacting to it as well as the shadows and scars from all the others. However, his expression remains steady as he looks back into my eyes, “I don’t want to start again, I’d stopped after earlier in the year but this week I wasn’t strong enough not to....., it’s kind of how I cope. I don’t want this anymore Robert, I want to be able to deal with stuff and not do this.”

“The counsellor knows right....., about the cuts?”

“Yeah, he's good, but talking to him only helps so far, it won’t ever make me stop; I have to do that.” I let my jumper fall back down and it feels better telling him. There can’t be secrets about this between us if I want him to help me; it's too important. If I don't cope I'm scared for the consequences and for whatever reason I want to trust Robert with this, I don't know why him, it just feels right.

“No specific trigger?”

“Not any one thing, just this burning need to read what the bastard wrote, but I can’t seem to open it. I’ve tried, but I can’t.” I look into Robert’s eyes, “I'm ready; open it, I want to know.”

.

Robert rests the letter back down on the table and I wipe my tears away. I should have known; I should have known there wouldn’t have been any real regret in the words or apology. It was always about him even when I was little it was always about him and the power he held over me. It was basically a suicide note and he wanted to me to save him; doing that would have been like forgiving him in his eyes, because it meant I wanted him to live. I need to move and I go stand by the counter but I slide down it and end up hugging my knees with my hands half hidden with the sleeve of my hoody pulled over.

It’s quiet for a while, until Robert breaks the silence, “Would you have gone or done anything if you’d opened it at the time?”

“No....., yes. I wanted him to burn in hell; I hope he’s there now. I hope he’s suffering like he’s made me suffer, but death was too good for him; he would have suffered more in prison. I wanted to tell him what I thought of him; I tried when he was in the morgue and couldn't do it. Even when he was dead I couldn't say the words I wanted to say, I just ran away still the scared little boy.”

Robert comes over and sits on the floor next to me, “There are other ways you can say the words and you have plenty of time for that. You're still here Aaron, he's not; you're the one bringing up his daughter not him and she loves you very much. Right now though you have to think about you and what you need. He made his choice Aaron, he made it when he hurt you and he made it when he took his own life. Now it's your turn and you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself or do anything you don't want to do.”

“Would you have opened it?”

“I don’t know, probably, but I’m different to you. I need to be in control, you wanted to be free.”

“It didn’t feel like that then; it doesn’t feel like that now.”

“It probably never will completely, not for a long time at least, maybe never.”

“What do I do about the money?”

“Oh with that I would use it to give him the biggest ‘fuck you’ I could.”

I can't help but smile at him for this, “Which would be?”

“I don’t know, probably buy a snazzy suit, go to Monte Carlo, get laid and gamble all night until there's nothing of it left." He smiles at me, "You're not me though and you have Liv to think about. What do you want, because there are no rules here Aaron; it’s completely your choice.”

.

“I wanted him to be sorry, I wanted him to understand how much he hurt me; it wasn’t just the times when he did it, he made me hate myself so much I tried to kill myself. Every night I was scared I might have done something to make him mad. Even Sandra being there didn’t stop him; I didn’t stop him either and I'm still letting him hurt me now.” I pause, thinking back to the trial and everything he did to push this back onto me, that it was my fault or it didn’t really happen, all just in my head. “I want to be free, but I want to be in control without hurting myself, how do I do that?”

“I’m not an expert Aaron. I can be your friend, I can be here whenever you need me and that won’t change whether I live in Emmerdale, London or somewhere else.” It goes quiet again until Robert speaks, “If the money wasn’t from Gordon, for arguments sake let’s say you won the lottery, what would you do with the money then?”

“I dunno, buy a new car.”

“You can buy a new car anytime; choose something you wouldn’t normally be able to do.”

“Mum wants me to buy the other half of the pub.”

“You could, but is that what you want?”

“I don’t even know who owns it and I’m not sure the brewery would tell us; it was part of the deal I think.”

“That’s easy to get round. The question is, is that what you want?”

“No.”

“You could expand the scrap yard or if you don't want it, give it to charity, let some good for someone else come out of it.”

“Yeah, but I want to keep it equal with Adam at the yard, I have thought about giving it to charity.” I think a little more what would I really want, “I'd buy a house in the village if one came up for sale, it wouldn’t be enough to buy one outright, but I’d have no problem getting a mortgage then for the rest; somewhere for me and Liv on our own. Mum wouldn’t be too happy, but she could rent out the rooms at the pub if she wanted company. I want something that’s mine, just mine; I've never had that.”

Robert sniggers giving me a sideways glance, “I could rent a room at the Woolpack then, wouldn’t that be fun.”

I smirk at him, “Mmmh, if a death wish is your idea of fun; can’t imagine you living in the Woolpack though, not exactly London lifestyle.”

.

“I have to tell you something; I don’t want you to think I hid it for my own benefit.” He pauses, “It’s me that owns the other half of the pub." I definitely wasn't expecting that. "When I was starting to toy with the idea of moving back earlier in the year, Diane had her half up for sale and I decided it would be nice to keep it in the family, maybe own it all one day, let Vic have it. I don’t know Aaron; I hadn’t got that far thinking about it. I did it in secret like that, well you know why, it was just easier and I didn’t want to get involved with the daily running anyway. You won’t tell Chas will you....., or Vic?”

I smile, recovering from the initial surprise, “No, it’s more than my life’s worth to tell her she’s partners with the spawn of the devil.”

Robert looks amused, "Is that what she calls me?"

"Among other things." He looks like he's storing that for future use somehow, he has a knack for turning things round on people, “You won’t tell her about me wanting to move out?”

Robert shakes his head, standing up, “You know I won’t.” He holds his hand out and I let him pull me up, “Does that mean you’re going to keep the money?"

We go into the living room and sit on the sofa, each at the opposite end, facing each other with our feet up on the cushions, “I'm not a gambler but I like the idea of letting fate play a hand somehow; it would feel less like his money then. I need to think about it still, but maybe.”

“Nobody will judge you Aaron; they don't have the right.” He prods me with his foot, “And tell your counsellor about the letter and the cut. You can still come here and talk to me whenever you need to, but don’t keep it from him because it’s part of the deal; for him to help you he needs to know stuff like this.”

“I’ll try.” I smirk at him imagining the combination, “Robert Sugden and Chastity Dingle, joint owners of the Woolpack, who’d have thought. Hhmm, now there’s a partnership made in heaven.” Then a horrid thought goes through my head, “Please don’t go having a thing with her though.”

Robert screws his face up, “Urrgh, not funny, I wouldn’t if your mum was one of the last few on the planet.“ I look at him not quite sure how to take that, “Sorry, but can you seriously see me together with your mum?”

“No not really.”

“Thank god for that.” He looks visibly relieved making me laugh at him. “I haven’t eaten yet, you want something? I was just going to order in.”

“Why not, I’ll buy; call it payment in kind for your advisor’s fee.”

“I might just let you. So let me order first and then you're going to sit and listen Mr Livesy, because I have an idea.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments which you know I love to read and as always I'm very appreciative of the kudos. I'm really enjoying writing something a little steadier. That said it will kick-off in the next chapter in more ways than one; well you can't have bonfire night without a few fireworks can you..... 
> 
> Chapter 7 should hopefully be up over the weekend.  
> Take care  
> Caro


	7. Jealousy, Fireworks And Alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vic tries her hand at matchmaking with Aaron and family bridge-building with Robert, neither having quite the results she'd intended.

Robert, 31st October 2016

I’m listening amused at Chas struggling to walk that tricky middle road of being a friend whilst giving constructive advice. She might not be a big fan of me, but it sounds like she’s not much more enamoured with my dad either, “Eric’s proving difficult then? I never did quite see him and Jack getting on, living in the same house, but miracles do happen.”

I can’t resist saying something to this, “Not with Jack Sugden they don’t.” I get the look from Diane, who is still trying to stay neutral between us all. She’d given me a picture she had of my real mum on the quiet and for that I will be very grateful, but that doesn’t mean I’m any closer to wanting to try fix things with dad; no matter what her and Vic want, it’s not going to happen. “Have you managed to explain to my dad how to set a table yet? You know these days people expect a certain standard and I’m not quite sure he ever got the memo saying which knife you use for what and the difference between a dessert spoon and a soup spoon. It’s like putting Eliza Doolittle to wait tables at the Dorchester.” I can see the corners of Chas’ mouth twitching with amusement, knowing I’ve hit a mark. Diane on the other hand looks firmly unimpressed and I’ve put my foot in it again as I see Vic had come in and heard me.

“You just can’t help yourself can you Rob.”

“It was a joke Vic, it was a joke. Oh god, no-one has a sense of humour around here.”

“You have to be funny Robert for people to find it humorous.”

“Chas found it funny.” To which Chas puts up her hands in denial and I get the death stare that she does so well. I’ve given up trying to appease Vic at the moment, I’m not going to give in and neither is dad, she’ll just have to get used to it. I’ve decided I’m sticking around for a while and just going to see how things go. Let’s attribute it to my more devilish nature; I’m enjoying not working and I’ve nothing better to do. It’s got a bit easier with a few people in the village since it became known I paid for fixing the church roof and there are now meetings going on about if the church is really going to have to combine with the others in the area. Harriet forgave me considering the Bishop put his foot in it in the first place but somehow conned me into helping them to put a case together to keep the church in Emmerdale; I quite like Harriet, she’s not the usual vicar type.

.

Vic, all dolled up for a night out, now ignores me and goes across with her drink to a table and I’m distracted anyway by Aaron walking in from the back. I stare a little longer than my usual hello as he comes to stand next to me, “You’re looking very smart, what’s the occasion?”

He’s pulling at his shirt looking uncomfortable. It’s the first time I’ve seen him wear something that’s not a dark colour and it's bringing out the blue of his eyes. However, he is also wearing his grouchy face with it, he does need to work on that, “Your sister, that’s what.”

I laugh, “Oh yeah?”

“She thinks I need a boyfriend and has set up me up with this guy she’s friendly with, runs the wholesalers in Hotten; apparently he’s exactly what I need.”

The look on his face makes me chuckle, “You could just tell her that you’re quite capable of finding a boyfriend when you want one all by yourself.”

His pulls a face that says I'm deluded if I think that's a viable option, “I don’t see you telling your sister to go along with the things that you want all too successfully, why would you think it would be any different with me?”

“Ah, she likes you.”

“She likes match-making better; gives her a sense of achievement.”

“Well you look very nice.”

“You think?”

Turning him to face me, I pull his shirt collar down properly and smooth out the shirt material on his shoulders so the sleeves fall right, “Stop fidgeting Aaron, anyone would think you’d not been on a date before.”

“Not for a long time and you try it with your sister watching your every move; it’s like being on daytime TV.”

“I wouldn’t know; I’ve never watched daytime TV.”

The pub door opens and Adam comes in with some bloke behind him, both looking dressed ready for a night out, “Oh god. Wish me luck, either that or shoot me now.”

.

I’d come out to the pub because I didn’t want to be at home with it being Halloween. I know it's not as big thing in England as the US, but I still don't want to be disturbed by kids knocking on the door and being reminded how much Chloe and Harry used to love it, picking their outfits or their excited faces at going trick or treating. Jess and I used to follow them round, just watching from a distance to make sure they were okay and I smile to myself a little, remembering how we always found a way to have our own fun. Anyway it would just make me sad to remember.

Aaron has now joined the group waiting for him at the table, introductions being made and I can see Aaron assessing Vic's friend, giving him the once over. He’s cute; Vic has a good eye for Aaron’s type, because I do think that Aaron is quite taken with him on first impression at least.

I order a pint from Chas and settle myself at the end of the bar, promising her I would behave myself. It doesn’t take me long to move on to a second pint and I have to caution myself. I’ve started drinking the odd pint more regularly since being back in Emmerdale which is not necessarily a bad thing I just need to be careful not to get carried away. I don’t have Jess here to keep me in line any more. I miss her; I miss someone wrapping their arms round me telling me it’s going to be okay. I mean I know it’s going to be okay because I’m always okay, but I still miss it.

My attention keeps shifting to the group in the corner, Vic is giving me evil eyes when she sees me and Aaron looks relaxed, smiling. Chas is also looking on, it’s nice to see him laughing and happy and I know she worries about him still. However, any prospective boyfriend for Aaron has to get through Liv, that’s the real test and she’d be enough to scare off all but the most determined of beaus for her brother. Good on the one hand, but not on the other, she’ll scare off the nice ones too. I catch myself smiling at this, thinking about how far I’ve come with Liv since the early days. We seem to have found a balance, but that’s also because she’s accepted that we are never going to be a couple, so now that's cleared up, she’s much easier to deal with. Aaron still needs to learn how to be tougher with her, but he’s getting there, just like with moving on from his dad; one day at a time.

I’m caught by the sound of his laugh and struck by how little we really do see him looking so happy. I know that he has a very witty, sarcastic sense of humour when he gets going and feels comfortable; I’ve been on the receiving end often enough. Since he showed me the letter that’s how our friendship is now, comfortable and I find myself watching them pretty much all night until they leave for town....., but if I’m honest, I’m watching Aaron all night.

.

Robert, Saturday 5th November 2016

Bonfire night gets rotated round the farms and this year it’s up at Emmerdale Farm, fortunately or unfortunately. Vic has decided this would be a good opportunity to try and build bridges. Personally I think it’s a terrible idea, but her and Aaron ganged up on me and we said we’d all go in a group together, that it would be fine. I’m not too sure she’d cleared it with Andy in advance, but she said that was her problem and I took her at her word. Whether they like it or not, it was my home once too and I would quite like to see it again.

I offer to drive up because there’s no way I want to be drinking tonight. I’ve been in a crabby mood all day for one reason or another and nearly decided not to go, but this is a way to get back on Vic’s good side and show her I’m willing to give it a go with dad and Andy although that’s far from the actual truth; it’s more a case of pleasing Vic and Aaron who seem to have far more faith in me than I deserve.

They all clamber in when I pick them up at the Woolpack and I check they've got fireworks with them because I forgot. Aaron’s new man is with him and it sounds like they are all going into town again after. I get invited but I say no; I don’t fancy being the odd one out and Vic trying to put her matchmaking skills to use on me so they book a taxi for later, just for the four of them.

Aaron’s right, Vic can’t help herself and I suppose it would be nice to have someone sometimes. The emotional and physical needs don’t stop or go away just because Jess isn’t here or that I can go for months on end without; I have my hand, but that’s not quite the same as being with someone. I loved Jess, but she’s not here with me anymore. Maybe it was because there was such a time gap between the accident and putting my family to rest here in Emmerdale, but there was a subtle change took place inside me that night we planted the trees; it's like I was asking Jess permission to live my own life again. She knows I’ll never forget her and I’ve never been one that thinks mourning has to last a certain length of time; however, I can’t just be with anyone anymore for the sake of sex, it has to be with someone that means something to me, someone I care about.

.

I’ll give her her due, Vic had squared it with Andy, but he was clearly not pleased about it, same as me just doing it for Vic to make her happy. We glare at each other from a distance when we get there but then I keep out of their way. Dad and Diane aren’t here fortunately, too busy with guests staying at the B&B. The longer the night goes on I can’t help feeling left out a little and like the old man of the group. This is having an unfortunate impact on my behaviour, especially as they are all starting to get quite drunk and I’m getting jealous that I’m not doing the same, jealous of all their couply behaviour. Vic and Adam are all clingy, Aaron all giggly every time his one, keep forgetting his name, says something. Watching them together I can tell he’s trying too hard, he doesn’t look at him like he looks at me; it’s never going to fly, though they do make a good looking couple.

Fed up with them all and needing a piss I go into the house to the loo and for the first time in twelve years I'm inside the farmhouse; it’s been a very long time and it feels strange. I walk over to the dresser and there are the familiar pictures of Annie, Uncle Joe; faces from a past I’d tried hard to forget. It wasn’t all bad, it wasn’t all good either, but I do remember some happy times.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I spin round to see Andy stood a short distance behind me.

“I’m just going to the loo and then getting a glass of water; I was just looking Andy, they’re my family.”

“Well your family don’t want you anymore, so why don’t you just do everyone a favour and leave.”

I’m not in the mood for Andy and release the irritation that’s been building in me all evening, “You think you’ve won Andy, you think you've won because you live in my house and let’s face it, this is my house; I was born here you weren’t, you’re not even a Sugden. It’s not real, it was never real and what’s going to happen to this place when you’re gone; it’ll pass to someone who’ll probably tear it down or do one of those fancy barn conversions, all your pitiful effort gone in the flash of an eye.”

.

He comes up to me, forcing me backwards then pressing me hard against the dresser. I can see the rage in his eyes, his body tense against mine, wound like a spring ready to release, “Go on Andy, let it out; you always did like to hit me, makes you feel better, makes you feel like a man in charge.” I laugh at him as stands before me like this, seething, working so hard to keep control, “You’ll never be master of this house, never deliver its true potential; you’re stuck in the past just like dad. Pathetic really and you’ll never be able to trust that cheating wife of yours. She gone astray recently or has she lowered her expectations and satisfies herself these days with getting brisket instead of sirloin?”

His fist came at me just as I expected it to, he never could keep his anger in check when I pushed the right buttons and I’m just in the mood to vent my pent up frustration and punch him back. We are grappling and fighting exactly like when we were younger, crashing against the furniture, fists flying. He catches me full on in the face which took us both a little by surprise but it hurt his hand more than he expected and he stopped giving me the opportunity to go for him and before I know it we are out of the door. We're now fighting out in the farmyard, rolling around in the mud and chasing each other fixed on finishing what we had started all those years ago when I left. We end up taking the fight into the field, crashing to the ground, dangerously close to the bonfire. Everyone's attention is on us now instead of the bonfire with Adam and Cain separating us, holding us apart as we try to keep going, the years catching up with us and Andy yelling at me. “You're just jealous Robert; get off my farm, you’re not welcome here.”

I laugh at him, Cain’s hands still gripping onto my arms to hold me back, “Oh I think you need to check the paperwork. It’s never going to be your farm, not unless you fancy contesting me in a court of law; you have to be born a Sugden." Andy's expression tells me he doesn't know and seemingly neither does anyone else, including Vic, "What Jack didn’t tell you? Maybe he forgot or maybe he didn’t read the conditions in the small-print. He never was the brightest button in the box; it’s why you got on so well. You’re living in my house, mine and Vic's, so just watch on that you don’t upset her too, because then you will have a problem.”

I shrug off Cain as Andy stares at me, unmoving not believing a word I’m saying, but I see the flicker of doubt in his eyes. I can feel everyone staring at me, they’d all heard. "I'd get my facts straight if I were you before shouting your mouth off." I turn to leave and go to my car, Vic is crying with Katie and Adam stood alongside her. I'm unable to resist having a final stab at Katie as I pass them, a twisted smile on my face despite the blood streaming down from a gash that Andy had inflicted with his fist, “Enjoy it whilst you can bitch.” I ignore the look on Aaron’s face and the others with him as I walk away. I always did enjoy a good Sugden bonfire and they had said to bring fireworks.

.

I don’t go home, I’m too wound up and now the adrenalin is wearing off, I’m beginning to regret letting loose like that; not regretting what I said to Andy or Katie, but that Vic and Aaron saw me like that. God I miss Jess, she used to make me a better person; she was always the one that kept me in check and stopped me from doing stupid things like this. With the business and everything else, I play it so smart, but she always knew I had this side to me and she knew exactly the right things to say and do to calm me down and get me to walk away. How do I do that without her? I should just leave, Vic is right, it’s being here that does it, Emmerdale and my family; but then there’s Aaron, what do I do about Aaron.

Needing some fresh air, I park up and remembering there are some left over beers in the boot, I pull them out and walk across the cricket pitch to go settle myself on the pavilion. I begin to feel calmer as soon as I sit down and open the first can. I wonder how many drunken teenagers have sat on here of a night over the years, complaining about their parents and school, making out and probably a lot more. I got my first love-bite on here, can’t even remember her name, just some girl from school; so many memories. I see initials scratched all over the wooden bannister and I go looking for one of mine, RS heart KA, I see along the same bit of wood, AL heart VS, I wonder if that’s Aaron and there aren’t too many VS’s around here over the years. I’ll have to tap him up about that, I never asked him if ever went with any girls before he worked out he was gay, that would be interesting. I find myself quite amused by the thought for some bizarre reason. I’m not stupid, I know I was jealous earlier, it’s part of why I had needed to let go and why I had goaded Andy so much; not just that it’s easy to goad him and I’m good at it, but I was wound up that Aaron was with someone else which unsettled me and this isn’t something I’m used to feeling.

.

Deciding to push the boat out I throw all caution to the wind and open a fourth can when I hear footsteps and turn round, “Are you pleased with yourself, do you know how upset Vic is?”

“Thought you were going into town?”

“What after that, what planet are you on Robert? Vic’s in tears, Andy and Katie are raging and god help you when your dad finds out.” He pauses and looks at me shaking his head, though he’s swaying a little; they’d all had a lot to drink already by the time things kicked off, “It’s like I saw a different person tonight. Not the grieving father or widower, but someone ruthless that doesn’t give a crap about who he hurts or how he does it. You’re just as bad as your dad; you’re right Robert, you should leave.”

I take a drink and hold out a can for him, “Lighten up Aaron, have another beer. I thought you didn’t want me to go, you know you don’t mean it.”

He looks at me in disgust, “I might be drunk, but I’m not that drunk I don’t know what I’m saying or doing.”

“That’s a shame.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He moves to stand right in front of me, the anger in his eyes clear as anything as they bore into mine. I’m feeling quite drunk now from the alcohol, unused to drinking so much and I shove him against the wooden upright of the pavilion veranda, pressing his hand against my hardness, rubbing it up and down. He’s turning me on, listening to him and seeing him like this because I know he gives a crap. I know he’s always been holding it back, that he’s had feelings for me ever since I met him; blushing all embarrassed, his desire written all over his face that day in the portacabin. I miss sex and someone touching me, how it feels to be loved and the physical release of that love.

.

“I’m hard Aaron.”

“No Robert, I don’t want you.” He tries to push me away but I resist and hold him back against the wooden post, pushing his hand back down, rubbing it against me.

“But you do, we both know you do.” I know I’m drunk and I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but his touch excites me. I haven’t felt like this for a long time and despite his protest Aaron doesn’t move his hand away from my crotch, it’s still moving but now he’s in control having slowed it down. My arms are hanging by my sides and we're standing so close; our faces are almost touching and I can feel his breath on my face. Our eyes are locked onto each other which is intoxicating in its own right and when I finally say something, my voice is barely a whisper, “I’m not gay, I’ve never done this before; why do you make me this hard Aaron?”

Aaron’s breathing is becoming as heavy as mine as his hand continues to rub, applying more pressure until he starts to undo my belt, his eyes watching for my reaction. I moan as his hand reaches inside and I feel his fingers for the first time through the cotton of my shorts. We’ve both forgotten what happened earlier and why we were here arguing, we are too hooked into the moment; you can almost touch the desire and lust now hanging between us. Aaron spins me round, pressing me back against the pavilion itself and I’m grabbing onto his jacket. Inside, my head is all over the place as I acknowledge what's going to happen and I rest it onto his shoulder making a last feeble attempt at denial, “I’m not into men Aaron, I'm not gay.”

His mouth is by my ear, his warm breath sending a tingling through me as he quietly speaks, “You don’t need to be, just enjoy it; let yourself enjoy it.”

Aaron drops down onto his knees, pulling my jeans and shorts down and I lay my hand on his head giving me some sense of security. With my eyes closed, my head tips back, resting against the pavilion as I feel his breath once more, warm as opposed to the cold edge of the night air and then I feel his tongue as it flicks fleetingly over my head. He licks up my shaft, teasing the foreskin, his mouth then taking in just the head; his tongue has found exactly the right spot, “Shit that feels so good.” I’m already leaking pre-cum and as he tastes it, I look down to see him smiling and then I get to find out why.

.

Aaron catches me completely off guard and takes me all the way to the base of my shaft which I’ve never experienced before causing me to gasp out loud, “Oh fuck me.....” My hips start to bounce, gently thrusting to the rhythm of his mouth and I close my eyes again, “Take it deep, just like that, oh my god, how do you do that?” Aaron moves his mouth to my balls and his hand takes over on my dick, jerking and massaging, making me groan from the pleasure he is delivering. I whimper as he teases, making me want more, wanting all of him, driving me crazy and making me squirm. I feel helpless as he works my shaft; this isn’t anything like Jess would ever have done. She never liked to give blow jobs and the odd occasion she did it was nothing like this. Aaron is talented; I’ve never experienced so many different sensations all at the same time.

I need more than he’s letting me have and I suddenly switch us round so he’s kneeling now with his back to the pavilion and I’m leaning against it with my hands balled into fists in an effort to channel the sensations and I take control, fucking into his mouth as I get closer. He doesn’t stop me, his hands are holding onto my hips and he’s actively encouraging me. I’ve never felt anything like this before as I fuck deep into the warm wetness, his lips providing suction, “Fuck yes; take it all the way." I thrust deep, holding it to prolong the ride until he takes control once more, pulling out and switching our positions again. Now his hands are pressing my hips backwards, forcing me to be patient, making me beg as he teases me. “I’m close, I’m so close.”

He’s letting me fuck his mouth again and I’m weak at the knees almost, frantically chasing the orgasm that is building. I can feel it, I can feel my come and I’m not any way in control, my body and Aaron are running the show; all I know is I want to come, I need to come. My body starts to quake and I cry out as I submit to him; he’s controlling me completely, his hands pushing me hard against the wood and as my body starts to tense, his mouth holds me on the edge. I ache to come but he still continues to hold me at his mercy, moaning for the release I so desperately need and then when he pushes me over the edge, the euphoria consumes me. My body spasms and shudders, my dick pulsing as my come oozes into his mouth. I’m breathing heavily, leaning against the wooden panels of the pavilion, my hands resting on his head as he drinks me down. I watch him with mixed emotions flowing through me, convincing myself that we’re both drunk and it’s okay this is Aaron making feel like this; it was just physical, a release that I needed and he was willing to give me.

Aaron finally pulls out and sits back on his heels. He watches me with a hint of a shy smile as his tongue licks over his lips and all of a sudden I feel exposed and vulnerable. Pulling up my shorts and jeans, fastening them, I look around panicked to see if anyone has seen us, “I need to go, I have to go home.” Shoving my shirt into my jeans I move quickly, almost tripping down the wooden steps in my rush to get away from him until I’m practically running towards my car feeling confused and full of emotions I don’t understand. It’s overwhelming me so much that I’m crying when I get into the driver’s seat, tears rolling down my cheeks as I fumble to start the car and screech away, driving towards the safety of my own home.

.

Aaron, Saturday 5th November 2016

I watch Robert disappear into the darkness of the night. I saw his confusion after he started to come down, the realisation crossing his face of what he’d let me do and that he enjoyed it, he had wanted it, begged me even. I stand up and unbutton my jeans, my hand now reaching for my own rock hard shaft that has been bulging, aching to escape the constraints of my jeans the whole time I was blowing Robert.

I smile to myself as I smell him on my hand, licking it with my tongue and then moving it down to my dick and start to jerk myself off. Recalling his moans and whimpers I lean forward against the wood of the pavilion, in the exact same spot where he had stood. I can taste him in my mouth as my hand moves, tugging frantically whilst imagining what it would be like to kiss him, to taste his mouth, to taste his hole and what it would be like for him to be inside me and for me to fuck him. I come really quick and very hard, my face flush to the wood and the balled fist of my left hand banging against it from the incredible intensity of the release as my hand pumps out the milky come. I don't stop until I’m fully spent and I look down, breathing heavily, watching it dripping onto the floorboards below; I'm out of breath from the effort, riding the wave of my own ecstatic high.

TBC


	8. Re-drawing The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is not looking forward to parent teacher night at Liv's school.

Aaron, Mid November 2016

It’s been a little odd every which way you look since Bonfire Night a couple of weeks ago; I haven’t seen or heard from Robert or him from me. He’s been wisely keeping a safe distance from his family and therefore hardly been seen in Emmerdale but it was the talk of the village that he’d had a visit from Jack and called the police on him when Jack took to his door with a tyre iron after Robert had refused to let him in. Jack had spent the night in the cells and been bound over by the magistrate for disturbing the peace so if he doesn’t play ball he could be back up in court.

The village has become quite intrigued about it all because outside the Sugdens no-one actually knows the details and the family aren’t talking about it. I know from Adam that Vic is back to not talking to either Jack or Robert; I assume he knows what’s going on although he’s not said. However, that doesn’t stop me copping an earful almost every day having to listen to him moan about how Vic is so preoccupied with the family problems that she has no time for him so I can’t seem to avoid Robert completely no matter what I do.

.

I keep switching between embarrassment, never wanting to see Robert again and then craving to be near him, wanting more. I know I’d taken advantage of him being drunk that night, we’d both had too much and he was the one who had started it, but he’s not used to drinking hardly whereas I had known exactly what I was doing. That night our friendship had crossed a line and I’m not sure where that leaves us now. I don’t have any doubt that he had wanted it; what I don’t know is, if it was me he wanted or just that he was feeling lonely and wanted a mouth around his dick in which case that would mean he had used me as much as I had used him. We hadn’t exactly done much talking but he’d said enough to make me think he felt something but then the look on his face when he ran away told another story. In the end I’ve decided to keep my distance, because nothing has changed in that anything to do with Robert Sugden seems fraught with risk; like his dad, he has a habit of leaving a trail of upset and excitement in his wake which I don’t need the hassle from so keeping away from each other is probably for the best.

As it is, I have my own problems to worry about, tonight namely being my darling sister who has been driving me nuts with it being parent teacher night. Neither of us is particularly looking forward to it but at least she doesn’t have to go. I’m always nervous at these kinds of things and feel like I’m being judged, never mind Liv. She might have improved, but I’m under no illusion that she’s no angel and still has a long way to go. I know she’s as nervous as I am, worried I’m going to be disappointed with her. I had thought about not going at all, but then when I hadn’t put down for any time slots the Head had called me personally saying it would be ‘helpful’ for Liv if I could attend. She’s in the back room as I come downstairs, pulling my coat on, “You’re going like that?”

I look down at myself and I don’t think I look that bad; I’m wearing nice jeans and a jumper, even have clean undies on. “Me wearing a suit Liv isn’t going to change anything.” She’s fidgeting nervously looking at the clock, giving me that look that tells me she’s needs all the help she can get. I go give her a hug, “It’ll be fine Liv, I love you whatever.” She doesn’t look too convinced as she sits down and starts kicking her feet against the table leg watching me drink the last of my tea, “Right, I’m off, I’ll tell you how it went when I get back okay.”

She nods, looking dejected until the door opens and Robert walks in all smart with jacket and tie making Liv’s face immediately brighten. I look between them, waiting for an explanation, “I’m not here to cause trouble, Liv asked if I’d go with you.”

I turn to my sister making it obvious this is the first I’d heard, “What don’t you trust me?”

She’s staring at her feet, shifting uneasily; however, it’s Robert who answers my question much to her relief, “Liv thought I could help show how much effort she’s putting in outside of school and highlight the progress she’s made. I’m just a little closer to it with her doing her homework at mine.” I glower at him despite knowing he’s right. I switch my gaze between them whilst I’m deciding whether to go along with it, wondering if they had concocted this together or if it was just Liv’s idea. “It doesn’t hurt to push back on them as well you know.” I sigh and he knows they’ve won but I look at Liv; she knows we’ll be having a conversation about this later. I grab my car keys, “Actually I thought I’d drive.” Again I stop and stare, getting the feeling I’ve been well and truly shafted by them both tonight but I follow him out, too fed up to argue.

.

I knew Robert had more than one car, but this is the first time I’ve seen any of them other than the Land Rover that he usually drives. I’m not sure it’s the best idea showing up in this; but one, I want to see what it’s like and secondly it would stick two fingers up just slightly on Liv’s behalf. I trust Robert and he doesn’t exactly come across as the boy racer type, especially when he’s like this; this is about putting on a front and he’s good at it.

I can’t help smile, appreciating the R8 Coupé as we get in and Robert has a glint in his eyes seeing it. Maybe this was as much to make it easier between the two of us as to show the school that Liv has more than just me behind her. We don’t really talk on the drive there, in fact we don’t talk at all until we pull into the school car park and Robert looks at me cautiously, “So how do you want to play this?”

“In what way?”

“Well, I assume you don’t want them to think I’m your rich boy-toy or whatever so what am I?”

I scoff thinking no-one would ever put us together like that in their minds, we don’t give off that kind of vibe, “You tell me, this is your show remember, yours and Liv’s.”

Robert considers a moment noting and ignoring my irritation, “I’m a family friend, giving Liv tutoring, which anyway is the truth....., assuming we are still friends.” He sits peering over at me whilst I doggedly stare out of the window listening to his voice, soft and quietly confident, “Let me do most of the talking and Aaron, don’t let them wind you up; keep calm whether you agree with them or not and try not to look too nervous. We need to get them on-side and highlight to them where Liv is progressing and that we know the areas still to work on, which again also happens to be true.”

I nod silently and we get out of the car. I’m already starting to feel hot under the collar as we walk to the entrance. I just can’t work out if that’s because I’m with Robert who is looking very good, the other parents staring admiring both him and the car and probably wondering if we’re together or that I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the teachers about Liv. We’re definitely not giving off the vibe of being together, but all the same, I stick close to him, deep down I’m glad he’s here with me.

.

“Well that wasn’t too bad.” I gawk at Robert in amazement wondering if he’d sat in the same rooms as me, though I have to say on balance, it had gone better than I had expected. The long and short of it is that Liv is doing quite well in most subjects with her school work, but she’s easily bored in class and a disruptive influence causing chaos with an exceptional ability for backchat. Nothing I didn’t know but still I think I would have walked out after the first session if it hadn’t been for Robert. The one saving grace is the Head had agreed we’re going in the right direction and Liv isn’t being kicked out; I suppose that’s a result considering where we were at the end of the last school year.

I look around the school playground as we walk to the car, “I would kill for a fag round the back of the bike shed right now.”

Robert grins at me, “Do they still have bike sheds?”

“Probably.” Although I give him a hint of a smile I still need that cigarette, the whole evening was exhausting. I’d been doing really well lately and not had one for ages, but tonight was always going to get the better of me. Ignoring the no-smoking signs I light up and instantly feel the relief as we continue towards the car. I’m quiet; partly because I’m simply enjoying the cigarette and partly because I don’t really know what to say to him at the minute. I lean against the car when we reach it whilst Robert stands a little way away shuffling his feet; he keeps glancing over at me and I look across at him, “Thanks....., for tonight, I would have screwed it up and made it worse for her.”

“No you wouldn’t, you just aren’t used to the language they use and want to hear, I am.”

“Maybe, anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.”

“Don’t give her a hard time when you get back, focus on the positive and between us we’ll manage the rest.” He hesitates looking at me nervously, “Aaron are we still friends?”

I look at him and shrug my shoulders, “Kind of depends.”

“On what?”

“If you were just using me.”

“No. I wasn’t using you. I wasn’t sober either and I wasn’t thinking properly after everything at the farm earlier. That’s not an excuse Aaron, I encouraged you when I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry.”

“I could have stopped it, I knew you’d had too much and I still did it.”

“I’m not complaining, it was good, actually it was amazing.” I blush, embarrassed, “But I’m not into men, I never have been and I don’t think of you like that. It was....., I don’t know what it was, but I know I don’t want to lose you as a friend. Can we just put it behind us and go back to how it was before? I miss it.”

“I miss it too, but I do like you, you were right.” I look at him, “Robert I know you’re straight and I can live with that, I got over it with Adam so I’m sure I can get over it with you; but don’t ever use it against me for whatever screwed up reason like you did that night. It’s not fair and I’ve cried enough this year for a lifetime so I can’t cope with you playing games with me.”

“I won’t, I promise, you mean too much to me as a friend and I really need a friend right now.” My heart melts just a little seeing his apologetic face, the shy smile with the relief and he’s right he definitely needs a friend; I think I’m his only option other than Harriet.

“I never intended for any of it that night Aaron. Do you know what kicked it off at the farm?” I shake my head, “I was looking at photos on the dresser, that’s all it took for Andy to have a go. I’m not saying once he started I didn’t do my bit, I did. I pushed every button he had, it’s easy, but all he had to do was let me look at a few family photos on the dresser, get a glass of water and let me walk out. He didn’t and now he’s got to face the consequences of that. So you weren’t wrong Aaron, I know what’s inside me, just like you can’t always control the cutting, I can’t always control that part of me that can hurt people without batting an eyelid. I need help to keep it under control and I don’t have that anymore, she died.”

.

It goes quiet again until I finish the cigarette then flick the butt into the kerb, ignoring the look he gives me until it guilts me out making me go back to pick it up and put it in the bin. I’m shaking my head at him and we’re grinning at each other as we get into the car, with it both acknowledging that we’ve re-drawn the line. “So what you said was true then?”

“This stays between us, but yes by rights he should already be out of there. Apparently going way back when, there had been some bother in the family, not that that’s a surprise. Grandad didn’t want the farm to ever go out of the family, so he wrote in his will that the inheritance could only stand for as long as a Sugden or direct blood descendent of a Sugden is actually living on the land. There’s a provision for surviving wives to stay until they died, but then it reverts back to the bloodline; if this was ever broken then the farm is to go for auction and the proceeds to go to charity. He was of his generation, old fashioned and wanted to safeguard the future of the farm for the family and if no Sugden wanted it, then they wouldn’t get the money either. His will is binding down the generations; it’s solid, I had it checked out a long time ago. Uncle Joe had told me the story when I was little and I only have a copy because someone had attached it to my birth certificate. Dad probably thought no-one was left that knew anything about it anymore and I’m not sure he ever knew I had a copy.”

“That means if a Sugden doesn’t move there it goes up for sale?”

“Someone would have to trigger the action, so in theory, if no-one does then Andy could stay, but legally he has no right to.”

“So what now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want the farm and I never did, I don’t know about Vic, I need to talk to her.”

“No-one knew though except your dad and you never said anything.”

“Dad was still living and working at the farm up until earlier this the year; it was only when I came home I knew he’d moved out, I never really expected him to ever leave the farm. Vic’s never had an interest living there and Andy’s too stupid to check. Then I suppose I didn’t see the point stirring it, I thought hiding it was to Vic’s benefit assuming dad’s will leaves his estate jointly to her and Andy, at least then she could get something out of it financially, either Andy buy her out or if they ever sold up.”

“So what about them in all this, Andy and Katie I mean?”

“What about them?” I look at him, shocked how hard he can be sometimes, “Don’t look at me like that Aaron, you don’t know enough to judge me; I don’t care about them one way or the other. Like it or not, it’s out in the open now; it’s Vic’s decision so it’s up to her and Adam to decide. She doesn’t need to run it as a farm, there’s no condition on that, there just has to be a Sugden blood descendent living there.”

“What if they contest the will, I mean Jack would probably support them right?”

“I don’t know; they need to sort this between them and agree what they want. Dad should have tried talking to me instead of losing it and bashing at my door with a tyre iron. If they push it into the courts, then I’ll make sure they lose everything and they’ll be out on their ears. They could never afford to buy it and neither could dad, not even with Diane’s help; at auction I could outbid them and anyone else who would be interested if I wanted.”

He sounds so bitter talking about his dad. I hate my dad with every fibre of my being whereas Robert and Jack on the other hand just seem quite alike sometimes, stubborn and jump to hurt each other before thinking, but I let this go for now. “Have you talked to Vic?”

“No. she’s not picking up when I call her and she needs to calm down before I try going round there. I’ve no idea what dad’s told them. I was kind of hoping maybe you might help me.” I look at him out of the corner of my eye and raise my eyebrows not particularly wanting to put myself inside the Sugden feud, “She needs to know what’s in the will and understand what it all means. You know what she’s like, she’ll just take dad’s word for it and not get any proper advice; even if she did she can’t afford the kind of solicitors that I can and if I offered to help at the minute I’m not sure she’d accept it.” I look out of the window considering what he’d said, “You know I’m right Aaron.”

“Mmmh, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Robert starts the engine and we drive home pretty much in the same silence as we’d driven in on the way to the school, dropping me off at the pub where Liv is waiting on tenterhooks. I’m too drained to talk it through and just give her a hug, saying it was okay and that we’d go through it with Robert tomorrow. She looks at me like I was saving her from life imprisonment, I think she thought she was going to well and truly cop it. Well by the time me and Robert have done with her, she might wish she was in prison but she doesn’t need to know that tonight.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In England and Wales, breach of the peace is not an offence, so not punishable by fine or imprisonment; however, a person can be ‘bound over’ to keep the peace and if not done, this can then lead to fines and/or a custodial sentence.


	9. Glares and Stares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has another set-to with his dad and after talking with Vic decides he will leave Emmerdale for good.

Aaron, Monday 28th November 2016

“You can’t do that Aaron, that’s cheating.” Holding his arms out, Robert is staring at me incredulously.

Grinning back at him I counter, “I can absolutely do that and Robert Sugden you cannot say anything to anybody about cheating, I think you wrote the book.”

“That’s a cheek, how would you know? Anyway, how come you’re here with me instead of out with what’s his face?”

So now he’s just asking for it and I can't resist, “We broke up, so I’ve got nothing better to do on a Monday night than keep a sad, lonely old man company.”

“Hhmm, I’m not sad, I’m not lonely and I’m definitely not old; I’m quiet, I like my own space and I’m in my prime.” I pull a face that says I don’t agree which Robert simply ignores, “I thought you liked him?”

I shrug as I go pull out my darts from the board, “It wasn’t working out.”

Robert leans into me as I pass, his face all smug knowing he's right, “You mean Liv scared him off.”

He doesn’t miss much and I smile to myself, “Maybe, but I think she was doing me a favour, he was too clingy, not really my type.”

“Mmmh, if you say so. Okay, your turn, no cheating this time please.” Robert is watching me whilst sat with his orange juice which is all I see him drink these days. I’m doing my best not to laugh as he tries to put me off knowing he’s going to lose unless I make a hash of it.

Robert’s started coming back into the village more since we made up, some people just ignore him, others give him grief and some are fine. Also with the winter weather kicking in more, he’s been coming to the pub on the nights that he helps Liv because I wasn’t happy about her going through the woods or on the road as much in the dark. He comes over for when she gets in from school, so most weeks he’s here three nights with Liv. Secretly I kind of like it though Mum isn’t happy because then he ends up staying for tea with us but even she has to admit Liv is improving all the time; she’s listening more, we’ve got ground rules that’s she keeping to and with Robert she’s learning.

I wasn’t actually expecting to see him in the pub tonight, but he’d been in here talking tactics for the church meeting over a drink with Harriet and when she left we got talking, starting up a round of darts after betting he could beat me.

.

“Haha, you lose,” He’s smirking at me, having put me off enough that I messed up on the final throw giving him victory.

Glaring at him, I curse myself for letting him distract me, “Now who’s the cheat.”

“Awww, I’ll buy you a pint.” He looks at me like you would a baby, “Put a smile back on that choochie face.”

I shake my head at him, there’s no point saying anything because it will only make him worse and anyway he’d succeeded in getting me to smile already. I turn my head to the door after seeing Robert’s own smile falter and we watch his entire family walk in. Me and Diane are trying to not take sides, but we can’t ignore the charged atmosphere when Robert is in the same orbit as the rest of them, even with Vic it’s frosty though she’s agreed to talk to him later this week after Adam helped me talk her round.

There are glares and stares with Vic unusually quiet; it sounds like they have all been out for a meal together. Mum looks as concerned as I feel and I put myself in-between us and them just in case. Robert throws me a resigned look and goes to pick up his coat, “We won’t be having that re-match then; I should be getting on home anyway.” You could cut the atmosphere with a knife, the rest of the pub watching on to see if anything will kick off.

“What you not going to wish dear old dad happy birthday before you go?” I can hear Diane quietly cautioning Jack not to start anything, but they’ve had a bit to drink and with Jack that usually makes him more pig-headed than usual.

It’s clear Robert hadn’t remembered and he looks hesitant to say anything and in the end he doesn’t. He takes our glasses to the bar and says something to mum who passes him a shot of Jack’s favourite whiskey. Robert takes it over and puts it on their table, “Happy birthday dad.”

Jack looks at it and you can see him thinking about whether to accept it gracefully or not, either way he doesn’t touch it. Robert comes back to me ready to leave, “I’ll see you later okay.”

I nod and just as about it seems all will end well Jack comes over, putting the whiskey on the bar and leans into Robert, “You might need this more than me.”

Robert looks steadily at his dad, “Why would that be?”

Jack responds, his voice quietly taunting, “Didn’t you get the memo Robert? I have it on good advice it won’t hold up in court.”

“Do you now; well whoever gave the advice isn’t worth listening to, either that or you’re lying and you haven’t actually spoken to anyone. I’m not nineteen anymore dad, don’t think you can get one over on me with something like this. You talked to Vic yet, asked her what she wants or are you choosing Andy over her as well?” Jack went for Robert before anyone could react and it takes a few of us to pull them apart. I drag Robert into the back room whilst the others take Jack out the front with mum left telling Diane if they’re not careful both Jack and Robert will find themselves barred.

.

Robert’s eyes keep flitting to mine, apologetic whilst holding his head back until I can find him a tea-towel to stem the flow of blood from his nose, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, I can’t believe you didn’t remember it was your dad’s birthday, you must have known he’d likely be in tonight.”

“You know what, I had no idea it was dad’s birthday; I haven’t seen him for years so why would I? You’re practically my only friend here Aaron, I don’t know your birthday either.”

“Well you do now, 5th January, so I’ll be expecting cake, candles and a present.”

Robert manages a smile as I hand him the tea-towel, “Duly noted.”

He brings his head forward, the bleeding much less, “Do you want a lift home, might be safer than walking?”

“You’re over the limit.”

“I’ll walk with you then. I don’t want him coming for you with a tyre iron again. Liv got another A in her test, at this rate she’ll become star of the class, I need you alive.”

“Oh great, thanks, way to go friend.”

“Only one you got remember.”

“Mmmh, who needs enemies.”

“Especially when you have so many.”

“I can’t win.”

“Nope; only by cheating.”

“I did not cheat.”

“You cheated.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.” I laugh at him, “Come on, it’s getting late and some of us have to be up in the morning.”

“I’ll be fine Aaron; he’s got a short fuse that’s all, he’s not stupid enough to come after me. Thanks for the offer though….. and the tea-towel and sympathy.” I’m not convinced after the last time and we argue a little more about it until Robert eventually wins out.

.

Robert, Monday 28th November 2016

Getting home in one piece, I text Aaron as I’d promised him; it was the only way he’d agreed to let me leave on my own. However, I had walked home the road way instead of using the path through the woods just to be on the safe side. After a long shower I climb into bed feeling knackered like I do after every encounter with my family; it’s like they drain the life from me.

It was weird with Aaron after Bonfire Night until we had cleared the air. I had missed spending time with him but I hadn’t known what to do. I wasn’t sure why I had done what I had done; I’ve gone over it again and again in my head. Yes, I had been drunk, but that wasn’t the reason; drunk or sober I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. In the end I put it down to circumstances combined with the alcohol and being full of adrenaline after everything at the farm. I’d been missing Jess and being physically close to someone; he was just there pushing the right buttons. So I did take advantage of him, but I didn’t mean to. Although we’ve started spending time together again I always try to make sure that we are never alone; having other people around keeps it simple for both of us.

The problem since is when I’m alone, especially in bed at night like now, I find my mind wandering back to how it had felt and the desire he had stirred in me. I keep telling myself that it’s just because his mouth sucking me off had been so amazingly good and it’s purely a physical response to the memory, but how does that explain the feeling I have when I’m with him. Like tonight, the little smile he has, when he bites his lip and his eyes pierce into mine, crystal clear blue; like he can reach inside and touch that part of me that needs to be loved and wants to love back.

Being in the back room with him tonight was the first time we’ve been alone together since going to Liv’s school; he was stood so close to me when he was trying help stop my nose bleeding and all I could think about was it’s his smell and his touch, these are what I think about when I jerk off. It shouldn’t be a problem, it’s natural to think about something that was so pleasurable and use it when I need to get off; but it is a problem, because it means I’m not quite who I thought I was and I don’t know what to do about that.

.

Robert, Early December 2016

Aaron is laughing at me, amused at my expression, “Are you nervous?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Robert Sugden does not get nervous.”

“If you say so.”

“We could just go for a drink first though.”

“Nope.”

“I think we should, just a quick one.”

“No, I don’t have all day; you apparently don’t get nervous and anyway I’m quite sure an orange juice wouldn’t help much.”

“Okay. You go first.”

Aaron shakes his head at me smirking, “Robert Sugden, scared of his little sister. I’ll remind you of this one day.”

“You do that and I’ll just remind you that your little sister dictates who you go out with or not.” Aaron’s smile turns into a glare at this, “I know which I’d have.”

“Get your arse through that gate or I’ll make you and I’m better in a fight than either Andy or your dad, so you wouldn’t win.”

“Really, I’ll have you know I have a fair few moves.”

“If I were you, seeing how you want to come out of this still having a little sister I suggest you focus on that. Oh and you’re welcome by the way, you have no idea what I had to go through to get her to talk to you after the performance in the pub the other night.”

I pull a flirty smile, flutter my eyes lids and put on a girly voice, “Awww, you're just the best Aaron.” Aaron gives me a withering stare and I laugh, “Too much???”

Aaron stares at me, his arm gesturing in the direction of the cottage door, “In.”

“Yes sir.” Aaron couldn't quite hide the twitch of amusement in the corners of his mouth though and I smirk at him as we walk into the cottage.

.

Aaron has managed where I had failed in getting Vic to talk to me. She still hadn’t calmed down enough after the trouble with dad in the pub and at the minute according to her, this whole situation is all my doing. He pushes me into the living room; Adam is here which is a good thing and will hopefully give Vic a more neutral perspective from mine. There is no hello, not to me anyway and no offer of tea or cake which I’m quite disappointed at; Vic makes a mean banana loaf which I can smell wafting in from the kitchen. I get the look from Aaron warning me to behave myself; we had agreed I need to forget this is about family and treat it like I would if it were something to do with work. Maybe I should have called them in instead, briefed them and let them handle it, but that’s not really my style is it.

I explain to Vic the legal standing and my position, making it clear I don’t want the farm and I’ll back her in what she wants to do. Her response isn’t what I had expected and nor Adam by the look of it. Vic has no interest in the farm as it stands; that’s not a surprise, she never has had, but she has always wanted to run her own business and for the first time I realise this is why she’s not voiced an opinion. She doesn’t want to become part of the reason for the split in the family or to put herself first but at the end of the day she is a Sugden, it’s in our DNA.

.

“So let me get this straight; in your perfect world you’d turn the farm into a B&B offering deals giving cookery and baking courses, with a restaurant using eco-ingredients grown on the farm and you want to keep the livestock to help support all this as well as to attract families with kids who want to experience living down on the farm for a few days. You, who’ve never run a farm in your entire life and don’t know the first thing about gardening; that’s before we even get to the setting it all up and running your own business part. You don’t think small do you sis?”

Vic looks at me, cross with my negativity, “Adam knows how to run a farm and so do you, it wouldn’t be a farm like it is today and I can learn the gardening. We wouldn’t do it all at once, start out small and build it up as we go.”

“Okay, but for one. I have a job that I’m going back to and Adam has a business already with Aaron, he can’t do both; not to mention the small matter that you’d be in competition with the B&B that Diane and dad have now bought in to.”

“I had thought about putting some ideas to Diane and doing part of it together with their place. Look, you asked me what I wanted perfect world, well I’ve told. Anyway it doesn’t really matter does it; I still couldn’t afford it which is why I’ve not talked about it before. I’d have the farm but it would need a fortune spending on it to turn it into what it needs to make it work. It’s a pipe dream Robert, we’re better off forgetting this condition exists; Andy is our brother, just let him run the farm.”

“Adopted brother.”

“Well if you’re going to be like that, I’m only your half-sister.”

“You’re a Sugden Vic, he isn’t and he never will be.” I stop a moment seeing her face get annoyed with me, “So you haven’t talked to dad about any of this then, that you might actually want the farm?”

“No, there’s no point. You were right, dad hasn’t asked me what I want, he just assumes and he wouldn’t want to change it from how it is. He wouldn’t agree to it, so I’d have to wait until he’s gone anyway.”

“What’s in his will?”

“He hasn’t made one according to Diane.” This surprises me; I need to think about that. “I’m not going to go against him in court Robert.”

“What if I give you the money that you need?”

“Rob I’m not going up against him in court and that’s final; this family’s torn apart enough as it is.”

“Vic, I want you to understand, they can go to court but they won’t win even with dad’s support. The will is valid and it will hold up. The farm could be a home that’s yours even if you don’t run a business from there, it’s a home that would be yours and paid for. No mortgage, fresh air and space for when you have kids. Adam please talk some sense into her, you know this could be a good move for you both long term even forgetting all the business stuff.”

.

Aaron cuts in, “Put the idea of the business to Andy, do it together and let him be part of it.”

I look at him surprised he would even suggest that, “He’s never to going to agree to that and as much as they get on, I can’t see Vic and Andy running a business together. For a start Katie is using all the stabling for her business, you’d need that space to convert into accommodation.”

Adam says something for the first time, “Andy could still run the farm and Katie the stabling but live in the village; I can help out when I’m not working.”

I shake my head, “You could offer but I don’t see them wanting to do that either. Maybe if it was ten years ago but he sees it as his farm after all this time; I’m not sure he’d be willing to share and he’d have nothing from it at the end of the day.”

Aaron looks frustrated with my negativity, “Okay so let Andy stay, if no-one does anything then he just stays there and everyone’s happy if that’s what Vic wants.”

Getting up and leaning against the counter, Aaron recognises my growing irritation with him and the hard edge in my tone as I turn to Vic, “I don’t want him to have it.”

They all look at me and I see Vic is disappointed with me, “So why say it’s my choice?”

“It is. It doesn’t mean I have to like or agree with it; I don’t want him to have it, it’s as simple as that.”

“You have to give me a reason Robert; it’s not enough just because you don’t like him or because he ended up with Katie instead of you.”

“Oh for crying out loud I don’t want Katie. I moved on Vic, it’s nothing to do with Katie, I left and I have a new life.”

“Well I wouldn’t know about that because you don’t talk to me; you’re like a stranger to me. Andy’s been there through the years and so has Katie, they’re not perfect but neither are you. You were the one that cheated with Katie behind his back, it was your fault that he came for you and dad got shot; it was because you tried to get one up on everyone that Max died.”

This catches me off guard and I look steadily at my sister, “I didn’t think you knew about that?”

“I worked it out. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.”

“So give me a reason, a good reason. Why do you still hate Andy enough after all these years to kick him out?” I turn to look out of the window, “You can’t can you. You can’t give a real reason because you don’t have one; you’re just like him and dad, you can’t forgive and get on with things. I won’t have them lose everything just because you want to spite Andy and dad.”

I almost tell her why I feel like I do, but I don’t want to break her heart and I’m not sure she’d forgive me even though it’s the truth. This is one secret I'm certain she doesn't know and some secrets should never be told. She’s right I can’t forgive but I’m not going to put her in the same position as me, that’s not fair on her either, “Do what you want Vic. If you want the farm I’ll fund what you need to make the changes; you can either take it as a gift or pay me back whenever you can. If you want to let them run it as it is and live there that’s up-to you and I won’t take any action but I’ll not be happy about them keeping the farm. I was never intending staying here long term so once I’ve gone, I’ll never come back." 

I leave without saying another word and walk towards home; Aaron has to run to catch up with me after staying a minute or two longer than I had. We walk silently and I’m not actually taking any notice that he’s with me, too lost in my own thoughts and memories. This is the first time we’ve properly been alone together except for that few minutes at the pub on dad’s birthday and walking into Home Farm I know I shouldn’t be letting him in the house with me being all wound up like this inside, but I need to be near someone and I don’t want that to be anyone but Aaron.

.

Aaron watches me and I can see him wavering on whether to ask or just let it drop, “I don’t want to talk about it Aaron.”

“Okay, but you saying you wouldn’t come back, that’s like blackmail.”

“No it’s not, I’ve been away twelve years and I’ve always said I’m leaving, well I am. After the New Year in January, I’m going back to London and back to work.”

“I thought you were going to take twelve months.”

“I said a few months and that I didn’t really have any fixed plans. I might go travelling for a bit first but I won’t be staying in Emmerdale.”

Aaron clearly doesn’t believe me, “What about your family, the trees you planted; you didn’t mean it right that you’ll never come back to visit?”

“I don’t need trees or things to remember them by Aaron, they never leave me.” I put my hand on my heart and then touch the side of my head, “They’re in here and here, they are with me every minute of every single day so I can be anywhere in the world.”

“And Vic?”

“I’ll keep in touch if she’ll let me and we can meet up, but that doesn’t have to be here; same with us.”

“You didn't come back to just leave again like this. I think you're making a mistake.”

I shrug my shoulders, “Then it’s my mistake to make.” I go to the cupboard to see what I have in to make to eat, “I never got round to going shopping, so if you’re staying for food unless you want baked beans on toast, we either have to order in or go out. Not to the pub though, I’m not in the mood for the Woolpack.” Struck with a mischievous thought, I look at Aaron, “We could go try the B&B, see if my dad’s learnt how to lay a table.”

“Ha ha, I don’t fancy spending the night in the police station giving a witness statement to murder thank you very much.”

“Really, I’m curious; would that be my murder or my dad’s?” Aaron doesn’t respond and just shakes his head, quietly laughing at me as he pulls the takeaway menus out of the drawer. He picks the one for the Indian and orders without needing to ask me what I want whilst I pass him a beer out of the fridge.

TBC


	10. Fairy Lights, Angels And The Three Wise Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert increasingly struggles the closer it gets to the year anniversary of the accident killing his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the warm comments, hope you are enjoying something a little more sedate. Wow chapter 10 and I've managed to avoid the dark side, who knew that was possible. I suppose there is time, my mind does keep wandering and I have to bring it back on track sometimes, but so good so far.  
> Enjoy....., take care  
> Caro

Aaron, Mid December 2016

Vic has been in a funny mood since talking with Robert and despite what she’d said, I know from Adam they’ve been discussing it more; she’s torn between her own dreams and keeping the peace, though he said she's given up on Robert ever being a part of the family. Vic knows if Robert has offered that he has the money she would need but she’s frustrated with him because he won’t open up to her about his life and he won’t give her a good enough reason why he is dead set against Andy staying on the farm. I’ve told Adam that I could buy him out of his share of the scrapyard if she didn't want to take Robert's money but this wouldn’t come anywhere near to what they’d need; Andy only keeps his head above water with everything because the stabling and Katie giving riding lessons does quite well. However, the real problem now isn't money, it's the Sugdens themselves. Adam wants to talk to Andy to see what he would consider but Vic won't entertain the idea. Jack hasn’t done anything about trying to overturn the conditions of the will yet; it looks like they are waiting for Robert to make the first move and force it.

Robert’s mood is also subtly shifting but I think that has more to do with Christmas being around the corner; it’s everywhere you look and then all the talk about Christmas presents and who’s doing what, going where. The only person who doesn’t talk about Christmas is Robert. I can’t begin to imagine what he’s feeling and he doesn’t open up about it. He mentioned going away on holiday, Liv will be visiting Sandra so she doesn’t need him and he has nowhere to go for Christmas day with his own family, but I don’t think he’s looked at booking anything yet. I invited him to ours for Christmas dinner but he said no and he wouldn't be persuaded.

.

I’d arranged to meet Robert in the pub without knowing Katie would be in. She's chatting to mum at the other end of the bar, having started talking about Christmas presents for Sarah and Jack when Robert walks in, but he just blanks them as he comes over. He hasn’t really seen his nephew and niece much since coming home but I suppose that’s unsurprising considering how things are with Andy. I know that Andy and Katie split for a while a long time ago and Andy had a thing with Debbie getting her pregnant with Sarah; she even lived with Andy and Katie when they got back together but eventually went to live with her mum. Then they had Jack together because they needed a bone marrow match to transplant the cells to Sarah. It’s all a bit of an odd set up, but it works in a screwed up kind of way. I can’t imagine that Debbie was going to run away with Robert taking Sarah with them at one point, I wonder what would have happened if she had. Would we even be stood together here today? I find it hard to picture what he was like back then.

“Penny for them.”

“What?”

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Try me.”

“I was wondering whether we’d be here now if you’d run off with Debbie all those years ago.”

Robert screws up his face, “You’re right, I don’t want to know.”

Seeing his expression I change the subject, “Paddy’s coming home.”

“Yeah, I remember him; he was always a bit off with me.”

“Mmmh, must be immune to that wily Sugden charm you all have.” Robert looks at me poker-faced, not reacting as I continue, “He’s been a good dad to me; as far as I’m concerned he is my dad.” This makes Robert’s eyes soften, I know he just thinks of Paddy as the bumbling vet, but to me he was my lifeline for a long time; I definitely wouldn’t be stood here if it wasn’t for him.

“He moving in with Rhona and Leo or somewhere else?”

“Not sure, I think he might come live here. That reminds me, I have to get Leo a present, I have no idea what to get.”

“We could go somewhere, take him out.” Robert shrugs, “I was thinking as I’m probably not going to be around actually at Christmas that I’d take you and Liv out before she leaves, treat you; he could come with us.” I’m not quite sure what to say and he sees my hesitation, “It was only a thought.”

“No, it’s a good idea, I just wasn’t....., sorry; I just wasn’t expecting you to want to be around kids too much.”

“Can’t avoid them really,” He smiles, but his eyes belie their sadness.

.

Mum and Katie keep staring in our direction, if looks could kill Robert would be dead by now. Katie has never quite got over the fact Robert called her a bitch in front of everyone and then there’s all the stuff going on with the farm. Mum being so close to her was always going to take sides with Katie against Robert and is why she’s never really softened towards him despite all the time he spends with Liv and that we’re friends.

They must have been earwigging as Katie offers me her idea of good advice, “You’d best keep an eye watching out the back of your head Aaron because Robert wouldn’t have the first clue what to do with a child, never mind one with downs. As you've probably gathered, Robert Sugden doesn't do family although it’s a safe bet he’s got kids all over England the way he slept around, probably still does.”

Robert tenses immediately and I can feel the anger in him; it’s scary sometimes how he can change when you flip the right switch, “I see you and Andy never had any of your own so you’re hardly one to talk or can’t you have any now?” He moves towards her and I go with him, putting a hand on his arm to make sure he doesn’t do something he might regret. The vehemence in his voice takes even mum by surprise, he’s practically spitting at Katie, “Let’s face it, even if you could, you’d be a poor example of a mother for any child. You were only just fifteen when you got up the duff; couldn’t keep your knickers on even at that young age.”

Katie looks like she’s going to fly at him and I pull him away whilst mum stops Katie. Robert doesn’t fight me; he’s actually picked up his coat and is out of the door at warp speed, leaving me to catch him up. I can see just how much Katie had hurt him, but it was clear by Katie’s reaction that he had hurt her just as much back. There’s so much history between them all, I don’t even know the half of it.

Robert throws me the keys, “You drive.”

“I’ve had a pint.”

“Just drive Aaron, please.” I leave him be until we get into Home Farm by which time he’s calmed down but he’s on the edge and I push, I push knowing he needs to talk.

.

“You should tell them Robert; you should tell them about your family.”

“Why? It wouldn’t change anything, they’d just taint it and I won’t allow that.”

“I didn’t know that about Katie.”

“It was Andy’s; they were just kids themselves. Katie had a miscarriage.”

“Maybe she didn't want any after that or maybe like you said she can’t. I always wondered why they never had any of their own.”

“I don’t know and I don’t care; it was a stupid idea to take Leo out, just forget it.”

I put my arm on Robert’s, Katie had touched a raw nerve, an emotion he’s been struggling to hold down for quite a while now and he's hurting inside a lot more than he'll admit. He’s close to tears as I move to stand in front of him, my hand cupping around the back of his neck, “It’s going to be hard sometimes Robert, don’t bottle it up, you know you can talk to me about them; you don’t have to do this all by yourself.”

“I know, but you have enough on with your own stuff, you don’t need mine on top if it.”

“That’s what friends are for right.”

A tear falls and it's almost like Robert is accepting defeat as he clings onto me and cries; he cries as hard as that time back in the summer when he first told me. With his face buried into my neck, my hand strokes through his hair to try and console him, holding him tight as he sobs. Our bodies are slightly rocking and like with an infant the movement is helping to calm him so that gradually I feel his tension start to ebb away. There are no words still, just silence other than the occasional huff escaping until eventually he raises his head and looks at me, his eyes red from all the tears. He rests his forehead against mine and I can feel his breath as he speaks, his voice soft and full of raw emotion, “Thank you, you’d think by now I would be past all the tears.”

“It doesn’t work like that; it can catch you when you least expect it." Robert pulls away, getting some kitchen roll to wipe away the last of his tears and sniffles then goes to get a glass of water, gesturing to me if I want one but I shake my head. “I haven’t spent nearly enough time with Leo, I think it’s a good idea to do something, take him out with Liv; it'll be fun with all of us together.”

“You sure?”

I nod, “We won’t go if you don’t come.”

He doesn’t argue and manages a weak smile, “Okay, you decide where though.”

“Deal.”

.

Robert is standing by the breakfast bar, he downs the last of his water and then rests his hands on the wooden surface, “I sorted through all of Jess’ stuff last week.” I didn’t know this; he’d never even mentioned it and I wonder if that’s what’s made him so much more emotional on top of everything else. “It felt time. Anyway I’ve boxed and marked everything up, a bit like we did before. They’re all in the dining room; can you take them for me?”

“You know I will.” I watch him as he potters around the kitchen.

“Did I tell you I got invited by some friends back in the US to go for Christmas?”

“No, you going to go?”

Robert shrugs, “Don’t know; flights are expensive now.”

“Why not go, you said you wanted to get away for a bit.” I can’t work his expression out, it’s almost like he wants me to give him an excuse not to go, “They all families or something and you don’t want to be around them because of that?”

He laughs a little, “No, strangely the opposite, most of them are still too busy enjoying themselves, not ready to be tied down with kids yet. It would have been just what I wanted before I met Jess but I’m not that person anymore; I don’t want to go from party to party talking to a bunch of people I don’t care about. It’s not as though I can drink myself into oblivion to forget everything like I used to do and I don’t want to wake up in a stranger's bed or even worse with someone I know, just because they happen to be there.”

I go across to him, my hand rests on his lower back without me even thinking about it, “Stay here; stay in Emmerdale.” Our eyes connect and there’s a distinct tension between us, “Stay here with me.” There is something there; for the first time I see it in his eyes and a kind of spine tingling sensation flows through me as he rests his chin on my shoulder and closes his eyes. We hold still like this and I tell myself I’m imagining it, there's no way he feels the same as me; he’s just lonely, missing Jess and the kids.

“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes, our family is here, your family is here and I’m not talking about your dad and Andy, I mean….”

He lifts his head up from my shoulder and his fingers brush softly against my lips, “Sshhhh. I know who you mean.” As I pull him round to face me he bows his head, resting it against me and I wrap my arms around it, like a cocoon, protective. I'm not used to Robert being so visibly emotional and we feel closer than ever as we stay like this until he lifts himself back upright, takes a moment to compose himself and then goes to put the kettle on. He looks at me quietly before speaking, “Okay I'll stay, but I’m still not coming for Christmas dinner.”

The moment has passed and I push down my disappointment; I know I have to accept that there’s never going to be anything other than a very close friendship between us, “The offer's there, if not I’ll bring you some turkey over later; we can have sandwiches and watch a movie or something.”

“I’d like that.”

.

Aaron, Christmas Eve 2016

Walking through the door at Home Farm, I’m feeling jealous of the quiet tranquillity compared to the madhouse that is the Woolpack and that's even after Liv has now gone to Dublin, “Thanks for letting me come round; I so need my own house.” Robert laughs at me as I collapse on the sofa, “Don’t look at me like that, I know, I could if I wanted.”

Robert holds his hand up in mock self-defence, “I never said a word.”

“You didn’t need to.”

“I can’t do right for wrong.”

“Course not, you’re a Sugden.” I look at him curiously, “Do they really call you Jacob at work?”

“Yeah, that or Jake.”

“Is that not weird then being here and like I call you Robert or Rob?”

“Not really, Jess used to call me Rob, the people at work I’ve known the longest call me Suggers. I don’t think about it; I’ll answer to anything.”

“Oh really, I’ll remember that.” Robert hits me playfully, but hard enough to make me say ‘ouch’ and I get my own back before going into the kitchen, “Can I have a beer?”

“Bring me one too.”

.

Returning I hand him his bottle and we sit back on the sofa, defaulting to our usual places at each end facing opposite each other, feet up. Although there are two sofas we always end up on this one, it’s a better angle for watching the TV and we just seem to naturally always sit like this. “So I bet Chas wasn’t too happy when you said you were going out?”

“She was okay.” I grin at him, “I didn’t tell her where I was going, just said out.”

“She probably thinks you have a man that you’re sneaking off to see.”

“Maybe, but you’d better watch out she doesn’t think it’s you or neither of us will make it to New Year alive.” I realise what I've just said as I see Robert’s face fall, “Sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t….,”

He recovers quickly. “It’s okay.” I look at him not so sure, “It’s okay Aaron, I know what you meant. I can’t go through life being touchy every time something like that reminds me.”

“You’re not and I should have thought more before opening my mouth.” I hesitate, “Can I ask you something about them?”

“If you want.”

“What would you normally have done for Christmas?”

“We’d go away, not all the time, but most years. Jess hated Christmas, but loved New Year. I was kind of the other way around, but I didn’t really mind as long as we were all together and the kids were still young enough to be happy whatever. It never felt quite right though, being somewhere warm for Christmas, must be the Yorkshire in me; I missed the cold mornings where Jess liked to be somewhere warm during the holidays.”

“Any reason she didn’t like Christmas?”

“No not really, I think she never really enjoyed it when she was growing up, but she never said anything bad either, I think mostly she was fed up of it by the time it arrived. Jess preferred Thanksgiving and New Year where I always liked Christmas, doing the tree, all the decorations and stuff with it; we were just different on that.”

I look around, “You didn’t go big on Christmas this year I see. Not a pine needle or wise man in sight.”

Catching the tone in my voice on that last part I get a half smile, “No point is there when it’s just me.”

“Stay right there.” I get up to go out and then change my mind realising I will need help; going over to him I take his beer, put it on the floor and pull him by his hands up off the sofa, “On second thought, come with me Mr Sugden.”

Robert is laughing at me bemused, wondering what I’m up to. We go up into the attic where I start to hunt around for the boxes I’d seen earlier in the year and he has finally cottoned onto what I am looking for. Boxes located, I hand him the biggest one, “You take this and I’ll bring the rest; don’t drop it Sugden.”

“Yes sir. Who put you in charge?”

“You did.”

“When did I do that?”

“You said I was responsible for the evening’s entertainment did you not?”

“Errr, yep, but I was thinking more a film and pizza.”

“We can do that anytime, this is Christmas and you said you like Christmas, well I like Christmas too.”

“Aww, Aaron Livesy; who’d have known.”

.

Boxes downstairs and unpacked, we are surrounded by baubles, trimmings and the pieces of a decent size artificial tree scattered around us. It takes us a few hours, but by the time we’ve done the living room has been turned into our own idea of Christmas. We have to be a little inventive with some of the trimmings because there is still no other furniture in here which kind of limits where we can put things. Robert does the tree and I get annoyed with the second lot of fairy lights where a bulb has gone and I can’t find the culprit to change out, so Robert takes over because he has more patience with it than me and I finish the tree. There's a set of lights on the tree and we loop one set around the chain of the chandelier, fixing the wires to the ceiling so the lights create a pattern above us and then the third set is over the fireplace.

“You do the honours.”

“No you.”

“Robert I’m not going to argue with you who’s going to switch the lights off.”

“We’ll do it together.”

I have to laugh at him as he grabs my hand and we switch off all the normal lights leaving us standing in our own Christmas wonderland, “Merry Christmas Robert Sugden.” He grins at me with his hand on my shoulder for a minute as we look around us at our creation before we then wander round the room finishing off the rest of the decorations, kicking all the empty boxes and mess into the dining room out of the way. I have a feeling we won’t get to tidying that up until we pack up everything, but who cares, there’s only ever us in the house.

When everything’s done, we crash onto sofa with our beers, clink the top of the bottles sit back and take a drink, both contented with our lot for the night. The room looks amazing and Robert looks the most relaxed I’ve seen him for ages; we’d had simple fun with it all, like two kids having their first Christmas ever.

.

Robert, Christmas Eve 2016

We’re just sat enjoying the quiet, not saying much; we’re both tired and I catch Aaron looking at the time on his phone, it’s almost midnight. I think we’ve both been dozing but neither of us seemed to want to move, too comfy and too lazy to move. Aaron yawns, stretches and then turns over onto his front lying face down on the sofa. Probably intentionally, his bare foot is gently hitting me in my face until I push it down to the side which makes him turn his head round looking back at me, quietly laughing. He yawns again, “Stay here, it’s too late to go back to the pub now.” He nods tiredly and I suddenly realise I still only have the one bed, I was never expecting to have guests, “You can bunk in with me if you prefer a bed or kip down here; sorry, still not got round to buying more furniture.”

He considers for a moment and then catches me unaware, pushing me off the sofa onto the floor where I land with a yelp so he can have it all to himself, “I’m good here. It’s as comfy as bed....., and I have fairy lights, angels and the three wise men to watch over me.”

“I think you’ve had a beer too many.” I get up grinning at him and resist getting my own back, he’ll keep.

“No. Just settled where I am.”

I pass him the snuggle blanket that lives in here and with a mischievous glint in my eye I throw an extra cushion at his head which he fumbles to catch much to my amusement, “Right, I’ll see you in the morning.”

"Night night."

"Aaron....."

"Mmmh?"

"Thank you for tonight."

"Mmmh," I smile seeing his eyelids already closing, take our empty bottles and glasses into the kitchen and then wander upstairs to my bed.

.

I look at the clock feeling frustrated. I’d gone to sleep almost immediately after coming upstairs, but I woke up around two unable to drop off since, instead getting increasingly restless and agitated. I can’t stop the thoughts of where I was and what we were doing this time last year; the kids used to get so excited and would always be up early to open their presents, they’d have loved what we did tonight. My mind keeps wandering to Aaron downstairs. I smile sadly; we’d had a good night, not exactly the Christmas Eve you’d ever expect us to have, but strangely it had been what I needed, for Aaron too I think. It took my mind off everything, just for a while, but now in the quiet unable to sleep, I can’t find any peace.

In the end I give up trying to sleep and go downstairs for a drink. I sneak a peek at Aaron sleeping away in the living room. We’d left all the fairy lights on, he looks so cute and angelic with his hands tucked in, peaceful; I wonder if he still has nightmares about his dad. I look around thinking I have no idea when the last time these lights were used and although I’m not planning on staying here I don’t fancy it burning down taking us with it so I go switch them all off.

In doing this I stub my toe on the coffee table making my eyes water from the pain whilst I curse to myself not even able to hobble anywhere. The stupid coffee table is the nearest thing to me and I have no choice but to sit down on it until the pain has gone enough that I can stand back up. It's a miracle Aaron hasn't woken when I glance at him to check, but he hasn’t stirred at all despite me making such a racket. I smile at him, I think Aaron could sleep anywhere, he just puts his head down and that’s it, he’s off; I don’t think we’ve ever managed to watch a film through where he didn’t doze off and Liv says he does it all the time at home.

Finally ready to try standing, I get up and tentatively try to walk; it's painful and I stop to perch on the arm of the sofa. It’s not a conscious decision when I slide onto the sofa behind Aaron; I just know I don’t want to be on my own tonight. I hold still thinking I’ve disturbed him enough to wake him up, but he just shifts a little, adapting to my being beside him and carries on sleeping. My face is inches from the back of Aaron’s neck; just smelling his scent relaxes me and I fall asleep almost instantly comforted simply by being near to him. He might have fairy lights, angels and the three wise men to watch over him, but I have Aaron.

TBC


	11. A New Year And A New Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite having made the decision to leave Emmerdale, Robert looks for a way to separate out the feelings he has for Aaron to work out what he truly wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted earlier than planned...... don't say I never treat you.....

Robert, Christmas Day 2016

A shaking on my shoulder wakes me; I half sit up startled at the bright light shining through the windows and that I'm not in my own bed. It takes me a second or two to work it out until I see Aaron staring at me; he’s awake already and has seemingly been watching me. Seeing my confusion and that I’m about to panic he quickly rests his hand on my arm to calm me. “It’s okay, I woke you; you were calling out for Chloe and Harry.”

I lie back down, ignoring the fact that I’m lying against him and our legs are intertwined; I start to remember not being able to sleep and coming downstairs, “I couldn’t sleep last night, I needed....., sorry.....,” I turn my head to look at him, his eyes are searching mine and he can see I'm struggling. I don’t really know what to say and I stop trying to find the right words, instead turning my head to stare up at the ceiling, "I didn’t know I talk in my sleep.”

“You weren’t really talking, just saying their names. It’s okay Robert, I get it.” It’s awkward and I’m not so sure it is okay but I don’t move either and Aaron makes me feel a little better about it, bridging the silence his eyes sparkling in the bright light from the sunshine and a hint of mischief, “See I told you it’s as comfy as a bed.”

I smile back grateful he’s not making a big thing of it that I slept with him half the night and my eyes wander around the room, ”Well we definitely gave the room a Christmas feel.”

Aaron smirks, “I know, a bit over the top maybe?”

I shake my head, surveying our efforts, “No. I like it; I might let you do all the taking down though.” Aaron digs into my side playfully indicating I might not get out of that so easily. I run my hand through my hair and realise I don’t have my watch on, “What time is it?”

“Going up to eleven.”

“Really, I never sleep that long normally.” I move to sit up feeling anxious about this all of a sudden but Aaron again gently puts a calming hand on my chest, making me settle back down. I’m not dealing too well with the fact we’ve woken up together but then on the other hand it feels bizarrely comfortable, almost talking as if this were normal or like we’re just having any old conversation at the kitchen table when we both know it’s not. I decide to try not to read too much into it, I’m all over the place with it being Christmas. It’s almost a year since the accident and I can’t stop the memories flooding back, reminding me of what I’ve lost and sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it. I think if I’m honest being with Aaron last night and here with me now is all that’s stopping me from falling apart.

“I texted mum that you’re coming for Christmas dinner.”

This gets my attention and not particularly in a good way, “I’ll bet that went down like a lead balloon.”

“I told her it wasn’t a discussion and I didn’t want you to spend Christmas day here all on your own, she didn’t text back afterwards, so I took that as an okay.”

“That’s brave of you.”

“I’ll send you in first, just in case.”

“I don’t think so; you’re the one who’s good in a fight, that’s what you told me.”

He smirks at me, “I did, didn’t I.”

“I’ll make coffee and then go for a shower, you want one here or wait until you get home?”

“I’ll wait until we get home.”

“Okay,” I get up and go sort the coffee, it’s only on the way into the shower did I realise he’d said ‘we’.

.

Aaron did send me into the pub first and then laughs at me for bricking it only for once we’ve got through the back door to tell me that no-one is in. The pub closed at two and Chas has already gone up-to Lisa's, just a minor detail he hadn’t bothered to mention. He ignored my gawky stare, smirking at me as he went up for a shower. I contemplate legging it, god knows what he’s thinking, but I’m actually quite hungry and it would be like I’m chickening out now if I don’t turn up; I wouldn’t give them all the satisfaction. Aaron can be sneaky sometimes; I think he was banking on this being my reaction.

I stick really close to him when we get to the Dingles and he senses my apprehension, it feels like he’s shielding me a little when we walk through the door, but he looks at me, smiles and I don’t think about it after that. He’s right when he had said going to the Dingles would be a Christmas experience to remember. I don’t think I’ve quite had a day like it, but I’m distracted from thinking about my own families and they leave me alone for the most part; they seem to realise that our friendship means a lot to Aaron and for that I get a free pass, just for today at least. It’s quite late when we leave, the rain drizzling a little as I drive Aaron back to the pub and after pulling up in the car park Aaron doesn’t move straight away to get out, “Wasn’t too bad then?”

I smile tiredly, “I’ve no bruises, you’re still smiling and yes it was okay. I’ve had worse Christmas Days over the years.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment on behalf of the Dingles.” He looks across at me, “You want to come in, a quiet drink or whatever?”

I shake my head, “No, thanks. I’m tired but I'm going to go and see the family for a bit, tell them about our day.”

“I thought you might.”

“Does that sound weird that I want to do that?”

“Nope, I used to go talk to Jackson all the time; I even slept at his grave a few times, I missed him.”

“It’s too cold and wet to sleep out, but a sit and a chat would be nice.”

Aaron gets out of the car, “I’ll see you later okay; call if you need me.”

I nod, “I will.” He closes the door and I put the window down, “Aaron,” He stops and looks back at me, “Thanks for yesterday and today; seriously it was good to have people around....., you know.”

He nods and smiles at me, “Say hi to the family for me.” I watch him turn and go into the pub then drive out of the car park to the church where I make my way over to the trees we’d planted. I tell the kids how they would have laughed seeing me and Aaron mess around with the decorations, we were worse than they would ever have been and in my head I could see Jess smiling at us. She might not have been a fan of Christmas, but I’d like to think she would have been amused at watching us mess around like we did.

.

Aaron, New Year’s Eve 2016

I haven’t really seen Robert this week except for briefly on Wednesday, but I haven’t seen him since. He was quieter than usual and his head was definitely somewhere else the whole time and we didn’t bring up Christmas Eve at all. I wonder what he said to Jess and his children; we’d had fun, but it was more, much more. Although I’ve sensed a shift in him and the closeness between us has felt distinctly more intimate, I wasn’t sure how to react after waking up needing the loo, to find him wrapped around me; whether I should just go home, sleep on the other sofa or just lie back down with Robert. I didn’t want to go home though, I wanted to wake up in his arms, I wanted to sleep with him. I haven’t pushed him to talk because I realise I'm not actually sure just when the accident was and I don’t feel right googling or asking him, like it would be intruding too much. Despite his fragile emotional state and the timing, it's feeling increasingly like he wants more from me than friendship; I think he just doesn't know it yet.

I’d invited him to the pub for tonight, but he texted back that he won’t be coming. Mum looks relieved when I mention it, at least she doesn’t have to worry about the Sugdens causing a to-do, “I don’t know why you spend so much time with him, you know he’s trouble.”

“No more trouble than some others around.”

“Maybe not, but you’ve seen how the Sugden family has been torn apart since he came back. I just don’t get why you want to hang around him so much. You don’t fancy him do you?”

“No. He helped me with something and I don’t mean Liv. He was there for me on something important and anyway, it’s not his fault his dad lied." Mum hasn’t said but I reckon Katie has told her everything. “I don’t understand why Robert should cop the blame for that.”

“All I’m saying is that life was quieter when he wasn’t around.”

“Not with Liv it wasn’t, she’s a different person to earlier in the year.”

“That’s because she’s settled here with us now.”

“You know it’s more than that, he’s done his part whether you like it or not.”

“Well, he’s not coming so, you’ll just have to make do and have some fun with the rest of us. You mind getting those crates up for us would you love?”

I smile at her, “As long as you promise to have a pint waiting for me when I’ve done.”

Mum comes and puts her hands on my face and kisses me, “I’m proud of you.”

I blush, feeling embarrassed, “I haven’t done anything.”

Mum lets go and carries on with her jobs, switching the subject, “You never did tell me what you did with all the money from your dad after you decided to take it.”

“You don’t need to know. I was never going to put it into this place, you knew that.”

“I know. I just want you to be happy and as long as Mr or Mrs Silent stay that way it'll be fine.”

“I’m good.” I look at my phone as I head to the cellar to see if Robert has texted but he hasn’t and I hope he’s okay. I’ve said to myself that I’ll go see him tomorrow. I can’t help thinking what she’d say if she knew exactly who Mr Silent was, but Robert doesn’t want her to know and he doesn’t want to get involved, so it doesn’t really matter.

.

Robert, New Years Eve 2016 / New Years Day 2017

“You always said I could be unpredictable Jess but I don't think even you would have imagined this, anyway I'm leaving whatever so it doesn't matter and you don't need to worry about me. I might not come back to visit, but I'll be thinking about you all just the same.” I pull my wedding ring out of my pocket and stare at it, twisting and turning it before pushing it all the way onto my wedding finger, remembering what it used to feel like wearing it. I had taken it off not long after the accident, more than anything at the time to make it easier. At home and work it was a reminder, I could see the way people looked at me and I didn’t want their pity; then when I was travelling it was something for people to latch onto and make small talk about, asking questions that I couldn’t cope with.

Instead it goes everywhere with me, in my pocket. Sometimes I find myself playing with it in my fingers when I'm feeling down, just touching it helped. I wipe away a tear, it’s been hard all this week, every day a day closer to one of the worst days of my life and now it’s here. This time last year I was being told my family were dead. I look at my watch, I hadn’t realised the time had got so late, it’s almost the New Year.

I take a final look at the ring on my hand and pull out another box. Only Aaron knows that I’m leaving so soon and I don’t think he really took me seriously when I told him at the beginning of December but I’d meant it; in just a few days I’ll be leaving Emmerdale for good. I've already made arrangements for the house to go on the market; a new year and a new start, go back to London and focus on work, see how it goes. That’s the plan and is what had prompted me to sort through Jess’ things when I had gone looking for her rings. A new start means I have to be ready to let go completely and I am ready; I’ve made it this far and they say time makes everything easier. Well, I’ll find out.

Picking up the trowel I’d brought with me I dig a hole as close to the roots of the Walnut tree, as deep as I can in the hope that no animals will go digging and find them. I place in my wedding ring and then both Jess’ rings; I tell her how much I love her and then fill the earth back into the hole pressing it down with my foot when I’ve finished. A final I love you for Jess and I leave a kiss with my fingers on the two trees for Chloe and Harry together with a silent I love you for each of them and then I make my way back to the car.

.

It’s only once I’m back sitting in the car and hearing the sound on the roof that I notice the rain had started to fall steadily. I don’t start the engine straight away; just sit quietly thinking about the choices I’ve made over the years. I never trusted myself to come home to Emmerdale sooner and now I know why, I have a habit of fucking everything up when I’m here. It’s the one thing I agree with dad on, I should stay away and never come back.

The one person I’m going to miss the most is Aaron. I’ve felt the closeness between us grow, the friendship and bond we share becoming deeper and more meaningful. We’ve never mentioned Bonfire Night again and Aaron true to his word has never been anything other than like a really close friend, but he can’t have missed the change in me. I’ve leaned on him a lot not to mention being emotionally and physically close with him when I've needed someone to be there, but it's not just someone, it's Aaron I've wanted to be close to. Thankfully I think he’s putting it down to it being the time of year and that it’s a year ago almost since the accident but he’s part of the reason I’m leaving. Liv is on a good way now and Aaron deserves a chance to be happy, I’m just making that more difficult by staying.

He must know I’m thinking about him because just as I’m about to set off, my phone lights up with him wishing me a Happy New Year; I’ll text him back when I get home. The roads are quiet, I should be home in no time, but halfway there I pull into a layby and switch the engine off. I’ve always lived by the seat of my emotions, instinct which has got me into trouble more times than I care to mention, but that has also given me some of the best times in my life and just now I’ve never felt more conflicted about how I feel or what I want. With everything that’s going on I don’t know what to trust anymore; I'd asked Jess what she thought but for once I don't know what she'd say. My head tells me I just need to leave and go back to work, I have a life to go to and I could never be in love with a man, it’s just everything messing with my wiring; so why is my heart telling me different. I turn the engine back on and drive.

.

It’s raining when I get out of the car and I stand looking up at Aaron’s window, I shouldn’t be here; I can hear the noise from inside the pub and I know I should leave. It’s going up-to one and after that I’m sure they’ll have a lock-in for the favoured few, same as every year. I keep telling myself I should go home but I don’t want to; I don’t want to be alone tonight. I must have been stood there for ages, stuck; I don’t remember texting Aaron or when he comes to get me, ushering me upstairs into his room. It’s only when I catch a glimpse of myself in his mirror that I realise how bedraggled I look, my hair all wet from the rain, water dripping down my face and my jeans wet and muddy from earlier.

“Here, sit down; I’ll get you something warm to drink.”

I nod silently, not quite sure what to do with myself, I can’t sit on his bed without getting it covered in muck. When he comes back with my drink, he’s brought a towel for me. I take my coat off and go through the motions of drying my hair and then I sit on the towel. My face now dry, I can feel my tears tumbling down my cheeks, I’m confused and everything feels too much to deal with right now, I’m too tired; all I know is I just need to be with Aaron and that he’ll make everything feel as though it’s going to be okay. Aaron sits on the bed next to me looking unsure what to do and for the first time I look at him, “Can I sleep with you, just sleep?”

He nods, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head, “Not tonight.” I feel completely exhausted, “I need to check my levels, I haven’t eaten properly today.” It takes Aaron a minute to realise what I mean. He helps pull me out of my jumper, watching as I check my blood sugar levels and then injecting with my insulin pen. I stand up to take my jeans off and we get into bed; as soon as we are under the duvet I curl up against him. He doesn’t push me away, instead wrapping his arm around me and I feel an occasional squeeze from it as I let out of sob or brush away a tear, they don’t seem to want to quite stop completely. It takes a while, but lying half over him with my head resting on his chest, I eventually fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat.

.

The same as the week before, I wake up with a start, the unfamiliar surroundings of Aaron’s room making me anxious. I'm hugged tightly around him, I don’t think I let go of him all night. It’s only six when I look at the clock and he’s still asleep. I rest my head down, extract myself from his body and after turning onto my side with my back to him, I close my eyes and go to sleep once more.

Waking up later, I realise I’d drifted back to Aaron again and had curled myself around him once more. I rub my face against his shoulder blade, smiling to myself ruefully, that even when I try and put some distance between us, I still manage to end up close to him. I can feel him start to stir with my movement and he pulls away from me, turning onto his front, but his face is turned towards me as he pushes his arms under the pillow to raise his head a little higher.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, thanks for last night; you must think I'm weird but it just helps having someone near sometimes.”

“I know; I just wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“I went to talk to Jess, yesterday was when it happened.” I brush away a single tear that I can’t quite stop.

“I never liked to ask.”

I shrug, “Sometimes it feels like it was another lifetime and others it feels like it was just yesterday. I can’t always control it when it hits me and I don’t know what to do with it but last night was different. Last night I told her goodbye and that I’m leaving.”

Aaron still gives me a look as though he doesn’t really believe me, “Is that what you really want?”

I don’t answer him but turn onto my side so I can look at him whilst we talk. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, I'm not sure about anything anymore and that scares me because I'm not used to that. I'm a control freak remember?” I smile a little at myself and how true that usually is, just not at the minute.

“You want to tell me about it and maybe we can talk it through to help you decide.”

“Maybe, not here though, I need to get away from Emmerdale, clear my head.” One of the reasons I’m not leaving now is because it’s Aaron’s birthday this next week, “Why don’t we go away for a few days, take some time before I head to London, my treat; I seem to remember promising you cake, candles and a present.”

He smiles, “Where to?”

“Does it matter?”

“Well, I don’t fancy Skegness at this time of year.”

“Paris.”

Aaron looks at me unsure, “You’ve been before right?”

“For work.”

“And Jess.”

“She was there for work, but we were never there together strangely. I forgot, you used to be in France, so you probably want to go somewhere else.”

“I was in Paris, but only to travel through it.” He thinks about it a minute, “Okay, when do you want to go?”

“Tuesday, give me chance to make arrangements and I need to sort a few other things with work and that, I probably won’t come back here afterwards, just go straight back to London from Paris.” I roll onto my back thinking of everything I'll need to do, "First, we have to get me out of here without anyone seeing me; not sure I want to meet Chas thinking I'm leading her son astray, I might not survive the experience." We smile at each other, knowing full well that Chas would go ballistic if she knew I was here in his bed.

TBC


	12. The City Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving their family and Emmerdale behind, Robert and Aaron enjoy spending time together in Paris.

Robert, 3rd January 2017

I’m not keen about Aaron seeing me inject my insulin yet, I don’t really know why but anyway I stay in the car, parked up outside the pub to do it. I should really have already shown him what to do considering the amount of time we spend together, I just never did; maybe I’ll show him in Paris. Although I’ve had diabetes a few years now I still get quite self-conscious about it. I suppose I’m going to have to get used to opening up parts of me where only Jess and the kids had access for such a long time but it’s hard; Aaron sees more than most, but not everything.

The morning sunshine is warm on my face as I get out of the car and I take five minutes just to enjoy it. It feels like we’ve had nothing but rain for most of the last couple of weeks, but more than anything I need to have a final check with myself that I don’t want to change my mind. I could just go to London instead and forget all about this, put it down to my grief playing tricks on me and screwing with my emotions. I have no idea whether this will help but I know deep down that I have to do it or it’ll be there at the back of my mind....., what if?

Reluctantly pushing myself away from the wall I sigh, time’s ticking along and Aaron will be wondering where I’ve got to, I told him I’d only be a few minutes when I texted him. Leaving my case by the steps outside, I head into the pub but am quickly stopped in my tracks after being accosted by what feels like a delegation of Dingles when they see me. There are several scenarios running through my mind as I look at them warily but Chas takes me completely off guard, coming round and wagging her finger at me, “I think you should leave Robert; you’re not welcome here. You do nothing but bring trouble with you wherever you go and I don’t want a druggie in my pub or near my family. So I think you should sling yer ‘ook and find somewhere else to do your injecting.” I can see Katie and Andy sitting at the other side of the bar, Katie with a smile on her face so no two guesses who’s to blame for this little fiasco.

Aaron walks in at this point catching the back end of the conversation and I look at him, pretty much ignoring Chas who is continuing, “There’s no point denying it, Katie saw you out back in the car park; you have a nerve thinking you can get away with doing that round here.”

“Oh did she now.” I glance over to where she’s sitting smugly, “Well Katie should learn to keep out of things she has no business poking her nose in and I’ll let you into a little secret; you can’t tell me to stay away from my own pub, you see Chas, I own half this pub.” I can’t help getting satisfaction from the shocked expression on Chas’ face. “You not going to say hello to your business partner?" I look at her mischievously, “What is it you call me again, spawn of the devil, hmmh? I quite like that and I’ve definitely been called worse.”

Chas is practically spitting daggers at me she's that angry, “I don’t believe you.”

I’m bored already, I’m out of Emmerdale and I’m not coming back, “Call the brewery, they’ll set you straight.” I look at Aaron, “You ready?” Aaron nods looking despairingly at his mum before following me out front with Chas staring at him speechless. However once she recovers she’s out like a shot to confront him, closely followed by Cain and Zak.

Chas is clearly less than impressed with either of us by this point, “Aaron, where are you going?”

“I told you, off for a few days. Liv doesn’t get back from Ireland until the weekend and she knows.”

“You never said anything about going off with Robert Sugden.”

He looks at her quietly, “I don’t need to, it’s none of your business and he's not a druggie before you start on that again.” Chas is fuming as the taxi pulls up outside the pub, so much that she grabs hold of Aaron's arm as if to prevent him leaving with me, but he stops and glares at her in a way I've not seen before and whatever message it sent worked with Chas silently letting go.

.

Aaron looks across at me as we climb into the taxi, the Dingles watching on but not trying to stop us, “You not going to tell them the truth?”

“It’s none of their business and I don’t care what they think.”

“You care about Vic though and what she thinks.”

“Yeah, I care about Vic. I’ll tell her when her I see her or you can tell her?”

After buckling up, I stare out of the window, thinking this might the last time I ever see this place again and I'm unsure how I really feel about that as the taxi sets off, soon leaving Emmerdale in the distance. Maybe my quietness makes Aaron doubt me, but he seems to need some re-assurance, “Are you sure you’re okay to do this, we don’t have to go away you know?”

I look at him quietly, “I want to and I’m leaving Emmerdale whatever; doesn’t matter if it’s London or Paris, I’m done with them, I’m done with all of them. We have a new year and we both need to move on with our lives, space away from Emmerdale and all the crap will be good for both of us. Let’s just enjoy it Aaron, have some fun.” I grin at him, “I hope you’re not going to sleep the entire time on the train, I expect scintillating conversation and some games.”

“I’m half Dingle remember; we don’t do scintillating conversation, we only do grunt and groan.”

I laugh at him, “Grunt and groan....., I can’t believe you just said that. What have I let myself in for?”

“Oh and by the way as you rightly pointed out we have a new year and I’m starting out as I mean to go so I’ve decided to change my name to Dingle.”

“Mr Aaron Dingle, has a certain.....,” I try to think of something nice to say but instead I just manage to give him a look that says I’m not too sure it fits, but then again I understand why he wants to do it. “Liv changing hers too?”

“Not told her about me yet; we’ll see when she gets back from Dublin, she can if she wants to.”

The journey is pretty uneventful and as expected Aaron sleeps through more than half of it, but we play stupid games some of the time and it’s relaxed between us. It’s good to see Aaron smile and laugh, even if half the time it is at my expense; I always get my own back and he knows it.

.

Aaron, 4th January 2017

I had expected Robert to go for a big posh glitzy hotel, but he hadn’t, he’d picked a guest house with views over the river in the centre of Paris. It’s nice though, really nice; there’s a roof terrace which would be great for sitting out with a beer in the summer. They only do breakfast, but we plan to be sightseeing and eat out anyway. We’re sharing a room but it’s massive with a big double bed each and there's a sofa with a coffee table; the bathroom is bigger than mine and mum’s bedrooms put together. He won’t let me pay for anything, saying this is my birthday treat though I forced him that we’d split everything else fifty-fifty and he gave in after I stood my ground.

We’ve planned everything we want to see on the train journey here, with Robert writing it up; he’s so weird that way, likes to be organised apparently where I’m more of a wing it person. Robert is still quieter than I’m used to, but I could almost see the tension leave his body as the taxi drove away from Emmerdale. He seems serious about never going back yet he was so full of doubt on New Years' day morning. We still haven’t talked about it, I’ve been waiting for our trip to try and work out what’s really going on with him and if he is serious about leaving then I know I just have the next few days to change his mind because whatever happens with us, I think it would be a mistake for him to leave.

I slept like a log last night, it is one of the comfiest beds, if not the most comfy bed I’ve ever slept in. Robert had to practically drag me out to go for breakfast before starting the day’s itinerary, beginning with the hop on hop off bus. I wanted to do the Eifel tower first as you do, but I’m not too hot with heights; I do them, because I want to see the views, I’m just not overly happy on the way up or the way down. I was alright once we were at the top, but I wasn’t too keen on the way up with the lift all juddery; Robert was laughing at me, but he stood close to me when I grabbed his arm at one point not looking at all happy which made me all embarrassed at my fear, but I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried. He didn’t let go of me after that until we got out at the top.

.

We walked and walked, had a beer and lunch up Montmatre; we went past the Sacré Coeur but didn’t go in. Eventually having walked ourselves out across the day we came back to have a rest and shower at the guest house before now coming out to go for a wander and something to eat. We’re quiet as we turn onto one of the foot bridges, Pont des Arts, where we stop in the middle and take a look at the view down the river. Robert half turns to me, leaning against the side of the bridge, “This used to have mesh railings instead of all this until last summer, people would put padlocks on it and throw the key into the river; they called them love locks.” I look across the bridge now, lit up and shiny against the dark of night-time. I can’t see a padlock in sight, just some glass sides with a pretty naf attempt at funky art, not really my thing. Robert sees my unimpressed expression, “They all had to be removed about eighteen months ago, they were damaging the bridge. They reckon they cut off over a million padlocks, weighed 45 tonnes; I wonder from those million locks how many couples are still together?”

“No idea,” I grin at him, “I wonder how much that was worth in scrap.”

Robert knocks my arm playfully, “Idiot.” I keep smiling at him; it’s comfortably quiet between us and I lean against the glass side looking over to the island where we can see the towers belonging to Notre Dame and with all the old buildings lit up, it’s nice. I think I like Paris better at night than during the day. It helps that it’s a nice night, clear sky but a sudden breeze makes me shudder slightly and I pull the zip on my coat up to the top to keep me warm. I hadn’t really noticed that Robert is watching me until just now, I was too busy looking at the sights around us. “What?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing; you look happy.”

“What’s not to like. You were right, it’s nice to get away from everyone and all the crap.”

Robert comes and stands close to me as we watch the boats and people passing on the bridge, some holding hands, teenagers chasing each other and winding each other up; people of all kinds from all over the world. It’s a whole world away from home that’s for sure and totally the opposite of Ibiza or Magaluf which are my usual kind of holiday jaunts. I’m used to my holidays being more clubbing and alcohol than history and walking. I find myself leaning against Robert without realising I’m doing it. I know I’m not imagining it, Robert’s hardly taken his eyes off me all day and we’ve felt really close, but this is the first time I’ve acted upon it. I’m about to pull away without trying to make it seem awkward because he’s always made it clear that he doesn’t think of me like that and I don’t want to ruin the little time we have together if he does really intend moving away. Yet that feeling between us, it’s there again; the natural magnet between us, drawing us closer together. In the end I don’t move, I relax into him and I take a risk; I let myself enjoy it.

.

Robert takes me a little by surprise by moving unexpectedly that he has to steady me with his hands giving me chance to stand without his support, “Come on, I want to do something, but you might not like it.”

I look at him cautiously, he has that sound in his voice where it’s probably a pretty safe bet that I’m not going to like it, “What?”

“I want to go on the Grand Roue.”

“What’s that?”

“The big ferris wheel, I know you don’t really like heights, but it goes slow, you’ll hardly feel it. Paris is supposed to look really good from there at night.”

“Mmmh. I’m okay, just don’t freak out if I grab you.”

“You sure?”

I look at him, sounding a lot more confident about this than I feel, “Yep, I'm good; I never could resist a good view.” Robert shakes his head at me in amusement as we head off down the river bank until we get to the Grand Roue. It’s all brightly lit up and high; it looks just a little bit scary. There isn’t a big queue and it’s not long until it’s our turn to get in. I see Robert slip the guy some money and it’s just the two of us on our own in the car; at least if I freak out, it will only be Robert that sees it.

Just in case I don’t feel very happy I sit next to Robert. He’s right, it goes slow and I can’t really feel the motion as we start to rise towards the top but it keeps starting and stopping which I'm not too thrilled about. It’s also so very quiet when it gets higher up, eerie almost. “You okay?” I nod. We can see the whole city and Robert points out some of the places we’ve been earlier in the day. I grab onto him unintentionally feeling a little insecure and embarrassed as the wheel halts with us now at the top; he doesn’t make fun of me like I half expected him to, instead he puts his arm round me holding me close and just hearing his voice calms me, “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” Being this close to him helps me relax and feel safe in a way that I wasn’t expecting as Robert continues, “I know it’s not until tomorrow, but Happy Birthday Aaron.” I feel him kiss the top of my head and it sends a tingly sensation rushing through my body.

I hadn’t realised the wheel goes twice round and by the time we’ve come full circle once more reaching the top I have completely forgotten where we are and any fear of heights I had has evaporated, replaced by a heady anticipation of what might be. There’s no looking out at the city around us; this time the only view we are taking any notice of is that of each other; it just needs one of us to make the first move. I force myself to wait, it has to come from Robert but I don’t need to wait long as he presses his lips against mine, their touch soft and light at first but as his confidence grows, it turns into a slow and sensual kiss, his hands cupping my face. Only when we start the downward journey do we break, the motion pulling me out of the moment and I grip onto his coat with my hands. He’s smiling at my embarrassment of my fear, stroking his fingers down the side of my cheek. I’d imagined this moment over and over, but I never really expected it to happen and now it has, it’s better than I could have ever dreamt of.

Not wanting the moment to end the choice is out of our hands as we arrive back at ground level where we have to get off. Robert looks across at me shyly as we start to walk along the river bank. Now pulled out of the moment, the distance between us is hanging a little awkwardly, “I’m hungry, you want to eat?”

Nodding I nearly suggest to skip the food, but I think that might be rushing it a little and probably scare him off. Besides I don’t want to rush any of this, I want to savour every second, just in case I wake up and find out it’s all a dream and not real at all.

We find the little restaurant down the side street that the owner of the guest house had recommended; it’s cosy. We end up with a quiet table under the window in the corner. Robert has moule-frites and I have steak; we both have beer and it’s good but the best is the electricity that just sparks every time our hands touch or when I feel his knee or foot sometimes as we press them against each other. I nervously bite my bottom lip watching Robert’s eyes playfully dancing in the candlelight, the anticipation between us building. All of these fleeting touches and looks are not something we would normally do, there is no disguising what is happening between us, this is foreplay.

.

We’re so close as we walk back to the guest house. We’re not holding hands, but they are touching constantly as we walk, our fingers reaching into the others and then parting; it’s intoxicating but intimate all at the same time. I can sense he’s a little afraid as we walk up the stairs to our room where we stop, standing still outside the door. Robert doesn’t make any move to open the door to our room, instead leaning against the door frame quietly watching me, clearly nervous about what’s going to happen. I hold his hand to help calm him and feeling him squeeze my hand lightly tells me all I need to know. This isn’t a dream and it’s about to get very real. I swipe the card and after opening the door, still holding his hand I gently pull him inside with me.

Our eyes never leave each other as we walk into the room; I’m debating what to do that will put him most at ease, because although I’m sure he wants this, once we take this step there is no going back, this changes our relationship permanently. In the end I decide to pull him over to the window where, leaning against each other, we look out for a moment. I stroke my fingers through his hair which pulls his attention from the view back to me, “We don’t have to do anything Robert, we can just sleep in the same bed like we’ve done before.”

Robert smiles at me, he feels more relaxed now we are in our own space and his fingers intertwine with my other hand hanging down my side, “I want to, I want to know all of you Aaron and I want you to know all of me.” Leaning in it’s now Robert who takes the initiative, kissing me in a way that I can’t hold in all the pent up desire that I’ve worked so hard to keep in check all these weeks. I latch greedily onto his lips, unable to hold back any longer, my tongue invading his mouth whilst my hands reach to undo his belt, fumbling in my desperation to touch. I stop suddenly, pulling out and stand still resting my forehead against his, taking a moment to bring my breathing back to normal knowing I need to slow this down as much for me as for Robert. He is watching me intently as I raise my eyes to meet his and we kiss once more, burning with passion but slow and intense as this time we explore, our tongues playing and teasing until Robert moves his mouth to my neck. My head tips backwards whilst murmuring his name quietly as his kissing intensifies, biting and sucking in a way that will definitely leave a mark. Only the window, now behind me, is holding me up as I go weak at the knees.

We start moving towards the bed, Robert’s mouth now paying attention to the other side of my neck as my hands move back to undo his belt, my fingers tugging feverishly at the buttons on his jeans. I pull Robert’s head back so I can kiss him, the hunger in both us of evident as Robert lifts me up and I wrap my legs tightly round him as he carries me over to the bed. After laying me down, his hands and head slide down my front, coming to a stop only as he reaches my crotch, kissing my hardness before pulling playfully with his teeth at the top of my jeans, somehow managing to undo the first button with them and then prising the rest open in the same way. As his mouth kisses through my shorts, the warm wetness seeps through, eliciting such a moan of sheer wanton lust from my lips that I push him down onto the bed. Straddling him, I pin his arms above his head, kissing his neck and start to rub myself against him; the combination of his scent and his moans are intoxicating. He sits up, grasping onto my neck with both hands as we continue to kiss hungrily, our bodies pushing and writhing against each other. Robert pulls my jumper and t-shirt off together in one swift movement and practically attacks my upper body with his mouth, his hands and mouth ardent as they move over my skin. However, he slows it down just as I had before, almost needing to stop for a moment before his fingertips glide down my sides, barely touching, causing me to quiver. His touch is electric, his breath hot against my chest as he rests his head against me before looking up causing our eyes to meet.

I shift slightly, unbuttoning his shirt and push it off his shoulders; he does the rest dropping it onto the floor and we kiss once more, less hastily, taking our time to enjoy the taste. Robert pushes me onto the bed and kisses down my front, catching me by surprise I gasp realising that he had pushed down the fabric of my shorts and as he kisses the top of my head, my cock twitches with excitement. He looks up at me, his gorgeous eyes smiling at me, “Are you maybe just a little turned on Aaron?”

I grin back at him, his eyes teasing as he looks at me, his mouth close to my head still that when I arch up my body in response, he sucks the tip of my head, “Oh god yeah, yes you turn me on. You make me want to do things to you that will make you unravel Robert, I want to make love to you, I want to give you so much pleasure that you don’t know what to do with it.”

Robert moves back up and lies on top of me. Despite his confidence up until now, I see his shy nervousness about being with a man for the first time. He leans in to kiss my neck and he speaks almost in a whisper, “Show me, I want you to show me Aaron.”

.

Pulling him by the hand off the bed I peel his jeans and undies off so he is naked in front of me, “You are so fucking sexy Robert." My hands move down his front until I rest them on his hips. He moves as if to take my jeans off, but I brush his hands away gently, “No.” I step back from him, it feels like he is drinking me in as his eyes wander over my body watching as I slowly push down my jeans, leaving my shorts on still and let my hands move slowly over my front. He lets out an audible gasp watching my reaction as I squeeze my nipple. We are both hard and after removing my shorts I step back close into him. I put my hand over our shafts, rubbing them together; Robert starts to moan whilst resting his head on my shoulder. I know I’m going to have to be careful with him because he’s already leaking pre-cum and it won’t take much to push him over the edge this first time. I kiss him, it's almost chaste in how our lips touch; I love watching his every reaction.

Guiding him back to the window, I turn him round so he can see out over the river and the city, holding his hands so he can’t touch himself. His cock is bouncing against the window ledge, which is just the right height to give him a level of friction depending if I let his body get near enough whilst peppering down his back with sensual kisses. Listening to the various moans escaping his lips, he’s not quite begging, but he’s becoming needy and impatient, “God Aaron, I want more.”

I smile to myself as I drop onto my knees, curious what reaction I’m going to get. From what I know about Jess, I get the impression she won’t ever have done to him what I’m about to do now. I hold his hands tightly as I slide my tongue down in-between his arse cheeks, then kiss each one lightly before letting my tongue slide back up in between the cheeks. I avoid touching his hole, wanting him to get used to how this feels first, “Is that nice?”

Robert’s breathing has become more laboured, almost panting that his answer is barely a whisper, “Yes.”

I slide my tongue down once more but this time I let it linger round his hole, circling and teasing around the outside without actually touching it. I kiss his lower back, “And that, was that nice?”

Robert lets out a half laugh, “You know it was.” I can feel him push back looking for my tongue again and this time I give him what he wants. As my tongue licks and plays with him, he starts to whimper and without any warning, I push inside; he’s very tight, so I can’t get too far in, but his whole body jerks responsively to the sensation. I make sure his cock is just catching the window ledge so he’s feeling the stimulation in both places and when I pull out, Robert is panting heavily, his hands gripping mine tightly, “How about that?”

He's struggling to speak, “Fucking amazing.” I look up and Robert’s forehead is resting against the window, it’s pleasing to see how the simplest of touches in the right place get such a response from him. I nudge his legs slightly further apart so I can kiss his thighs, interchanging with the odd bite and I lick the underside of his balls. Managing to pull them back with my mouth I take each one, sucking and swirling around them with my tongue so that by the time I turn my attention back to his hole, he’s squirming and his breathing heavy, full of wanton desire. As Robert responds to each probe of my tongue, I’m getting off on just tasting him.

I kiss up his back once more, my hardness now rubbing in-between his arse cheeks as reach to kiss into his neck, “Wait there, don’t move and don’t touch yourself, got it?”

.

I wasn’t sure he would do as I asked, but his hands fall to his side and I see him smiling at me, acknowledging I can be just as demanding as he can when I choose to. I go get a condom and the lube out of my bag, squirting some of the gel onto my fingers. I resist the urge to suck him off which I would love to do, but he wouldn’t last very long. Not that he’s going to last very long inside me either, I just want him to experience what this is like first then we have all night to show him how much pleasure he can give and receive in lots of other ways.

I let him watch me, his lips are slightly parted, his eyes burning with a need that I find hugely erotic as I stand before him stroking myself slowly whilst reaching with the fingers of my other hand behind to open myself up a little. I can see he wants to touch himself, but surprisingly he doesn’t, instead he stands watching me intently. Moving closer to stand sideways on to him, I kiss into his neck before sinking to my knees once more, he looks unsure at what I am intending and I hold his hand to help steady his nerves. I rip the condom package open with my teeth and moving in front of him with the condom positioned in my mouth, I roll it onto his cock. The moan I hear on its own made doing this worthwhile as I let him fill my throat; I wouldn’t have been surprised if he came just from this.

With the condom now in place I get up and pull him over to the window again. I wouldn’t normally do this with someone the first time, but Robert is tall enough and I want this to be special, something he won’t ever forget. He kisses into my neck as I move in front of him, his fingers tracing over my skin whilst instinctively rubbing between my cheeks with his throbbing shaft. My fingers guide him so that his head is resting against my hole. He knows now what I want from him and he responds; although it's clear he is a bundle of nervous excitement, he's standing poised and ready. With my hands now pressing against the glass window, my body is at an angle that should give him a good position; he slides his hands over my shoulders and then down my back as I stare out over Paris, just like he had earlier. “I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time Aaron; I just wasn’t ready to admit it.”

Smiling back at him, I take hold of one of his hands and with his other on my hip, he pushes inside me, just enough to get a sense of how tight I am. I manage to hold back from groaning too much, I’m not as prepared as I would be normally but he’s already distracting me by kissing my back. He presses in a little further and now I let out a grunt, gasping causing him to stop a moment, “More, I want more of you Robert.”

He doesn't need telling twice and keeps pushing, gradually going further until he fills me up completely; my head falls back and with my eyes closed, he consumes me, my arse wrapped tightly around his shaft. Without me having to prompt him, Robert senses I’m ready and starts to thrust in a steady rhythm, his hand releases mine and moves to my cock, whilst I press once more with both hands now firmly against the window to hold myself in place. My eyes are taking in the sights of Paris as he fucks me ever deeper and after adjusting his position slightly, I let out a cry of almost pure ecstasy as he hits my prostate for the first time. Robert’s hands are now on my hips, driving harder and quicker into me whilst I take over stroking myself, “I’m close Aaron, I don’t know how much longer.....” Before he can even finish the sentence I feel his body shudder and he’s biting into my back as his body tightens with the climax taking hold. He's no longer in control as I feel the pulse of his orgasm inside me, “Fuck, fuck Aaron. I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help it; you feel too good.” He practically collapses against me, occasionally twitching, he giggles a little, "Crap, that was so intense."

Taking his hands I hold him to me, moving to stand more upright whilst shuffling us both a little closer to the window. I reach back with my mouth so we can kiss, deep and passionately with my eyes finding his. “Make me come Robert, take me over the edge.” With one arm wrapped around my front and the other around my cock he starts to massage it whilst kissing into my neck and mouth. My hands move over his skin until I feel myself getting close when I rest my head against his shoulder and put my hand in his with the other resting on his outer thigh; we gaze over Paris as he brings me to the edge and I learn he has his own talents, edging me instead of giving me the release I ache for.

“How much do you want to come Aaron?”

“Oh you fucking tease, I’m going to make you pay for this.” I grip onto him tightly so I don’t try and take over; for as much as I need to come, he’s very much the one in control and I love it, I love letting him having this power over me. “Please Rob, I need to come, arrgh god, more, don’t stop.”

Robert kisses my earlobe, his warm breath sending shivers through my entire body. I can almost feel the mischievous smile on his face as he speaks, “I love it when you beg, I want to hear how much you like it.” At this point he runs his thumb over the slit in the head of my cock and with a twisting hand on my shaft he lets me come. He doesn’t stop as I cry out loudly with wave after wave of pleasure hitting my senses. My body is trembling and twitching as he clutches me to him; I can feel him still semi-hard inside me whilst his hand continues to stroke me without mercy. He keeps going until I’m squirming and begging for him to stop and when he eventually does I find myself simply leaning against him in a state of exhausted contentment. We stay quietly standing together like this, occasionally kissing as we soak up each other and the view of Paris. I can’t actually talk anyway until I get my breath back and come down a little from the high.

Using his fingers Robert scoops up some of my come which had hit my stomach and grinning at me he licks them clean before covering my mouth with his so I can taste myself on his tongue. After pulling out of me, Robert turns me to face him, stroking down my cheek with his fingers. He kisses me again, smiling with a mischievous glint in his eye, “So that’s why Paris is called the city of love.”

TBC


	13. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert admit their feelings for each other and talk about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the slower updates at the moment but real life has taken over as I need to find a new job which has priority on my time and I'm still working full-time in my old job for a while yet. This means I'm going to be a little longer in-between posting for a while. However, many thanks for all the encouraging comments and I promise there's lots to come. All the kudos is very much appreciated, it's nice that a slower burn is also good sometimes. Shorter chapter than usual but a friend in need got dibs on my weekend unexpectedly.  
> Take care  
> Caro

Robert, 5th January 2017

Aaron falls back onto the bed in a fit of laughter at seeing the expression on my face, “What?” I can feel myself blushing away like there’s no tomorrow. I’d pretty much got caught in all my morning glory when the maid came in to clean the room; it’s afternoon already and we hadn’t remembered to put the ‘Do not disturb’ sign out. Let’s just say we were a little too otherwise engaged to hear when she had knocked; Aaron was shielded by my body but she’d got a full on view of my backside before making a hasty retreat out of the room. I’m not sure who was mortified the most; Aaron on the other hand was completely amused, “Don’t laugh at me like that, I’m still getting used to all this.”

I shift back under the safety of the covers and Aaron leans half over me, having finally stopped giggling, “You are okay right, with this; us I mean.....?”

His blue eyes are gazing into mine and I kiss the top of his head with the most weird feeling running through me. I actually feel better than ever; it's like an epiphany almost, “Yeah, more than okay. I would have been just as mortified if it had been Jess.” I run my hand through his hair, "I’m not quite the exhibitionist that everyone seems to think I am, kind of grew out of that.”

He seems to consider this a moment and then catches me unaware, challenging me with his voice whilst his eyes doing the teasing, “What, so no more sex in public?”

I blush, remembering the blow job he gave me at the cricket pavilion. Rolling us both over I pin Aaron’s arms to the bed and kiss greedily just above Aaron’s collarbone which gets the loveliest yelp out of him; it’s likely to leave a mark, just another to add the collection now scattered over his body. “I didn’t say that,” I stroke my fingers down his check, grinning at him, “It’s always the quiet ones, right; who’d have thought you’d get off on having sex outdoors.”

“Maybe I just get off on having sex with you.”

“I like that idea.”

Aaron’s eyes are teasing mine, “I noticed.”

“Good sex is good sex and well we do fit together quite nicely don’t you think?” I’m smirking at him mischievously when I say this, but I’m also being serious. Aaron now blushes a little but the corners of his mouth are forming a shy smile and there’s no mistaking the slight nod of his head in agreement. After a quick kiss I roll off him onto my back thinking I’ve actually worn myself out; I can’t remember the last time I had this much sex in such a short space of time. I look across at Aaron smiling before planting a kiss on his shoulder, “Did I tell you happy birthday yet today?”

“You did.” Aaron kisses me back, “Thank you, it’s been perfect.”

“Good and it’s not quite over yet, so come on you, move your arse. We’ve been in bed all morning; we can’t come to Paris and spend the entire day in bed.” Aaron pulls a pouty face and looks like he might argue this point until I kiss him, “I’m not complaining, but we need to eat real food and some fresh air would be good.” Resisting Aaron’s tugging on my arm I lean over and kiss him a last time before heading into the bathroom, leaving him grinning to himself, his naked body looking amazing sprawled on the bed with the sheet draped half over him.

.

Switching the shower on I let the hot water wash away the smell of sex and I smile at the memory of the last few hours and how good it has been. The original plan today had been to go to Versailles but that was never going to happen. We’d made love all night and continued this morning; despite dozing in-between it didn’t take long for hands to start roaming, our bodies responding to each other’s touch until we were both spent and exhausted each time before falling asleep again. I hadn’t ever looked at another man before Aaron came into my life and after finally allowing myself to accept my feelings for him, instinct had taken over. Aaron is very intense in bed, different to how he is usually because he shares himself so freely, giving and taking; it’s like once you break through that barrier, you get all of him, not just physically but emotionally. On the other side it feels almost like I’ve surrendered myself to him and I suppose I did, because he now has all of me and I can’t walk away from that; I can’t walk away from Aaron.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I ponder on where we can go to eat as I grab the shampoo to start washing my hair; that is until I feel Aaron’s arms round me, his hands running up my front catching the soapy water. Almost immediately I’m resting my forehead against the tiled wall in front of me, moaning involuntarily as he soaps my back and thighs, adding extra lather with the shower gel. I was about to tell him to behave when my head kicks back, the water from the showerhead washing the shampoo away, but I don’t notice any of that, his tongue on my hole making me temporarily forget how to speak, his hand moving to my cock making me lose all sense of reality.

.

The air is cool as we walk out of the guest house and I quickly zip my coat up to keep the cold out. Nudging Aaron with my shoulder, I push him playfully away from me and he has to make a quick side step apologising in French to the old lady he had narrowly avoided walking into. This still doesn’t wipe the smile from his face as I grab hold of his hand, pulling him back to me then kissing his forehead. “I’m starving,” Shaking my head at him, I ignore the cheeky wry smile he has and I can’t help laugh, knowing he’s thinking about having made me come twice in the shower. “Real food Aaron, we need real food; I can’t believe you’re not complaining considering you’re permanently eating something.” I cut him off before he has time to retort, pulling him into me, “Don’t fret now, we have all night and tomorrow morning for me to fill you up; you can feed me dessert when we get in.”

Aaron leans in close to my ear which sends a shiver of excitement down my spine, “Is that a promise Mr Sugden?”

“That’s a promise.” I let my fingers brush against Aaron’s lips before getting my mind out of the gutter and focus on the more immediate need of finding something to eat.

It’s not long until we hit a crepe stand where we get two each, the sugar rush doing us both good and will keep us going for now. We wander up the Champs Élysées eventually stopping at a bar where we sit and order a couple of beers. We’re outside kept warm by the heaters overhead; it’s nice and quiet with the other customers sat far enough away that we are pretty much on our own. We sit, relaxing close together to watch the world go by until we are interrupted by Aaron’s phone. He tenses up after seeing who it is, his face turning sour whilst cutting the call off and putting the phone into his pocket. I don’t ask although I can guess, but seeing the look on my face he lets me in, “It was mum.”

Resisting the urge to be sarcastic, I try diplomacy for once, “You sure you don’t want to talk to her? You’ll have to speak to her at some point.”

“Not until we get home, I don’t want anything to spoil today.”

Going by the shift in his mood, it’s a little late for that and I switch to distraction tactics, “Oh I don’t know, I think I’d like to spoil you; if you’ll let me.”

Our eyes lock and I can’t get over how gorgeous he is when he smiles, it’s almost like I’m seeing a different person, “That kind of spoiling I can definitely cope with and it is my birthday after all.” He orders us another couple of beers, “It’s a shame we have to go home tomorrow.”

“We don’t have to; we could stop another night if you want even if we have to find somewhere else to stay. Liv doesn’t get back ‘til Saturday tea-time so we don’t have anything to be back for and then I can have you all to myself for another whole day before I have to give you back.”

Aaron looks at me a little uncertain about what I actually mean by this, “I don’t want you to give me back.“

Taking a deep breath I answer him; I’d wanted to avoid having this conversation today, “Kind of don’t have a choice on that one Aaron, things are good with Liv but not that good.” I don’t even bother to mention the others because we both know how things stand with regard to me and both our families.

.

Suddenly fidgeting, he looks at me nervously, “So what about London then? You said everything’s all arranged.”

I shrug, avoiding his eyes initially before looking straight at him, that blue piercing stare he has always makes me feel as though he can see into my soul. “It can be unarranged if you want.” Despite everything we’ve done and said these last few days I don’t really know what Aaron sees in me. I’m still the same walking disaster as soon as I set foot in Emmerdale; it’s my self-doubt about this that makes me want to run for the hills not how I feel about Aaron, on that I’m totally sure.

Aaron is studying me, his expression guarded, “Is that what you want though?”

“I know I want to be with you.” I see the relief in his entire body hearing this, “I also need to go back to work. Some stuff is happening and I need to be there, but I also need it for me; I miss it.” I rest my hand over his before he gets all tense again, “That doesn’t mean we’ll be living hundreds of miles apart. We can arrange it so I work from Home Farm as much as possible and spend just a couple of days a week in London unless I’m travelling. We’ll find a way and anyway we also need some space, this is a big deal for both of us and we need time to find a balance. You have Liv and the scrapyard and I need to be able to breathe on my own and I can’t do that in Emmerdale; we both know my family problems aren’t going anywhere soon." I feel conflicted about this, not knowing if there's even a chance of mending bridges that feel burned so long ago.” It goes quiet a moment, Aaron looks thoughtful as I turn this around on him for the first time, “Anyway, you haven’t said what you want.”

“You know what I want.”

“Not for sure I don’t. I think I know what you want, but you haven’t actually said it out loud.”

Aaron hesitates but his eyes never waver from mine, “I love you and I want to be with you.” I hadn’t been expecting that and it almost winds me to hear the words so that I’m not too sure what he’s thinking about my reaction but he continues regardless, “I won’t hide Robert, I want to be with you but I don’t have the energy to hide this and I don’t want to. So I’ll understand if that’s too much too soon, but then you go to London and you stay there, move on and forget about Emmerdale and everyone in it; do what you were going to do before we came here and don’t ever come back.”

My voice almost breaks as I rush to answer, “I can’t.” We’re interrupted by the waitress bringing our beers. Waiting until she leaves, I hold Aaron’s hand, “I’m in too deep with you. I can’t walk away; I love you Aaron. I’ve known for a while but I needed to be sure that I wasn’t confused, using you even because of Jess and the timing, but I knew before we came here, deep down I knew.” Aaron is about to say something but I put my fingers over his mouth leaving a quick kiss, “No, just wait and listen. I’m a nightmare in Emmerdale Aaron. I don’t want to fuck this up like I seem to have done with everything else to do with Emmerdale. You have a lot more to lose here than I do. You know who I am, I’ve got no secrets from you but our families are not going to like this; Liv might hate me again thinking I’m taking her brother away from her.”

Aaron interrupts, “She doesn’t think of you like that now.”

“That’s because I convinced her there would never be anything between us other than friendship. This changes everything for both of us. I have a whole life and business away from Emmerdale, your life is Emmerdale.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“Yes it does. You talked about getting your own place; we both know that you will but only when something comes free in Emmerdale because that’s where you want to be. You won't be happy anywhere else.” Aaron looks a little apologetic at hearing me say this but he doesn’t deny it and I try to give him my reassuring smile, “I get it Aaron, I know why you want to be close to home.” I go quiet an instant, “You know how jealous I am sometimes of what you have with your family, I don’t remember ever having that. Whatever anyone says the Dingles stick together and you never doubt that but the Sugdens tear each other apart, it seems to be what we do best. I left all that behind and I was a better person for it. What if I can’t make it work, what if I fuck up, will you back me up and be there for me no matter what?” I have to stop talking suddenly feeling overwhelmed by my emotions; it’s such a long time since I was so honest with someone, letting them see all my insecurities, “I can’t go through losing someone I love again so soon, I’m not sure I’d survive it.”

“You won’t have to, I promise Robert and you’re right, I don’t want to leave Emmerdale, but I would; if it was the right thing to do, I would leave. I would leave for you.”

“I don’t ever want you to be in that position and I promise I’ll try; I’ll do whatever it takes back at home but I’m going to need your help, I can’t do this on my own and Vic or anyone else is not what I need, I need you.”

Aaron smiles, “It’s a good job you’ve got me then, Sugden and Dingle power; what can go wrong?” This breaks the tension that had been hanging in the air as we both laugh. Usually I would say what couldn’t go wrong with this combination but being with Aaron is different; being with Aaron gives me hope.

TBC


	14. I Don't Do Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has a few more presents for Aaron on his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks for all the kudos and comments and especially for your patience. I know it's been a while since the last update. The next chapter should be much quicker where things start getting interesting back in Emmerdale.  
> Enjoy and take care  
> Caro

Robert, Thursday 5th January 2017

“Mmhh, don’t stop, that’s too nice.”

Leaning against the bridge waiting for our order, Aaron is resting against me with his eyes closed whilst I massage his shoulders and neck. He’d probably be going to sleep now if we were doing this back at the guest house. “I expect a massage in return later, you do realise that?”

“Mmhh, ooh. Okay but don’t blame me if it’s not up-to Sugden standard; I’m not sure my rough scrapyard hands will have the same effect.”

I wrap my arms around Aaron’s waist, pressing him into me and tip my head forward with my mouth close to his ear; there’s no mistaking the promise of seduction in my voice, “They did last night and this morning.” Pausing a moment to kiss just behind his ear, I hear a quiet gasp and moan escape his lips which make me smile as I continue, “And I’m sure they will later after you’ve had your presents, including one very special one to unwrap.”

Aaron turns his head slightly, “I thought coming to Paris was my present? I don’t need anything else; this is already better than I could ever have asked for.”

“Just because you don’t need it, doesn’t mean I can’t spoil you.” Nibbling on his ear, I resist the urge to reach down to stroke him; this is a little too public but it doesn’t stop me getting hard thinking about it.

Spying the impish grin on my face, I can tell he’s dying to know despite his protestations, his crystal clear blue eyes shining bright from the lights lining the bridge silently pleading until he caves and asks, “You going to give us a clue then?”

“Absolutely not; you’ll just have to be patient, wait and see.”

“You’re such a tease and you shouldn't keep spending all your money on me.” Aaron is actually pouting at me and that just makes my smile broaden as he tries a different tack, “You know we really shouldn’t start out by having secrets between us. It doesn't bode well does it?”

“Oh look at you thinking you have any chance of worming it out of me before I want you to know; it’s so cute. Sometimes secrets are necessary and who says I spent money on them. I mean I’ve just bought tea but forking out for a two Euro donner each is hardly breaking the bank now is it?

“No, but I know you, you have that look in your eyes.”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

Aaron starts pushing back against me, discretely grinding his hips, which as was his intention just succeeds in making me harder than I already was before, “One clue....., you can give me at least one clue. l'll make it worth your while.”

"Will you now." I’m laughing at his antics to find out but I’m not that easily swayed, not today anyway. “Nope, no clues but feel free to keep doing what you doing; it's very enjoyable. Anyway you might not want them when you find out what they are.”

It’s entertaining to see him trying to thinking of what his presents could be, “Oh you're such an arse, I don't see why you can't just tell me; now I don’t know if to be excited or scared by that.”

“Patience Aaron, patience; anyone would think you're five not twenty-five.” He's almost growling in frustration at my refusal to give him any kind of hint; fortunately we are disturbed by our food being ready and I push Aaron off me so we can go collect it, smirking as he admits defeat.

.

Upon arriving back at the guest house Aaron gives me an odd look as the concierge hands me a key. He gets even more curious when we continue upstairs passing our floor and starts pulling on my hand, “Errrm, we’re back that way.”

“I know.” Tugging his hand gently I pull him along as we keep heading upwards grinning to myself, impatient to see the look on his face when he finds out what I've organised.”

“What are you up-to Robert Sugden?”

Laughing, I squeeze his hand affectionately, “Patience is so not your strong point is it?”

“No, you know that and you know I don’t do surprises.”

“Well, you do today.” Stopping outside the door to the roof terrace, I put the key in the lock then turn to him, amused as I wipe away a bit of curry sauce from the corner of Aaron’s mouth, licking it clean with my tongue. “Mmhh, I thought we could have dessert up here.” After unlocking the door, we go out onto the terrace and Aaron’s face lights up like it’s Christmas, birthday and New Year all come at once which I’d hoped it would.

“Oh wow.” The terrace is all lit up with fairy lights, Paris at night providing the perfect backdrop as we walk over to a blazing log burner and two gas burners not far away from what looks like a very cosy sofa littered with cushions and soft furry blankets to keep us warm. There are beers in a cooler, although they probably don’t need it on the fifth of January, it’s not freezing out, but away from the heaters it’s definitely cold.

I pull Aaron into my arms and we kiss, “I seem to remember promising you cake and candles.” I nod down to the box on the table with some plates at the side. “It’s not really big enough for twenty-five so there are only five candles and you’ll have to imagine the rest.” We pull apart after another long luxuriating kiss, “I’ll light the candles, you open the beer and then I’ll let the birthday boy do the honours blowing them out and cutting the cake.”

Looking totally gorgeous Aaron pulls me back into a kiss, “I'm not a big talker Robert, but it’s not often I don't know what to say neither.”

“Well you did say Dingles only do grunt and groan, speaking of which, I expect to be hearing some of that later and you've still got a last present to unwrap yet.” I smirk at Aaron's surprise that there's more to come, he stands stock still so I smack his arse playfully which does the trick, "Beer Aaron, before your boyfriend dies of thirst." He chuckles at me, finally moving. I light the candles and Aaron kneels down next to me putting our beers on the table; I steal a quick look at him and it's heart-warming to see the boyish happy smile on his face, “Do you like it?”

“Stupid question, yes I like it.” Turning to me, his hands on my face he kisses me, not rushed but slow and sensual, sending tingly shivers all through me, “Thank you.”

Aaron turns his attention back to the chocolate torte; I can see him already licking his lips at the thought of eating it, "Blow them out and make a wish."

He goes shy for a moment, "I haven't done this since I was a kid, not like this."

With my hand resting on the small of his back Aaron leans forward and blows out the candles, then takes a few seconds with his eyes closed before turning back to me. He looks happier than I think I've ever seen him. Brushing my lips over his I watch as his eyes dart around us but failing to see anything resembling a present he turns back to me, “Do I have to guess what the last present is or are you going to tell me?”

Now it's my turn to go all shy, “Me; you get to unwrap me and see what’s inside.” Aaron looks at me biting his bottom lip nervously. I think he’s trying to work out if I mean what he thinks I might mean and I nod my head, “I love you; I meant it when I said I want you to know all of me. If you want to that is?”

“Are you sure?”

“Very, I want to give you everything.” Aaron looks a little overwhelmed and he's not the only one; I hadn't expected tonight to affect us both quite as deeply as it seemingly is doing and the night is only just beginning, “First though cake and cuddles, I need to go slow; is that okay?”

.

We’re both feeling a little full after being unable to resist a second slice of torte, we should have shared but we were too greedy. I’ve put some more logs on the burner and fetched us a fresh beer each before lying back down on the sofa beside Aaron to carry on snuggling and kissing. I can tell he's thinking about something and kissing his forehead I wait for the question, “Can I ask you something?”

“That sounds ominous.”

“No, I was just wondering if you’ve ever done anything with a guy before, I mean before me.”

“Not really; why, does it matter?”

“No, just you seem so okay about everything and sometimes straight guys freak out after their first time with another bloke but you didn’t even hesitate with me last night and we didn’t exactly go slow.”

“I knew I wanted to be with you; I’d been thinking about it all day, that’s how much you turn me on.” I hide my face into his neck, blushing a little from the admission. “There’s no off switch when I’m with you Aaron, I’d kept imagining the last few days what it would be like and then when we actually slept together it felt good, like it's meant to be.”

“So I was your first?”

“No.” Aaron looks at me confused, “I mean yes. I did the usual silly games when I was at Uni like playing gay chicken and I had a couple of drunken kisses with strangers in a pub but never anything more. I’d always considered myself straight, I never thought once about what it would be like to sleep with another guy, not until you. Maybe it’s always been there and I was just waiting for the right person to come along, maybe I’m bi and I just like who I like.” My hand wanders reaching down into Aaron’s jeans which makes me grin as I grab hold of his shaft, “And if you’d have told me you were that horny, I would have asked for cream with my chocolate torte.”

Aaron laughs at me, “You are so bad sometimes.” That doesn't stop him moving his body looking for the friction against my hand and I catch the mischief in his eyes, “If you’d have asked nicely I might have let you have some."

I stop nibbling on Aaron’s earlobe, “Is that so. Do you want your present now instead?" Aaron hesitates before standing up and reaches for me with his hand, pulling me up off the sofa. I was expecting us to go to our room but instead he pushes the table out of the way then pulls the two heaters a little closer in and I realise we're going to do this here. He hands me the fur cover from the sofa which I lay on the floor and we spread all the blankets over it creating a makeshift bed. Despite the warmth from the burners, I'm trembling, a mix of freaking out and excitement about what it’s going to feel like.

Standing opposite each other on our knees, it's like neither of us wants to make the first move until Aaron raises his hand to my face and kisses me so softly that I murmur quietly from how this simple act can have such an effect on me. Aaron removes his jumper and then mine before pulling me on top of him as he lies down on his back. Although we start out slow, very quickly we are kissing passionately until Aaron takes control once more and starts to undress me. He keeps batting my hands away when I try to help so that I let him take over, his hands caressing and his mouth kissing my skin as he uncovers it, baring my nakedness for the world to see. Lying back, I watch him remove his own clothes, his body glowing against the darkness as he lowers himself back on top of me. I'm very aware just how nervous I am and Aaron must sense it as he strokes his hand down my cheek before holding himself up on his hands quietly observing me, "Are you scared?"

I nod, "A little, what's it like?"

Aaron moves so he's straddling me, sitting upright, "Intense; it's hard to describe, but for me it's the closest you can get to someone. When you're inside me it feels like I'm part of you."

My mind is going into overdrive and suddenly I panic, “I don’t have a condom with me, I should…..”

"Sshhh, don't worry, I have one in my wallet." Aaron then pulls me up into a hug, his hand strokes through my hair before distracting me further with gentle probing kisses. “Robert there's no rush; we can go as fast or as slow as you want.”

.

I’m harder than I ever thought possible; Aaron is still straddling me but leaning backwards so his head is resting on the floor, occasionally lifting when his body arches upwards as he chases my hand stroking his cock with my other hand on his waist. I could watch him like this all night; he's so beautiful, each moan makes me want to give him more.

Pulling him back up into my arms we kiss and I rub our shafts together, the friction just enough to be satisfying but not too much. Aaron hardly moves, instead resting his head on my shoulder with his arm wrapped around the back of my neck. He's leaking pre-cum already and smiles at me when I put my finger into my mouth to taste him.

It's now that Aaron rolls us over, his hands exploring my body followed by trailing kisses, exciting everywhere except the places I want him to touch the most. I know he’s making me wait on purpose and I have to bite my lip as I groan, his fingers scraping lightly down my thigh as he kisses my lower abdomen, sucking so hard that it will leave his mark making me ache for more, desperate to take everything he has to offer. “Turn over.”

I do as I'm bid revelling in Aaron’s tongue as it leaves a wet trail down my back. A shiver runs through me, not from any cold, but from the sensation as his mouth moves fleetingly over my lower back, bypassing my bum completely. Taking my hands into his I’m holding them tightly as he kisses along my inner thighs, spreading my legs wider with his knees. I’m so turned on that I can't help grinding into the rug beneath me until my head snaps back, taken completely off guard by Aaron’s tongue licking up in-between my bum cheeks and over my hole. Tonight there’s no playing around the outside or teasing of what’s to come, his tongue dives inside me without any warning causing me to yelp. Aaron shows no mercy as he drives me insane, his swirling tongue stimulating mercilessly inside me until I'm a whimpering mess. So much that when he stops I feel empty until his finger slides in, just one but it’s enough and soon a second joins it with his fingers now acting like scissors, opening and closing, stretching my entrance enough to take him.

Aaron kisses me. I want to look at him, but I can’t; I’m too busy channelling the sensations which, after last night and this morning are not foreign to me but this feels completely different, maybe because I know what’s to come will be like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I’m both scared and exhilarated by the prospect all at the same time.

.

I’m panting and writhing in response to Aaron’s touch; he knows I love it as his mouth replaces his fingers which are now spreading my cheeks so the reach of his tongue is much deeper than before, so warm and wet that I think if he kept this up for much longer I could come just from this alone. “Aaron I want you, please I want you inside me.”

“Not yet, we don’t have any lube and you’re not ready yet.”

Aaron has moved me onto all fours, his hand now jerking my cock as his mouth alternates between my balls and my hole to the point I don’t know if I’m coming or going any more. I just know that Aaron owns my body completely and I want more. “Please Aaron; you’re going to make me come.”

“Now who’s impatient?”

“For you, I’m impatient for you, because you make me want you so badly, just do it, I don't care anymore I just want you inside me.”

"It’s going to hurt okay, as much because you don’t know what to expect. Your muscles will tighten up on reflex but the sooner you relax, the easier it gets and I promise you'll love it, okay?”

I nod, hardly able to talk with his finger rubbing up against my prostate in just the right place and I’m struggling to focus on anything other than that until it stops and despite the welcome rest from the need to come I almost feel abandoned not wanting to lose the thrill of the ride. However, it gives me chance to properly look at Aaron; he’s on his knees, rolling on a condom and we lean into to each other to kiss. He moves us to lie sideways on and this throws me a little, I hadn’t been expecting this position and I feel a sudden wave of panic roll over me but Aaron takes hold of my left hand and wraps his right arm around my shoulder under my neck, almost cradling my head protectively with it. I can feel him against me, his cock pressing against my hole but not pushing inside. With his left hand now sliding up my outer thigh I can't help tensing, “Remember just relax and that I love you; it won’t hurt for long, I promise but you need to talk to me, tell me if it's too much okay?”

Nodding, I barely whisper a "Yes" and when his hand reaches my waist, this time he presses down on my hip bone and I feel him push inside me. At first it feels like an invasion and I don’t want to cry out but the pain is something like I have never experienced before although he’s hardly any distance inside. Aaron holds still, his hand running up my side and then over my upper body in a motion that helps to keep me calm as he kisses my neck and in-between my shoulder blades. “Breathe Robert, I’ll go slow; just keep breathing with it.” I have a shadow of doubt as his hand presses on my hip again but I'm unable to speak because this time he keeps moving, pushing much deeper, constantly probing with short bounces, testing me further with each thrust. I let out involuntary groans as I feel him fill me until there’s nowhere else for him to go. Tears are prickling in the corners of my eyes and for an instant it’s almost like I retreat into my own headspace where all I can hear is the sound of my breathing, laboured and tinged with fear and when I switch back to reality I realise I'm gripping onto Aaron’s hand so tight I could almost break it.

“Sshhh, just relax, that’s it.” My muscles are clenching so much that I have to focus all my effort on trying to relax. I love feeling Aaron wrapped around me like this and it's helping to listen to his voice, quiet whispers of encouragement, his hand squeezing mine to reassure me, “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Aaron tips my head backwards so we can kiss and there’s a shift in his movement, it’s quicker and feels deeper, not that I think that’s actually possible. His mouth over mine is muffling my moans; his tongue is a playful distraction, driving ever deeper feeling almost in sync with his cock inside me. I’ve never experienced such conflicting emotions all at the same time, but that too is changing as he adjusts slightly. Putting both his hands on my hips he pushes with more purpose, faster and more deliberate so that I groan, my knuckles white from clenching the rug, but that’s not what makes me cry out. It’s where he's hitting that’s making my entire body quiver and I hear myself begging for more. What before felt like he was going to split me in two is now making me clench for a different reason, a need to feel more of him as Aaron works my sensitive spots and when I move my hand to my own cock, I’m whimpering shamelessly. We roll so I’m on my front, face down and I bite into the rug below me as Aaron increases the speed, his cock buried deep inside me and now I can’t get enough of him.

“I’m close Robert, god you’re so fucking tight still, you feel so good do you know that?” I can't describe the noises coming out of my mouth as Aaron fucks me relentlessly only slowing down to move me onto my back, spreading my legs wide as his hands grab hold of my waist. Moving my hand to my cock, furiously stroking, we can’t tear our eyes away from each other. I can see Aaron’s abs tighten, his fingers are digging into me and there’s only a split second between him letting loose a cry of pleasure, his body quaking with erratic spasms and me spilling over my hand, warm and sticky. Aaron’s hand replaces mine, stroking my cock with my come providing ample lubrication and my entire body jerks as his thumb rubs over the slit. I'm so sensitive I can hardly bear it but Aaron forces me to endure as he milks every last drop I have to give him whilst at the same time slowly pushing inside me as deep as possible to go.

.

I’ve never felt so completely spent as I do now but I don’t get chance to think about it, gasping as Aaron sucks the tip of my cock, licking the come from my stomach. He grins at me and I manage a weak smile in return but thankfully Aaron seems to sense that I’m not ready to talk just yet; both my body and my head need time to come back down from the high. I thought last night was amazing but this is something altogether different. Eventually Aaron pulls the condom off and takes me into his arms so that I’m resting my head against his chest; I close my eyes, letting myself drift off, relaxing to the sound of his heartbeat, listening as it slows to a normal heartrate.

When I next open my eyes I shift onto my back and Aaron drapes his legs and arms over me, his head resting on my shoulder which is quickly becoming our preferred post sex position. “I didn’t hurt you did I? I couldn’t tell sometimes if you were making so much noise because it felt good or it hurt, are you okay?”

I laugh, “I'm more than okay but it was just so different to what I expected; I don’t know what to think about first.” I give him an exhausted grin, “It was a lot; we don't seem to be too good at slow.”

Aaron smiles at me and rests his chin on his hand on my front, “You felt too good and you didn't tell me to stop so I kind of went with the flow.”

We lie together quietly and although we are still warm enough, the log burner needs more wood and it would be really nice to go to sleep properly. “You okay to go downstairs to bed or you want to stay here a little longer?”

“Downstairs, sleep for a bit and then I want to try out that bath....., it’s been begging almost as much as you to have me in it.”

I smack his arse playfully, “You’re one to talk, Mr fuck me harder.”

“Did I say that?”

“More than once I seem to recall, both last night and this morning.”

“Well you must have hit the right spot then. Let’s have a bath and maybe if you’re up for it, I’ll see if we can’t find that spot of yours again.” I’m unable to stop grinning at him as he sees my eyes light up, “Oh, I think the boy likes it.” I look away blushing, but he’s not wrong, the boy most definitely likes it.

.

Robert, Friday 6th January 2017

We didn't have to rush out of bed or anything because unbeknownst to Aaron I had also arranged for us to stay an extra night, having changed our trains and everything. I’m not sure just how much of Paris we will see today if anything; we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other long enough to think about getting out of bed. That said, my tummy had been rumbling, the pangs of hunger kicking in, so after tossing a coin which Aaron lost, he has gone to get us coffees and pain au chocolat; it’s too early for chocolate torte and I need my caffeine hit.

I’ve been lying here quietly with my thoughts whilst he’s gone, thinking about the last couple of weeks. You don’t realise how much being with someone changes you, the compromises you make for a relationship to work. I don’t for one second regret the life I had with Jess, Aaron simply completes me in a different way. No matter how much I tried to deny it as the months passed by the bond between us deepened until I could no longer ignore it and our love-making feels like a natural extension of this.

In the last few days I’ve learned and re-discovered things about myself that I’d either forgotten or lost along the way, parts of myself that Jess never truly got to see. Now I’m together with Aaron, I can’t imagine being with anyone else, it just feels right between us. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Aaron comes with his own baggage and he pushes my boundaries where Jess set them, always finding a less confrontational approach. Life with Jess was easy in this respect whereas life with Aaron in Emmerdale scares me more than I care to admit. It's easy to question if it’s too soon, that I shouldn’t be in this deep with him just yet considering everything else that is going on around us, but it's not exactly as if we don't know each other well enough because we do. I could walk away, I could walk away from both Aaron and Emmerdale, I nearly did but I don’t want to and the one thing I am hundred percent certain on, is that Jess would want me to get on with my life and be happy and Aaron makes me happy, he makes me very happy.

.

Bursting through the door Aaron passes me my coffee, rubbing his cold nose against mine before planting a sloppy kiss on my lips. “Here you go and two pain au chocolat pour monsieur.”

“Merci.” I take a moment to gulp down some coffee and have a bite of my pain au chocolat enjoying how good it tastes, “I wonder if I can import these.”

“Robert, I’m sure you can find just as good pain au chocolat and croissants in England as here.”

“Nope and definitely not in Emmerdale; Bob is good but not that good. His Americano is heaven, but Yorkshire doesn’t have a patch on Paris when it comes to pain au chocolat. Maybe in London, I’ll have to indulge when I’m there instead.”

“You are so weird do you know that, you hardly ever eat breakfast at home, you're too busy guzzling a gallon of coffee down your neck.”

I look at Aaron like I have no idea what he's talking about, “I eat breakfast sometimes, just because it's not a fry up or bacon butty like you have every day.”

“I need the energy; some of us actually do a proper days work, none of this man of leisure rubbish.”

“Well I’m not going to be one for much longer am I; once we get back I’ll be working.”

Aaron just scoffs at me, making it clear that what I do isn't as breakfast-worthy as his world of scrap, “It’s not real work though is it? I mean sat behind a desk plotting or whatever it is you do. Remind me what do you do again? Oh that’s it, you spy on people.”

“We don’t spy on people, we collect information to help prevent things like fraud and cyber-crime; it’s called protecting the nation’s assets.”

The sarcasm in Aaron's voice is tinged with a hint of playfulness which seems to be something we both excel in, “Oh is that what you call it. Well I think you have certain assets Mr Sugden that I’d quite like to protect. How does one go about doing that?”

I see the glint in Aaron's eye and far be it from me to put a damper on the game now in play, “Well....., if you’re talking about my personal assets, I can recommend a couple of courses of action but there could be some risk involved. If Sir is interested in learning more then I believe a demonstration would serve best.”

"Oh Sir is most definitely interested to learn more......" 

TBC


	15. Eyes Wide Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron return to Emmerdale and it's not long before they hit their first hurdles.

Aaron, Saturday 7th January 2017

I’ve been watching Robert for a while when he wakes, his blond locks wispy over his face making him look all angelic and innocent when he’s asleep; I can't help grinning to myself thinking that what we got up-to last night was anything but. Turning his head in my direction, his hand automatically slides up my front, pulling me into him for a long slow kiss which I so don’t want to end and when it does we snuggle close together, warm and cosy, both too tired to start anything. I think we actually need another holiday to recover. Robert is playing affectionately, intertwining his fingers with mine but he's more fidgety than usual, like he has something on his mind; it doesn't take too long until he speaks, “Don’t freak out.”

Rolling off him onto my back, I groan, scrunching up my face, readying myself to hear something I'm probably not going to like knowing Robert, “Why do you say that when you know that’s now exactly what I want to do?”

He rolls over, lying half over me with his arms crossed on my chest and his chin resting on his hands, “Awww, I forget you’re such a sensitive so and so.”

I pull a face in denial, my hand pushing his head away from me with sufficient force he slides off me onto the bed, “If only I could forget you can be such a knob sometimes.”

“Pfft, I'm offended.” Robert smiles ignoring my huffing as he resumes his position.

“No you're not; so come on then, out with it, don’t keep me in suspense.”

Despite his best efforts to hide behind the banter, I catch a shadow of nervousness in his expression. “I want to show you how to give me my insulin shot and explain about when stuff might go wrong, like if I have a ‘hypo’. Considering the amount of time we spend together and that you're the only one in Emmerdale who knows I'm diabetic I should have shown you long before now.”

My eyes widen, “Are you serious?” The question doesn't come out quite as I'd intended; I don't know what I'd expected him to say but it wasn't this.

“Kind of, it’s my life.”

Running my fingers through his hair then leaving them there, I look at Robert immediately apologetic, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that; I meant I don’t really know much about diabetes and do you trust me to do that?”

“Of course I trust you, I wouldn't be asking otherwise. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I kind of assumed you wouldn’t be squeamish.”

“No no, I do. I'm not, I mean I will; it’s not something I want to do, if you know what I mean, but I know it’s important.” Robert smiles as my words come tumbling out and I shut up before I sound any more stupid than I already do.

I can tell Robert is quietly pleased as he gets out of bed, pulling on his jama bottoms, “Good, let me get my stuff." Coming back onto the bed with his insulin kit he seems a little uncomfortable but gives me a reassuring smile. "It kind of feels strange having to show someone how to do this after such a long time; only Jess and the kids knew in the past.” Robert suddenly looks a little guilty at talking about Jess and concentrates all his attention on the insulin kit, fidgeting with it unnecessarily.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He's not totally convincing, still avoiding looking at me; I suppose it's not helping that we're in bed.

“It's okay to talk about her you know." 

"I know." Now he looks at me, his eyes piercing into mine with a steady calm, “I don’t ever compare you, you need to know that. I talk about Jess and kids because they were a very important part of my life and after leaving Emmerdale, outside a couple of others they were the only people I ever trusted. It might fade over time but they'll never leave me completely no matter who I'm with. I don’t trust easily Aaron, but I trust you; I trust you with my life and my heart.” Robert pauses, his thoughts slipping somewhere distant for a moment, “I can’t bring my family back, but I'm lucky enough to have the chance at a new life with you; it's up-to us to make it work if we want in for the long haul.”

The words spill out of my mouth before my brain gets into gear, “I’d say that’s really romantic but you make it sound so serious.”

Robert doesn’t seem to take offence, there's a hint of a smile as he opens the insulin kit and starts laying out what he needs on the bed, “Life’s not all sex and two euro donner you know; tonight we'll be back in the real world." We're both quiet a moment, the thought of going back home a little daunting for both of us albeit for different reasons. "Right, go wash your hands, soap and water and then I’ll explain everything and show you what to do.”

.

Having missed breakfast we’d gone for a last stroll and had an early lunch before making our way to the catch the train. The journey was hassle free and it seemed like hardly any time had passed at all when we get off at Leeds. Walking out of the station, I spy a shop that reminds me of something Vic said ages ago; I catch Robert’s arm to stop him from going any further, ginning at him. “Give me your wallet.” Robert gives me an odd look so that I huff impatiently, “Just give me your wallet and wait here.” Handing it over he watches me curiously as I go to the shop and when I get back to him, he looks at me just as confused when I hand him two lottery tickets. “For you.”

“Okay....., and why?”

Grinning at him looking none the wiser, I explain, “Vic said you’d probably never bought a lottery ticket in your life, so now you have.”

He looks at me as though I’m a little batty, “Vic should keep her thoughts to herself more and technically, I still haven’t; you did, just paying for them with my money.”

“Do you know what else she told me? She also said you can be annoyingly difficult, now why would she say that?” I snatch his case away from him, miffed at his lack of gratitude and annoyed at his logic, all of which he seemingly finds entertaining, “If you’re going to be like that, you can go and get your own.” He stands not moving at first so I shoo him in the direction of the shop like you would a child, “Well go on then.”

Sniggering at me, he goes to the shop and soon returns with two lottery tickets in hand, full of smug sarcasm, “I feel so much better for that experience, you wouldn’t believe.”

I take his wallet from him and remove the two lottery tickets I had bought earlier and put them into my pocket, shoving his wallet back at him. “Don’t think for one minute Robert Sugden that if either of these win big that you’re getting a penny, these are now mine, got it.”

He’s laughing at me openly as I start walking to the station exit, “Whatever you say Aaron.”

“Smart arse.”

I can’t stay put out with him for long, not today anyway, not even pretending; he’s in too much of a flirty mood that I’m like putty in his hands. “Yep, you're in luuurve with my smart arse, how else you’d describe my arse Aaron because you know what it does to you when I let you get close?”

.

Robert was the first to get up and out of bed, going for a shower then saying he had to return a couple of calls and messages for work, so I’ve left him to it. Our banter had steadily descended into a world of smut and insinuation, both of us in fits of giggles most of the journey to Home Farm, exhausting all the names I could use for Robert’s arse plus a few things I could be doing to it if we weren’t in public. Arriving back at Home Farm our games had carried on with us chasing up-to the bedroom, a trail of clothes left scattered in our wake. Now making my way downstairs after my own shower I’m plucking them all up, dressing myself on the way whilst smiling happily at the memory; you’d think we were two teenagers the way we carry on.

I start to make some drinks; looking at the clock it’s already late and I lean on the counter with my chin on my hand waiting for the kettle to boil thinking I don’t really want to go back to the pub tonight. Liv doesn’t get back until tomorrow, so it’s not like I have to be there for her and I don’t fancy putting up with Mum and her interrogation just yet.

Robert comes in, looking relaxed, “You okay?”

“Mmhh, pizza is ordered; it shouldn’t be too long now I reckon.”

He stares at me with an expression that says he doesn't quite believe me, “Out with it Aaron, you’re fooling no-one.”

“Just thinking about mum that's all; can I stay here tonight?”

“You know you can.” The kettle boils and I fill my mug and the coffee pot for Robert before stirring the teabag until my tea is just how I like it, sinking back into my own thoughts. Robert slides over the milk and sugar, observing me whilst pouring his coffee and taking a sip, “Talk to me Aaron, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

I shrug; we’ve been so spoilt in Paris, practically living in our own bubble these last few days. Being home, thinking about Liv and mum has triggered an avalanche of thoughts making me feel a little insecure; what if the bubble bursts? I avoid looking directly at Robert, feeling guilty just by asking the question, “How's this going to work?”

Robert looks at me waiting for me to be more specific, “What do mean?”

“With us, we haven’t really talked about this, being back here and everything, not properly.....” My voice trails off not quite knowing what to say; maybe it’s a form of self-protection just in case Robert didn’t really mean all the promises of commitment now we’re back to the real world and I need to be sure.

“How do you want this to work?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Surprised he’s asked this I look over at him and my heart starts beating a lot quicker at seeing a flicker of doubt crossing his face. “No never, are you?”

“No, you know I want to be with you.” I realise I’m being daft, that I just need his reassurance and maybe deep down he needed mine. Robert walks over and wraps his arms around me, “I want to wake up with you every morning.”

.

I rest my forehead against his, relaxing a little but not totally because it’s about more than just us, “Me too but it’s not going to be that simple though is it?”

“It could be. Where’s all this coming from?”

“I’m just trying to be realistic, there’s just so much else to think about; what if it all gets in the way. We’ve just got Liv to a point where she’s finally listening and beginning to settle down. I'll be back living at the pub with mum judging everything we do and you need to find a way still to fix things with your dad and Andy.”

“So you don’t want to tell anyone, or you want to go slow?” Robert looks at me confused, “What are you trying to say Aaron?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

Robert sounds a little frustrated with me, “Then what do you mean? I don’t need my family’s approval for anything and neither do you from yours. As far as my lot are concerned I don’t see anything getting fixed with dad and Andy, that’s all up to Vic now, they can keep me out of it. I can’t ever see us being a family again after this.”

I’ve never thought he truly wants that despite the fact he’s convinced himself into believing it, “That’s why you came home in the first place though, you might not want to admit it, but deep down you want to make things right.”

“Aaron the only reason I’ve come back to Emmerdale now is because I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t care what my family think, your mum will hate me whatever and if Liv kicks off then we’ll find a way to bring her round, just like we did with school. She has to understand that you deserve to be happy too and that your life can’t run around hers twenty-four-seven.”

“I don’t think she will kick off,” I laugh a little, thinking about Liv and how fond of him she is, “Don't be fooled, secretly she likes you. Sometimes I think she likes you a lot more than me and wishes you were her big brother; loaded, big house, smart and clever.....”

Robert cuts me off mid flow, “Oh no, you are her world Aaron, that much is obvious for anyone to see and she’s never going to be easy; there’ll always be something with Liv, she’s like you.”

"Don't know what you mean." I'm grinning; there's no denying just how much she reminds me of how I used to be at her age, attitude attached to every sentence almost, either that or she wants something. That said she’s her own person and is doing a lot better than I was at her age which is a good thing. “You’re sure you’re ready to move on, to be with me, because you know you get Liv as part of the deal, that's not up for negotiation.”

“I know. Aaron, I’m sure; just like you were sure when I said I’m not going to suddenly stop talking about my family or thinking about them. Aaron we are both going into this with eyes wide open.”

I look directly at Robert, feeling foolish, biting my lip nervously, “Sorry. I just....., I don’t know, sometimes I don’t get what you see in me; last year wasn’t easy and I don’t want to get hurt.”

“That swings both ways Aaron; it’s okay to be scared you know. We’ve both been through a lot, but I know how I feel and that I want this, I want you and I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be a part of your life even if it is in Emmerdale and all the crap that comes with it. If you ever change your mind I'll walk away and you'll never see me again.”

“That simple?”

"Yep, one thing I've come to realise this last year is there's some things you can't fight; what's meant to be will be and life's too short to get stuck. I suppose I've always been like that, why do you think I left last time."

I squeeze him, my arms still locked round his body, “You do realise, I’m not going to give up on you sorting things out with Jack and Andy and neither will Vic.”

Robert scoffs, decidedly rejecting this as a possibility, “Good luck with that; next you’ll be telling me by this time next year I’ll be best mates with your mum.”

Although probably a bit of a stretch, you never know, stranger things have happened and I grin at him cheekily, “I have my ways.”

Robert kisses me and I start to melt in his arms. “Mmhhh, so I’ve noticed.” Before we get chance to get too carried away there’s a knocking, presumably the pizza delivery and I let Robert go to answer the door.

.

Aaron, Sunday 8th January 2017

“Aww, did you think I’d gone already without saying goodbye.”

Robert is quick to deny it, but his face tells a different story, “No.”

“Fibber.” Putting the tray down on the bed, I pass Robert his coffee and get myself a slice of toast before stretching out on top of the duvet.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, it kind of all still feels like the last few days were too good to be true and that I‘d wake up with someone pinching me and telling me it was just a dream.”

Robert pinches me before I can stop him, “Definitely real.” And I lean in for a sloppy buttery kiss before helping myself to a second slice of toast.

.

When all the toast is finished, I shift the tray onto the floor and climb back into bed. I know I’m delaying the inevitable, putting off getting my stuff together; I’d promised to pick Liv up from the airport so I’ll have to shift myself soon. Robert wraps his arm around me and I cuddle up-to him, “So Mr Sugden, what are we going to tell Liv and Co?”

“The truth but.....,” Despite the smile I can hear an edge of Robert's own insecurity in his voice, “Aaron I know what you said about Liv, but go carefully; I’m not as sure as you that she’s going to take it as well as you think she will. She did a good job of trying to kill me before remember and that’s when we weren’t even that close.”

"I thought you'd got over that, you know she didn't mean it." I’m tired of giving a crap about other people; Robert is right, we should focus on us, “Look if she doesn’t like it, she can go live back with her mum.”

Robert knows me too well, seeing straight through me, “You don’t mean that.”

I give him a wry smile, “Maybe I do....., no I don’t mean that but you’re right, I can’t put my life on hold, she’ll just have to get used to it. Let me see what mood she’s in when I get her home and then we can decide when is best to tell her. I think maybe we should tell Liv first, get her alone, sit down just the three of us and we see how she reacts.”

“Okay but I’ll put the ambulance on standby just in case.”

“Pessimist.” Robert is clearly not as confident in Liv as I am but in this I know he's wrong; in some things I still know my sister better than he does. This is the plus side of her being like me; she's all mouth and a big softie underneath. 

.

Aaron, Monday 9th January 2015

“Hey" Robert has sneaked in through the back and wraps his arms around me, "I missed my wake up kiss, so thought I’d call in to claim it.” I don't resist as he plants a wet and warm kiss on my lips, making me feel all needy. I've got used to sleeping with him and l have to admit it I didn't like waking up without him next to me, “Mmh, you taste like bacon.”

“Just had breakfast haven't I. Sorry no bacon left and it's a bit of a trek to Paris for your usual.” I'm unable to resist going back for seconds, enjoying the taste of another kiss, “I missed you too.”

“Where’s Liv?”

“Shower and getting ready for school, mum’s lurking someplace so we need to be careful if we don't want her to catch on before we tell Liv.”

Reluctantly, we pull out of the embrace, “About that, I actually need to go down to London today; I’ll be there for a good couple of days to get some things sorted.”

“What about Liv?”

“You said anything to her yet?”

“No, I told you, I want us to do it together.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d changed your mind.”

“No, yesterday she was so full of news from Dublin and excited about being back and then she went over to see Gabby, there wasn’t really a good time even if I’d wanted to. I was thinking about us telling her tonight, but if you’re in London, we’ll have to wait until you get back. How long are you down there for?”

“Come back late Thursday; there’s a lot to catch up on. We could take her out on Friday night and tell her then, or maybe it’s safer to do it at Home Farm just in case. What do you think?”

“I’ll test the waters a little whilst you’re away and let you know.”

“Can I see you Thursday night when I get back? I’ll miss you too much between now and then; could you find a way to stay over?”

“I think I could find some excuse or other.” We fall back into another kissing session; oh god, we’re practically pining for each other already and he hasn’t even left yet.

“Perfect.” Robert's hand is on the back of my head pressing me to him, both of us aching for so much more but somehow we show some self-restraint and pull apart at hearing the sound of Liv stomping around upstairs. He smiles, “I’d best be off, I’ll call you later okay.”

“You’d better.” Robert makes to leave but I’m not quite ready to let him go that easily and I follow him into the car park pulling him back by the hand. “Nnhhh, I need just a little more to tide me over if you’re going to be away until Thursday.” Forgetting where we are for a moment, we lose ourselves kissing, our hands roaming, greedy to touch, but Robert has more willpower than I do and prises me off him.

“I'll make it up-to you I promise; I love you.” Seeing my pout, Robert grins at me as reluctantly I let him go.

“Love you too.” I smile back, watching him leave, then refocusing on the day ahead I go back inside to get Liv off to school. With it being the first day back I'm expecting some kind of resistance.

.

Walking into the scrapyard, it's good to see Adam after putting up with the testy atmosphere of being around mum last night, “And the wanderer returns. Did you have a nice time?”

“I did thank you. Missed anything here?”

“No, you probably don’t want to know about your mum and half your family getting worked up about you going off with Robert Sugden of all people.”

“Tell me something I don't know. I got the cold shoulder all last night, but at least she didn’t say anything in front of Liv.”

“You've got to admit though, it is a bit odd, you and Robert Sugden going to Paris, being away for your birthday; I know you’re friends and everything, but still.”

I can't resist teasing, "You jealous or something?"

"Nah mate; don't even start that one."

Squinting at him in the morning sunshine, I can’t contain myself, “What if I told you, we’re more than friends?”

Adam stands gawping at me a minute with his mouth open; laughing at him I use my hand to push his jaw up to close it, “So your mum was right then?” I grab my gloves and high-vis from inside the portacabin door so I can help Adam with the car he's started stripping down.

“Is that what she said, that we’re an item?”

“Not exactly.” I raise my eyebrows waiting for the rest, “She reckons you fancy him and he’s just enjoying the attention, getting a rise out of pissing her off into the bargain.”

Unable to help myself I smirk mischievously, “Oh he was definitely enjoying the attention and he's pretty good at giving as good as he gets.”

“Arghhh, I don’t think I wanted to hear that; this is Vic’s brother. Mate no, just no okay.”

Adam’s face is a picture, making me giggle; it’s so easy to make him squirm with embarrassment, “Get used to it mate, just don’t go telling anyone and definitely not Vic. I’m not even telling mum until we’ve spoken to Liv; we want to tell her first and Robert’s got to go to London ‘til the end of the week. We’re going to tell her together so keep it to yourself until I tell you, got it?”

There’s a nod of the head, though I’m not sure he’ll manage to keep it from Vic, she has that habit of knowing when he’s keeping things from her. “That’ll be interesting with Liv.”

“She likes him.”

He has the same look on his face that Robert had given me but he doesn’t comment, instead moving on to the more difficult problem, “You know your mum will go ape though?”

“She can say what she likes; if she gives me too much grief, then me and Liv’ll move out.”

Adam’s jaw drops again for a moment until he catches himself, “Where to?”

“No idea and no, not into Home Farm before you start going down that road, that’s way too soon.”

“So Robert’s planning to stick around, it’s serious then?”

“That’s the idea and yeah, it’s serious. He's told the Estate Agent to take the house off the market.”

“I didn't even know he'd put it up for sale. Vic never said, she didn't say he's into blokes neither.”

“She didn’t know on either count. He didn't know himself, I'm his first but he's relaxed about it. Now I just need to find a way to get him to start talking to Jack and Andy without them wanting to tear strips off each other and maybe they can find a way to get on.”

“World peace might be easier.” Adam gives me a sympathetic look, we’ve both experienced first-hand just how bad Robert’s relationship is with his family. He’s absorbing the fall-out as much with Vic as I have with Robert.

“I’m hoping Vic will help me; if we work together we have a better chance of fixing things. I need to get them to see he’s not the same Robert that left here all those years ago.”

Stopping what he's doing, Adam stares at me, “Rather you than me; Jack isn’t the easiest and even if Andy comes round, there’s Katie and she’s just as bad as Jack, they're all stubborn to the last, the lot of them, Robert included.”

“Then we’re going to have to be smart about how we do it, aren’t we?”

“We...., where's this 'we' come from? Why do I always get roped into your scheming?”

I grin, knowing he's on board, “What are best mates for; Vic won’t give you a choice anyway and you know it.”

.

It’s good to be back at work, we’re busy and there’s a lot to do which will keep me occupied until Robert gets back. When my phone goes, I’m hoping it’s him and I’m disappointed when I see its not, “Hello.”

“Aaron?”

“Sandra.”

She catches me off-guard practically yelling at me down the phone, “What the hell is going on?”

Adam glances across at me curiously, having heard her from his side of the desk, “What do you mean?”

“Where’s Liv?”

“She’s at school.”

“Are you sure?”

A tinge of panic starts to build, “I think so, well she left this morning as normal, in fact she was off early and I’ve not had a call to say she’s not there. Sandra, Liv hasn’t bunked off school for ages; what makes you think she’s not at school?”

“She's just called me all upset, asking if she can move to Dublin, something about you won’t want her living with you anymore. She definitely wasn't at school.”

I’m fully alert now, this is more than just Liv bunking off with post-Christmas blues, “Woah woah, slow down, what do you mean, she wants to move to Dublin; why? What did she say exactly?”

“She never said anything to you?”

“No, she seemed fine when she left. Sandra what did she say?”

“She was going on about you having a new boyfriend and you won’t want her around because she’ll be in the way.” Shit....., shit; how the hell did she find out already? “So is it true?”

My mind is whirring, not quite listening properly as I stand up to start pacing suddenly stopping when I realise she's asked me a question, “What?”

“Do you have a new boyfriend?”

There’s no point lying and I tell her the truth, “Yes, but he’s away for the week now. We’ve only just got together; we were going to tell Liv this Friday when he gets back. It’s not like she doesn’t know him, it’s Robert Sugden; you know he tutors her after school.”

“And how did she get the idea that you won’t want her anymore?”

“I’ve no idea. I've hardly even mentioned Robert to her since she got back, she was too eager to go see Gabby. He was at the pub with me earlier on; she must have seen us together but she never said anything.”

“Seen what exactly Aaron; you rolling around in bed with your new man?”

“No no; nothing like that. He just called in before I went to work, we kissed, that’s all; maybe she saw, I....., I don’t know Sandra.” It still doesn’t make sense though why she’d think I wouldn’t want her, she knows I love her and promised she could stay with me whatever. I realise my phone has been beeping at me and Sandra is talking again, “Shit that’s the school. I’ll call you back, I’ll sort it out I promise.”

I’m too late to answer the call from the school and I stand in shock for a minute staring at Adam, not quite knowing to say or do as my panic starts to take hold, thinking of all the places she could be and what she might do having found out about this in the last possible way I would have wanted.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diabetes is a manageable condition, but key to successfully living with diabetes is balancing medication and insulin injections with food and activity. When that balance isn’t right, one of two things will happen: either blood glucose drops too low and hypoglycaemia (a hypo) results, or blood glucose rises too high and hyperglycaemia (a hyper) occurs.  
> Source:diabetes.org.uk


	16. An Uneasy Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is desperate to find Liv and things take an unexpected turn between the Sugden brothers.

Aaron, Monday 9th January 2017

Together with Adam, we’ve checked everywhere in the village and roundabouts; all the places we could think of including my old haunts where I used to go, but there’s no trace. If Liv is still in Emmerdale then she’s doing a good job at hiding. At least she hasn't switched her phone off, it rings when I call and I assume she's rejecting them having seen it’s me, sending them to voicemail. She's also ignoring all my texts but if she’s reading them, then she knows I love her more than life itself. I keep reminding myself that she’s still an insecure teenager who’s never had a stable home for very long which makes her run scared at the first thought of losing what we now have but I trust her to talk to me when she's ready. Despite our ups and downs, there's this unbreakable bond that holds us together and in the end, we've always found a way to make it right between us.

Ringing Gabby, she said she’d not seen her. I can’t be sure, but I don’t think she was lying; she sounded genuinely surprised that Liv hadn’t turned up for the bus to school and apparently I'm not the only one Liv is ignoring because she's not answering to Gabby neither.

Now back at the pub, I’ve checked Liv’s room more closely; there’s a bag missing and some of her clothes but what’s got me worked up the most is finding that her passport is gone. I could be overreacting because she only came back last night, but I’m sure I’d seen her put it on the kitchen table, leaving it out for me to put together with mine like she usually does. Because I hadn’t picked up when the school first rang, they had tried their next contact number which was the pub, dutifully informing mum that Liv hadn’t turned up. This has not helped matters any which is why I am stood getting an earful when Robert walks in, “Oh great, what’s he doing here?”

I’m glaring at her, doing my best not to show how much I'm panicking inside, really needing Robert’s calmness right now, “I called him.”

“Why?” Mum is glaring right back at me. Last night she had managed to keep herself in check, but this is just the catalyst she needs to have a go and let loose at me and she doesn’t even know the half of it.

Right now, all I want is to sink into Robert’s protective arms but with mum here I can’t; instead I have to make do with a fleeting look of thanks that he’s here but I know he got the message, “None of your business.”

“No no, of course it’s none of my business. Nothing to do with you seems to be any of my business these days. You don’t seem to care a jot what I think; Liv is only living under my roof.” Mum looks at Robert, almost challenging him to say something but when he doesn’t, she turns back to me, “So are you going to tell me why, when Liv was all happy and on top of the world when she got back yesterday, that she’s not at school, she's not answering her phone and her passport along with some clothes are missing?”

“She’s just got the wrong end of the stick about something and nothing. I’ll find her and then it’ll be fine once we’ve straightened it all out.”

“Oh yeah, wrong end of what stick or is that also none of my business? If it's something and nothing Aaron you wouldn't be this worked up, so don't come it with me that there's nothing to worry about because I don't believe you. You think she's run away don't you?” Giving in, knowing I need help to look for her I nod, not knowing what else to do or say.

.

Mum turns her attention once more to Robert who has pretty much remained silent since getting here. I’d rung the school back but they only told me what I already knew, that Liv hadn’t turned up for classes; then I’d called Robert straight after. We’d kept in touch as I’d searched with Adam but when we couldn’t find her I’d called him to meet me at the pub. “Nothing to say then or you just going to stand there like a lump of lard?”

“Mum this isn't Robert’s fault, don’t start having a go at him.”

“Oh so it must be yours then.” The accusation hangs thick in the air and it’s quiet when I don’t contradict her, giving mum all the proof she needs. “You went running to him before you even told your own family; why bring him into it? We should be calling the police if anyone.”

Robert interrupts, “You know they won’t do anything until she’s been gone twenty-four hours and because I can help.”

Mum scoffs, disbelievingly, “Really, got some special Liv detector have you?”

Robert stays calm, “Maybe; I have contacts. Look having a go at Aaron or me won’t find her; we need to think where else she could be.” His phone rings and Robert answers, “Thanks for getting back to me. I emailed you her file, all her details and picture; yeah that’s right, Flaherty, Olivia, but everyone calls her Liv. Call me back when you find her, she has her phone on so it shouldn’t take you long and she won’t have gone too far I don’t think.”

For once mum is truly silent and even I’m looking at him a little startled, “I thought you said you dealt with information and what file; you have a file on Liv?”

“I told you we have people working on all kinds of projects. Aaron I know people that can find her and she’ll be fine; then we can sit down and talk with her.”

For the first time, I sit down myself, suddenly feeling drained and helpless; I just want my sister back here with me. For the moment I'm ignoring the fact that he only answered half of the question, I'm too consumed by the gnawing feeling that mum is right and this is all my fault, that I fucked up like I always seem to do where Liv is concerned. “I will never forgive myself if anything happens to her.”

Mum is looking between us, “Who was that on the phone? You’d better not be hooked up with anything criminal, I wouldn’t put it past you and why would you be talking to her? She’s nothing to do with you, go try fixing your own family problems and whilst we’re at it, I want you to stay away from my son. You’re nothing but trouble Robert Sugden; it follows you wherever you go.”

I look at mum incredulously, “That’s rich coming from a Dingle, there’s hardly a day go by when one of us isn’t up to our necks in something illegal. I want him here okay and if he can find Liv for us quickly that’s all that matters right now.” Closing my eyes a moment, I slouch back into the sofa needing a minute to collect my thoughts to think of places we've not considered where she might have gone. The door of the back room opens but when I look up it’s just Cain; great that’s all I need, another lecture.

After bringing Cain up-to speed with what she knows, mum went with him to round up the family for another search of the village and all the nearby farms and outbuildings. Doug is covering the bar whilst I said I would wait here with Robert in case she comes home. Fortunately, mum doesn't want to alert Sandra until we know more for sure and Sandra hasn’t called her yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time before they talk to each other and then I’m really going to cop it. Finally on our own I can take some comfort from Robert being here; neither of us have said it out loud but we are both feeling the weight of responsibility. We don’t know for certain, but it seems a pretty good bet that she’s done this because she saw us earlier; all this just because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other for more than five minutes. 

.

It’s already into the afternoon and I have finally given into my tears after getting yet another update from Cain saying that there is still no sign of her, Robert doing his best to keep me calm. "I told you before Aaron, if she's trying to go back to Sandra they'll stop her either at the airport or the ferry; she's too young to travel on her own."

My retort is scathing, "We both know she's smart enough to find a way, probably putting herself in danger with it, and saying they do stop her, then what? They take her away from me saying I'm not fit to look after her." We are running out of places to look and Liv isn’t picking up to anyone.

"It won't come to that and it's simply not true." I don't know what to think, I just know we need to find her. Robert’s phone rings, “Okay, thanks, got it. I’ll be down late tonight so I’ll see you tomorrow, cheers mate.” He turns to me, “Come on; get your coat.”

My eyes widen at seeing him nod, it's been less than a couple of hours since he had got the call from whoever it was earlier, “They found her already?”

“Yep.”

“Are you sure?" He nods again smiling as he puts on his coat. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I’m not sure if that doesn't scare the crap out of me.”

Robert grins and I don’t resist as he grabs me by the hand, pulling me out of the door. "Modern technology and she has her phone on; they said she's fine. They'll watch her 'til we get there."

"I don't want to know, I just need to see her for myself and make sure she's alright." I let Robert guide me into the passenger seat of his car, at this point there's no way I’m in a fit state to drive anywhere safely.

.

Sitting down on the park bench, Liv doesn’t move, not even acknowledging my presence but I take comfort from the fact she hasn’t bolted; this tells me she wants to talk. I sit quietly, shoving my hands into my pockets, shivering slightly from the cold.

After a while it becomes clear that I’m going to have to be the one to start, Liv isn’t budging an inch in her obstinate silence, refusing to look at me, “You didn’t go too far then?” I smile at her tough girl exterior; I can’t tell if she’s pleased I’m here or angry with me but I can wait to find out. Liv remains quiet, staring doggedly at the lake in front of us and I take a leap of faith in the hope she’ll hear me out, “I don’t know what you think you saw or what you think is going on, but nothing or no-one will ever make me not want you. Liv you’re my sister, I love you and I will never break the promise I made; I’ll always be here for you and you can stay with me for as long as ever you want.”

Liv remains stoically silent, but I can tell she’s softening, her body beginning to relax, “Your mum said you asked her if you could go live in Dublin. I won’t stop you if that’s want you really want, but I don’t want you to; I want you to stay with me, in Emmerdale.” Liv shrugs her shoulders, giving the first real sign that she’s listening to me, “You did see us this morning didn’t you, me and Robert? That’s what has you all upset?”

Finally, she shoots a fleeting look at me, nervous and apprehensive, “I wasn’t expecting it that’s all. He said you were just friends and I believed him, I believed you but you lied.”

“I didn’t lie, neither of us did; we were just friends, but it changed. Over Christmas whilst you were at your mum’s, things happened. That’s why we went to Paris, we needed to get away for a bit, to be clear on everything because we knew it was such a big deal and we wanted to be sure before we said anything. I promise Liv we were going to tell you. We would have done it tonight but Robert has to go to London already for work so we were planning to tell you this Friday when he gets back; I wanted us to tell you together. I promise I never wanted for you to find out like this.” Liv turns to look at me, it feels like her eyes are boring into mine trying to work out if she believes me or not. “Liv I would never lie to you, not now and not ever. I’m scared too Liv, I have you, the family and I’ve fallen in love; I’m happier now than I have been in a very long time and I want you to be happy too.”

Liv is quiet and I look around where we are whilst I give her some time to think about what I’ve said. She had come to a place I would never in a million years have thought to look, the park outside her old home in York with Sandra, where we first met. She must have got the train earlier instead of going to school.

.

Robert had held back, talking to some people when we first got here, but they seem to have gone now. Liv turns her head to stare at him; he’s stood against a wall, watching from quite a distance away to give us time and space to talk. I had wanted him to be close by but I had also known that I needed to speak to Liv on my own first. “Do you really love him?”

I allow myself a smile turning my attention from Robert back to my sister, “Yes, yes I love him.”

“Does he love you?”

“Yes,” A wry laugh escapes my lips and Liv doesn’t quite know what to make of it, “He’s a bit worried you might try and kill him again, but I told him he was safe. I like him a lot Liv and I know you do too, you don't fool anyone anymore on that front." There's a hint of a smile on Liv's face, telling me I'm not wrong. "So will you give us a chance to find out if we can make a go of it?”

“You’re not planning to move us in with him are you?”

“No, but maybe it would be good to move out of the pub, get our own place, just you and me. What do you think?”

“I’d like that." Hesitating Liv bites her bottom lip, "I would have come home you know; I just got scared.” I put my arm around Liv’s shoulder, hugging her to me as she wraps her arms around my waist, squeezing tightly. “Still nobody else likes him, you know that don’t you?”

“Haha,” I can’t help laughing at how deadpan she says this, “He’s going to try and work on that; he’ll probably need our help though.”

“He’ll have a job, his dad’s a right miserable so and so; I don’t know what Diane sees in him.”

“Mmmh, no comment; it takes all sorts I s’pose,” I look across to Robert, “Come on, let’s go put him out of his misery.”

Seeing us get up and walk in his direction, Robert is coming towards us, approaching warily before we finally meet with Liv giving him the hard stare, “You hurt my brother and I'll hurt you; you got that Sugden?”

Robert nods, relieved and amused at protective Liv, and the fact she never calls him that. I squeeze his shoulder, resisting the urge to kiss him. Considering that is what kicked all this off in the first place, it might not be the best idea just yet but I take comfort seeing him smiling at me. The way he is looking at me and fondly at Liv is good enough for now. “Come on, let’s go home.”

.

Robert had called Adam to let everyone know we had found Liv and when we first get back to the pub, luckily mum is nowhere in sight. Liv sosses down on the sofa as I go to make some tea, “You know they all still think he’s a druggie? You’re not are you?”

"Liv, you can't say that." It amazes me how easily she just asks questions like this. That said, I’m not going to question the logic of a teenage girl, I’m still on a novice when it comes to this parenting lark and I’ve learnt in the last few months not to overthink it too much otherwise I’d drive myself insane. I’ve never told Liv about Robert’s diabetes; she’d been guilt-ridden and fragile enough after he’d ended up in hospital so I’d left that bit out.

Robert sits down next to her, just like they have done week in week out when he was helping her with school and it hits me just how natural it is between them now. “No. I have diabetes; I have to take insulin twice a day.”

“Will you show me?”

“Maybe another time, I already had my shot earlier this morning. Your brother knows how to do it now though.” Liv stares at me fascinated, as though she’s trying to imagine me sticking a needle into Robert, “You want to see what I use instead?” Liv nods and Robert pulls the insulin pen out of his pocket, it’s the one that he carries with him most everywhere he goes just in case he needs it.

Liv takes it from him, examining it, “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s not exactly pleasant though either; you get used to it.”

Typical, it’s at this point that mum walks in. I put our drinks down on the coffee table and sit next to Liv, so she is in-between me and Robert. I can see mum is about to kick off and I put a stop to it before she starts, “He’s diabetic mum; when Katie saw him that day in the car park, he was taking his insulin. You can make sure she knows that an' all, put a stop to all her shit stirring about it.”

Mum shuts her mouth like a goldfish, but she’s not going to be satisfied in letting me have the last word, “Why the hell didn’t he say something then instead of letting us all think the worst?”

“You lot hardly gave him chance and you’ll only find something else to have a go about. There’s something else you should know,” I glance over at Robert who nods his head ever so slightly giving his okay, “Me and Robert, well we’re together....., as in boyfriends....., couple....., whatever; you know what I mean.” For the first time in hours, I relax seeing him smile and I grin at him, “That sounds so weird to say out loud.”

Mum is flummoxed for a second but it doesn’t take her long to recover, “I was only joking when I said you'd gone to Paris to have it off. I can't believe you're seriously going to go out with him. I told you once and I’ll tell you again, you’ll regret ever having anything to do with him. Is this why you absconded, young miss?”

Liv looks at mum defiantly, wanting to protect us, “No, just didn’t fancy school that’s all; it's boring.”

“Mmhh, let's say just this once I believe you. I don’t suppose I get to know where you got to then?” Liv shrugs, looking at me sheepishly then gets up and gives mum a big hug. Despite my irritation at mum's attitude towards Robert, it makes me soften seeing her like this with Liv, mum kissing the top of her head. “Don’t scare us like that ever again, okay?”

With Liv swaying in her arms, mum looks across at us on the sofa and despite herself I can see her looking at Robert a little differently. She might not like him, but mum knows that it’s down to Robert that we found Liv so quickly. She's listening to him now speaking for the first time, “Give us a chance Chas; I was just a teenager when I left who didn’t know any better, I've grown up and no I'm not into anything criminal before you come back to that. I love Aaron and I think the world of Liv, who just so you also know, has made it very clear she'll make me suffer if I break his heart, which I have no intention of ever doing by the way.”

I can see mum mulling over his words, but she doesn’t really give us enough to go on if she’ll back off from giving us grief, “Is it a secret or are you going to tell people?”

Robert gets in before I can even open my mouth, “Tell who you like, you can put a notice in the Hotten Gazette for all I care. Robert Sugden is in love with Aaron Livesy, soon to be Aaron Dingle.”

Both mum and Liv turn to stare at me now and for the first time, there’s just a hint of a smile from mum. “Really, you’re going to change your name?”

“Yes.”

“You know that means a party don’t you? There's no way that can’t go without celebration.”

“It’s just a name change mum.”

Mum shakes her head, smiling, “Oh no, this is way bigger than just a name change, you're going to be a Dingle.” Mum turns to Robert, sizing him up with a withering stare, “Just you remember Robert Sugden, you’re a silent partner; my name’s above that door as licensee, not yours so don’t you forget I can bar you even though you own half this place and I’m next in the queue to make you suffer if you do anything to hurt my boy, understood?”

For the second time today Robert seems amused at being threatened by the other most important person in my life, “I hear you loud and clear Chas, my life won't be worth living if I break his heart.” I smile at the mischievous grin on his face and shake my head at him. It might be an uneasy truce, but it’s a start at least and maybe, just maybe, everything might work out. If mum can come round, even a little, then there’s hope for the rest of them.

.

Robert, Friday 13th January 2017

In the end it had been Tuesday morning when I went down to London so I’ve only just now got back, Aaron having picked me up from the station. It had been worth staying in Emmerdale Monday night though, giving me chance to talk with Liv who said she was okay with us being together. That said, she did seem to rather enjoy repeating the threat of death if I put a foot wrong, but I can cope with that and anyway I got my own back by setting her a difficult homework challenge as penance for missing the first day of school.

Liv is the least of our problems these days. Aaron had been right; the way she looks at me does remind me of an older version of Chloe sometimes. Liv just has a lot more front with it so you have to pay more attention and look a lot deeper to pull it out of her, but it’s there and it's a good feeling.

Walking in the front door of the pub, we brace ourselves, knowing full well with it being Friday night that all the regulars will be in. I would much prefer to have gone straight to Home Farm and crash on the sofa with Aaron falling asleep in my arms but Aaron had insisted we meet Vic and Adam for a drink and I’m too tired to argue with him. After so long off work, despite having missed the day-to-day buzz and looking forward to being back in the office, my brain is fried; it’s been a non-stop bombardment of information and decision making all week.

.

After ordering a pint for himself and me an orange juice, we go to join my sister together with Adam who has his arm draped around her; they look happy. Katie and Andy are at a table not too far away, but there is no acknowledgement other than a silent glare. I ignore Vic's disappointment, but she'll just have to get used to it. There’s no sign of dad or Diane; I don’t know if I’m thankful for small mercies or if it’s better to get it all over with in one fell swoop. The one thing that doesn’t alter no matter who is here, is the warm feeling I get from sitting close to Aaron after being away from him most of the week. I can see Vic is dying to say something but is stopped by Liv coming over with a bag of crisps. Despite being tired, I wind her up, it's what we do, “Where’s mine greedy guts?”

“You can’t eat them.”

“How do you know?”

“Aaron said, they're not on your meal plan.”

I smirk at him, impressed he'd taken the time to explain it to her; he hadn't mentioned that to me, “Did he now; did you do that problem I set for you?”

Liv shifts from one foot to the other, resting her hand on Aaron’s shoulder, "Maybe.”

I know she's done it because Aaron told me she's been complaining all week how difficult it was, “What does that mean?”

“Not sure I got it right.”

“That's alright, as long as you did your best. We can look on Monday.”

“Can’t we look tomorrow?”

“No.”

Aaron is smiling, nudging Liv playfully, “Wow, miracles do happen. My sister is talking about doing school work on a weekend; are you sure you’re Liv?”

She grins at him, pushing Aaron away from her so he's pressed close against me, “Idiot.”

He chuckles at her, “That’s me told.”

Before brother and sister start winding each other up even more I intervene, “We’ll look on Monday, I’m too knackered from my own brain work to do it until then. I already emailed you the reading you need to do for your homework from this week.”

“I know.” Her hand is back resting on Aaron’s shoulder, a little further away from her than before because he'd stayed close in to me, "Can I go over to Gabby’s?”

Aaron nods, taking a drink of his pint, “For a bit, don’t be late back though.”

Vic is staring at me open mouthed as Liv heads out, “Look at you, having the whole parent-teacher thing down pat; a right proper little family.” Aaron and I exchange looks but don’t say anything, “It must be love.”

I can feel myself blushing and Aaron squeezes my hand underneath the table, “It must be.”

“Aaron what did you do to my brother?”

“Nothing; I suppose he could have been abducted to the same alien planet as my sister and they are just imposters or I could tell you the truth, but I’m not sure you want to hear what we get up to when we’re on our own.”

Vic is about to say something until Adam cuts in, “Exactly babe, just be happy for them.”

She's pouting which looks so cute, “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”

I can't help laughing at her, “You’re so easy to wind up sis.”

.

Aaron and Adam go start a game of darts, leaving me alone with Vic. There’s a comfortable silence for a while as we watch them mess about, giggling and joking. “So what’s with this meal plan?”

“I’m diabetic. Have been a few years so I have to watch what I eat, how much and when, and I have to take insulin twice a day.”

“I didn’t think you could get it as an adult?"

“Well you can and there’s nothing I can do about it, there’s no cure.”

“Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, it is what it is." I have to stop to yawn before continuing, "I don’t drink much if at all and eat quite healthy which is a good thing and over the years I’ve learned how to manage it. Seeing how I'm staying you'll get to learn what I do and don't eat, assuming you invite us round for tea that is.” I smile at my sister, "Hint hint."

Vic grins back at me, “So it's true what Aaron said then?”

“Depends what he said. I’ve gone back to work, but I’ll split my time between London and here for now at least and then we'll have to see how things work out.”

“What about the farm?”

“What about it? I told you Vic, I want nothing more to do with it. I’m staying because of Aaron; you and him can try all you like, nothing’s going change, it’s too late.” I look up, seeing Chas observing me, but I also see the warning look that Aaron gives her from where he is standing. I assume it's part of the game they are playing; he’d told me that she’d spent most of the week trying to talk him out of being with me, but he wasn’t having any of it and in the end he'd told her that he and Liv are moving out as soon as they find somewhere. My family should be more straightforward, as other than Vic and Diane, I have no intention of talking with any of them. "You are okay about me being with Aaron, right?"

"I'm happy as long as you're both happy."

"You don't seem very surprised."

Vic shrugs, "I was, but not after I thought about it. Aaron's good for you and you're good for him, and Liv."

.

Aaron and Adam come back to join us, Adam playing at sulking having lost to Aaron who is beaming at me, his face flushed from laughing. Even when we were just friends there had often been a physical closeness between us but back then it was only when we were alone. However in Paris we had let our guard down and although Aaron isn’t a huge fan of PDA, he’d never resisted me touching him in public. So when I touch him now it’s out of habit that I put my hand on the back of his neck, nuzzling into it affectionately before kissing his soft skin. I love his smell and I smile at the effect it’s having on me but I pull back upon feeling him tense up. I wasn’t sure at first if it was because we are in the pub and he’s not comfortable with me doing this here or something else, but I quickly realise that my dad has just walked in. I kiss the side of Aaron's head, soaking up the smell of his hair and then sit back relaxing, letting my fingers gently stroke the back of his neck.

My eyes lock with dads' for an instant before looking away. He had initially stood still and stared after first seeing me but had recovered quickly and gone to the bar, now having his back to us. It's impossible to tell what he was thinking, he hadn't given anything away; maybe he had just been surprised to see me. I had promised Aaron I wouldn’t let any of them rile me and either way I don't care, I'm over it and them. Shifting my position I hold Aaron’s hand, out of sight under the table, in the hope it will help keep me grounded just in case. He looks at me, smiling as I stifle yet another a yawn and rest my chin on his shoulder, “I’m tired, it’s been a long first week back at work, can we go? You're staying over right?"

“Yeah, I got permission.” I smile, struggling to imagine Aaron asking Liv's permission to stay over at his boyfriend's but we'd agreed until she gets really settled with everything we should tread carefully. Putting our coats on, we get ready to leave, Aaron downing the last of his pint, “You’ll have to drive.”

“I know.” I smile at Vic, letting her know we’re good, “We’ll see you over the weekend okay?” She nods silently looking a little concerned that things might kick off. None of us know what dad might think of having a bi-sexual for a son; it's not ever anything I suppose that's come up as a topic of conversation. Not that it really matters; it can't make things worse than they already are.

We’re half way to the door when I realise I’d left my phone on the seat at the side of where I'd been sitting. Katie can’t resist stirring the pot as I pass them, making it clear Chas hadn’t told anyone the truth, “Had your fix today Rob?” Aaron looks at his mum, his disappointment in her visible on his face. It doesn’t make a difference to me one way or the other and I ignore her question. Picking up my phone I head back towards Aaron who is waiting for me at the door, but neither of us had seen Liv come back in and we are both shocked by how angry she is, practically launching herself at Katie, “He doesn’t do drugs you stupid cow, he’s diabetic; he takes insulin to stay alive.”

.

Aaron grabs hold of Liv’s arm, dragging her away before she does anything even more stupid, talking quiet but sternly as he forcibly walks her out of the bar, “Be quiet Liv, out back right now.” The rest of the pub are now watching on to see how the latest episode in the Sugden saga will play out as I take a deep breath before silently following them, avoiding to look at anyone.

In the back room, Aaron is letting Liv vent now there's no-one to hear, “Don’t tell me to be quiet. You can’t let her get away with saying stuff like that when it’s not true.”

“It doesn’t matter; things are bad enough between them all without you making it worse. Robert can stand up for himself; he doesn’t need you doing it on his behalf.”

“I don’t care, she’s a nasty cow and I don’t like her; you should hear all the stuff she says about him and you. I'm not going to apologise and you can't make me”

“I'm not going to, but just let it go Liv; it’s not your fight and I want you to stay away from them if you can't control yourself.” 

Aaron is pleading at me to intervene, but I’m not quite sure what else I can or want to say; I'm too tired to get into this tonight. “Look, I’m going to go home. I’ll walk if you want to stay here, it’s up-to you. I’m really tired and I need sleep.”

Aaron looks disappointed but we both know he'll have to stay at the pub tonight, “Why don’t you stay here?”

Yawning again, I half laugh, “No. I’ve had enough fun for one day thanks. I need some peace and quiet in my own home.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil your night.”

Liv looks contrite and I take pity on her, “You haven’t and thank you." Liv looks relieved that I'm not cross with her. "Look I’ll go home, get a good night's sleep and then I’ll let you both treat me to breakfast to make up for it in the morning. Aaron knows my favourite, bring your answer to the problem I set for you and we can see how you've done with it.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. As long as you don’t kick off any more or then you’ll have both me and Aaron to deal with, and we can be quite the hard-assed team when we need to be.”

Aaron has a glint in his eye as he reinforces this, "Don't you forget it miss; you've not seen the file he has on you."

Liv looks a mix of startled and relieved she's getting off so lightly, “I'll be good, promise.”

She goes upstairs and I turn to Aaron; he's smiling at me and I kiss him, resting my forehead against his, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Aaron walks with me to the back door, "You don’t have to go, or I can come with you?”

“No, you stay here and watch over her Ladyship so she doesn’t cause any more bother. I seriously need sleep and there's not much chance of that if you're there." We grin at each other, knowing it's true, "Stay over tomorrow and Sunday instead.”

“Love you.”

Kissing his nose, I open the door, “Good job or then you’d also be in bother; I have a file on you too." I chuckle, Aaron's face is a picture, "Go easy on her, it's not Liv's fault that Katie's a vindictive self-righteous cow.” I grin at Aaron as close the door behind me and head out into the cold night air.

.

Robert, Saturday 14th January 2017

True to their word, Aaron and Liv have brought round breakfast goodies and some basic foodstuff to tide me over the weekend so I don't have to bother going to the shop after being away all week. I was entertained by them making American style pancakes although the kitchen might need me to call in the cleaners by the time they’ve done. However it's fun watching them and as we eat and talk there is no mention of what happened in the pub last night.

Breakfast over I had taken an executive decision that Aaron could fill the dishwasher and return my kitchen to its former picture of cleanliness whilst I sit with Liv at the breakfast bar to work through the problem I had given her. She has pretty much got it all right and I can see Aaron watching us, how proud he is of her and what she is capable of. They are both glowing when I tell her how well she's done. We've learned that half the reason she gets into trouble so much at school still is that she's bored, the other half is still down to the fact that she's exceptionally talented at getting herself into bother all of her own making, usually by letting her mouth run away with her, cheeky to the last. Aaron will never tell her, but he likes this side of her; she'll never be a pushover, that's for sure.

I throw the dishcloth at Aaron to remind him he hasn't finished yet, “Oi, you can’t come into my kitchen and make it look like a bomb-site; no stopping until it’s back how you found it.” Liv is giggling at the look on Aaron’s face at being reprimanded, but as usual with him, it backfires on me. He smirks, leaning in for a kiss as he wipes down the wooden surface of the breakfast bar next to us, but what I fail to see in time is the handful of flour that he unceremoniously dumps on my head.

“Oh, you really shouldn’t have done that.” I manage to grab Aaron, manhandling him enough for me to grab one of the eggs in the open carton on the counter and break it over Aaron’s head, sending Liv into a complete fit of laughter as the three of us descend into throwing anything that comes to hand at each other so that when there is a knock at the door, my kitchen looks worse that it did before and we are well and truly covered in flour, eggs, leftover pancake mix and god knows what.

I’m still giggling as I go answer the door, “Oh....., errrm....., we were just having breakfast, well....., had breakfast and were just cleaning up, kind of.” Andy’s eyes betray him and there’s a hint of amusement despite his face remaining serious. He was the last person I had expected to see, and am so surprised, I invite him inside, “You’d best come in.”

.

Aaron and Liv go completely silent at seeing Andy walk in with me; I pick up the hand towel and attempt to scrub the mess off my face and out of my hair, though I’m not too sure it helped much. “You want a coffee or something?”

“No ta, I won't be stopping.”

Aaron ushers Liv out of the kitchen to go upstairs; I mouth a thank you whilst smiling at Liv protesting all the way as Aaron doesn't give her a choice, “You need another shower, we’ll find you a clean t-shirt or something or there are some spare overalls in the car I think.” I find a spot at the far end of the breakfast bar where it is safe to sit; in the meanwhile Andy had been taking a look at the memory wall crammed full of pictures and I can't help thinking how ironic this is. Finally Aaron and Liv are out of earshot and I can see Andy’s questioning look having seen the pictures of me with Jess and the kids; there’s also some of Sarah, Pat my real mum and some of the other Sugdens from my childhood. I hadn’t got round to putting up the picture of Vic and Adam that she had given me, but it’s on the side waiting for me to get a frame matching to the others. Missing are any sign of Andy or dad.

Sighing, I go over and stand next to him; I'm too tired to get into a fight, “That’s Jess, my wife and this is Chloe, and that cheeky chappie there is Harry. He looks like dad don’t you think?”

Andy looks at me curiously, “A little bit, same eyes. Chloe looks like Annie; you remember that picture on the dresser when she was a little girl. She’s the spitting image.”

“I remember.”

“Where are they now?”

“They died, just over a year ago; some drunken idiots on the road caused us to crash. When I woke up in the hospital they told me they were gone. Just like that, one minute they were there, laughing and happy and then the next they were dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

I feel a lump in my throat looking at one particular picture that affects me more than the others, “Me too. They were my life and I loved them more than anything.”

He looks at me cautiously, “You never said anything.”

“It's nobody's business and I didn't want anyone using my grief against me."

“We wouldn’t.....”

I interrupt him, “Don't Andy....., you know as well as I do what we're like when we get riled up, we use the things that hurt the most, it's what we do.”

Andy doesn't argue, instead changing the subject, “The diabetes, is it bad?”

“It’s not a case of good or bad; I'm a type 1diabetic and managing it regulates my life, if I screw it up I die.”

“How long have you had it, you didn’t....., when you left Emmerdale you weren’t.....?”

“No, it was diagnosed when I was in my early twenties. I’ve adjusted; it’s not a problem as long as I monitor it. You must know what that’s like, same as with Sarah; she’ll never have a completely normal life with her illness, but it won’t stop her being happy.”

It goes quiet, both of us staring back at the wall rather than having to look at each other until I return to where I'd been sitting at the table with Andy turning back in my direction, “Dad does love you, you know, just like you love him.”

“Mmh maybe, very deep down; we're too alike, prodigal sons who never learnt how to toe the line." I pause in reflection before looking directly at Andy, "And you, do you love me?”

“Deep down.....," We smile at each other, the sadness is evident in both of us that this is what it has come to, "We might not be brothers in blood, but we are brothers, Robert.”

“I know.” I look at him, still tired from a tough week, “Look, I’ve said my piece to Vic already. I won’t take any action against you or the farm; it’s up-to you guys to sort it out how you want, I won’t stand in your way.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not doing it for you; I’m doing it for Vic.”

“I know.”

“We’re not a family Andy, not any more but at least we could try and be civil for Vic's sake if nothing else. Life is too short for all this bitterness to keep hurting the people around us.”

“You and Aaron, are you happy?”

I look at him surprised he's asked, “Yeah, I never even looked at a bloke like that until I met him, but he’s special and like Vic says he’s good for me. Just like Jess was; he's very different but he gives me balance and I need that, I need him.”

“You know dad is still wound tight about everything; we might be able to call a kind of truce but you'll need to convince him as well.”

“I know. I have an idea on that, but I’m going to need your help to get him to sit down and talk to me like a normal human being.”

“As long as you keep your end of the bargain not to fight us on the farm, then leave Jack to me.”

“That means Katie will have play ball too, you'll need to bring her into line as well.”

Andy bristles at hearing me say this, but he knows if he wants an easy ride on keeping the farm, it's not optional, “She will; it's her livelihood as well. She doesn't want to lose it any more than I do. So do we have a deal?"

He holds out his hand and after a slight hesitation, I take it, feeling the firm grip of a farmers' hands, "Yes, we have a deal."

"Right, so I'll be off then. Let me know when you've worked something out and......" I'm holding the outside door open for him when Andy turns, having just walked outside, "I’m truly sorry about your family Robert; I can’t imagine what that must feel like.” I nod silently as I watch him leave.

.

I’ve almost got the kitchen back to normal when Aaron and Liv come back in. “You’re still alive then, Andy too?” Aaron is looking around, as though I might have stashed his body somewhere.

I sigh, shaking my head giving him an admonishing look, “Yes, we’re both still alive Aaron. We agreed a kind of truce.” I wrap my arms around him, kissing into his neck, “So maybe you’ll get your wish after all. We’re going to try and get things to a point with dad at least where we can be civil.”

“That’s good right?”

I shrug, “Yep, if he’ll pull his head out of his arse for long enough to talk to me; he’s more stubborn than the rest of us put together.”

“Really?” I don't rise to the obvious baiting in Aaron's voice, instead I wave my hand, dismissing him into the living room; we still need to put all the Christmas stuff away.

“Well, don’t get your hopes up about being invited to any family meals in the near future but if we can be all in the same room without ripping each other to shreds, that’ll do. The village can then finally find something else to gossip about.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got a lot longer than I had anticipated so I needed a bit more time. Also for those looking forward to Jack and Robert talking to each other, sorry you didn't get your wish this chapter, but I promise they'll be interacting in the next one.


	17. Maybe It Was Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert sets in motion a process to bring an end to the Sugden family hostilities whilst Aaron and Liv look to the future.

Robert, Mid January 2017

“So you think we have a good chance then?”

Putting my mug in the kitchen sink, I hesitate before going to get my coat just yet, “Yes I do. The building is the right size, it’s quite modern and has been kept up with and all importantly isn’t too expensive to run. It's a good plan and you're the right person to present it to win them over. Look you’ve got a viable proposal which will work well for all the communities, it's a no-brainer; if the Synod rejects it, they’re idiots."

I do believe Harriet is actually blushing from the compliment, but I don’t call her out on it. Anyway it's the truth. Everything we've put together stems from her ideas and expertise; I just helped her formulate it all into a package that will sell her proposal to a bunch of politicians. It might be an organisation built on having a faith, but it’s still about practicality and management skills at the end of the day. The fact they’re working for God is almost incidental more than half the time when it comes to ecumenical committees and the higher echelons of religion.

“Thank you Robert, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Yes you could, I just helped iron out the creases. Let's face it, my ulterior motives have never been completely selfless have they which, before I head off, brings me to another matter.”

Smirking at me, Harriet raises her eyebrows waiting for more, “Oh yes, what are you after now?”

“Well, I’d be grateful if you could employ some of those excellent people skills you have to help some of your parishioners in need; more accurately, I’d like to ask you if you’d agree to act as a mediator.”

“Don’t you have a few of those working for you already?”

“Ah, news travels fast then.” Since I’ve decided to split my life between London and Emmerdale, I’ve had to open up a little more about what I do, not too many details, but enough to keep my nosy sister happy and to stop Chas from thinking I’m the next Ronnie Kray.

“I take an interest in the people under my pastoral care, even if they don’t truly believe.”

Perching on the end of the chair arm, I grin at her, “I forget you used to be a copper; you know you could always consider coming to work for me if you wanted? I could use someone like you on the team.”

“I like it here, seems to me that you do too.”

“Haha, touché; but let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’s early days on many fronts. I'm asking you because this is personal.”

Having peaked her curiosity Harriet prods for more information, “So how can I help?”

“I’d like you to act as mediator between me, dad and Katie. Andy and I have come to a kind of truce but it needs everyone's buy-in for it to work effectively. Dad and Katie don’t seem able to be in the same room as me without us being at each other’s throats one way or another. I’m not looking for us to be a family Harriet. If it were up to me I’d never speak to them ever again, I can’t forgive some things but if I’m going to be sticking around, then for everyone’s sakes I need to find a way where we can live in the same village and be civil to one another. For Aaron and Liv I’m prepared to try."

“Well you’d better sit down again and tell me from the beginning, warts and all Robert otherwise it won’t work; you know that don’t you?”

“Before I do Harriet, you need to know that there some things in my life I’m not very proud of. I don’t have secrets from Aaron, he knows everything but I need your word that what I tell you won’t go any further. If you can’t do that, just say no now and I won’t think any different of you.”

“You’d best pour me a glass of whiskey then; bring the bottle back with you, I have a feeling we might be a while.”

.

With a lack of oxygen becoming an issue we pull out of our rather hot and heavy kiss, lips smacking together for a needy follow-through. After not having seen each other the last few days, being apart just for a few hours like now, our lustful craving to make up for lost time is like an addiction for both of us. “Hello you.”

“Missed you.”

Smirking at him, I plant another quick kiss on his lips before sossing down on his bed, gauging its comfort factor, “I’ve only been down the road Aaron.” I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to take any notice last time I was in Aaron's bed. He stayed at mine last night when I got back home knowing we wouldn't be able to keep the noise down if I'd come to the pub.

“Charmin’. When is it you go back down to London again?”

“Next Wednesday, so you’re stuck with me for the next few days, as well you know." It's the first time I'm in Aaron's bedroom with what feels like permission. Although Chas had practically bitten off her tongue when I told her I was coming upstairs to see him. I felt like a teenager again almost. "So what's the plan for the weekend?”

“House-hunting.”

Not expecting this, I look up from the magazine I'd started to flick through, “You’re serious then about moving out of the pub?”

“Yep, me and Liv have been talking. It feels like the right time so now I just need to find us somewhere. I've seen a couple of places in the neighbouring villages I want to look at. I did look round Mill Cottage, but that’s too big; we don’t need all that space and it would cost a fortune to do up. It practically needs re-building.”

“So you looked into it then at least?”

Aaron nods as he comes onto the bed with me. “We could have done it up and then sold it, but it would cost more than I have and I don't have the time for that kind of project, too stressful.” I’m about to say something, “No Robert, I’m not borrowing off you and no I don’t want to move into Home Farm, it's too soon for us to live together.”

Pulling a face, I make him feel guilty for jumping to conclusions, “I wasn’t going to suggest either actually.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll forgive you, just this once mind.” Leaning over he sneaks an apologetic kiss, which then lingers affectionately. Snuggling up close to me I wrap my arm round him and we settle back against the pillows to enjoy the peace and tranquillity whilst it lasts.

“So what were you going to say?”

“Eric Pollard has approached me about buying Jacob’s Fold. He can’t be bothered with finding a new tenant and doesn’t want the hassle anymore so he's after getting rid of it. He thought I might be interested because I'd spoken to him about buying it when I was looking last year. I said I’d think about it so it’s not on the market yet. You could afford that outright with your dad’s money. It needs some work but nothing too drastic and it’s not too big.”

“Maybe, Liv would have to look and see.”

I peer at Aaron. That wasn't quite the response from him I’d been expecting. “You don’t sound too keen; I thought you'd be jumping at it?”

“I don't know. I did want to stay in the village, but part of me thinks it would actually be good to have a bit of distance, not too far away but not too close.”

“Is your mum giving you grief?”

“No different to usual. When do you have to give him an answer by?”

“We didn’t really say, a few days I suppose, I wanted to talk to you about it this weekend anyway. Why don't I get the keys and you could take a look inside, see if you even like it first?”

“Okay. I have been inside before but a long while ago. I s'pose it wouldn't hurt to look and it would be gain for work without being too much of an upheaval for Liv."

Squeezing him playfully I kiss the side of his head, “We have a plan.”

Aaron looks back at me, his eyes reinforcing the words, “Please don’t say anything to anyone just yet though; keep the peace a bit longer. I don’t think mum actually believes I’m serious about moving out.”

“Your wish is my command.”

His voice teasing, Aaron turns round and I just know this is going to earn me the death stare from Chas when I leave, “Really? Well if that’s the case.....”

.

“Liv. Why is it that you are always at the last shove up. You do my 'ead in sometimes; come on, I haven’t got all day.” Keeping quiet, I watch brother and sister boot up and get their coats on; sometimes it is scary how alike they are.

Liv grins at me, “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going; is it something good?”

Stood waiting for his sister, who seems to be taking her time intentionally just to wind Aaron up, makes him even more impatient, “That depends on your definition of good. It's not far, now come on, the sooner we go, the sooner you’ll find out.” After walking down Main Street and into Church Lane, I lead them down the path to the cottage. Unlocking the door, it smells a little musty and unlived in, having been empty since the last tenant left.

“Is one of you going to tell me why we’re here?”

“I might be interested in buying it.”

Eyes widening, Liv turns to look at Aaron to be sure he's not joking, “Seriously?”

“Maybe, what do you think?” Making both of us smile, Liv is off upstairs before Aaron gets any further and I lean against the window sill giving him time to look around as he wants. “It’ll need gutting inside.”

“You don’t need to move in until it’s finished. It’d make a good investment if you decide not to stay long-term; I reckon you'd get a good price. Eric wants a quick sell and you’ve got cash.”

I can see Aaron’s brain already whirring with ideas and we both smirk at each other hearing Liv yell downstairs, “Baggsy I have the room at the back.”

We head upstairs to see what’s got her so keen on that room in particular, especially seeing it's the smaller of the two bedrooms, but looking out of the window it doesn't take a genius. It has a perfect view to Gabby’s room which is at the back of Brook Cottage. Aaron rolls his eyes, but I can see he’s already sold on the idea; just watching Liv so happy is enough for him to make his mind up. Wandering into the front bedroom, we find it's a nice big room and it should be quiet enough, being off the main road through the village there won't hardly be any traffic. “So what do you think?”

“Yeah, it’s just the right size for me and Liv with maybe the odd straggler here and there.” Grinning at me, I assume I'm the odd straggler.

Wrapping my arms around his front, nuzzling and kissing into the back of his neck, I hear him moan and if it hadn’t been for Liv barging in, my hands would have been wandering further down. Giggling, we ignore Liv sticking her finger in her mouth in protest and I squeeze Aaron to get his attention, “So you want me to tell Eric we have a deal?”

Liv is watching Aaron with bated breath waiting to see his decision, but I already know what it will be. “Yes.”

“Nice.” Liv takes us both by surprise by coming to give Aaron a big hug, which by default I am pulled into, Aaron sandwiched in-between us and I move my hands to the back of Liv’s head. I might not be living here, we'll continue to split our time between both houses most likely, but it feels nice being together like this, our little family of three."

.

Liv is under strict instructions not to say anything to anyone until we’ve sorted everything with Eric and organised for the funds to be released to Aaron. He has enough to buy it outright and to re-fit it with a new bathroom and kitchen, as well as buy all the furniture he’ll need. Back at the pub, I open the laptop, to get the ball rolling. “You want to take all the money or just what you need?”

“There’ll be some left, even after everything? I reckon it will probably need re-wiring as well.”

“Yep and that won't cost a lot anyway.”

Aaron looks at me surprised; he'd not asked me once about the money since deciding to take it, “No, I want to buy it outright but keep on doing what we agreed with the rest.”

“Okay, if you’re sure; I can work with that." Passing him a beer, I look at him an instant, “You know if I’m not around one day, you’re going to have to take an interest or tell her.”

“No I don’t. I like doing it this way and if there's anything there at the time, it can go into Liv's wedding pot or she can go on an around the world trip. It'll be a nice surprise when she least expects it.”

Deciding not to get into this conversation more today, I revert to safer ground. "I only bought Home Farm because it was the only available property in Emmerdale. Eric didn’t want to sell when I made him an offer last year. Maybe it was fate, so you could have it now.”

Aaron ponders a little, “Do you believe in fate?”

Sitting next to him at the kitchen table I take a drink of my coffee, “Sometimes; you?”

“I don’t know. I’d like to.”

“It doesn’t really matter does it, as long as you and Liv are happy?”

“Guess not.” There’s a grin spreading across his face.

“What?”

“I was just thinking what a pleasurable experience furniture hunting was the last time we did it.”

“Huh, cheeky. Does this mean you actually want my help?”

“Well if you didn’t have a say in some things, I’d only have to listen to you complain. Like, if I bought a bed that wasn’t up to Robert Sugden’s high specification, I'd never hear the end of it.”

“What if, I buy the bed....., like the one in Paris, if you then buy a bath the same?”

“I think that bath was as big as the entire bathroom in Jacob’s Fold.” Liv’s music starts blasting from upstairs.

Aaron gets up irritated, yelling up the stairs, “Liv, keep it down will you.” The sound reduces, but only marginally as Aaron returns to the sofa.

“I’m sure you’ll find something suitably accommodating. Maybe soundproofing would be good as well.”

“What to protect Liv from us, or us from her music?”

“Let’s call it mutually beneficial.” We grin at each other, clearly thinking what we could get up to, safe in the knowledge that we wouldn't get any sarcastic comments the morning after. "I was thinking....," Seeing him about to retort, "Don't......" He smirks at me, "I was thinking that if we're going furniture shopping together, that we could get some stuff for Liv to have her own room up at Home Farm so she can stay at mine if ever you want."

After a silent pause, Aaron nods, "I'll mention it to her and if she wants I don't see any reason why not." The music blasts even louder than before, "Are you really sure you want to subject yourself to that?"

"Perks of it being a big house and if that doesn't work, I'll buy her some good headphones."

.

Robert, Early February 2017

It didn’t take long to get everything sorted and Aaron hasn’t wasted any time; after a little encouragement and haggling Eric gave him a fair deal in the end and everything was quickly agreed so that he got the keys by the end of January. Eric had given access whilst the sale was going through making it easier to get quotes for the work he wanted doing. We had then dropped lucky with the main contractor he wanted to use, having decided on some small alterations, the re-wiring and all the electrics replacing, the kitchen and bathroom to be fitted are off the shelf. Having a job delayed unexpectedly he can start straight away meaning Aaron could be moved in by the end of February, beginning of March if he wanted. We can then do a lot of the smaller jobs ourselves afterwards.

Chas is a bizarre mix of happy and sad about him moving out; it’s bound to be strange for both of them living apart after everything. Liv is the one who has smoothed the way without even realising it, her infectious enthusiasm taking everyone along for the ride and Aaron even who is also quietly excited about moving. We’d underestimated how settled Liv is in Emmerdale, it was clear from talking that she wouldn't have been thrilled about having to move away from the village. Although she’ll miss being with Chas, she can't wait to escape the mayhem and noise of the pub to being just her and Aaron who'll be on their own together when I'm in London.

Not a surprise was the experience of joint shopping with Liv and Aaron, needing furniture and other things for both houses. I’ve soon learned it’s best done from a distance, either watching them play like happy kids in their element, full of excitement or being all tetchy and fratchety with each other when they disagree, at which point I get pulled in as the voice of reason before things start getting out of hand. 

.

Robert, Mid February 2017

With so much going on in such a short space of time and me spending half the week in London, it has become increasingly difficult for us to get time alone. Harriet presented her case for the village church to the Synod and is quietly hopeful, but still waiting for a decision and we’ve also been talking about how best to go about the family mediation. I know she’s talked to Diane and Vic with Diane agreeing to talk to Jack, Katie and Andy. I’ve spoken a little with Andy, but only in passing, not a real conversation, but not confrontational like before.

Arguing non-stop, I've left Aaron and Liv to work it out between themselves. They’ve been doing my head in all day and I'm not in the mood to play peacemaker. Despite missing them like crazy when I'm down South, sometimes I crave the solitude; I hardly seem to get any time to myself anymore. Toing and froing between London and Emmerdale is hard work, not that I’m complaining, but it’s full on no matter where I am. In London I work sixteen hour days or more and then in Emmerdale I spend my time with Aaron as much as possible when I'm not working. It's exhausting and I’ll be glad when the cottage is ready so we can get back to some kind of routine and quiet-time instead of running round like blue arsed flies all the time.

Wandering down the road to the graveyard, I then meander through, stopping off to say hello to the family. I tell them everything that's happened the last week; it’s a good job trees can’t talk. Sometimes it feels like they whisper a response, but I know that’s just my imagination playing tricks on me. After an hour, I get ready to head back to a hopefully quieter cottage but am stopped in my tracks seeing Jack. I hadn’t expected to see anyone, let alone dad. Harriet had asked me if I still see him as my dad, a father; I hadn't thought about it like that before. I probably do, it’s just been hidden for such a long time, along with all the jumbled memories that it's not so black and white for me anymore. I debate what to do, I don’t think he’s seen me so I could either wait it out until he leaves or I could sneak off. Then I take even myself by surprise and walk over.

There’s no acknowledgement as I come to a standstill next to him, both of us staring down at Sarah’s grave. With my hands shoved deep in my pockets, now we’re like this, just the two of us, I’m not sure what to say.

“There were some good times you know.” I don’t say anything, not quite trusting myself and it goes quiet until for the first time dad looks at me, really looks at me, “Andy says you had a family.”

I nod quietly, “They died. It’s part of why I came home.”

“Seemed odd you coming back here like that at the time.”

I shrug my shoulders, “I didn’t know where else to go and I needed time to come to terms with it all.”

“Nice being able to take the time, not having to work; not all of us had the luxury of being able to grieve in peace.”

I’ve risen to the bait before I can stop myself. It’s like when I’m with dad, all my fail-safes are switched off, my words tinged with bitterness, “It wasn’t my fault you took the blame for the fire and went to prison.”

Dad's eyes bore into mine before silently looking down at the grave once more, his fingers brushing over his unshaven chin. I remember sitting on his knee when I was a small boy, scratching it playfully during lambing when he was too tired to bother shaving. I’d found it fascinating because usually he was always clean shaven come wind, rain or shine. All the memories like these get lost along the journey of life, overshadowed by the mess we create along the way, but they carry so much emotion when I allow them to re-surface. It's overwhelming and like now I feel my tears welling; I don’t know if it’s because of my childhood memories or from being reminded how much I miss my own family. It’s not a conscious decision, pulling out my wallet, I hand him a photo of Jess and the kids which he takes, just staring at it for a moment. I can’t tell at all what he’s thinking. “A Yank then?”

I find myself bristling at the words but I hold myself in check this time, “The kids were born in London, that’s Chloe and then Harry, they were nine and seven when they died.” It doesn’t matter how much time passes, I always shed a tear and I wipe it away quickly with my hand. Dad watches me quietly as he moves to hand the photo back to me, “Keep it, they’re your grandchildren.”

Without another word, I turn and walk away. I don’t look back; I mean what do I say after all this time? It’s not as though he got to hear their cries of laughter, or wipe away their tears when they were hurt or sad. I feel the weight of what could have been enveloping me and I can't seem to shake the sadness it brings with it.

.

It’s thankfully tranquil when I walk into Jacob’s Fold. Seeing me, Aaron starts talking, but I don't hear the words; needing a hug I pull him into my arms. He quietens, cradling me until my tears stop; he doesn’t ask any questions, waiting patiently until I’ve finished when I smile, embarrassed at being so emotional without warning.

“You want a beer?” I shake my head and smile watching as he grabs a can from outside on the window ledge where there is a six-pack chilling. We sit on the floor, in what will be the kitchen. It's echoey being stripped back to the bare wall, ready to be rendered and plastered throughout and the new units fitted; I rest my head on his shoulder relaxing whilst he takes a drink. “Sorry if we got on your nerves before.”

“You didn't, well maybe a little bit.” Changing my mind, I take his can and have a sip before handing it back.

Aaron smiles at this, “Sure you don’t want one?”

“No, just a bit of yours is good. I saw dad at Sarah’s grave.” Aaron studies me quietly, kissing my forehead softly, “I gave him a picture of Jess and the kids.”

“What did he say?”

I shrug, “Nothing really. It was weird.” I laugh quietly.

“What?”

“I wonder what my life would have been like if I’d stayed in Emmerdale all these years.”

“There's no point thinking about what might have been." Lifting my head I watch him steadily for a minute, wondering how much of this is about his own past. "You don’t regret leaving do you?” 

My chest heaves with a big sigh, “No. No I don’t regret leaving. I have a lot of regrets, but that’s not one of them.” Pulling myself out of my self-imposed pathos, I hold Aaron's head between my hands, “I don’t regret meeting you either." We kiss tenderly, Aaron putting his can down as we get more wrapped up in each other. "How about we christen the bedroom?” Standing up, I haul him up with me and hand in hand we make our way quietly upstairs, ensuring the door is locked on the way to avoid getting an unwanted intrusion, neither of us quite ready for Liv to walk in unexpectedly. The bedroom is in the same state as the kitchen but it doesn't matter, it's our room.

TBC


	18. Common Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Liv move into their new home and the Sugden family try mediation.

Robert, Mid-End February 2017

“Cheers Harriet, I’ll let you know after I've spoken with Aaron. Okay, I’ll call you later.”

Not having let go of Aaron during the entire conversation, now that the call is ended he’s getting impatient with my quiet brooding, “Spoken to me about what? I got the part about the village church staying but not the rest.”

“Dad and everyone have agreed to talk.”

“That’s what you wanted right? Maybe you seeing him last weekend made a difference.”

Having moved more sideways on to him, I know Aaron can see the uncertainty in my face, “Perhaps; I want you to be there, if I do this.”

"What do you mean if?” Aaron is looking at me curiously.

With a rueful smile, I take comfort in our closeness, “Mmhh, you know me. The child inside doesn’t always want to do the grown-up thing and anyway it might all still be a waste of time.”

“It'll be okay; all you have to do is just keep calm....., and think of me....., oh and my darling sister of course. What can possibly go wrong?”

“Haha, if only you were funny, this is serious you.” Ignoring his smirk I peer over across the London Eye capsule we are in, to see Liv snatching a look at us before quickly turning back to the view. She’s been doing this on and off since leaving Emmerdale. I’m not sure why and right now it’s not as though we can sneak off anywhere; half the time I don't even try working out what goes on in her teenage mind anymore. I turn back to Aaron who's now looking suitably more earnest, “Harriet wants to talk tactics when I get back.”

“So when do they want to meet?”

“Not sure, next weekend probably. You’re around right?”

“Yep, painting and decorating weekend remember. Most of the furniture comes at the end of the month, so it won’t be long before we can move in." He can't hide his growing excitement at the prospect. "I can’t wait.”

Watching Aaron smile makes me happy. Quietly, I stare over London’s skyline with him tethered to my body; he's still wary of the height despite the fact we are fully closed in and moving at such a snail’s pace that you can’t even tell.

.

I'd sprung the long weekend away on them both last-minute; a present to celebrate his name change to Dingle. The paperwork came through earlier in the week, so it's official whether I like it or not. With it being half-term week we were able to come down yesterday although we had to practically drag Aaron away from the cottage, but now we’re here, he’s enjoying it as much as Liv.

It’s her first time in London so we are hitting all the main sights. Tonight we’re going to the theatre to see a musical; she is so excited and desperately trying not to show it, but she’s been totally buzzing ever since we left Emmerdale.

We’re staying in a hotel as where I’m living isn’t really suitable, being just a bedroom and bathroom next to my office on the top floor of the building where I work. When we first set up here I would often be at work well into the night so we had this built in for me or anyone from the senior team to use if needed over time but it’s back to being just for my private use at the moment. It was quick and easy instead of looking for a flat, until everything settles down at least and then I’ll see. I did show them the office building as we were wandering around, but we didn’t go inside. I’m not quite ready to let my two worlds collide, it feels too soon to introduce my new found family to everyone just yet.

.

Teasing just behind his ear with my lips, Aaron’s body reacts with a slight shudder and I melt at the way he looks at me. Nobody is watching but he still blushes a little; his eyes are sparkling, full of life. “So when’s the house-warming Mr Dingle?” Aaron grins rather proudly at this. He is still getting used to hearing it but as far as I'm concerned, if ever there was an argument needed for getting married sooner rather than later, losing the Dingle name would be right up there in my top five.

“I wasn’t planning on having one.”

“Tut tut; everyone has a house-warming Aaron.”

“You didn’t.”

Pulling a face, I bite down on his earlobe as a warning to behave, all the while knowing the wet and warm touch of my mouth turns him on which will just make him squirm and blush even more. He gets easily embarrassed when Liv is around, as if she doesn’t already know we have sex; I mean he’s not exactly the quietest in bed. “I didn’t have any friends in Emmerdale back then, I still don’t except for you, Liv and Harriet. I suppose there’s Bob. I could maybe class him as a friend the amount of time I’ve spent in the coffee shop.”

Aaron shakes his head at my self- deprecation, “You have Vic and Adam as well.”

“They’re family not friends, both of which are dependent on whether I’ve pissed Vic off or not, it’s not exactly a safe bet is it?”

“Let me and Liv get settled first and then why don't we have a joint housewarming and birthday bash for you?”

My mouth opens, aghast at the idea, “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t need reminding I’m getting another year older thank you very much.”

Aaron looks back at me, sweet revenge in his eyes as he teases me with his hand hidden by my coat and now I'm the one blushing like a teenager, “Aww, are you getting old man syndrome?”

Mercifully he stops as another couple stands next to us. “Old man syndrome, that’s a new one. No I’m not getting old man syndrome. ”

“Well then, that’s sorted; a joint do.”

Nuzzling into his neck, I continue our intimate game. He moans, almost imperceptibly, but not quite and we're both admonished by the sideways glance we get, causing us to separate properly. In a moment of unfathomable madness I relent, letting him have his way, "You're doing all the organising not me and no embarrassing games or presents.” He simply grins at me, enjoying the victory.

.

Aaron, Beginning March 2017

London was fun, it reminded me just how much Liv and I both missed out on growing up. There wasn't a wrong word between us and I’ve never seen Liv so happy. She might have settled down but she still keeps us on our toes. Robert’s just as bad half the time with them acting out together and ganging up on me. I'm not sure how that happened but it's worth it, just to see her laugh and smile, even if it was at my expense. I love the fond closeness between them that you can’t fail to see. I can’t imagine being without either of them in my life now.

Finally we are moving into our new home today with a steady stream of boxes and bin bags filled to the brim as we shuttle our things from the pub. Considering we only had two rooms between us, it’s amazing how much crap we have. Unlike Robert’s place which except for the kitchen is still minimalist, it won’t take us long to fill our little home. I can’t wait to see him, he had to travel last week and didn’t make it up North for the weekend as originally planned, but he’s taking next Monday and maybe Tuesday off to help us get settled in. Apparently I've become unbearable, complaining about all the little finishing touches still to do, that more for their own sanity than mine, Robert and Adam have offered to help out across the next few days for us to try and blast as many off the list as possible.

.

Mum cried after we got the last lot of boxes from the pub, Mrs Sentimental; it’s not as though she’s on her own with Paddy living there now. Though I’m not sure she appreciated it when I joked they could get married and live happily ever after, but sometimes I can't help think how perfect they are for each other. Mum’s mellowed yet she's still feisty enough so Paddy will have a full time job keeping up with her and they fit well together, but they seem to disagree with us. Robert says we have a death wish but Liv and me already have a plan in the making and we've got a book running that they'll be together by the end of August.

Robert is coming up from London tonight but will sleep at Home Farm. Liv wanted our first night to be just the two of us so he said he’d come and make us breakfast in the morning, however he’s under strict instruction; I won’t tolerate any revenge flour throwing in my nice new kitchen. Liv called me out on being a boring old get to which I reminded her she'd agreed to kitchen duty on the weekends and wouldn’t be allowed to see Gabby until any mess was cleaned which sufficiently subdued her enthusiasm. Look at me being the disciplinarian and all house-proud, who’d have thought.

It is a weird feeling now we're finally moving. All the hard work to get everything ready has really paid off and I’ve got to admit I love owning my own home with no-one to answer to but myself, well for the most part. Liv and Robert might get the odd say, but it’s my house; I get heady just thinking about it.

Robert had kept telling me to slow down which is why in the end he had dragged us to London so I had no choice but to take a break. It’s not like we had to rush things but once the sale went through I was impatient, a man on a mission, wanting to get everything done in record time so we could move in. According to everyone else I’m a slave driver; they can call me what they like, it was well worth it.

.

I’m wide awake still after getting into bed and consider texting Robert but looking at the clock it’s midnight already, he’s probably asleep; at which point I’m proven wrong as my phone lights up, a text with his name on it.

>> U sleeping?  
>> 2 hyped  
>> What’s it like being master of the house?  
>> Masterful  
>> Haha, IMU  
>> MU2  
>> I cld come over  
>> I promised Liv  
>> Still under a woman’s thumb then  
>> U agreed & she is my little sister  
>> Fair enough. How’s the bed?  
>> Perfect even better than Paris  
>> I’ll let u know aftr we’ve given it the full test drive  
>> Ohhh, don’t even go there. It’s already hard u not being here tonight  
>> RLY…  
>> Stop with the smut  
>> U started it..... Moving on..... I was thinking of inviting some friends from London to the housewarming. They cld stay @ HF. Wot do u think?

Too lazy to type a response I hit the call button and Robert answers immediately, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.....,” He pauses and I can tell he's already having second thoughts. “I think so....., maybe; oh I don't know.”

“You'll need to buy some more furniture and beds if you've got people staying.”

“Good point, I won’t invite them just yet; maybe wait until later in the year, Christmas or New Year even.”

“That’s ages away; anyone would think you're ashamed of us.”

“Don't be daft, you know I'm not.”

“Well then?”

“It's just that I’ve always kept Emmerdale separate from everything else in my life.”

“What, your work doesn’t have a file on you? I’m sure we can do something to fix that.”

“Don’t you dare and no they don't have a file on me, I'm the boss.”

“I bet they do, you just don't know it. Look you said you had your closest friends there, so just invite them.”

“Well at least they know Emmerdale exists.”

“Do they know about me?”

“The ones who matter do; I had to tell them something after the Liv thing and they can usually tell when I’m lying.”

“Must be why you’re the boss then and they’re the sneaky spies.”

“They are not spies, how many times Aaron.”

Giggling at him, I slide down snuggling under the duvet, “You’re so easy to wind up.”

“Pfft, watch it you. I'm sure with the right incentive they’d make sure no-one would find your body.”

“You'd miss me too much, I also have talents remember.” I can hear him shifting around, chuckling quietly, “You nervous about tomorrow?”

“No.....,” I wait for it, without contradicting him, “Mmmh p'rhaps a little.”

“Liv is staying over at Gabby’s so I can come up to Home Farm for the night.”

“Maybe, let’s just see how it goes first." He yawns tiredly, "I should get some sleep; I’m cream-crackered. I’ll probably be at yours for around nine.”

“Sweet dreams Mr Sugden.”

There's another yawn before he answers, “You too my talented Mr Dingle, you too.”

.

Breakfast was messy, but we managed not to destroy my brand new kitchen. Despite doing his best not to show it and saying the opposite, Robert is wound tighter than normal, but if Liv picked up on it, she didn’t say anything. We had a deal; she got me to herself yesterday and I get Robert tonight. With her cleaning duty done, she’s gone over to Gabby’s already. She knows I want to spend some time alone with him before the family mediation thing this afternoon and if it goes badly I'd rather she isn't around until I see how he is.

Robert’s been restless ever since Liv went and even when I gave him a job to do to take his mind off things, I soon regret it, as does his thumb after he hits it with the hammer instead of the nail. I think picture hanging will have to wait. “You want to go for a walk?”

“No, yes, don’t know.”

“Errrm, so am I supposed to guess?” I catch his hand before his fidgeting with the nail scratches the work surface and I force him to stand still, “Talk to me."

"I need to speak to Jess. It'll help me focus and think about what advice she'd give me. Do you mind?”

I shake my head, squeezing his hand, “No, I don't mind.”

Robert looks guilty and hesitates after going to fetch his coat. “Come with me.”

I pull a face, pretty much giving him my answer with it, “What to talk to Jess? Would that not be weird on so many levels?”

“I don’t know; I don’t care. I don’t want to be on my own but I need to get out of the house and get my head straight.”

Not to be dissuaded, I make a suggestion, “Why don’t you go talk to Jess, let me finish staining this door and then I’ll come find you.” I can practically see the cogs turn in his head, his internal battle with the guilt, “Robert you go, I’ll finish here and then you can tell me the game plan and I’ll tell you what I think.”

This seems to sufficiently sway him, he grins at me, “What makes you think I have a game plan?” He ignores the cynical look I give him as he walks towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist, “I love you, you and Liv.” I don’t answer; the smile on my face and deep kiss between us that follows says it all. I watch the door close behind him, sighing with a slight shaking of my head at the knots Robert sometimes ties himself in. I really don’t mind him going to talk to Jess like this. That night in the graveyard, planting the trees had an effect on me as well as Robert; it’s like I see her and the kids as his guardian angels. One thing’s for sure, negotiation and mediation isn’t exactly something that us Dingles are famous for and I know Robert needs the quiet to help him sort out his thoughts.

.

By the time I’ve done and cleaned up, it’s already dinner time when I grab my coat. Robert isn't by the trees where I had expected but at a grave, not one I can put a name to though. Reaching him, I see the name on the headstone, ‘Patricia Sugden Died 26th August 1986’ and there's a short poem underneath.

He glances at me when I join him, slipping his hand into mine, “I never knew my real mum, she died in a car crash when I was a baby. He was quite the womaniser back in the day by all accounts; he cheated on her, no idea why she took him back but I suppose if she hadn't I wouldn't exist. I was the chip off the old block in everyone’s eyes, never stood a chance really.” He smiles at me, but there’s the shadow of sadness in his eyes. “Vic takes after Sarah mostly, but I’m my father’s son or so they always said.”

“And what do you say?” He shrugs his shoulders, his gaze never leaving the headstone, “You make your own choices Robert and you have to live with them, same as everyone else.”

He seems tense and I can see apprehension in his eyes which I hadn't been expecting, “You know this could go horribly wrong; I’m such a screw up when it comes to anything to do with that lot. Today could just make everything worse.”

“Then you’ll be my screw up and I'll still love you whatever. We're not going to let our family crap get in the way of us being together, yours or mine.” He smiles at my determination, “Robert you have to want to do this for you though; not me and not Vic.”

“I am doing it for me; I promise. I’m just not sure I can get them to move past a lifetime of animosity.”

Resting my chin on his shoulder, it's difficult to really tell what is going through his mind right now. “To be honest I didn’t think we’d ever get this far after everything.” I shudder with the cold, “Come on, let’s go back; it’s freezing out.”

.

Vic and Adam are already at the village hall talking to Harriet when we arrive just before two o’clock. No-one else is here yet. Adam hadn’t been too sure he was coming. He doesn’t like getting caught up in the Sugden family squabbles any more than I do, but he knows how important this is to Vic and that she needs his support; she always feels stuck in the middle and she hates it.

No-one’s really asked me what I think, but if I want to be with Robert for the long haul, which I do, then it would make everything easier if they can stop fighting all the time and we can get on with our lives hassle-free from it all. So I have my own part to play, even if it’s just being a friend to Vic and being there for Robert when he needs me.

Robert hands me a mug of tea before standing beside me, leaning against the wall, sipping his coffee. It’s unusually quiet, no-one seemingly wanting to make idle conversation. Even Harriet isn't attempting to talk to anyone; I definitely don’t envy her job today.

We all react upon hearing Andy’s Land Rover pulling up and the sound of car doors opening and closing. He must have picked Diane and Jack up on the way because all four walk in together; Andy, Katie, Jack and Diane. There’s some head nodding and Diane gives Vic a quick hug but after silently getting drinks, there’s no further delay.

I know that Robert and Harriet made some plans to try and help the discussion go smoothly; one of those is having a round table so there would be no sides and no head of the table. Instead it’s a precarious balance of who sits next to whom with Harriet having already put name cards for where she wants people. There are a couple of choice rumblings as people take their seats, but they all sit where they’ve been designated. There might not be sides, but Robert is pretty much facing Andy, Jack and Katie, allowing them to see each other clearly without being too close physically.

.

Harriet makes a quick introduction, but then she puts it to all of us to say out loud why we are here and what we are hoping to achieve today. This put a few people on the spot; I think they thought that Harriet was going to be running the show, but that’s not her role. Robert had already forewarned me a little about what to expect but now it’s anyone’s guess how it’s going to turn out.

Harriet starts to her left, which is Adam. He looks totally caught off guard, but speaks openly, that he’s here to support Vic and he wants her to be happy; he doesn’t say anything to indicate any favour to anyone else. Sitting next to him is Vic, looking nervous, but I don’t really know why; it’s no surprise how she feels. She is happy that Robert wants to settle back in Emmerdale but she’s fed up of the arguments and feeling like it might kick off all the time or being made to feel like she has to pick a side. Andy can have the farm and she just wants the family to try and get on. It's curious to notice how both her brothers have a hint of a smile when watching her, like she's the glue between them almost.

Andy speaks calmly, his eyes at times flitting to Robert; he wants a truce and to be allowed to run the farm with the threat of legal proceedings to be taken off the table permanently. He doesn't labour the point, and although he doesn't say it outright it's very clear he's not going to give it up by choice.

Jack is up next; he doesn’t speak straightaway and I begin to think he isn’t going to say anything. “There’s no secret over the years that we’ve all had our ups and downs, and things were easier when you weren’t here Robert. I’ll not lie, I never expected you to come home.” He pauses a moment, glancing over at Diane and then Vic before turning back to Robert, “You never had any interest in running the farm and you’ve said as much that you still don’t. I want to see it stay in the family and Andy is family; he is as much your brother as Vic is your sister. He’s worked hard to keep it going when times were tough, we wouldn’t even have a farm today if it weren’t for him, we’d have been bankrupt years ago, so he's earned the right to call it home. If we can agree to let them stay and run the farm, I’ll agree to leave the past behind us.” Jack shuffles uncomfortably after ending abruptly. For an instant it looks like he is going to continue but he gets a warning look from Diane; whatever he was thinking of saying, he keeps to himself.

Letting a minute pass for Jack’s words to sink in, Katie then speaks; short and not so sweet but at least honest, “I don’t want to be friends Robert and I don’t think you do either, but I don’t want to lose my home, my business or our family. I don’t like you, I don’t want you here, but Vic does.” She looks across at me before continuing, “So does Aaron and he deserves to be happy so I’ll try for their sake and for Andy because it's what he wants but I can’t make any promises.” Glancing at Robert, his expression doesn’t give anything away and it falls to Diane's turn. Her words are more neutral, not mentioning the farm: instead more along the lines of Vic, just wanting the family to give themselves a chance, to forget the grudges on all sides and to see this as a fresh start.

Robert is the one who takes me by surprise; he'd been so vague about his game plan in the end, saying he was undecided, that I wasn't convinced he actually has one. His voice is measured with no hint of emotion one way or the other, saying the least out of everyone, “I’ve already made my position clear, nothing's changed; I'm asking that you all accept it for what it is and leave us in peace.”

I'm thrown a little. Robert’s words are so different to what I was expecting that Harriet has to prompt me that it’s my turn. “Aaron”.

I'm feeling suddenly nervous about what Robert might be up-to which puts me on edge and unsure what to say. Resting his hand on my thigh, our eyes briefly connect where he throws me a quick look of encouragement. His touch helps to ground me but what I'd intended saying has completely left my mind and I end up winging it. “Errm, well it isn’t really my place to say who’s right or wrong." Pausing I look at Robert again and for some reason his shy smile makes me trust that he knows what he's doing so taking a deep breath I continue. "I don’t really remember Robert from before he left or much of what went on, I wasn’t living here then. What I do know is that he’s nothing like what the gossip mill or mum said when he came back or since. He helped Liv even when she was giving him a hard time," We exchange a knowing look at this, "She might actually come out of school with good grades and she’s not getting into trouble anymore. I know that his family meant everything to him. We want a chance to be happy here in Emmerdale and we don’t have that if it’s like world war three every time we go into the pub or meet in the street, it’s not going to work. So what I want is for us to have that chance.”

.

The first hurdle over, Harriet moves the discussion forward, “Thank you. So we have some common ground which is a good starting point. It's my understanding that Robert has committed to not pursuing any action regarding the farm which seems to be what everyone else wants also. He's leaving this matter solely to Vic and Andy to come to terms privately. Andy and Katie, does this sufficiently alleviate your concerns?”

Andy starts, “Rob and me talked; I believe him when he says he won’t take any action. I don’t know if there’s a way to make this binding or legally safe, but he gave me his word and we shook hands on it so I’ll accept it if there isn’t.”

Harriet turns to Robert, “Is there a way?”

Robert doesn't look at me once whilst answering, instead applying a slight pressure with his fingers rubbing them against my thigh, silently using them to communicate with me, “I don’t know. I’d have to check, but if we started something, there would be no guarantee and I’m no expert but it might just come down to pot luck on a judge’s opinion. My gut feel says leave it alone, but I’ll have my solicitor look at it and if we were to go down that route the only ask I would have is that Vic comes out of it with a fair deal.” Andy nods silently, his and Robert’s eyes are locked for an instant; there is a clear bond between them whether Robert chooses to acknowledge it or not. A little confused, I don't let on that I know he's lying and that he has already checked this. The solicitor said any kind of formal legal action would likely get Jack into trouble and there's no guarantee even if they all want this that the court would overturn the will. His recommendation was only to contest it if Robert or Vic wants to try and get control.

“Katie?”

“I’m not happy if we can’t make it legal, but if not then I don’t have a choice other than to accept his word.” It’s clear from her tone that Katie is carrying more of a grudge than Andy, Robert said she could never let go and that she’d carry her hate to her grave.

Again Harriet asks a question, “Jack, one option would be for you to move back into the farm; is that something you would consider?”

“I promised Diane we would have a fresh start with the B&B, I’m sixty-nine and too old for farming, but if it comes to having no alternative, then yes I would move back.” Interestingly, both Katie and Diane bristle at this, so although it would solve the legal angle, it’s clearly not something any of them want.

“So do we have everyone’s agreement that Andy and Katie can stay on and run the farm?” There’s some nodding and murmuring of assent, “Then the core of the matter here now seems to be less of the legal kind but more about trust and if you believe you can all live peacefully in the same village. I would like you to talk about that more, who wants to start, maybe you Katie?”

“I don’t trust him, no. How can we trust him when we all know what a lying cheat he is; he always has been and he always will be.” Robert tenses and I put my hand in his; he grips tightly but he stays silent, his expression unchanging.

Vic surprises everyone in the room I think as she springs to Robert’s defence, “How can you say that? We haven't seen him for twelve years and you, you never take responsibility for your part in anything. You were the one who had it off with Rob when you were engaged to Andy and you went back for more even after you were married. You scared me into lying for you to cover it up and you got Daz sent back into care when he found out; that wasn’t Rob that was you so don’t come all innocent.” Vic glares round at her family before turning back to Katie, “You’ve all cheated, the lot of you, dad and Diane included. Andy forgave you for what you did so just get over it Katie, it was a long time ago.” Vic looks visibly upset and gets up to fetch another drink.

“I didn’t have it off with half the village though.”

Katie’s come back was a weak one and she knows it when Andy speaks up, “Does that make it alright then, that you just did it with him....., twice?”

“You see this is what happens when he’s back.”

Jack intervenes, “Let it go Katie. You’ve been married with Andy for years now and you have the farm.”

“I still don’t see how any of this makes me want to trust him. Jack do you really trust him? You were the one told him to go and never come back.”

Robert hasn’t said a word through the whole exchange, remaining calm, outwardly at least even as the conversation now moves onto potentially dangerous ground. No-one knows that Robert has told Harriet everything and I don’t even think Vic or Adam know the half of what happened over the years which is probably a good thing.

“I’ll trust his word on the farm because he’s made the promise to Vic.” Jack looks at Vic and I get the impression he’s doing this to avoid looking at Robert, “Don’t expect family dinners Vic, but you’ve got your truce for as long as the agreement on the farm holds.” He turns to Andy and Katie, “You both get to keep the farm and we forget about the past. No-one will force anyone to have a conversation if you don’t want, just keep out of each other’s way and be polite when you can’t. It’s not like we really have anything in common anymore to talk about.” Jack turns to Harriet, “So are you happy?”

“It’s not about making me happy Jack; it’s about your family working out how to live together in the same community.”

“Then I would say we have an agreement, but there's too much water under the bridge to expect more.” For the first time, he turns to Robert, “What do you have to say in all this, you’ve been very quiet?”

.

"I gave Vic my word last year and I won't go back on it." Robert’s observes his family quietly for a minute, “You want to know why you should trust me? Vic’s right, none of us come out of this smelling of roses, not now and not back then. We always seemed to get fixated on certain things, either that we did or said, we never knew where to stop. I know I’m no angel and a lot of this could have been avoided if I’d made different choices.” Robert’s eyes narrow as he focusses more on Jack, “I don’t regret leaving; it did make everyone’s life easier including mine, even if it hurt how it came about. I probably wouldn’t be running my own company, well not the one I have today anyway. I definitely wouldn’t have met my wife and had two beautiful children and I never cheated on Jess: I never even considered it, not once.” He lets his gaze wander around the table, “Meeting Jess made me a better person and I changed. Don’t worry the same annoying Robert Sugden is still there underneath, that side hasn’t disappeared completely, I just learned to control it better. I was leaving for good, I'd decided well before Christmas; even going to Paris, my train back was only booked as far as London but I couldn't walk away. When you lose everything and then find what I have now with Aaron, and Liv, it’s a second chance that I’m not going to let slip away, because they don’t come around too often. I'm in love with Aaron; we want to be together and for the time-being at least we want to stay in Emmerdale. He has his business and family here, Liv is settled for the first time in a long time and I look at her now as though she’s my daughter. I know she’s not but that’s how it feels. I’ve let go of my grief and I need your help now to hold onto those people that I love the most today. The past can't be undone. I’m not looking for you to be my family, because I already have one and they mean more to me than you could ever imagine. So if you want the reason why I’m sat at this table, now you have it.”

I’m gobsmacked at Robert’s speech. I don’t think I’m the only one going by the stunned silence that follows it. Half joking and half serious I lean into him, asking a question quiet enough the others can't hear, “Did you practice that?” Seeing Robert’s look, I rush to explain, “I mean it was....., do you mean that....., about Liv?” I hadn’t expected to be having our own moment in the middle of all this.

Speaking just as quiet, Robert responds, “I mean every word.” I already knew he loved me, but I don’t think anyone has loved me quite like this before and it feels overwhelming. Never once did I expect him to lay out so openly his feelings, our eyes don’t leave each other and forgetting where we are, I kiss him. It’s quick but tender and packs a whole world of emotion with it from both of us. Pulling back I think I’m blushing and half expect to hear some comment or other from our audience but there isn’t one. If anyone doesn’t like Robert being with a man or wants to call him out on what he's just said then they’re not saying. One thing is now clear to everyone; Robert might have made his promise to Vic, but it's our relationship that's the guarantee.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking writer's license when it comes to the comments about the will and contesting it. I haven't had time to look at this close enough to make the story true to life like I usually would, so please just run with it.


	19. All Quiet On The Western Front

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron, Robert and Liv settle into a routine and Robert invites his closest friends to the house-warming/birthday party in Emmerdale.

Robert, Beginning March 2017

“So was that all planned?”

“What?”

“Don’t give me what Rob, you know what. You hardly say anything the whole time we’re in there, and then all of a sudden you’re rolling out this big speech.”

The tension in my shoulders is aching and I rub my eye with a tired hand reflecting my lack of sleep. It’s been a long week between work and thinking about today, “Thought you liked what I said?”

“I did, I do. You could have just warned me it was part of the plan that's all; I wasn't prepared for it.”

"Sorry, but you know how I feel about you, you and Liv and saying what I did really wasn't planned." All I want is a shower to wash the day away and have an early night, preferably spending it wrapped around my boyfriend before snuggling up with him and then ideally waking up to some more nooky; instead I’m having to hold my growing frustration in check. “Look the only plan I had was to say as little as possible. My family accept things easier when there's minimal influence from me and I wanted them to think they had a voice in the outcome.” Shrugging my shoulders at him, I continue, “They were always going to concede on the farm Aaron; that was never in doubt, they want Andy to keep it. The trick was getting them to agree amongst themselves to play nice with me into the bargain.”

Leaning against the kitchen counter I can sense Aaron is uncomfortable with my methods, “You still lied to them.”

“No I didn’t, not really.”

His face tells me he disagrees, “I don't get why you didn’t tell them you'd already spoken to the solicitor.”

“I said more or less what he had just without making them feel threatened.” After putting my mug into the dishwasher, I move closer, but not leaning against him as I usually would, instead resting back on the breakfast bar behind me, “I wanted to ease them into the idea of leaving the legal option well alone. If I’d told them the outright truth today it would have derailed their focus from what I wanted.” Aaron looks at me not quite understanding, “To agree to back off and not cause a scene whenever they see me. Telling them everything would have got them running scared if they started to think about what trouble dad might get into or that I could potentially turn around at any time and pull the rug from under their feet.”

“Which you could.” There’s a belligerent edge to Aaron’s voice and I’m not interested in talking about this anymore, I’m too tired.

“Legally speaking yeah but there’s no guarantee what might happen even if I did. Aaron if I was going take legal steps, don't you think I would have already done it. I promised Vic and that's an end to it as far as I'm concerned. Money buys the best lawyers but it doesn't always mean you win. Just take today as a good result for everyone, you included; assuming you want to be with me which is the whole reason why we did this in the first place or should I just go back to London and we forget about everything?”

We had come back to Home Farm happy and now the mood is ruined with Aaron looking the guilty party, "Sorry, I don't mean to give you a hard time and I love what you said, it felt unreal. I'm just not used to playing people like that and I don't like it."

Letting out a big sigh, I give him a tired smile, “Sometimes the end justifies the means; we got what we wanted and no-one got hurt." I step forward, pressing myself against Aaron, loving how tight and lean his body feels whilst rubbing just the right pressure points and I smile as his lips part in anticipation, "Will you forgive me? I really don’t want to spend the rest of the night talking about my relatives. I would rather spend my time concentrating on you whilst I have you all to myself.”

“Would you now?” Aaron’s voice has softened, distracted by my body teasing his.

“I would.” Kissing into his neck, I start unbuttoning his jeans as he kicks off his trainers.

“And what did you have in mind?”

“What would you say to an early night?”

“It’s only five o’clock.” Aaron moans as I kiss the other side of his neck whilst reaching down inside his jeans, my firm grip having the desired effect despite holding my hand perfectly still as I continue to tempt him devouring his mouth with mine, our tongues almost sparring provocatively in a frenzied challenge for supremacy.

“I’m tired; it’s been a long day.” Pulling away, with a knowing smile on my face I switch teasing tactics to try and get what I need from him, “But if you prefer to go home and watch some crappy reality TV show or whatever it is you do when I’m not here rather than help your boyfriend unwind.....,” I trail my fingers down his cheek, brushing over his lips, “Well don’t let me stop you.” Throwing him a devilish smile, I leave him to watch after me as I walk away and make my way upstairs; I can only imagine the look on his face but I resist turning round to see.

.

After stripping out of my clothes, I turn the shower on and stepping under the burst of hot water I close my eyes. It’s not long before I feel Aaron, naked behind me, grabbing my hands and pinning them to my sides as he kisses in-between my shoulder blades, his lips then moving to kiss the back of my neck. He stops me from turning round so I twist my head and our mouths crush together until he moves his mouth to my neck, where he will leave a very visible mark and I can feel the satisfied grin on his face; he knows how much I like it when he does that. “You’re such a shit sometimes; you always want it your own way.”

I smile back at him, our eyes negotiating who will take charge but tonight we both know it’s going to be Aaron, “I’ll do what I need to in protecting the people who mean the most to me if that’s what you mean. You know that already, it’s one of the reasons why you like me. Now are you going to keep giving me a hard time for trying to make everyone’s life easier or are you going to help me do something about this hard on; which is all your fault by the way.”

Aaron pushes the back of my head with his hand until my forehead is resting against the glass side of the shower as the water streams down my back with Aaron’s voice taking on an edge which turns me on even more, “Stop talking Robert.” His hands roam over my upper body and down my thighs until I suddenly feel two fingers running back and forth over my hole, his other hand fondling my balls, intentionally ignoring my now leaking cock. With the palms of my hands resting against the glass up above either side of my head I close my eyes again, losing myself in the pleasure as I let Aaron take control of my body, gasping involuntarily as he reaches inside me.

.

Robert, London Mid-March 2017

It’s been a couple of weeks since the family mediation and so far it seems to be working. Vic and Diane have been trying to surreptitiously get me talking with dad, but they are going to have to get much more devious with both of us for that to be a reality. We say hello to each other in passing but there is no desire on either part to have a conversation. Aaron had been helping them in the beginning but has backed off after I snapped at him and we had an argument; since then he’s left it well alone. Instead he has now moved onto pestering me if I’ve invited my friends up for the housewarming and if I’m intending to because then I need to buy some furniture and beds to arrive in time, otherwise we’ll be lacing the pockets of my dad by having them stay at the B&B. Strangely enough that thought spurred me into action and I ordered a load of stuff on-line, paying extra where necessary to make sure it’ll all be delivered with plenty of time to spare.

Our clients, fed, watered and as happy as could be expected after a full day of meetings have now left and we’ve come outside onto the balcony. It’s chilly but nice to get some fresh air. I’m fiddling with my glass of water whilst my best friend, Craig, lights up. He’s not allowed to smoke at home and like Aaron he has the odd cigarette when he's in the mood, enjoying it all the more knowing he's not going to cop any grief from his wife Jane who hates it with a passion. Turning round, leaving the view across the Thames behind me, I smile at my other best friend Nate who is still inside the cocktail bar of the Oxo Tower where we had come for drinks after eating in the brasserie. I watch him turning on the charm to seduce his new found friend, shaking my head as she seems to fall for it, “I don’t know how he does it. I'd almost forgotten what he was like since taking time off work. I love Nate to pieces, but there is no way I would ever let him near anyone I actually cared for.”

Craig turns alongside me; we’ve been here like this many times before watching Nate conquer, enjoy, retreat and move on. “He’ll meet someone one day.”

“Nope, I’m not sure he will and it would be a very brave woman to try and tame him. He really should come with a warning.”

“He does, that’s what we’re here for.”

“Pfft, fat lot of good it does, they just look into his big brown eyes and melt at his feet.”

Craig laughs at me, “Suggers if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you sound half jealous.”

“Oh no, those days are well and truly behind me. I don’t think I could go out on the pull now even if I wanted to.”

“Maybe he’s been waiting for the right man to come along instead.” He laughs at my disparaging expression, making it clear exactly what I think of that idea. Nate is completely different to me, I’ve never seen him once eye up a bloke and he's not big on getting to know anyone beyond a couple of weeks' fuck-a-thon, always with the female of the species. “So how's life in Emmerdale these days?”

I have to smile at his avoidance of asking outright about Aaron, “Fine, all quiet on the western front mon ami.” He stares at me waiting for the rest and I give in, “What? Flippin’ eck, you’re impossible, you’re worse than my sister.”

“Who, I'll remind you, I am also still waiting to meet.”

“Be careful what you wish for.” I grin at him knowing he won’t let me off the hook this time; both Craig and his wife know me about as well as I ever let anyone know me outside my life with Jess. Our families spent a lot of time together over the years; we met through friends and after helping me set up the company, he’s been my Managing Director ever since. It was Craig who ran everything for me last year and he knows I’d do whatever he needed the same for him if the positions were reversed. “I swear you and Aaron are conspiring against me and you haven’t even met. If you must know, you and Jane as well as Lothario over there are invited to Aaron’s housewarming which happens by no coincidence to be on my birthday. Don’t feel obliged though; you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“Are you kidding, Jane has been bugging me non-stop about meeting the man who got you to smile again and more importantly got you back to work, so she can actually see her husband of a night.”

“Sorry, I told her I’d make it up to her.” Jane is the love of Craig’s life, they met at Uni and have been together ever since. She was close to Jess, their two girls used to go to school with Chloe and Harry when we had lived in London. I haven’t seen them since the funeral; some thing's are still hard to come to terms with but I think I’d be okay around them now. “Aaron would hate it here; he’d be looking for an excuse to go to the nearest pub for a pint instead.”

“Smart boy; I hate it here and so do you. It’s only Nathaniel over there who still enjoys the bars and clubs, taking two hours to moisturize and whatever it is he does before leaving the flat for a night on the tiles.”

“Haha, it’s a shame really; he’d make a good dad.”

Craig raises his eyebrows, “What all the sleepless nights that don’t involve non-stop sex? I never did understand how he can fuck the night away as often as he does and during the day he's still by far the best analyst I've ever met.”

.

“Oops, watch out; it looks like he might have crashed and burned." Cocktail in hand, Nate comes over looking a little forlorn from a opportunity lost, “Not your type then?”

“She’s gone to meet the girlfriend.”

Craig gives him an amused sideways glance, “When’s that ever stopped you; you losing your touch mate?”

“When it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.”

“Very philosophical of you; but moving onto more interesting topics of conversation, you’ve been invited to the village.”

This grabs Nate’s attention and sometimes I could kill Craig, “Really, the village.”

With my best serious face, I try and set some expectations, “If you come Nate, best behaviour or else. Things are still fragile and I don’t want you rocking the boat causing mayhem.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Your family's not going to be there anyway are they?”

“My sister Vic will be as well as her husband who is also Aaron's best friend and business partner. She's off limits, so don't go there got it? I’ll break you into so many pieces they won’t find them all if you do.”

Craig is quietly laughing at us both, Nate protesting as if butter wouldn't melt, “Protective or what; you never used to be like that with Jess.”

“Jess would have eaten you for breakfast; she had you sized up the minute she laid eyes on you. It’s the reason you never dared trying it on with her, except that one time when you’d drunk two bottles of champagne and you didn't know what you were doing.”

“She told you about that?”

“Of course she told me, it was hilarious.”

“It wasn’t that bad.” He groans embarrassed as both Craig and I give him the look. “Okay maybe it was. I got it, no touching the sister.” I glare at him, “....., and no touching of any kind whilst in the village; understood boss.”

They both make me laugh, they always refer to Emmerdale as ‘the village’, I actually caught Nate calling it the village of the damned the other week, but he’s been careful since to stick to just calling it the village. Although we've been close friends and worked together for such a long time, I know they are treading carefully when it comes to Emmerdale. It’s like they don’t quite know how to gauge me or how I might react. They took the fact that I'm with Aaron in their stride but the rest of the family stuff has them very wary. This is most likely more my fault as I’ve still not told them anything hardly. We are all the same age and they've known practically everything about my life since we were nineteen when we all met, but they hadn’t once heard me talk about the family or Emmerdale in all these years and from the little that I have told them, they know me well enough not to push me too much until I’m ready to share.

.

Robert, End March 2017

Having heard Liv get home, I come downstairs, scrunching my nose up, “Urrrgh, they smell. Take them outside and I'd clean them if I were you. You know Aaron'll kill you if he comes home to his kitchen smelling of horse manure.”

Liv takes off her riding boots and puts them outside on the back doorstep, “Are you sure you grew up on a farm?”

"Yes, I'm sure, just like I'm sure Aaron will be on your case when he walks through the door if you don't move the rest of your stuff to where he can't see or smell them, and then I strongly recommend that you go get a shower whilst I try and find some air freshener for in here."

Liv and I pull a face at each other, both knowing I'm right, he's still in over the top house-proud mode, "So how are the horse riding lessons going anyway?” With Liv getting on so well with Gabby who has her own horse, Chas got Liv some lessons with Katie for her Christmas present so she could sometimes go riding with her. I think Liv felt guilty taking them until the family truce so she's only just started this last week, although I can’t really see horse riding being her thing.

“It’s okay.”

Smiling, I know that tone, “Okay as in you like it, or okay as in you don’t?”

“Okay as in okay.”

“Hmmm, so you don’t like it then?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to; I'm sure Gabby won’t mind. It’s good to have different hobbies like you do with Aaron.”

“Gabby hates that though.”

“Which is fine. Film night with Aaron is your thing just with him and Gabby spends time with her horse. We both know you prefer drawing and you're good at it, that's your thing.” Liv looks at me blushing which tells me all I need to know on the horse riding. “Liv what I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid to stop with the lessons if you don’t like it. Give it a few more weeks and if it turns out that you do like it, great and if you don't, well Katie will give Chas her money back, perks of them being best friends.”

“Mmhh, I’ll see how it goes.”

“Good, glad we got that sorted.”

She looks at me hesitantly, “You won’t say anything to Aaron or Chas that I don't like it will you; not yet, until I'm really sure?”

Smiling conspiratorially at her, I shake my head, “Not if you don’t want me to but you going to tell me why?”

“I think they kind of like the idea of me doing stuff to get more into village life.”

“You don’t need to be able to ride a horse for that. Most people round here haven’t been on a horse or on a farm their entire lives, I can't ride and I grew up on a farm; I hate horses and they hate me. Believe me you’re doing just fine.” I stop what I'm doing to watch her more closely sensing there might be more to her apparent insecurity. She's biting her bottom lip, the same habit that Aaron has and I wait for her to open up to me.

.

“It’s a year.”

“What is?”

“Since I’ve been living in Emmerdale.”

Feeling relieved that it's nothing more serious I beam a smile at her, “We should celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Unheard, Aaron has come into the kitchen, his cheeks rosy from the cold outside which I can feel coming off him still as he gives me a kiss.

“Liv says it’s a year since she moved here so we should do something special.”

Aaron stops and looks like he doesn’t quite know what to say and I know why he’s hesitating but he shouldn’t let the bad things that happened get in the way of the good things and Liv being back in his life if definitely a good thing. He gets a beer out of the fridge before sitting down twisting the top off to take a drink, “You want to?” The question is to Liv, who shrugs her shoulders non-committal.

I nudge her shoulder and she takes the hint, “Could do.”

Taking that as a yes, Aaron continues, “What do fancy then, go out or stay in? You choose little sister.”

This gets a massive grin from her, she loves it when Aaron plays up being the big brother. "Stay in." She looks in my direction, "Will you make my favourite for tea?"

"Why don't I teach you. Aaron can put his boots back on and go to the shop for what we need and we'll make it together whilst his lordship entertains us.”

He smirks at me, “Haha, I don't think so. Right, tell me what I need to get then Masterchef before I get too settled to want to go back out but Liv you have to sort out the horse stuff." He prods the hat still on the kitchen table next to the gloves.

Laughing at the miffed look on her face, I find it even more amusing as she drops herself further in it, “Yes yes yes, Robert told me off, I already took my boots out.”

Realising she'd said the wrong thing, knowing full well her boots shouldn't have been in the kitchen in the first place she hastily gathers everything up but Aaron gives her a free pass, well other than the not so impressed look on his face. “Take them to where they belong, go have a shower and woe betide if I find horse hair in my food later.”

Back from siding everything in the garden shed she heads upstairs for her shower. Both Aaron and I have been working all day, which we don't usually do on a Saturday so we haven't seen each other since breakfast, “Finally, I get you to myself.” We share a deep kiss and it takes quite a lot of willpower to stop, “You don’t mind about Liv do you? She'll probably stay the night now.”

“No, it’s good that she’s here.” He picks ups a riding glove from the floor, grumpily putting it in his pocket to take with him when he goes out, “Mum should have got her cooking lessons instead of sodding horse-riding lessons.”

“She doesn't need cooking lessons, we can teach her; well I can. I think she already knows how to do beans on toast and fish finger and chips."

"I can cook, just because I don't make fancy meals, doesn't mean I can't when I want."

.

Thinking about it, I don't rise to the bait and make a suggestion instead, "Maybe we make a thing of it on a Saturday night, you know like family time.”

Aaron looks surprised but I can tell that a part of him likes the idea, “That means Liv staying here most Saturday nights then?"

“I know, but usually it's just us when you're at mine Thursday nights so we still have time to ourselves and it would be good for her to get more used to us spending time together. It just makes sense; we already have family breakfast together every Sunday now.”

“Has Liv said anything to you about that?”

“About what?”

“She said something to mum earlier in the week apparently. She knows you called her your daughter.”

Looking at him, I'm also curious where she had heard it from, but not necessarily surprised, "She's not said anything. She's just been same as always with me."

"I told mum, you know I did, but she swears she hasn’t said a word to Liv or anyone else.”

Pulling Aaron down to straddle me on the chair where I'm sitting, I wrap my arms around him, “It doesn’t change anything does it?”

“She asked me this morning if we were going to live together.”

This does catch me off guard and I frown a little, “I didn’t think she wanted that?”

“She didn’t, but now maybe she does; I don’t know.”

“We should talk to her. We both agreed it’s too soon, that’s not changed right?”

Resting his forehead against mine, Aaron kisses my nose, “No, I like how it is....., for now.”

“Me too....., for now.”

Flirting with each other and my hands resting either side of his neck I pull him into a deeper kiss. Aaron acts all coy whilst grinding against me and I groan a little in response, having to move my hands to his waist in order to hold him still. Our eyes meet and hold steadily, “Does that mean, maybe later in the year we might be ready?”

Smiling at each other, we play our game of words although truth be told we both know the real answer, “I don’t know, what do you think?”

With a last kiss, he smirks before climbing off me, his fingers brushing my cheek as he sees my pout of disappointment, “I think that it’s time I went to the shop before it shuts." He goes to the back door for his boots, kneeling down as he laces them up, "Give me the list of what you want then.”

I scribble down the few things we need, going to the outside step where he is now stood waiting and I shiver a little from the cold air, “Here you go. We should talk to her; you know what she’s like sometimes. She gets all worked up about things when she doesn’t know what’s going on or she thinks something is going on when it actually isn’t.”

“Maybe.”

“No maybe Aaron, I know you don’t like doing stuff like this, but we promised her that we wouldn’t make any big decisions about us without her and she needs to trust that which means talking to her about this.”

“Okay, after we’ve eaten. I need to come round from work and have a least two beers.”

Catching his hand before he leaves, I pull him back for a kiss, “You know she’s happy with the way things are, she likes having you all to herself. It’s me that should be worried if you two will ever let me come live with you.”

He studies me curiously, “What, you’d want to move in here after being in the big house?”

“I don’t need the big house. Anyway I told you we were talking about maybe converting it into a northern base for the business. I could still have a couple of rooms there, just like I do at the London office. If we did that, we wouldn’t want it for our home and we both know you love it here and so does Liv. You know you still smile every time you walk through the door and that’s not just because you’re pleased to see me or Liv, it’s because it’s yours and you like that."

“Hhhm, I’m off or we'll be having takeaway for tea." He smirks at me, walking backwards a couple of paces as I watch him go down the path, "Sometimes I think you know me too well Robert Sugden.” Watching him disappear into the dark, I then turn back inside thinking to myself that I don't; not yet, but that I'd really like to.

.

"Finally," Aaron nudges Liv sitting next to him at the table; they are both enjoying winding me up, "We get to meet the other half of Robert Sugden, just think of all the questions we can ask and secrets he's got that we can dig up.”

“I don't have any, not from you." Aaron shakes his head grinning, clearly not believing me, "God I don’t know who‘s worse you lot or them. I actually don’t think I’m needed at this party. You can all just have a good time without me and then you can talk about whatever you want; I really don’t care.”

“Awww, you know we love you.” Aaron might be all cute when he looks at me like right now but even I have limits.

“Mmhhh, sometimes I wonder; you’ll learn. For that Aaron Dingle, you can clear the plates off the table and I’ll have a coffee if you’re making.”

Liv chuckles at our banter whilst Aaron is prodding my foot with his under the table, “Ask nicely.”

Pulling a face at him, I put on a voice I know will annoy him, "Pretty please Aaron, light of my life, oh wondrous one....."

“Alright alright, that’s enough; don’t overdo it.”

There’s still no movement, having stuffed our faces all three of us are feeling bloated, our eyes being bigger than our stomachs but I like the warm feeling I have inside as we sit here in comfortable silence for a minute. We have fallen into the routine that I come back to Emmerdale Wednesday night and I stay at Home Farm on my own. Aaron usually stays with me Thursday just the two of us and Friday nights together with Liv at Home Farm then I stay with them at the cottage over the weekend before going back to London either late Sunday night or really early on Monday morning. We've just agreed that we're going to make it a regular thing on a Saturday, now becoming family cooking night which leads on nicely to the next topic of conversation with Aaron having now kicked me twice about it because he wants me to start.

“Ow, alright, stop doing that.” Liv is laughing at us openly now as Aaron gets up, collecting the plates and fetching himself another beer. Putting the kettle on, he makes a coffee for us then returning to the table, he sits next to me.

.

“Can I take my drink up to my room and watch TV?" Liv notices the exchange between us as she gets up, hovering behind her chair, "I promise I won't spill," It's so endearing that she's asking, but we all know it's only because she's still recovering from the telling off Aaron gave her about knocking her mug of tea all over her bedroom carpet two days after they moved in. She's just lucky it didn't leave a stain, or I would not want to have been in the vicinity of that particular conversation.

Aaron smiles at her but Liv knows something's changed, "Actually, can you sit back down again, there’s something we want to talk to you about," She starts looking a little worried which Aaron attempts to alleviate, "It's nothing serious and you're not in trouble." She visibly relaxes, but not totally.

It's clearly now my turn, Aaron silently handing over to me, "We just wanted to be sure that you're good with how things are working out, you know with us being together and switching between the two houses." This causes Liv to tense up again, as if it's a trick question and she looks unsure how to answer.

I stall a little, not quite sure how to find the right words. Sometimes it would be easier to do all this if Liv were my actual daughter, easier than walking the fine line of being her brother stroke guardian’s boyfriend and then I’m still helping her with the school stuff. Aaron intervenes before Liv freaks out properly, "Nothing’s changing don’t worry, but we know that you heard about Robert and what he said about you during the mediation.” I smile at him grateful for him being the one to tell her, but we both know the rest has to come from me now.

Liv shrugs as if she doesn’t care or that it’s not important, but I know her body language well enough that exactly the opposite is true. “Liv, you know how things are not too great for me with my family and that's why we had a kind of family meeting to try and make things easier, so that we don't argue all the time." She nods silently, "Well we talked about the farm and me living here in Emmerdale.” Stalling again, I'm finding this harder than I expected with Liv sitting here in front of me, her eyes piercing into mine, hanging on my every word which I consider carefully before continuing. “I told them that the reason I want to be here is because you and Aaron are my family now and you’re both really important to me. I like spending time with you and I've come to think of you like a daughter. I suppose I could say like a little sister, but that’s not how it feels. I had children with Jess, you know that, but I need you to know, I like you for being you and not just because you’re Aaron’s sister or because I miss Chloe, and even if we split up, which I hope we never do, it wouldn’t stop me caring about you."

Aaron rests his hand on my leg under the table and I grab hold, squeezing it tightly. I let him take over once more, “We haven't talked seriously about what's going to happen in the future. We're still getting to know each other, all of us, you included, but I think there's a good chance maybe that we might decide we want to live together, full-time like a proper family. Whatever happens though, I promise we'll talk to you before we do anything or make any final decisions and you won't hear it from someone else."

Liv still looks a little confused why we are having the conversation, “I know you said that when we moved and that's why I have a room up at Home Farm for when I want to stay at Roberts. I get it, one day you're going to get married and we'll all live together. It's no big deal."

"It is though Liv, marriage is a really big deal, but we're not ready yet for that kind of commitment and I didn’t want you to be freaked out by what you heard. It’s just the best way to describe to other people how much you mean to me, not that I want you to call me dad or anything, that's not what I meant by it."

“Good cos you’re not. You’re way better than my dad ever was.” Aaron smiles at me, but doesn't say anything as Liv looks at him for an answer to her original question, "So can I take my drink upstairs, is that okay?”

Aaron nods, unable to prevent a grin spreading over his face, "Yeah, it’s fine and we'll do kitchen duty tonight."

"Thanks, "Liv hesitates before leaving the kitchen, “I wouldn’t mind you know. If you do want to live together all the time even now, I’d like that.”

I can’t help grinning at her, a combination of relief and love washing over me, “Noted. I’d like that too one day, just not yet.”

TBC


	20. Greedy Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone succeeds at being good in the run up to Easter....., actually in their own way that would be no-one, but they are all looking forward to having some time off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To hanker after something: to long for / have a strong wish for something

Aaron, Friday 7th April 2017

Robert licks my fingers after we've finished eating our treat for the day, both of us eyeing the box hankering after a second. Sometimes Robert’s eyes could quite literally be the death of me the way he looks at me, but right now I can’t not be amused by the pining expression on his face as I remove the box from his reach, his eyes follow it unwavering until it’s safely out of sight in the cupboard, “You can have your next one tomorrow. Think of them as apples, one a day keeps the doctor away.”

“Meanie, you’re enjoying this far too much. You know they’re my favourite and we only get them a few months of the year. Sometimes I really hate my meal plan." He nudges my shoulder playfully, "But at least now I've got you and Liv for company hey."

"Mmh, about that...."

"You not giving up already are you Mr Dingle? And you were being such a good boy." He grins mischievously and pulls me to him, plastering a sloppy chocolatey-tasting kiss on my lips. "You are being a good boy aren't you Aaron?" His tongue traces up the side of my neck, his mouth hovering until he sucks down, kissing hard enough to get my heart-rate up a notch as he rubs himself up against me.

"No, yes. Shut up. It's just you know with it being almost Easter....., awww don't do that....., I was thinking we could maybe, errrm.....flipping 'eck...., you know......, we could make some special exceptions for...."

He cuts me off with another kiss on the mouth making it impossible to finish my sentence before switching to talk quietly into my ear, his warm breath really not helping me to think straight, "Were you now, because I thought the idea was to show solidarity and restraint in order to lead a healthier life?" Liv got the idea a few weeks back that we should all have a meal plan to be 'more healthy' and so Robert wouldn’t feel jealous watching us feed our faces with too much chocolate and other goodies over Easter. The problem is we all have a sweet tooth and well some of us have more willpower than others.

.

Still distracting me from what I was trying to say, his hand trails down my front and starts to fondle my crotch. Caught by surprise, I brush it away, fearful Liv could walk in on us, "Naughty."

"It takes one to know one Aaron." His hand moves back, continuing to play and this time I don't stop him as his mouth practically devours my ear with wet kisses before I hear him murmuring, his voice husky and seductive, "I saw you this morning."

"Nnngh....," My immediate thoughts are a mix of 'oh crap' and 'that feels so good'. "Don't know what you mean." Robert kisses my neck, the warm wetness from his tongue moves to my ear again sending all kinds of signals through my body. This is so not fair he can switch it on like this without warning. Returning his hand to rest on the side of my neck, his fingers softly caressing as his mouth marks the other side. My body starts to writhe against his with increasing need and eventually he yields to my silent begging, his hand taunting my impatience as it slowly wends its way back to the bulge in my jeans, hovering, forcing me to thrust outwards in an attempt to get some kind of friction. He smirks knowingly before finally granting me the full pleasure his hand can offer, rubbing with intent, knowing exactly how to turn me on, my voice now more of a whimper, "Please, don't stop."

"Greedy boy, aren't you?"

"No, maybe; shit Rob, harder. Yes, yes I'm greedy." I have to bite down on my bottom lip to prevent a moan from escaping, his fingers slipping inside my jeans as he pins me against the kitchen units making it almost impossible for me to keep quiet, "We really shouldn't do this here, Liv'll be home any time now."

"She'll be so disappointed in you but I suppose I could be persuaded to keep quiet, for a price." I make a feeble attempt to pull away but he holds me fast, smiling at me like the cat that got the cream; I'm turned on and appalled all at the same time at the thought of us getting caught and Liv being part of the conversation whilst he's doing this to me, "I think you were enjoying yourself just a little too much, licking away at it in broad daylight no less; probably thinking no-one was watching, but I was watching or is that what you wanted, for me to see you licking it out like that having denied me so cruelly before you left me all alone and wanting in our bed?”

My voice is breathless, almost panting as I respond, “That’s not fair, you know I was already late, which was all your fault keeping me awake until all hours. I didn't have time for breakfast and needed the sugar hit for some energy."

"Excuses excuses." Robert’s thumb trails over my slit, then pulling out his hand he runs it across my bottom lip so I can practically taste myself. "Tell me, what's your favourite bit?"

I have to remind myself about what we are actually discussing as his hand slides back down but this time massaging from outside my jeans whilst he kisses into my neck, both our breathing now increasingly laboured as I arch against him, "The creamy bit inside, it needs just the right amount of tongue to tease it out, sucking it into my mouth slowly to make it last for as long as possible. It tastes so good like that." 

"Hold that thought for later." Robert unexpectedly relaxes his hold giving me a quick kiss, his eyes amused as he jumps up onto the counter top leaving me a little shocked and confused seeing him calmly opening the newspaper, reading as if we'd just been talking about the weather.

Then it becomes clear as Liv bursts through the door throwing her school bag onto the kitchen table, grinning. "No school for two weeks, oh yes, that’s the life." Thankfully unaware of my flushed appearance she grabs a glass from the drainer, filling it with tap water, "Can I have my cream egg now instead of waiting until after tea?"

Unable to answer, still struggling to pull myself together I watch her get the box out of the cupboard before helping herself assuming my silence means agreement. Shit, this is such a mind-fuck.

.

Perched on the counter, Robert’s face is a picture, watching me try to cover up my embarrassment. Still highly aware of my over-sensitised body and hoping like hell she hadn't seen anything she shouldn’t have, I need a moment to calm down and open the fridge, rummaging around to see what we have in the way of food.

After a very long minute and feeling only just marginally more composed I close the fridge door to find Liv playing with the contents of the half-filled box of Cadburys cream eggs which just serves to remind me of what Robert just did to me. I practically snatch it out of her hands, quickly shoving it back up into the cupboard. "Stop messing, we've all had our lot for today.”

“Oi, I was counting actually. So that means there's two missing. I always count before I go to school to be sure there's no cheating. One each a day we agreed so someone thieved two.” Annoyingly, her stance makes it perfectly obvious she thinks I'm the prime suspect.

“I don’t know why you're looking at me Liv. We just had ours before you got in, Robert is my witness and I only had one, right Robert?” Remonstrating this further by raising a finger to make my point I look at Robert daring him to contradict me. Silently he nods his head, smiling and I just know he's going to get as much mileage from this as he possibly can in return for his silence. “And put your bag away where it belongs, not on the table.” Picking it up, I throw it back at her.

Pulling a face, groaning in that way only teenagers do and rolling her eyes, Liv hangs her coat and bag on the hook by the door as instructed before turning back, again staring accusingly in my direction which with me being so on edge just winds me up and I just can't help myself. “So, go on then Sherlock, deduce away if you think it's me.”

Full of enthusiasm for life now that school has finally broken up for the Easter holidays she takes pleasure in pushing my buttons as only my sister can. “Well I know it wasn’t Robert because unlike you he sticks to his meal plan so if it wasn’t you it just leaves the Cadbury cream egg fairy, which brings us right back to you.” I stare at her in awe that she actually said that to my face and then glare at Robert sitting up on the kitchen counter not even attempting to disguise his laughter, high-fiving it with Liv who jumps up to join him.

.

“Off my kitchen counter the pair of you. Now! This is not a doss house.”

“Touchy touchy. Just because you can’t stick to your meal plan.”

“I have no problems sticking to the meal plan thank you very much; unlike some of us though I don't actually need one.” I see the look between them as if to say I’m having a PMS moment which just irks me even more as they smile conspiratorially.

“So you didn’t get the ‘ump on after Robert said you were getting love handles then......, oh yes, but you did; which is why you now have a meal plan.”

Grimacing at my sister, wondering how I let myself get drawn into these things I question where’s my knight in shining armour when I need him; oh yeah, he’s busy laughing at me. “Why are you living here again? Oh yes, because I clothe you and feed you, look after your every need. Be nice to the brother or I’ll ship you back to the pub, or worse, to your mother.”

Liv sticks her tongue out at me, defiant to the last, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Really, you want to put that to the test, do you?”

“Mr sensitive or what; just proves you ate more than your share of the cream eggs, so you don't get any for the next two days."

"Whatever."

"What’s for tea anyway, I’m starving.”

After giving her a death stare that mum would be proud of, I reopen the fridge to cool off again albeit this time for a completely different reason to earlier, answering through gritted teeth, “Gruel and bread.”

“Oh, so you’re cooking then, not Robert?” Lifting my head back up, I find Robert hiding behind his newspaper which is shaking due to his inability to control his giggling and Liv staring me down her eyes daring me to keep going.

“Just water for you I reckon and for your information I don’t have love handles, Robert was joking just trying to wind me up.”

Now he decides to speak up, “Actually, I’m finding I quite like them.”

.

Both of them are now openly laughing at me and I throw my hands up in the air, defeated, “What is this gang up on Aaron day; I hate you both.” Robert sidles up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, locking me into him but I'm not yet ready to totally capitulate, “If you pinch my sides and make a comment about love handles, you’ll wish you had stayed in London Sugden.”

Despite my futile attempt to escape he refuses to release me, almost lifting me off the ground, hugging me even tighter. “You know we still love you even if you did eat more of the cream eggs." I stay silent, neither admitting nor denying. "Why don’t we go to the pub instead; we can celebrate the start of the school hols for Liv and plan what we want to do over Easter. Just think, four whole days together, won't that be fun.”

Growling at him, I do my best to regain some semblance of control of the conversation. “Only if she’s paying and you....., just you wait until later.” My body grinds against his as he continues to hold me in place, having an effect on both of us and I stop resisting before I come over all embarrassed for a second or is that a third time today.

With a final kiss and a cheeky smirk, Robert pushes our conjoined bodies towards the door, "Promises promises."

“Urrggh, have you two no shame. Please put him down, little sister in the room; this is why you get alone time." And seemingly not is the answer because Robert kisses me quick and hard forcing Liv to hide behind her coat whilst he bundles us all out of the door to head up-to the pub.

.

Liv breaks the silence as we walk, "How come you stayed here last night instead of Home Farm?”

Leaving it to Robert to answer, I grab hold of his hand preferring to stay quiet, “Didn’t feel like being in a big empty house and you were supposed to be at Gabby’s.”

“She got grounded so I wasn’t allowed round.”

I stop mid-stride, Robert coming to a standstill beside me as I carefully study Liv who has continued walking, “You didn't tell me that. Does that mean I should be grounding you too?”

“No.”

We start walking again, still lagging behind her so I can't see the look on Liv's face but the answer came far too quick and defensive and we all know it. “Maybe I’ll check with her mum, just to be sure.”

“Anyone would think you don’t trust me.”

Having turned into my mum, I now have raising my eyebrows down to an art-form, “Two words Liv, 'glue incident'.”

“That was a misunderstanding.”

“Aren’t they all; you can't help yourself can you?”

Liv doesn't bother responding and Robert pulls me in close, kissing the side of my head his face plastered with an evil grin, “Two words Aaron; 'cream eggs'.”

.

After pushing through the door into the pub we find a table and I wait patiently for mum who’s serving Jack and Andy. Watching Robert whilst Liv grabs some menus, I see him nod a silent greeting in their direction which is returned and I savour the fact we no longer need to be on a knife-edge anymore when we are near them. It’s not exactly warm and friendly, but I’ll take what we can get for now and I know Vic is still plotting to get them all on better terms. If anyone can she can.

Settled with our drinks and waiting for Liv to make her mind up what she wants to eat, we fall into easy conversation. Some weeks when Robert is away in London or wherever we don’t manage to find time to talk every day and this week was one of those limited to quick texts, lots of patience and hand jobs until he arrived back home. We'd talked a little during the night so I'm content to let Liv and Robert catch up allowing my mind to wander, smiling to myself at how good it had felt to sleep in Robert's arms after making love and it's not until I receive a kick on my shin that I'm pulled back into the conversation. “Earth to Aaron, were you even listening to a word we’ve been saying?”

“Sort of,” I half smile, sheepishly knowing I’d been caught out, “No not really, you lost me at the horse thing. What were you saying?”

“Liv’s only got two horse riding lessons left and I asked her if she wants to keep going.”

I think we all knew the answer to that one. Without saying it outright, in her own inimitable way Liv has made it no secret that horse riding isn’t really her thing and I’m pretty sure she is only still going for fear of offending either mum or Gabby. “And?”

Liv glances to the bar to make sure no-one is earwigging, “I was thinking about maybe ‘not’ if that’s okay?”

Silently I thank the powers that be she hasn’t changed her mind, “Oh that’s a shame but it was good to see the lessons out to be sure.” Robert rolls his eyes at me trying to do the encouraging parent thing and I carry on, ignoring him, “You want to do something else instead? Maybe something with less....., manure.”

Liv grins at me, she knows I’ve not been too enamoured with the horse riding activity and that she’s not the only one who has been playing nice keeping my thoughts on the subject to myself when we were outside the cottage.

.

Yawning, Robert looks tired and I smile wondering where he gets his patience from as he tests the water with Liv on what else she might want to do which I'm grateful for because an occupied Liv under supervision means she is less likely to be causing mischief. “How about doing something to do with your drawing?”

Marlon delivers food to the table next to us and I realise just how hungry I am, my stomach rumbling away as Liv answers, “Yeah, but I have art class already at school though.”

“Okay how about something not art but along the same lines, like photography?” That grabs my attention and I shoot Robert a warning look, as several images flash into my head of all the things that could possibly go wrong with Liv being let loose with a camera and he seems to get the hint, “Think about what else you might like, there’s no rush to decide is there Aaron?”

“Nope, oh look your food’s here.” Sneaking a carrot off Robert’s plate whilst waiting for my own food to arrive, I wonder if now would be a good time to test the waters of a different kind with a suggestion Vic had floated past me yesterday. “We should start thinking more about the party; it’s only a couple of weeks away. I don't want to ask Vic or Marlon to do the catering; it's only fair they get to enjoy themselves for once without worrying if we’ve run out of vol-au-vents.”

“We could pay someone else to do it, but then we’d never hear the end of it from either of them grumbling why we didn’t ask them. You know how sensitive they get.”

Liv chips in with her mouth half full, “We could do it ourselves.”

“What for.....,” I stop and look at Rob unsure how many people we have actually invited, “How many are coming anyway?”

He shrugs, “Don’t know, maybe around thirty or so, perhaps a few more.”

Attempting nonchalance, I take the plunge, “You ever thought about maybe inviting your dad and Andy?”

A silence hangs in the air and even Liv is watching him closely, “No Aaron I hadn’t, and you can tell that sister of mine not to get any ideas into her head and neither should you.”

“She isn’t, we aren't. I was just thinking; you know it might be a good time to offer an olive branch or two.”

He keeps his expression neutral, but the look in his eyes says it all, “Well just unthink it; things are fine as they are.”

“Vic and Adam can still come though, right?”

“Yes Aaron, Vic and Adam can still come.”

“Just checking.”

With an apologetic smile I let him have the last word, “Muppet.”

Moving on, whilst I'm contemplating if I'm still okay to hold that thought from earlier or if I've screwed it up, Liv pipes up with a question, “So if I did do photography, does that mean you'd buy me a really good camera and what if I want to have my own dark room?” Gritting my teeth, I wonder what I did wrong to deserve her being this way out today; oh yeah, sodding cream eggs!

.

Aaron, Friday 14th April 2017

Laid on the sofa with the telly on I take a swig of my second beer; the effect of the alcohol is beginning to help me feel a little better with the world as I wait for Robert and Liv to come home. It’s been a shitty long day and I’ve been grumpy right from the get go, in fact to be fair I’ve been grumpy since yesterday when Robert informed me he wasn’t driving up until tonight because something last minute had come up at work. We were supposed to be having a nice long Easter weekend together, four whole days of no work and doing just what we want when we want. Instead I spent the morning banging around the cottage annoying the crap out of Liv before going to the scrap yard to take my frustration out there rather than screwing up jobs at home that I’ll just end up having to re-do because I wasn’t properly concentrating.

Closing my eyes, I relax, the background noise of the TV making me drowsy. I don’t want to spoil the evening just because I’ve been an unreasonable mardy arse all day. Robert had warned me that his job could be unpredictable sometimes and I’ve learned this last few months that he doesn’t do nine to five and he can’t talk about work at home which is fine by me but this is the first time that it’s really had an impact on our personal life. It’s not that I haven’t done the same with him when something has come up with Liv or the yard; I’ve just been caught out by how much I’d been looking forward to seeing him last night.

Smiling to myself, I know he’ll be looking for a way to make it up-to me and I start thinking of all the things I could ask for. He called a short while back saying he wasn’t far away and that he’d pick Liv up from horse riding lessons on his way and then they’d fetch us a take-away to save cooking. Maybe we can go off for the day tomorrow, the weather looks nice and if Liv doesn’t want to come then she could stay over with mum. We could even stay overnight somewhere and make up for not having last night just the two of us nice and cosy; I could swing for that I reckon.

.

Groggily I stir, wondering what the heck that noise is until I work out it’s my phone ringing. Drooling into the cushion with my eyes still half-shut, my hand flails around on the floor down the side of the sofa until my fingers find their mark. Answering I squint at who is calling and check the time. Seeing that it’s Robert, I wonder what they’ve got up to now, they should have been home a while ago; I must have fallen asleep. “Hi, where are you? Don’t tell me you got stuck in traffic and you’ll be later than you already are.”

“No, now don’t panic, but there's been an incident.”

Any drowsiness is gone in an instant and I’m dragging myself up off the sofa looking for my keys. “Are you okay, is Liv okay?”

“I’m fine, we're both fine I promise but Liv is....."

"Promise me you're not lying to me Rob and what do you mean incident, what kind of incident? Please tell me she didn't fall off the sodding horse."

"I promise you. Look, we're at Paddy's surgery, just get over here and we'll explain everything.” He rings off before I can ask any of the zillion questions whizzing through my head.

Without even grabbing my coat, I race out of the door, legging it over to the vets as fast as I possibly can, almost crashing into the door before I have chance to open it. Robert's car is parked at an awkward angle and the drops of blood on the steps beneath my feet haven't escaped my attention, ratcheting up my stress level. Already outside I can hear arguing, the sound of raised voices which intensifies once I barge inside and I take in the scene that greets me.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the 5 month drought - new job and busy life is hard work making it difficult to find time and the right headspace for writing.  
> Anyway hope you enjoyed. This chapter was triggered by my own penchant for Cadbury's cream eggs and living in Switzerland they aren't readily available here and I really miss them at this time of year. Easter just isn't quite the same. 
> 
> Anyway the angst ratchets up somewhat moving forward.... the boys are going to need to have some serious make-up loving by the time I've done with them.... no change there then....  
> Take care  
> Caro


	21. An Unnecessary Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An angry Aaron wishes he could turn back time.

Aaron, Friday 14th April 2017

It’s as if a switch is flipped when I enter the reception area of the vets, silence immediately filling the air. Robert and Katie are stood before me, their faces red and angry; at his sides Robert’s hands are clenched into fists so tight that I'm surprised he's not drawing blood. Everyone is still for an instant; it feels like time and motion have stopped almost. From a quick assessment, they both look okay but I don’t see Liv anywhere, “Where is she?”

“Through the back with Paddy; Aaron.....” It's too late though, I’m already moving; Robert’s words trail off and if he makes any attempt to continue I don’t hear it.

Rushing up the couple of steps towards the operating theatre, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is unbearable, only receding when I see Liv sat up on the bench, her back to me. Forcing myself to a steady walk, my sister looks up as I reach them and returns my anxious smile; now I can finally release the breath I’d been holding. “So trouble, what've you been up to now then?” Paddy looks to be stitching a gash on her upper left arm, his face tight with concentration but I can see controlled anger underneath the surface and I look at him for answers however none are forthcoming.

Seeing Liv grimace, Paddy smiles at her fondly, “Almost finished, just a couple more.”

Liv puts on her brave face, “Okay.”

Needing to have physical contact, I jump up on the bench and grab hold of her hand, receiving an admonishing look from Paddy, having shaken both the bench and his concentration. Liv and I smile at each other, even now in these bizarre circumstances she takes pleasure in me being told off instead of her for a change. “You fall off the horse or something?”

“No, I’m not that bad on a horse you know.”

.

Sensing her reluctance to tell me, I don’t push further. However, since I’ve stopped totally freaking out, the questions of what and why are champing at the bit to be asked but I hold my tongue to wait until Paddy is finished. Liv rests her head against my shoulder, her hand tightly gripped in mine belying that she probably isn’t as okay as it might first appear.

“All done,” Paddy moves his stuff away and Liv seems to relax a little now the worst part is over. My eyes flit around the room, lingering on Robert quietly leaning in the doorway before Paddy returning draws my attention back to him and Liv. Katie is nowhere to be seen thankfully and I assume that she’s left.

Applying the dressing, Paddy glances at me, “She’ll need to keep this clean and dry, and it’ll need to be changed. I’ll call round tomorrow to look at it and make sure there’s no infection or anything. She should really have some antibiotics to help but you won’t get them without going to the doctors so you’ll have to make do with over the counter painkillers.

Distracted by Robert’s shuffling, Paddy looks across at him with a look that I can’t quite discern, it’s almost as if he’s daring Robert to say something and the tension between them is palpable.

.

As my gaze shifts between them all, the continuing strained silence makes it clear no-one is ready to volunteer sharing, “So is someone going to tell me what happened?” Still with no response, I’m beginning to get pissed off and it’s only for Liv’s sake that I haven’t already kicked-off more, “Robert?”

“Paddy said it’s just a scratch, though it’ll probably leave a scar hey Liv?” She smiles at him nervously, nodding her head; for his part Paddy huffs and scowls. The silence may be broken, yet there’s still no explanation, instead Robert adjusts his position, looking very uncomfortable. I’ve seen many different kinds of emotions in Robert but this is the first time I’ve seen him on edge quite like this and I don’t know what to make of what’s going on, but with Liv now patched up, it’s time I found out.

“Okay, enough I’m not stupid. Someone had better start talking because, scratch or not, something’s up or we’d be at A&E right now instead of on Paddy’s table.”

Surprisingly it’s Liv that breaks first, “It wasn’t Rob’s fault.”

Paddy snorts, his disagreement evident, “I’ve said my piece. Why don’t you ask lover boy there why your sister was brought to a vet to fix up after being shot because the Sugdens can’t act like normal human beings?”

Stunned and horrified doesn’t even begin to cover my reaction. Moving down off the table towards Robert, it’s only Liv’s arm on mine that holds me back as I fight to keep calm. I’m no stranger to things getting out of hand and I’ve held a gun more than once when I was younger, but this is Liv, this is my sister and I’d kill for her without a blink of an eye or regret. “Let’s just go home Aaron please I'm tired.”

.

I ignore her words, all my attention now on Robert, hardly noticing as Liv shrinks back against the table where she’d been sitting. “Talk Robert, or do I need go up-to the farm and drag it out of your brother and Katie; speaking of which I take it she left, or maybe I should just call the police huh?”

I’ll give him his due, he meets my glare directly, his expression serious but determined, “There was a misunderstanding, it led to an altercation you might say.”

Having stepped fully into the room there’s only a couple of feet between us now with Robert keeping a certain distance still between us. He can’t have missed the coiled tension in my body or the barely concealed rage in my voice, “Go on.”

“Andy got a letter. He mustn’t have opened it until not long before I got to the farm else I’d have known about it sooner. I swear Aaron it has nothing to do with me, you have to believe me.” There’s a pleading in his voice but right now I’m not interested in excuses. “He charged up to me, getting into my face as soon as I got there.” Seeing Robert straight on for the first time and in the fluorescent light of the room, it’s only now that I notice the bruising on his face but I feel strangely unaffected, simply impatient for him to get on with it. “I had no idea what he was raving on about, calling me a liar and saying I’d betrayed them all, betrayed you.” He hesitates, presumably to see my reaction but with none evident, he continues. “It was from the solicitor I’d been using in Hotten serving notice to attend a meeting for an ownership dispute for the farm. He wouldn’t listen to me when I denied giving them any instructions and he wouldn’t have it that I was just as much in the dark as he was. They aren’t my usual solicitors so with it being Easter I can’t call just them the same to sort it out and there’ll be no easy way of getting hold of them until Tuesday most likely but I’ll try as soon as we get home.” He looks a little taken aback by the noise I make but I grit my teeth and hold my tongue.

“I honestly thought he’d gone inside to calm down so I waited for Liv and Katie who were still out but he came back carrying the shotgun, waving it about making threats, told me to get off the farm but I wasn’t go anywhere without Liv.” The pressure inside me builds with every word but I don’t interrupt, instead balling my hands into fists, forcing myself to stay in control. “It’s not the first time I've seen him like this but I wasn’t prepared for it. He had it pointed right at me yelling, raking up the past, it was like we were back at the caravan when we were teenagers and I flipped, I didn’t even realise the safety was off. I just went for him, I know I shouldn’t have, I know better but I did and we started scrapping to get control. He was going to.....," Robert hesitates, glancing at Liv and seems to reconsider what he was going to say.

"I never even saw Katie and Liv come into the yard with the horses, I don’t think either of us did, it just went off. I don’t really know exactly what happened in the minute after that; I was too close in when it fired and my head was ringing, and Andy was still trying to come at me. It was only when we realised Katie was calling out Liv’s name that we stopped and saw Liv lying on the ground."

Turning swiftly to Liv, I hadn’t even considered that she might have other injuries, “Are you hurt anywhere else than your arm?”

Quickly giving her the once over, she looks a bit bedraggled but I don’t see anything obvious to cause concern and Paddy puts my mind at rest. “A few bruises Aaron and she wasn’t knocked unconscious, just a bit shocked.”

Robert grabs my attention back as he continues, “I thought she’d just got thrown at first from the horse being startled by the noise. It was only when I pulled her up to check her over that I realised the bullet had caught her arm. It really is just a graze, Katie bandaged it until we got here but it still bled quite a lot. I knew it wasn’t serious enough to need surgery or anything, so we brought her here.”

.

My eyes piercing into his, I’m struggling hard to contain myself but I need to know everything, “Why was that? Why not go to Hotten General?”

“Anyone with the right experience would see it’s a bullet wound and then they’d have informed the police. I didn’t want any questions and it was an unnecessary risk.”

“An unnecessary risk....., you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Who pulled the trigger?”

“Yes, it was an unnecessary risk. It would have just made everything worse with Andy and dad, and Liv only needed a few stitches. It’s better for everyone this way, or do you want her grilled by police on top of everything else and maybe going to court and having to testify."

“Who pulled the trigger Robert?”

There’s no hesitation in his response, “Andy.” The little control I still had left evaporates and I’d have been through the door if Robert wasn’t blocking my exit. “No Aaron, he wasn’t aiming; it was an accident, it really was just an accident.”

“Get out of my way.”

“I won’t let you do anything you’ll regret, think of Liv. Let’s just take her home. As soon as I can get hold of the solicitor, it’ll all get straightened out about the farm.”

He pins me up against the doorframe preventing me from going any further; I catch sight of Liv, her eyes wide open, filled with fear, but my anger is too strong. I manage to push Robert hard against the wall, spitting out the words, my voice laced with venom as our eyes lock, “You think I give a shit about the farm, you or Andy, he could have killed her.”

Robert doesn't concede, instead he manages to force me back against the doorframe. “No Aaron; you need to put Liv first in this.” I try and escape his hold but his grip is surprisingly strong.

“It was my decision to bring her here. I thought it was for the best, for everyone’s sake. Liv will be as good as new in a couple of weeks. If you want to go to the police, I won’t stop you, but you’ll have to deal with the consequences if you do. You might not like it Aaron, but this way is better for everyone including Liv.”

“Let go of me Robert.” I stop resisting; Robert studies me his face inches from mine but makes no move to relax his hold. “Let go.” His eyes never leave mine as I watch him decide, debating until he takes a step back and drops his hands down by his sides. For an instant no-one moves. I’m not sure if anyone breathes whilst waiting for the next move.

Pulling my jumper and t-shirt down, having been scrunched up during the scuffle with Robert, I look across at Liv trying to hide my inner turmoil as best I can. Brushing roughly past Robert towards her, everyone exhales as I calmly pick up her coat, speaking softly, “You okay?” She nods, “Come on, it’s time to get you home.” Robert looks unsure whether to follow but seeing the look in my eyes he thinks better of it. Paddy hands me a carrier of what we need for Liv’s arm, “Thanks, we’ll see you tomorrow, maybe not too early though.” I feign a weak smile as best I can to lighten the tension in the room.

“If you need anything, just call me. Your mum?”

I shake my head, “No, just make something up if you have to.”

“Probably for the best, all things considered.”

We have to walk past Robert to leave and I ignore his pained expression, “I’m so sorry Aaron.”

Blocking him totally, I focus all my attention onto my sister, walking her out of the surgery without another word and we head in the direction of our cottage, Liv pressed to my side, both of us remaining quiet the entire way.

.

I’m not sure how or what I should be feeling by the time we get home. Concentrating on pushing the anger deep inside is about as much as I can manage right now to hold it together in front of Liv and make sure she’s okay; the rest can wait.

After making us both a cuppa, Liv makes space for me to sit down on the sofa next to her. “Are you sure it doesn't hurt too much?”

Liv takes the mug I hand her then curls up against me; she looks and feels as exhausted as me. “A little bit. Paddy gave me something.”

“Good, you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“You want to go up to bed already or stay down here for a bit?” She shrugs. I’m not used to Liv being so voluntarily quiet and timid, it’s unnerving but then again, I’m not sure I’d cope if she rabbited on non-stop. Looking at the clock it’s gotten quite late, “I’ll make us a sandwich; you can take it up with you for if you want something later. I make as if to get up again, but she pulls me back not wanting to lose my touch and I give her the best smile I can muster.

I debate whether to try and talk to her about what happened at the farm but the return home gradually seems to be helping to relax both of us and I decide it would be best to wait until tomorrow. Finding the button box for the telly we settle against each other and I flick through the channels to see what's on. “It looks like Masterchef or Corrie.”

"Masterchef, you need all the help you can get."

"Pfft, don't know what you mean."

.

Aaron, Saturday 15th April 2017

Still with heavy eyes I turn over onto my back, not expecting to see anyone lying next to me when I roll onto my other side. Liv is fast asleep, tucked up tight in her duvet on top of mine. I must have been out like a light; I don’t remember her coming into my room. I observe her for a while. It’s strange to see her so still like this; I don’t see it so often. She looks peaceful and so young, innocent even which makes me smile to myself. It’s a stark contrast to the cheeky bolshy attitude I’m so familiar with. She’s growing up at such a pace I can hardly keep track; it’s scary especially when I think about what I got up to at her age which just makes me want to protect her even more. I brush a few strands of her hair that's fallen across her eyes back over her ear with my fingers then stroke her cheek gently for a moment. All I want to do is to hug her tight, keep her safe and warm at home with me and never let her out of my sight ever again.

Looking at my phone, we still have plenty of time before Paddy is likely to be round to check upon us. I see a text from Robert but ignore it, shutting him out of my thoughts. I’m not ready to think about him yet or anyone else either, still not trusting myself to stay rational or calm. If I speak to any one of them there’s a good chance I’ll be the one in a prison cell.

Laying my phone back down on the bedside table, I turn my attention back towards Liv and find her awake, turned onto her side facing me. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, you should have woken me.”

She shrugs, “Just wanted to be with you.”

“Come here.” Raising my arm, she comes and cuddles up against me with a half-smile as she drapes her duvet over mine. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Eggs.”

“With soldiers?” This is always our comfort breakfast, soft-boiled eggs with toast soldiers.

“Yep, soldiers with butter please not marg. No rush though.”

“Nope, no rush.”

There's a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes until Liv looks at me, “Are you going to speak to Robert today?”

Heaving a big sigh, I know I can't hide, “I don’t know Liv. I don't want to talk about him or his family right now.”

“He was really scared you know.”

“And you; were you scared?”

“A bit.”

I don’t contradict her, but I’m certain that this is a massive understatement on her part. “Just drop it for now Liv." I know she doesn't want to but I'm glad she does because I'd hate myself if I snapped at her. "So, what do you want to do today?”

“Duvet day with lots of cream eggs, chick flicks and you.”

“Chick flicks huh?”

“Bout time you got in touch with your feminine side.”

“Watch it you. How about we take it turns to choose the film and it has to be one we’ll both like.”

“Deal.”

.

Wrapping both my arms around her, I squeeze her tight, resting my chin on the top of her head. “Liv, if you need to talk about what happened don’t be scared to come to me.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Good, because I love you more than anything and this might be harder than you think, there might be triggers or stuff.” Liv tenses a little. “I’m not saying there will be, but if there is, don’t try and ignore it is all.”

“Have you ever been shot at?”

I look at her aghast, “Do you know how just you asking that scares the crap out of me? No but I’ve had a gun pointed at me and it’s frightening. I got mixed up in all sorts when I was younger and caught up with some dangerous people, I told you that a little bit during the trial remember. But Liv it would kill me if I lost you or something serious happened to you; I wouldn’t forgive myself. Last night was bad enough.”

“Same goes for me with you. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

“What me, stupid?”

“You know what I mean. Please Aaron, promise me; just forget it happened, for me.”

“I can’t promise anything Liv, not yet; just give me some time. You look tired; see if you can’t sleep a bit more. I won’t go anywhere I promise."

Snuggling as close as possible Liv closes her eyes and I do the same, but I don’t feel like sleep. My head is too full of conflicting thoughts and emotions, wishing more than anything that I could turn back time and none of this had ever happened.

Everything feels totally out of my control as I mull over what I should do. A big part of me wants to call the police but Paddy would probably get into trouble. Mum and Cain can’t find out or we’ll be at war with the Sugdens and then there's Robert. Maybe we can chance going to the doctors for some antibiotics; we could lie and say she'd an ear infection or something, a general antibiotic is better than none.

Lost in thought, I consider Robert's words from last night; now it's my turn to decide what is and isn’t 'an unnecessary risk’.

TBC


	22. Broken Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout from Liv being shot takes its toll with a guilt-ridden Aaron cruelly lashing out at the closest available target.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I know. Real life continues to be taking up too much of my time still. And you kind of have Stulot to blame and thank all at the same time as she pointed out to me that I have a habit of breaking up the boys and so I decided to take this to heart which meant my entire ideas had to be canned and re-thought which I kind of found hard to do because I really liked some of the dark stuff that I had imagined. So... less dark and more together, it just took me a while to find a new direction. And I have to apologise, it seems unfortunate that my first chapter in a while is basically one long argument. Hey ho.... the future is bright though, the future is Robron..... Enjoy!  
> Caro

Robert, Saturday 15th April 2017

Despite my disappointment, I’m not really surprised that Aaron hasn’t answered my text and it’s taking a lot of effort not to call or text again but pestering right now won’t win me any favours, knowing that I have to be patient if I am to have any chance of making this right. Everything had happened so quickly yesterday it seems almost unreal now that it had happened at all but it did.

After making a few phone calls I try to do some work, but it doesn’t help; unable to concentrate I abandon any attempt at finding a distraction. The inaction is killing me, my nervous energy needs an outlet and I go for a walk in the garden to see if the fresh air will help take the edge off. The sun is slowly drying the wet dew on the grass and I stand still, savouring the magical feeling that the enclosed gardens of Home Farm emanate on mornings such as these. With my eyes closed, the smell and sounds of nature envelop me, but the weight of my emotions crowds them out and after quietly gazing around me for another minute, I continue my stroll once more contemplating what to do.

Trying to put myself in Aaron’s shoes if our positions had been reversed doesn’t really help me any because if it had been Vic who had got shot I’m not sure how I would have reacted. The vicious, spiteful side of my nature hasn’t truly reared its head since I left Emmerdale as a teenager and it’s scary that now twice a brawl with my brother takes me right back to my youth as if the years in-between were just a cruel joke, staying the inevitability of our own self-destruction. Aaron is right, we might not be blood brothers, but the bond runs so deep that in the beginning when it was good, it had been like a salvation from the drudgery of our childhood, but when it goes bad, it’s like a poison eating into our souls.

I’m impatient to go round to the cottage, my heart is pulling me one way with my head telling me to wait. I don’t blame him for being angry and if he needs someone to lash out at, I’d rather he did it with me than anyone else but I won’t lose him because of this, I can’t. I push away the remote possibility that he might not be able to see past the anger and even if that’s the case, then I’ll find a solution just like I always do.

Heading back inside, I know I’ve done everything I can think of to get to the bottom of what happened, so now it’s down to my contacts to get back to me. Other than go see Andy that is, which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. If I saw him right now, I’d probably kill him and as far as finding solutions go, death would be too easy; he’ll keep, I’ll have plenty of time to deal with him later.

Looking at the kitchen clock I ignore the warning bells in my head; when my heart is involved patience has never been my strong point. I need to see Aaron and Liv, even if it’s just to say sorry again.

.

It feels strange knocking on the cottage door instead of walking straight in like I usually would, but somehow it doesn’t feel right to enter without permission after yesterday’s events. Waiting nervously, I know there’s someone home because I can hear the TV. The wait seems eternal and I’m about to knock again when the door suddenly opens and I’m face to face with Aaron laughing like he doesn’t have a care in the world. However, immediately upon seeing me it changes, his expression becoming almost a blank canvas that I find surprisingly hard to gauge considering he wears his heart on his sleeve most of the time, “Can I come in?”

He hesitates and for a moment I think he’s going to slam the door in my face; instead, he steps back and pulls the door wide open for me to enter. Liv is wrapped up in her duvet on the sofa looking relaxed and I feel a weight lift inside me to know that she’s doing alright. Smiling at her, I do my best to hide my inner turmoil, “Hey you, how are you feeling?”

“A bit sore, but I’m okay. You?” She holds out the box of Cadbury cream eggs with a quiet smile. I’m surprised there’s any left, I suppose that’s the upside of rationing.

Perching on the arm of the sofa I can feel Aaron bristling in the background and I shake my head declining the offer. It would probably just make me throw up with the way my insides are feeling right now anyway. “Oh, you know; I’m glad you're alright though which is way more important. What did Paddy say when he came round? I can get you some antibiotics without having to go to the doctors if you need them.”

Liv tenses and it doesn’t take a genius to work out that Aaron’s indicated this isn’t on the cards, “Naw, I’ll be okay ta; it doesn’t hurt that much. Paddy changed the dressing, he didn’t say nowt ‘cept it was going the right way.”

“Well if you’re sure?” Aaron can go fuck himself if he thinks I’m going to let Liv suffer just because he’s pissed at me. “It’s no trouble to get some brought over; I know people remember.”

Beaming an encouraging smile at her, I can see she appreciates the offer but Liv shakes her head, “It’s okay. Aaron’s taking my mind off it. You should see his Shrek impression, he has it down perfect.” Biting my tongue, I stop myself from voicing the immediate come back that springs to mind, certain that Aaron wouldn’t find it funny right now even if it would amuse Liv.

Glancing up, I’ve not dared look at Aaron who hasn’t said a word yet, “Maybe I’ll get to see it some other time.”

Turning to Aaron I’m about to say something but he cuts me off, “We’re just going out for a while Liv, you’ll be alright on your own yeah? You can call me if you need anything.”

Liv shifts her gaze anxiously between us, “Robert’s coming back though right, it’s family night?” She seems to be going to say something else but changes her mind, seemingly torn by the tension hanging heavy in the air.

Even I'm not sure that's such a good idea and I make it easy for all concerned, “Maybe not tonight, but I’ll catch you later and we’ll make up for it some other time, I promise.” Aaron grabs his coat and I shoot Liv a weak smile as I follow him out of the door of the cottage I consider home, suddenly feeling like a stranger who doesn’t belong.

.

We walk down towards the village church, veering off into the playground, silent except for the rushing of the wind through the trees. I sit in the middle of the see-saw, and I can’t fail to see the symbolism of being positioned so that a move to either side will tip the equilibrium. Shoving my hands in my pockets, my eyes rest on Aaron, recognising the effort he is making as he strives to keep himself in check.

“Liv seems to be doing okay; that’s positive, right?”

“She’s putting on a good front.”

He’s leaning against the metal upright frame of the swings and I have to force myself to not go over to him, the protective urge to wrap him up in my arms and the desire to keep him safe never far from the surface. I need the comfort as much as he does right now but he’s too on edge and I’m not sure how he would react if I touch him. He might as well have a ‘handle with care or I’ll punch your lights out’ sign hanging around his neck “I’m sorry Aaron, I never meant for Liv to get hurt, you have to believe me; I’d give anything for it to have been me. I’ll prove to you that I had nothing to do with the letter from the solicitors. I know you’re upset right now and I don’t blame you. I’d be just as angry if it had been Chloe or Harry.”

Glaring at me the venom in his voice is unmistakable, “It should have been you but it wasn’t.” He pauses an instant, “I’m angry and right now it’s all I can do to stop myself from hitting something or someone.”

“So, hit me if that’ll make you feel better.” He shifts his weight onto his other foot, averting his eyes to avoid mine as though it’s too much to even look at me. “Do you believe me?”

“If it wasn’t you, then how did Andy get the letter?”

“I’m trying to get hold of the solicitor to find out, it's not so easy being Easter. Either they screwed up or someone else has alerted them to the will which would have had pretty much the same result.”

For the first time he lets his gaze rest on me, studying me, his beautiful eyes furious, boring into mine, “And who would do that? It was all sorted and despite that everyone in the village thinks they know what’s going on, I don’t actually reckon anyone knows enough or has a big enough death wish to interfere.”

“I honestly don’t know, you know as much as me. I’ll get to the bottom of it, I promise. Just tell me how I can make this right Aaron, tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

.

“I don’t know if you can. I don’t know what to believe and I’m not sure that even matters anymore; it doesn’t change that Liv got shot. A few inches to the side and she’d be dead, I can’t get that out of my head. Who’s going to get hurt next time when your stupid Sugden family feuding goes off the rails, Vic or me even? I know what you’re like Robert when they get under your skin; are you sure it wasn’t you? Maybe you had a change of heart and it didn’t go quite as you planned?”

Now it’s my turn to study him, shocked he could even consider this a possibility. “Do you think I’d even let Liv anywhere near the farm if I’d pulled a stunt like that? What do you take me for Aaron? And if I was going to do something I’d make damn sure that it would never lead back to me.”

He snorts, a cruel edge creeping into his voice, “That’s comforting.”

“What happened to giving someone, someone that you say you love, the benefit of the doubt; that’s not fair on me.”

A true flare of anger sparks between us for the first time and Aaron takes a step towards me, his finger pointing accusingly in my direction, “You know what’s not fair, my fifteen-year-old sister who means more than life itself to me got shot. What if she’d died Robert and do you know what else pisses me off is you already decided what’s best for everyone covering like that.”

“I’m protecting all of us, including you and Liv, Aaron; can’t you see that?”

Aaron stills an instant, the coiled anger is pouring off him that I can almost smell it, “Maybe you’re just protecting yourself, same as always. Was it really Andy that pulled the trigger? You said it yourself you were fighting and grappling for the gun, maybe it was both of you or you don’t really know. Maybe it was you and you’re blaming him to cover.”

“How can you even suggest that? If that’s what you think then maybe you don’t know me at all. I get that you want someone to blame right now and if that’s me fine, go ahead, beat the crap out of me, or Andy. Will that make you feel better? Well, go for it if that’s what it takes, here I am.” We’re right up in each other’s space now but it’s increasingly evident that Aaron isn’t in the mood to listen to anything I have to say and I can feel him slipping away from me. My earlier confidence that I could get him to see things from my perspective is slowly shattering.

“Maybe I don’t know you. You’re like a different person when it comes to your family in Emmerdale.”

Tempering my own rising anger, I stay outwardly calm, “Has nothing these last few weeks shown you that I’m trying to make things better? I’m doing that for you so we can stay in Emmerdale, be a family.”

Aaron scoffs, “Do you even know the meaning of the word? I think the only family you've ever loved is buried over there in the graveyard. You know they all warned me to stay well away; Vic told me about your scheming and how vindictive you used to get and I defended you, said you’d changed. Maybe I’m the fool, so blinded by love that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. I always told myself that I could see through your bullshit, that we had something so special that with me it would be different, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe it was all a ploy, using me in some fucked up plan of yours to get a rise out of them.”

“Can you hear yourself right now; that doesn’t make any sense. You know I love you and Liv, you know what you both mean to me. You’re not thinking straight Aaron, you’re hurting and.....”

He interrupts before I can say anything further, “No, I’m just angry, Liv is the one who is hurting, she was so scared last night she slept in my bed; how do you think that makes me feel.” I should have stayed away, given him more time but I couldn’t help myself and now everything is spiralling out of control so quickly that I don’t know how to stop it. Aaron continues to vent, his body encroaching on mine, forcing me to step backwards until I can go no further, my legs pressed against the seesaw, “This whole thing with your family kicked off because you were jealous, drunk and jealous like a little boy that threw his teddy out of the pram because he couldn’t have it all his own way. I mean you don’t even want the farm, but you couldn’t just let it go, could you. Oh no, you had to lord it over everyone, the big I am, Robert Sugden showing how superior he is. Don’t think I don’t know that you’d lie and cheat your way out of anything if it gets you what you want.”

.

My remaining thread of empathy for how Aaron is feeling finally snaps and I press my hands against his chest pushing him off me so hard that he falls back a few paces, misstepping narrowly avoiding to trip. Now it’s my turn to release the frustration that has been building, “That’s rich, the only liar here, is you. In Paris, you said you’d back me up and be there for me no matter what but you’re just like the rest of them. I’m the fool, stupid to think it was different with you but you’re just better at playing the game. Poor little Aaron, needy fucked-up Aaron who surrounds himself with people who will indulge and coddle you because they’re afraid that you’re going to hurt yourself as soon as the going gets tough.”

Touching the nerve as I’d intended, Aaron’s fist comes at me but I’m not as useless in a fight as he imagines I might be and I easily avoid his aim. Catching him off-guard I get him in a hold before pinning him down on the ground. Realising he isn’t going anywhere after an initial struggle he relaxes but the smile that spreads across his face doesn’t reach his eyes, his voice steady and calm, “Everything’s a game to you Robert; you, Jack and Andy have it down to a fine art. It’s just a warped game to you all where other people get hurt in the cross-fire. Vic’s the only one of you that is a normal human being; it’s no wonder she wishes most of the time that you’d stayed away and never come back. I might cut myself but I don’t run away which is your default setting. You fuck everything up and then take the easy way out by running away, that’s your answer when it gets too hard.”

“Define normal. Oh, that’s right the Dingles, petty criminals who never quite make the grade you’re all too dumb to keep yourselves out of prison, it’s like a revolving door. It’s understandable though, what with your poisonous witch of a mother, half-wit of an uncle and when it comes to being blinded by love, as usual, you conveniently forget that Liv tried to kill me and left me for dead when I first got here.”

“She’s just a kid.”

“Well, that’s alright then. We both know that Liv can wrap you around her little finger when she wants to; it’s someone like me who can actually give her what she needs because you Dingles are too feckless and stupid. Yet she gets a free pass and I don’t.” The fight seems to go out of both of us and I haul myself up off the ground, brushing off the odd leaf as Aaron does the same.

.

He looks at me wearily, “The problem is it won’t ever stop, will it? If it’s not this it’ll be something else because you can’t help yourself and woe betide anyone who stands in your way when you’re on a mission.”

“That’s not true. Andy pulled the trigger, but yet it’s my fault....., it’s always my fault, blame Robert Sugden....., who gives a shit if it’s true or not or if I’m hurting from all this. I was trying to make things right with my family, all for you Aaron, for you and Liv who I love like she’s my own so we could build a life here.”

“Well if this is you trying I don’t want to see you when you’re not. What’s next huh? What was it you said after the mediation that day, the end justifies the means.”

“Un-fucking-believable; go to hell Aaron. You act like this is all about you and yours, well it’s not. And let’s get one thing straight, you have absolutely no idea what I’m capable of.”

“Oh, I think I have a good idea. This is why I can’t trust you with Liv or my heart. People don’t trust you for good reason Robert and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust; truth be told, I don’t think you trust yourself half the time. There is no happy ever after, it wasn’t ever real; Paris. It was just an illusion, a nice little distraction for you to pass the time of day, we will never have a future together. We’re through Robert, I want you to take your stuff and go; you’re not welcome anymore. I don’t want to see you anywhere near me or Liv ever again.”

I stare at Aaron, my entire body rigid as if a switch had flipped. “I said to you in Paris that if you ever change your mind about being with me that I'll walk away and you'll never see me again. If that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get.”

“It is.”

I let the silence hang, studying Aaron’s expression for any hint that he doesn’t mean it, but his eyes are hard, accusing and I’m filled with a deep sense of betrayal. Keeping my voice neutral, devoid of emotion, the cruelty of our words has taken its toll and I give him what he wants, “Throw my things away, burn them for all I care Aaron; there’s nothing that can’t be replaced, the memory of broken promises is all that I will carry away with me from our time together.” Pulling my keys out of my pocket I disconnect the door key for the cottage and without a backwards glance, I place it calmly on the seesaw and walk away.

TBC


	23. A Normal Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron prepares himself and Liv for life without Robert.

Aaron, Sunday 16th April 2017

So, I wasn’t completely straight with Liv last night about how I’d left things with Robert; I’d just stopped her in her tracks when she’d started asking, saying I didn’t want talk about it but she probably suspects from my mood that it didn’t go too well. I don’t know why but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’d ended it. Partly because I didn’t want her to blame herself, even though she has nothing to blame herself for, and partly....., well I don’t really know. The deflection was spoken out loud before my brain got into gear. In my defence, it hadn’t helped that she’d accosted me as soon as I’d walked through the door without me even having gotten chance to take my coat off.

Maybe it was self-preservation avoiding the lecture I’m likely to be on the end of; same as me, Liv is ruled by her emotions, reacting first. I know she thinks the world of Robert, maybe even loves him; we’ve never talked that explicitly about how she feels emotionally about him, we’d never really had a reason to. The difference is, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I love both of them, but Liv has always been my priority; I never hid that. She doesn’t worry about herself quite like I do and one of us has to, it’s the unspoken part of my role as her guardian, brother come surrogate dad. It was the deal I made with Sandra for letting her stay with me.

If last year taught me anything it’s that doing the right thing isn’t easy however, it doesn’t make it any the less necessary. I just don’t think there's a way back from this for Robert and his family, because as things stand I can’t see how he is ever going to be able to live here without being at loggerheads with one or the other of them. Liv needs stability and she’s not the only one; we’re settled here and for the first time in a long time we both have a home and the support of our family, delinquent and flawed as we all might be, and I’m not prepared to give that up. I know I’ll have to man up and tell her, I’ll do it tonight. First though, there’s another necessary thing I have to do that won’t be easy.

.

Taking a deep breath and praying I manage to stay in control or Liv might never forgive me, opening the car door I get out slowly keeping my hands clearly visible to avoid any misunderstanding because I’m not too sure which one of us would come off worse in a fight if it comes to it. My appearance through the farm gates had clearly caught him off guard, with Andy watching me carefully as I approach. The quick plan now forming in my head is to keep him outside as I don’t want to have any surprises and end up facing down the barrel of his gun any more than I suppose Robert did.

“You here to have a go, come for your revenge? I expected you yesterday to be honest.” He walks past me to wherever he had been originally heading, towards one of the sheds, “Well whatever it is you want, you’ll have to come with me, I can’t afford to stand around gassing.”

Shaking my head at the gall of him, I don’t know why I’m surprised, “Typical; the first thing you do is cover your own backs, all selfishly looking out for number one. You’re just like your brother, neither of you has the decency to start out with an apology.”

He stops in his tracks and turns around towards the house without even a backwards glance, “Come with me.” I hesitate for a few seconds, then throw caution to the wind, following him into the house.

.

I’ve never been inside the farmhouse, it’s more old-fashioned than I’d expected considering Katy is quite with it in most other things. Shabby, but comfortable I suppose; I wonder how much it’s changed since Robert lived here.

He shoves an envelope into my chest, with a defiant look on his face as if this is going to make it all okay. “Here, if you don’t believe what a scumbag your boyfriend is, you want proof, what more do you need?”

Pulling out the sheet of paper, noting the solicitor’s letterhead I read; it doesn’t say much except the invitation to attend a preliminary mediation to resolve a dispute over the farm. Handing it back to him, I regard him straight on, “Doesn’t justify my sister getting shot.”

Shrugging he glares at me, “I was protecting what’s rightfully mine. Robert should have left like I told him to and none of it would have happened, but he refused; I didn’t intend for anyone else to get hurt.”

“Just Robert?” I let it go about what is rightfully his or not, because legally speaking as far as I understand it, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

“He had it coming after pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes. All that crap at the village hall, when all the while he was still plotting away. Did you know?”

“You can’t run a farm from inside Andy; Katy wouldn’t manage this place on her own and Jack’s too old.”

“It would have been worth it and we’d manage somehow, we always have. You didn’t answer the question; did you know what he was up to?”

“The first I knew of anything was seeing Paddy sewing up my sister’s arm. You’ve Robert to thank that I didn’t come here Friday night and believe me we wouldn’t have been talking like now if I had. Think how you’d be if this was Vic and do you know what, even if Robert has pulled a fast one, it’s still insane to want to kill your own brother for it? Did you pull the trigger?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time. Is that what his lordship’s saying, that it was all me. That’d be right.”

“Are you saying it wasn’t you?”

“I’m saying you know him probably as well as me these days Aaron, make of it what you will.” If I’d been going to try and take him, it would have been around now and restraining myself is torture almost, but I definitely can’t afford to end up in prison. The risk that I’d lose Liv is too big; she’s the only thing keeping me grounded right now.

.

Andy’s tone softens as he perches on the sofa arm, “I am sorry about Liv you know and I’m glad she’s alright, but we both know that this would never have happened if Rob hadn’t been here. He’s trouble of the never-ending kind, everything goes to shit when he’s around, he can’t help himself. I’ve given blood and sweat for this farm whilst he buggered off doing what he wanted and never looked back; he left, he has no right to this place. Even when he was here, he hated it, he never wanted the farm and he resented dad and me for working together to keep it going. Instead of helping, he got his kicks by trying to break us all apart; you know he screwed my wife just to get at me, just for fun, petty revenge and because he could. If you think I’m going to stand by and let him take it all away from me, you’ve got another thing coming.”

The bitterness is pouring out of him and I can sympathise with how he’s feeling but I can’t forgive him for how he dealt with it. In my eyes, they’re all as bad as each other, “He swears he had nothing to do with it.”

“And you believe him? Do you honestly think he loves you? He was probably playing you just like he does with everyone, he'll leave when he’s had his fill. You can’t trust him as far as you can throw him Aaron; we never could, the backstabbing bastard. It doesn’t matter even if the solicitor backs up his story, he could have paid him off for all I know; he’s rich enough from what I hear and knows how to bypass the system but you’d know that better than me. Even if it wasn’t him, it’s only a matter of time before he shows his true colours and something else is afoot. He’s a liar and a schemer, he doesn’t know any other way.”

“So, what now; all-out war, have another pop shot at him?”

“I fight for what’s mine, Vic’ll back me up.”

“Don’t be too sure on that, she’s as fed up with the lot of you as I am; you want to lose her into the bargain?”

“If I do, it’ll just be another thing Robert screwed us over with. She’ll come round, she always does.”

“What if I call the police?”

“You would have done it by now if you were going to; I reckon I'm not the only one with something to lose. Take my advice Aaron, keep as far away from my brother as you can and take a leaf out of his book, move on and never look back.”

For the first time, I move into his space and he visibly tenses but keeps himself in check, “Right now, the only advice you need to be aware of is this; you do whatever you want about the farm, but you leave Vic out of it. She’s suffered enough with all the fucked-up games you all play and if you don’t I’ll tell her what happened Friday night and I don’t think she’d be too happy, do you? Second, you come near me or Liv, I’ll make sure you lose everything and I don’t need Robert’s help for that. I won’t tell mum, I won’t stop you going to the pub because folk’ll talk, but you don’t come near or speak to me or my sister. None of you.” I take a step back however, our eyes remain locked, “Now, I think on that note, I’ll be on my way.”

He doesn’t acknowledge my ultimatum, but I know he’s not going to argue, he’s getting off lightly with me and he knows it, “What about you and Robert?”

Holding the farmhouse door open, I turn around to answer, “None of your business.” I’m not giving him the satisfaction of telling him we’ve split, he’ll find out in due course, it’s inevitable. Without waiting to hear if he had any other pearls of wisdom I’m through the door; it’s only when I get into the car that I realise I’d been holding my breath just in case he tried anything. Without looking back, I practically screech out of the farmyard, heading down the track to the road.

.

Walking through the door into the cottage, I realise that I should have been prepared for my sister. Silly me thinking I might just get some peace and quiet to sort my head out first.

“Robert’s not answering his phone. He always answers his phone or at least texts.”

Hanging up my coat, I respond with my back to her, “He’s probably busy or gone down to London.”

“That doesn’t explain why he’s not answering. Just because you're arguing that doesn’t mean he can’t talk to me.”

Going into the kitchen, I fill the kettle and then think better of it, instead grabbing a beer out of the fridge. “Who said we are arguing?”

“We’ll he’s not here and you’re being all touchy; that means you’re blaming him for everything.”

“Not everything and I’m not being touchy.” Dropping down onto the sofa it feels like I have no energy left, but motioning for her to come sit next to me, I dig deep into my reserves, knowing she deserves an explanation from me and I don’t want her hearing it from anyone else.

.

“Liv, you got shot on Friday and not only that, you can’t talk to anyone about it outside me and Paddy.” A sudden thought hits me because I haven’t explicitly told her not to say anything to anyone and mild panic kicks in. “You haven’t told anyone, have you; Gaby or someone else?”

She gives me the look that she thinks I’m an idiot for even suggesting it, I swear she gets that from mum, “No, what do you take me for? I’m not stupid Aaron.”

Smiling at her, I relax a little, “I know you’re not, but it was a big thing and it’s a lot to ask to keep something like this to just us, but Robert was right that we need to keep this quiet for everyone’s sakes. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you.”

“As if that’s going to happen.”

I love how certain she is about these things, if only I had the same luxury, “Don’t be naïve Liv, if your mum or anyone knew, they’d try and take you away from me, saying I’m not fit to look after you. Promise me you’ll keep this to yourself, it’s important.”

“Promise. I’m not going nowhere; someone’s got to look after you.”

My heart melts at this and I put my arm round her shoulders, pulling her in close to my side. “And promise me you’ll stay away from the Sugdens; Vic and Diane are okay, but as for the rest of them, I don’t want them anywhere near us.” I take a deep breath before cutting to the chase, “Liv, Robert and me, we’re not together anymore.” She starts to interrupt but I shut her down, “No, let me finish. You know I love him but I can’t go through what happened on Friday again. I saw Andy this afternoon; he showed me the letter from the solicitors.”

“Robert said he didn’t have anything to do with it. He wouldn’t lie like that.”

“That’s the thing Liv, I don’t know what to believe anymore. Solicitors don’t send letters just for the fun of it. We’ve both heard the talk in the village about what he was like when he was younger and then he can't talk about his job because it's confidential or hush hush; I don't really know what he gets up to. Just because I chose to ignore it all, doesn’t make it not true.”

.

“But you love him and he loves you.”

“Yeah, I love him, I love him a lot and he’s been good for us, but when it comes down to it, it isn’t enough if I don't trust him. He lied and you got hurt; it just won’t work if we can’t trust him.”

“He didn’t rat on me when I pushed him down the banking in the woods.”

“No, no he didn’t and I’m grateful for that, but I have to worry about you, not him. It's more than that though. What if it kicks off with his family again with you getting caught in the middle, or me. Do you want to move again, because that would be what it would take; we’ve just got settled here and I like it. It’s ours, our home and we have our own family here. I don’t want to have to start all over somewhere new and I don’t think you do either.”

“We wouldn’t have to. He could still spend half his time in London and then when he’s here, he doesn’t have to see anyone in the village, we could stay at Home Farm when he’s up north.”

I admire her persistence, but it’s in vain, my mind’s made up, “What and never go out when he’s here, not live a normal life; I want normal Liv, I need normal. This time last year, I didn’t even know if I’d make it through everything and we were still getting to know each other. Now I can’t imagine not having you with me and I want us to be able to make the most of it whilst we can.”

“You do know I am going to leave home sometime.”

Chuckling tiredly, I squeeze her into me, “I know but we get to enjoy being a family first, you’re stuck with me for a few years yet.”

“I thought we’d be a family with Robert that’s all, that you’d get married and live happily ever after, blah blah.”

“Blah, blah?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Possibly.” I shrug my shoulders, I’ve entertained the same thoughts more than once, “Maybe I’ll meet someone else one day.”

Liv remains quiet for a moment and I’m thankful she doesn’t decide to fight me on this, “We’re still having the house-warming though right, I’ve already invited some of my friends.”

“I think we can manage that, we have a fresh start in our new home, just you and me.” Kissing her forehead, I extract myself from the tangle of Liv’s arms, “Right you, I’m going for a shower whilst you decide what we’re having for tea. I’ll even let you show me how your culinary talent is coming along by starting making it.”

“Culinary what?” It feels good to laugh at her, the grin on her face telling me she’s winding me up, both of us side-stepping the significance of what this fresh start entails.

.

Aaron, Tuesday 18th April 2017

Recognising the dulcet tones of Vic behind me, I carry on stripping down the engine I’m working on to keep the usable parts before putting the rest to scrap, “I’m looking for my brother, don’t suppose you’ve seen him, have you? He’s not answering his phone or texts.”

“Which one?”

“Blond hair, blue green eyes, annoyingly never there when you want him.”

Robert is clearly taking the cowardly route, not wanting to be the one to tell his little sister anything and I don’t honestly blame him; I’m tempted to do the same, “Probably in London already, why?” Adam hasn’t mentioned a word about Andy or the farm so Vic mustn’t be in the know about the letter yet and I’m not going to be the one to rock that particular boat. I’d usually talk through my shit with Adam to help work everything out in my head but I can’t, it would be too big a risk he’d tell Vic so I’ve not even said anything to him yet.

“I thought he was up here all week. He wanted some ideas for the housewarming on Friday.” I’d forgotten he’d asked Vic and she must have caught the look on my face, “You are still having one, right?”

Finally breaking off from my work, I turn around, resting myself down on the car frame before answering, “Yes Vic.” Deciding I might as well get it over and done with I continue, bracing myself for the inevitable barrage of questions that will ensue, “Robert won’t be there though.”

“Aw, he’s not got to go away for work has he, he said he’d there was a trip coming up around now; god knows where; he never tells me a full story. Listen you just bat your eyes at him and put your foot down; you know like you do with him, then I’m sure he’ll fall into line. I swear I have never seen my brother with such puppy eyes as he has when he looks at you. It’s so adorable.”

Way to go, Vic; I so didn’t need that right now. Seeing her quizzical look at my lack of reaction, I put a stop to her gushing, “We broke up.”

It’s not often that Vic is stood, mouth open, not quite knowing what to say, but this is one of those moments and I take the opportunity to get away, going into the cabin. I should have known better than to think that Vic would take the hint that I don’t want to talk about it.

“When, why? Is he stilling going to keep Home Farm?”

“Over the weekend and I don’t know.”

“You don’t know why?”

“Yes, of course I know why. No, I don’t know if he’s going to keep Home Farm.”

“You’re not going to tell me why, I take it he did something? Maybe I can help, you know he can be a dick when he wants to be, but he does love you.”

“Ask your brother.”

“Well I would if I could get hold of him, as I can’t I’m asking you.”

“Your other brother. I’m done talking about it. For the housewarming talk to Liv, she’s in charge of planning.” Looking to Adam, I nod to his desk motioning for him to throw me the keys which he does, “I’ll do that next pick up, won’t take long, it doesn’t need both of us.” Although he hasn’t said anything, his eyes tell me we’ll be having a conversation later whether I like it or not.

Sighing, I make my way to the truck and am harried by Vic once more, sometimes she doesn’t know when to give up, “What has Andy got to do with it. Aaron….?”

“Vic, leave it, I’m not in the mood alright; what is with you Sugdens.” Slamming the door in annoyance, keys in the ignition, I pull out of the yard as quickly as is possible, Vic visible in the wing mirror gawping at me as I drive away.

.

That was all I needed, it’s hard enough as it is. Sunday had been okay and I’d slept like a log, but maybe that was simply the exhaustion kicking in. Yesterday, on the other hand, had been tough. In the afternoon, I’d gone up to Home Farm to get our belongings. Robert wasn’t home; his bag and work stuff were all gone so I can only assume he had gone down to London already. It had felt odd as I’d gone round collecting our things, memories of the fun and talks we’d had invading my mind whether I wanted them to or not. After locking the door behind me, I’d had a moment of hesitation before sticking to my guns, slotting my one and only key through the letterbox.

I’d expected to feel less weighed down after that, cutting the last of the ties so to speak, but it seems to have had the opposite effect with me snapping and narky at every little thing. The problem was everywhere I looked in the cottage there was his things or something that reminded me of him. Then trying to get to sleep later I’d ached for him all night, missing lying next to him in our bed....., my bed. His smell on the sheets had flooded my senses making me hard. I tried to think about something else whilst rubbing one out, instead my body no longer recognises this as a substitute for his touch or the warmth of his mouth and with my cock flagging back to a limp state I soon gave up. But, worst of all I missed having him to talk to, listening to his banter with Liv and I realise just how integrated into our lives he’d become. In the end, I’d had to get up and put on clean bedding before I could eventually drop off to sleep, albeit fitfully.

As I have no desire to have a repeat of all that tonight, I’ve taken time off work to sort his stuff out, boxing them up to take to charity or whatever; they’re too expensive to just burn, someone might as well get the benefit out of them. Still being Easter holidays, Liv has been hiding off in her room since she realised what I’m doing, refusing to help. In fact, she’s been unusually quiet with me all day which I’ll take over us fighting about it. I think she’s accepted my decision although she’s still not happy about it. So, all in all, it’s pretty much a given that the next few weeks are going to be tough whilst we both adjust, but we’ve gotten through worse, so deep down I know we’ll be fine.

TBC


	24. Resistance is Futile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is faced with a few home truths and Robert’s dark side makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who were thinking that Robert's wicked inclinations are a thing of the past in this fic, think again. 
> 
> I love this chapter for so many reasons, it's a delicious mix of dark humour and lots of feelings.  
> Take care  
> Caro

Robert, Tuesday 18th April 2017

“Ah, you’re here; thought you were staying up in ‘the village’ all week? Jane wants to know what to bring with us, we were thinking about coming up on Thursday night, maybe make a long weekend of it, if that’s alright with you? Suggers....., oi!”

Oblivious until feeling fingertips on my shoulder, startled, I spin around to see Craig staring at me expectantly, with Nate not far behind him looking mildly amused, “Mmmh?”

“Earth to Suggers. Did you hear a word I just said?” I decide not to answer, I’d only get a sarcastic response which I’m going to get anyway, so I see no reason to bother in helping him along with it. “We’re thinking of driving up Thursday night. Jane's asking what to bring with us.”

Not wanting to go into details, I keep it short and sweet, “We broke up.” Leaving it at that, I stride away down the corridor, with them having to catch me up, “I’m going to go with the team to that job in Nairobi, it doesn’t hurt to show my face out in the field every now and again. It’s good.....”

Cutting me off mid-flow, Craig pulls me back with his hand firmly gripping my arm, “I don’t think so.”

Although we’re now stationary, I ignore his words and carry on regardless, “It’s a good opportunity to get a hands-on feel, it’s a growing market, which means our services are in more demand and strangely enough, despite being single once more, I can still do my job.” Huffing at him, I brush his hand away and set off once more down the corridor.

With them both hot on my heels, it’s seemingly too much to be left in peace, “I didn’t say you couldn’t and don’t go all belligerent on me like that, it’s not becoming even for you. Normally I’d say it’s a great idea, but it’s not a place to be wandering around when your heads not screwed on right.”

“I take it the party’s off then?” Trust Nate to state the obvious; grimacing, I think to myself at least some things don’t change.

Seeing Craig give Nate a withering glare, which true to form he ignores, at least I humour him with a response, “No idea, but I won’t be there. I suppose you could always turn up for a laugh and find out. In fact, just think how much fun there’s to be had, you could paint a rare old picture of what a con man I am telling stories about all my nefarious adventures. They’d just lap it up.”

.

“And you prove my point.” Looking exasperated with me, Craig has clearly decided action is required, the problem is I’m a little too slow to realise it as he guides me towards Nate with a firm push, “Here, hang on to him, we’re going to need a little chat I do believe. There is absolutely no way I’m explaining to one of our most important clients why the boss got himself killed whilst visiting their field office because he was too busy feeling sorry for himself and pining for his boyfriend in ‘the village’.”

“Ex-boyfwa...” Unfortunately, with poor timing my body lets me down by swaying woozily, my words coming out a little slurred and I have to grip tight onto Nate until I re-focus. “Oh crap. Ex-boyfriend.” A combination of no sleep and missing to take my insulin reminds me of yet another of my fallibilities.

“Don’t you dare let him go, Nate. Bloody stupid git.” With his phone in hand, I find speed dial and the efficiency of my personal assistant can be a double-edged sword, in this instance working against me to good effect. “Hey Ruth, what’s Jake’s calendar like today?”

“Oh, for crying out loud I’m fine, put that down.” Swiping at his hand irritably, I try to take the mobile from him, but to no avail. They’ve never interfered in my personal life before, now is really not the time to start. “Craig.....,”

“Ruth just ignore him, yes he’s having a moment....., yes one of those, also can you dig out his emergency insulin, I think he missed his morning shot.” Craig is steadfastly ignoring me and Nate is gleefully holding me at a distance whilst at the same time marshalling me towards the lift. “Super, yes, apologise and reschedule, unforeseen circumstances, you know the drill. Thank you ever so much, you’re an angel.”

Ignoring the alarmed look we get from one of the staff passing by, I growl at my so-called friend, “Craig Hunter I am so going to kill you.” Silently, I'm also thinking the same about my personal assistant being not too far behind him on that front. I hate it when they all gang up on me.

“Yes, he’s a little excitable today as you can tell, too much Easter egg. I suggest you put the do not disturb message out, he’s going to be indisposed for at least this morning, maybe longer."

Having given up trying to take the phone off him, I grumble knowing they aren’t going to take a blind bit of notice of me whatever I say, “I’ll bloody indispose you.”

Joining us in the lift, he presses the button to the floor of my office and drops his phone back into his pocket, “Now that’s no way to talk to your best friends.”

“Best friends should know when to leave well alone.”

I might as well be talking to the wall, what with his witty repartee coming to the fore, “Well, usually we would but you see Jane is really looking forward to visiting Yorkshire and I hate to disappoint my wife in these things if it can be avoided.”

“I hate you.” Nate is smothering a giggle and I give him the evil eye, “Both of you.”

.

If looks could kill, my personal assistant would be dead instead of smiling sweetly away at me which is what she is doing right now, amused at seeing me being practically man-handled into my office, “I’ll bring you coffee through shortly.” Have no fear, I’ll get my own back and I make a mental note to think of something suitably disagreeable for when their appraisals come around; that’ll wipe the smiles off their faces.

Craig calls back as we go through into my office, “Make it a big pot and keep it coming, I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those discussions. You know how stubborn he gets.”

“Will do.”

“You think you’re all so fucking funny.” There’s no point resisting them and trying to make a run for it, Craig is a good fighter and Nate, for all his wily charm and analyst position, is a black belt and could take me out in under ten seconds so I’m doomed.

Ruth must have passed my emergency insulin to Craig as he hands it over to me, “Here, take your shot, it’ll help you feel better. Did you eat properly yesterday?”

Deciding not to answer gets me a tut-tut and a shake of the head from Nate and I’m already thinking of the many different ways to make his life miserable for the next few weeks, there are some benefits to being the boss but still, I take my shot albeit with a scowl on my face.

.

“So, you broke up then. You know we’re here for you if you want to talk about it.”

Crossing my arms with indignation, still pissed, I don’t deign to look at either of them; it's not exactly as if I'm sitting here by choice, “Since when have you ever known me want to talk about things?”

“Must be residual energy from that last round of sensitivity training you sent us all on. You did say that looking after the mental well-being of our people is an important factor for our ongoing success. Money well spent don't you think?”

Nate pipes up with his two-penneth, “Don't think this gets you out of introducing us to your sister either.”

I’d laugh at the absurdity of it all, but I’d probably end up crying at this rate and there’s no way I’m going to let that happen, “Not in this lifetime. I don't have a boyfriend. I don’t have a sister. I don’t have a family. Unfortunately, you’re stuck with me all on my ownsome lonesome; gee, aren’t you blessed.”

Craig looks closer, examining me through narrowed eyes, “Have you been drinking?”

I turn my head to the side breaking the line of sight, childish I know but it’s all I have right now, “Nope, but what a great idea, maybe I should if you’re going to hold me prisoner in my own office.” They exchange a glance as Ruth enters bringing coffee which smells like heaven. “Hey Ruthie, would you go get the bottle of whiskey from the other room for me?”

One of the reasons she's lasted so long is her ability to stand up to me and put up with my foibles, so I don’t know why I should expect today to be any different, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, do you? You’ll feel better with a cup of coffee inside you or should I bring a nice soothing camomile tea instead?” Nate snorts a laugh as no-one in their right mind would ever suggest that I have camomile tea. It’s not even worthy of a response; instead, I glare straight past her out of the window wishing I was anywhere but here. Correction, anywhere but here and Emmerdale.

.

The silence reigns until I can’t stand it any longer. “You’ve no right to interfere either of you. It was fun whilst it lasted and now it’s over; it wasn’t like we were together that long, I’m fine.”

We’ve been friends a long time and they are worthy opponents when it comes to breaking down my barriers with Nate now picking up the mantle, “I know we’ve never met him, but I think the man that made you want to enjoy life again and put that stupid sloppy grin back on your face is more than just a bit of fun. So, talk dear boy, we have all day and so do you. Resistance is futile, so you might just as well get on with it.”

.

Aaron, Tuesday 18th April 2017

It doesn’t seem like I’ve been in more than two minutes when there’s someone knocking at the door. Liv is over at Gabby’s and I’ve been looking forward to a quiet night in front of the telly with no interruptions. Opening the door, I’m confronted by Vic who with the element of surprise pushes straight past me, “Come in why don’t you.” Closing the door behind her, I go sit myself down on the sofa, putting my feet up on the coffee table whilst turning on the TV. Blatantly ignoring the unimpressed look on her face, I channel hop to see what’s on, or I do until she snags the button-box out of my hands and switches the TV off altogether. “Oi.” I glare at her as she unceremoniously drops down onto the coffee table, shoving my legs to the side to make room.

“Have you spoken to him?”

“Who?”

“Don’t play smart, it doesn’t suit you.”

“I can be smart when I want to be.”

“It doesn’t seem like it from where I’m sitting.”

“Really and why’s that?”

“I want to know what really happened to make you break up with Robert.”

“It wasn’t going to work.”

“Why?”

“We weren’t as compatible as I thought we were. You staying for something to eat, I was thinking of ordering in.”

“Andy told me about the letter but I don't see what that's got to do with you and Robert being together.”

“I don’t like being lied to. He said he had nothing to do with it but when I went to see Andy he took great pleasure, or should I say displeasure in showing it to me and I can’t say I blame him. What am I supposed to think?”

“He wasn’t lying.” Keeping shtum I wait for the rest, thinking at least Andy had paid attention to my words and hasn’t let on about everything. If he had, I’d know about it by now. “Don’t you want to know?”

Feigning indifference, I snatch the button-box back, but I don’t bother switching the telly back on, “I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.”

“Seeing how you wouldn’t tell me diddly squat, I went up to the farm and Andy told me all about his argument with Robert on Friday. The problem is, I don’t think he was telling me the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” She pauses to see if I have anything to say, which I don’t; I’m already walking my own fine line with the truth. “In the end, I called Robert at work but they said he was in meetings so at least I know he’s alive although he hasn’t called me back. I gave them the message to say it was all a mistake and that the solicitors screwed up.”

She stares at me, her annoyance clearly ratcheting up, having expected some kind of reaction by this point and she slaps my leg to get me to focus my attention directly onto her “Well, don’t you want to know how I know that?” Taking my stubborn silence as a sign to continue, she carries on, “I also got a letter Friday. I never got round to telling anyone what with me and Adam going off to the Lakes for the weekend, and lovely it was, thanks for asking. The difference being that my letter was a confirmation of Robert ceding all his rights to the farm to me; Andy should have got a copy of the same letter. So, I rang the solicitors, very apologetic they were, said they’d waive the invoice due to all the emotional upset it had caused; I laid it on thick as you do. Anyway, apparently, some stupid cow of a temp got things mixed up and sent the wrong letter to the wrong farm. Robert’s assistant said she’d be sure to let him know.”

.

My stomach is churning, all the words I’d thrown in his face crashing down on me like an avalanche so fast and hard that Vic’s words fade into the background for an instant, “So if that’s why you broke up with him, then you owe him a big fat apology. And don’t think that’s going to get you off the hook with me either. You’re going to tell me what happened between them, because the thing is Aaron, I know when my brother is lying to me, Andy’s not as good at it as Robert is and I don’t think you would have broken up with him just for that, you’d have at least waited until he could contact the solicitor so something else happened.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Vic; you want me to lie, make something up. Andy lost it, had a go at Robert and that’s it. Me and Robert had a talk on Saturday and decided to break it off. I can’t deal with all your family crap on top of coping with Liv and running the scrap yard, it’s too much; I thought I could do it, but I can’t.”

“I don’t believe you; Robert made things easier with Liv, not harder. It should be Andy apologising, you grovelling and then things go back to how they were before and now I know you’re lying to cover for them, it’s written all over your face, you’re not as good at it as Robert either.”

“You know touting about Robert being a good liar isn’t exactly working in his favour. How am I supposed to trust anything any of them say?”

Vic studies me with those beady eyes she has when she’s trying to suss something out that's bugging her. “I will find out Aaron.”

“There’s nothing to find out.”

“Now who’s the liar. So, are you going to speak to him?”

“No. I don’t know. It doesn’t change anything Vic, I’m fed up and tired with it all. Liv and me need stability, I don’t see that happening anytime soon with your lot, do you?”

She’s still giving me the look but apparently decides to drop it, at least for now. Getting up, Vic makes ready to leave, “You don’t let go of someone you love that easy Aaron and Robert wouldn’t either so if he stays away, then you’re just proving to me that more happened over this than any of you are letting on. I know Robert has his scruples but what he said that day at the meditation wasn't an act, he meant it, so think on Aaron Dingle, love like that doesn’t come a knocking too often.”

.

Robert, Tuesday 18th April 2017

Tired and talked out, my head lolls back against the settee in my office, “I don’t understand you Suggers, you’re really just going to walk away?”

“It’s what he wants and if he loves me as much as he says he does then he should have more faith in me. I've not given him a single reason to doubt me yet he didn’t even give me time to prove my innocence, I didn’t once get the benefit of the doubt and that hurts.”

“He was angry and upset, I’d cut him a little slack for that, his sister got shot and that’s made him scared. He just needed a bit longer to calm down.”

“He’s a Dingle, it’s not as though they’re all innocent and light. He said he doesn’t trust me, I quote: ‘I can’t trust you with Liv or my heart,’ Unquote. I’ve never compared Aaron to Jess, not once, but in all our time together and believe me, even more than you guys she saw all my shit, never did she say she didn’t trust me. I’m leaving Emmerdale for good like I should have done in the first place and that's the end of it as far as he's concerned.”

"What about Liv?"

"He can afford a tutor. She'll be fine."

“If you say so. At least we should go with you to help you pack up; moral support kind of thing.”

Returning his mischievous smile, I shake my head, “Ha, you’d be round knocking on his door, doing your goody two-shoes bit before I could stop you.”

“Nah, I’d send Jane, she’s better at that than me.” Our smiles fade and Craig studies me quietly, “You really mean to stay away and give him up?”

“What's there to stay for? At least I found out now and not down the line. I’m better off on my own and so’s Aaron.”

“I’m not sure I agree with that but it’s your life. Listen, you know you only have to ask if you need anything, seriously. Just be sure to stick around else my wife will kill me if you go off on another journey of self-discovery and I end up holding the fort again.”

“Idiot.” I grin at him. "I'm not going anywhere, well except Nairobi if I'm allowed that is?"

"Mmhh, let me monitor the situation, I'll let you know." Relaxing, I'll take that for now. Despite my earlier protestations, I’m grateful that Craig and Nate have forced me to talk, not that I'll tell them. It would have otherwise eaten away at me indefinitely and then I would have been totally unbearable, instead of now where I’ll be only moderately unbearable until I mend my broken heart.

.

We sit in companionable silence for a while, Nate had to go off to a meeting a while ago that he couldn’t get out of and I’m glad that it’s just me and Craig. “There is something that you can do for me.” The silence hangs, Craig waiting for me to elaborate. “I want them out of the farm. I don’t care about the how; just make sure it can’t be traced back to us. Legally I’m out of the equation, it’s all with Vic which will help if anyone starts getting ideas. Get the farm put up for auction or whatever, buy it and rip it apart until there’s no sign it ever existed. I don’t want to know anything except when it’s done. It doesn’t matter how much it costs, you have access to my private funds, use whatever you need and if you need more come back to me.”

Craig shifts uneasily. Over the years we’ve both dabbled in a little skulduggery shall we say. I met him through friends who asked me to help because he’d got himself caught up in a bind that took some not by the book ingenuity to get it sorted and we’ve learned to cover each other’s backs whenever we’ve needed to ever since so I know I can trust Craig without hesitation but I won’t push him. “Are you sure, this isn’t like you; you’re always the one trying to keep us on the straight and narrow.”

“When it comes to the business yes and when it wasn’t worth the risk but this is and it’s personal. They are so convinced I manipulate everything well it’s time for them to find out what I’m really capable of. It’s hidden and under control, but this is exactly who I am when I need to be; I was spawned in the village of the damned remember.” I laugh tiredly at the fact I’ve come full circle back to revenge and retaliation, the Sugden curse.

“I know you’re pissed at your brother and blame him for losing Aaron, but I don’t want you to do this and then regret it down the road. Aaron makes his own choices and if you fought for him maybe you can make another go of it. I still think when he’s had time to calm down he’ll be more open to talking.”

“This has nothing to do with Aaron. I want Emmerdale Farm gone for good, quickly and quietly. Legally if possible and if not then by whatever means open to us. If you won’t do it, I’ll find someone else; I’ll understand if you don’t want to get involved because this is well off the reservation and then some.”

“I’ll do it you know I will. Do me a favour though, sleep on it; if you still feel the same in the morning I’ll set things in motion. I just need you to be sure it’s what you really want.”

“It is, but I’ll humour you just the same. I’ll be happier if you took care of this than anyone else and don't let onto Nate, I’d like this to stay just between the two of us please; you know how he gets.”

Craig nods. Nate is a little more sensitive to this level of misdeed, he wouldn’t condone this, so it’s better he doesn’t know about it. “What about Home Farm? You had been talking about turning it into a northern base for us.”

“I still want to set something up, maybe Leeds or Manchester would be better anyway than out in the sticks. Get rid of everything, put the personal stuff into storage and sell the house.”

“I swear that estate agent will think we’re pulling her leg at this rate.”

“Pay her enough she won’t care.” We chuckle a little. There’s something oddly satisfying knowing you’re doing something so inherently wrong and it feels good to embrace this part of myself. It's like flexing a muscle I haven't used for a long time. Emmerdale weaves its spell on me once more and this time I’m going to make sure there’s nothing left to fight over; Annie and uncle Joe will be turning in their graves by the time I’m done.

.

Aaron, Tuesday 18th April 2017

It’s a blessing that Liv is out for the night because if she’d been here when Vic came round, she’d have gotten all worked up and excited thinking that this means we’ll get back together but it’s not that simple. My choice of words on Saturday made their mark on both of us; it had been too soon to temper the anger inside me, but the essence of some of my reasoning still has merit.

Rubbing my forehead, unable to focus on the telly, I switch it off and wander upstairs into my bed, thinking back to my conversation with Liv. It's thanks to Robert's encouragement that we even live together, independent in our own home. He’s brought so much good into my life; how do I balance that against Liv being shot? Does it even work like that?

Despite being crazy tired, I toss and turn unable to settle, my head and my heart plagued by so many different thoughts and emotions. Exasperated I finally give up and switch the light on; looking at the clock I see it’s just after midnight. There’s no way I’m going to sleep, I’m too wound up and admitting defeat, I get out of bed.

.

It’s a long time since I’ve gone for a midnight stroll, not since the trial. Walking down the path from the cottage, I zip up my jacket and put on my gloves, the night air is quite chilly. I hadn’t really any particular destination in mind and without realising it, I find myself in the graveyard. I stop at Jackson’s grave and leave him a kiss, but I don’t feel like pouring out all my troubles and woe onto him. Instead, I find myself coming to a standstill by Jess’ tree and sitting down I wish I’d thought to bring a blanket or something, the ground gets very damp during the night at this time of year.

I wonder what she’d make of all this. Probably give me a load of grief for not giving Robert longer to prove his innocence, but at the same time, I think she’d understand why I reacted how I did. She never did get to see Robert here; I wonder just how different it would have been if they’d returned together. I would have loved to meet Jess and the kids, I think I’d have liked them. Yet, I can’t help think about our differences; forgetting the fact that I’m a bloke, there’s the age gap which is quite a bit more than between her and Robert, then she managed to juggle a high-flying career, kids and Robert to boot. Sometimes it almost seems like she was perfect. She wasn’t, I know; Robert said enough last year when he was coming to terms with losing them all that they had their problems same as everyone, but they seemed to have been truly happy. I can’t give Robert what she did and where it matters I’ve already failed at the first hurdle it seems.

Robert kept Emmerdale hidden deep inside after leaving and I suspect Jess knew that he only let her see what he needed her to which was never an issue with not ever being here. Whereas I see both sides in Technicolor: loving, caring, amazing Robert that makes me feel the world is our oyster and then there’s damaged Robert, a lost boy looking for his family’s approval which he might never get. They seem destined to hurt each other over and over which I struggle to understand. I hated my dad for good reason. I’ve thought about this quite often since we got together and have come to the conclusion that Robert and Jack’s problem is that they see themselves in each other and it pisses them off, but I mean how can you truly dislike someone who is essentially you. It would be a miserable existence if you hated yourself that much and Robert at least is far from miserable. With Robert and Andy, there’s an almost inherent jealousy, two boys vying for their father’s approval which, to be honest, I’m not sure he’s really ever given either of them. He enjoys playing them off against each other. My dad played games like that, not in the same way, but it was manipulation all the same. I know Andy gets Jack’s support in public, but deep down I think Jack wishes it was Robert and can’t stand that he won’t simply toe the line and do as he’s told like a good son should and then he sees Andy as the substitute, who will never really make the grade by default of not having Sugden blood. Andy probably knows all this and it eats away at him every single day making him work harder to try to prove himself. It’s like a vicious circle for them all with Katie stirring the pot from one end and Vic sticking her oar in at the other.

Would Jess have seen the signs and pulled Robert back before things had the chance to derail? It would have been much easier for her with not having the ties to Emmerdale that I do; they would have just left and moved on, it's more complicated with me in the equation. I never really saw myself being happy and settled here when I was younger. I hated visiting when I was a kid, then after leaving and going to France, I never expected to be able to come back. It’s weird how things turn out. If I'd stayed away then I probably wouldn’t have seen my dad again and he would have got away with everything, still be walking around secure in the knowledge he was in control and I would never give away the terrible secrets of what he did to me. Being in Emmerdale is part of the healing process, I can't leave. 

.

Back to my current dilemma, I lean against the oak tree and close my eyes, trying to make sense of everything but it’s all muddled and I need to talk it through but there isn't anyone I can share this with safely.

Taking a deep breath, I take the plunge; it’s not as though anyone is around to laugh at me talking to a tree at this time of night. “Okay, Robert says you’re a good listener, so humour me, I can’t be any worse than you having to put up with his ramblings.” Pausing, I smile at the picture this conjures up in my mind. “You see I love Robert, I think I love him at least as much as you did, maybe not quite in the same way and then there’s the thing that I’m a guy, but I don’t think that matters.”

“I screwed up I know, too quick to judge and we both said some things that we did and didn’t mean; we can’t unsay them and then I let Andy’s words on Sunday sway me more than I should have. Assuming we could get past all that and accepting that I might want to give it another go, there’s the small matter of how do I protect him from himself and us from the Sugdens to give us a chance of making it work. Liv got shot; this time it was just a scratch, but what about next time?” And there’s the crux of the matter. It's a given that there will be a next time; can I live with that?

“I know he’d never consciously put us in the middle of things and he’d do anything to keep us safe. However, things anyway have a habit of spiralling out of control where the Sugdens are concerned. I want normal, boring is just fine with me; being with Robert is neither of those things, which is part of the reason I was attracted to him. He pushes all the right buttons and pulls all the right strings with me.”

“I know I said I don’t trust him, that’s not entirely true though. I was....., I am angry about Liv getting hurt. I reckon you would have been if it had been Chloe or Harry; you're probably angry at the fuckers who caused the accident. Maybe part of the problem is that I don’t trust myself with him. Robert’s smart and savvy, and when push comes to shove I suspect he has no qualms about playing dirty to get what he wants which in Emmerdale is just an accident waiting to happen as far as I’m concerned, taking me and Liv with him into the bargain and I’m frightened that I’ll be so wrapped up in him that I won’t see it until it’s too late and I’ll let it happen.” I don’t say the words, but they hang in the back of my mind, ‘just like this time’. “And I don’t even want to think about it, if something happened that then caused open war with the Dingles. Despite Robert’s words, I think Cain could give him a run for his money.”

“So, there it is. Any words of advice?” There’s no response, no sign, just the quiet rustle of the leaves above me and I let the night wash over me until I start shivering. Getting up off the ground, I feel decidedly damp, the cold wet having steadily worked its way into my bones.

Letting my hand rest on the trunk of the oak, I say a silent thank you for listening. An emotional thread was created the night we planted the trees, Robert connected me to his other family in a way I’d never imagined possible. Sliding my hand across the trunks of Chloe and Harry’s trees, I give them my love, telling them that their dad misses them.

.

I’m still none the wiser as I walk back to the cottage. Robert said that his marriage had worked so well because Jess wouldn’t let him off the hook and talked him down until he saw sense, but I’m not Jess. I can’t change him, I don’t want to but maybe I need to take a different tack when it comes to the Sugdens, including Robert.

Finding out the truth about the letter has made me recognize my own failings in all this. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to be with him and despite my doubts about it being a good idea on so many levels I come back to the fact that Robert loves us and in a weird way has proven how much he cares by letting us go because a part of me believes he did this to protect us. However, I have to deal with the fact that my words were instrumental in making that happen and he might not be so charitable in hearing me out now.

The one thing that is clear to me above all else, reservations aside, the tug on my heart is unforgiving and deep down I know that any further resistance is futile. Despite the late hour, I text Rob asking if got Vic’s message. Let’s see if he responds, I have to start somewhere.

TBC


	25. When at First You Don’t Succeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron goes to London.

Aaron, Wednesday 19th April 2017

“You’re back, I thought you were spending the day with Gabby?”

Despondently, Liv dumps all her stuff down on the floor and sits at the table looking glum, “We got invited to go riding; I didn’t want to stay after that, said I wasn’t in the mood.” Moving to behind her chair, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, planting a kiss slap bang on the top of her head, “What’s that for?”

“Do I need a reason to hug my sister?” I thought she might try and shrug me off, but she doesn’t which is just another indication of how fragile she is still feeling.

“S’pose not,” Glancing at her as I reach around to grab the last of my bacon buttie off my plate, her eyes avoid mine but I see the determination, “I’m okay you know.”

“Did you sleep alright?” She hadn’t said as much but I know she’d been worried about having a nightmare. Monday night was the first time she had tried to sleep in her own bed but I’d woken up with her in mine again yesterday morning and I’ve begun to seriously worry about it.”

“Yeah, if you ignore Gabby’s snoring, she has a cold.”

Looking for any sign she’s lying, I can’t detect one and I release my hold after giving her a final squeeze. Maybe her spending the night away from me was what it needed to break the habit. I’m hoping once school starts again next week that getting back into a more normal routine helps her settle. I don’t allow myself to think that 'normal' includes Robert being here and 'normal' doesn’t feel like my entire future has been pulled out from under my feet and it’s mostly my own fault, “Good, well not good on the snoring but good if you know what I mean.” Catching her eying me licking my fingers after scoffing the last of my buttie, I smile at her fondly, “There’s some bacon left in the fridge still if you want one but you’ll have to make it yourself.”

“No ta, can’t be bothered, I’ll have something at the caf’ later.”

“Mhhm, anyone would think I’m made of money the rate you spend it.” Oh god, I sound like my mother again, I must stop doing that. “So, if you’ve nothing better to do today, you could go bug Vic and finish that list of what we need for Friday and then tomorrow we’ll go do the shopping.”

“Did it last night with Gabby, it’ll be great.” She grins at me with a mischievous glint in her eye, “Don’t you fret now, I have a nice big list.”

“And I repeat, not made of money. Go show Vic anyway and I get the final say, I remember being your age, it wasn’t that long ago oh and make sure to have some things on there for those of us who are above the age of fifteen.”

“Boring.”

“Yep, just how I like it.”

.

She looks at me curiously, “How come you’re not at work?”

“Taking a day off. Things to do, people to see, speaking of which I’d best be going.”

“Can I can come with you?”

“Boring person, remember.” Chugging down the last of my tea, I fetch my coat off the hook by the door.

“Who did you say you were going to see again?”

Busy putting on my trainers, I’m not paying attention to what she’s doing as I answer, “No-one special.”

“Mhm hmm, you know you need to cover your tracks better on the computer if you don't want me to find out you’re going to see Robert.” Looking up, I find her smirking at me, the computer screen with the homepage of Robert’s company staring me in the face and I realise that I hadn’t shut the webpage from where I’d been looking up the address. “Should have known you were up to something, dead giveaway, you’re wearing those expensive designer jeans he got you.”

“I was just curious, that’s all.”

She blindly ignores my weak attempt at denial, “I’m coming with you."

"I'm not going to London."

"I can stop you from screwing it up.”

“No confidence much then.” Having pretty much sold myself out with this I don't bother trying to deny it any longer, “And no you’re not. He might not want to see me anyway; we didn’t exactly part on the best of terms the other day.”

She shrugs with that knowing look she has, “What changed your mind?”

“He comes cheaper than a tutor for you.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“I thought so. Look Liv, I mean it, you’re not coming. This is going to be hard enough as it is.”

.

Liv slips her hand into mine as we both stand and stare at the office building across the road. It looks like an impenetrable fortress despite its sleek modern design and I’m glad Liv talked me into letting her come with me, otherwise, I might be losing my courage just about right now. On the train journey down, she’d dragged it out of me about the letter, talking with Andy at the farm and Vic; I only gave her the highlighted version but she got the picture and unavoidably, I got the Liv version of the lecture. The rest of the way Liv had rabbited on ten to the dozen about our lives together, planning for the future; I was contented to let her, even though much of it is just a pipe-dream. It was a good distraction from my growing nervousness the nearer we got to London. I wish I had Liv’s confidence that I’ll be able to talk Robert round. Personally, I think I’ll be doing well if he agrees to see me.

Ignorant of the annoyed looks and off-hand comments we are getting, I remain rooted to the spot on the pavement, the little green man still beeping away at us. It’s early afternoon and the business district is quite busy, lots of people in suits which just serves to worsen the butterflies in my stomach knowing that this will decide if we have any chance at that future Liv was babbling on about earlier. “What if he’s not there, we’ll have come all this way for nothing; maybe I should call first?”

“He’ll be there, come on. We’re here now so we might as well go and find out.” Tugging my hand, I push down my anxiety and let her lead me across the road, reaching the other side just in time before the traffic starts moving again.

.

Walking up the steps, I pull us to a stop once more, turning to face Liv, all serious, “Promise me, you’ll let me do the talking; I know you want it all to work out but this is my screw up and it’s me that has to fix it. You get that right?”

“I know. Just tell him you’re sorry and that you messed up. You’ll talk him round I know you will; you do want me to pass my exams, don’t you?” She smiles at me nervously and I squeeze her hand acknowledging her efforts to boost my confidence.

Walking through the glass revolving doors, Liv is practically pinned to my side; I can’t imagine that we are the usual visitors they get here, but the receptionist smiles at us nonetheless as we approach. “Errrm, I’d like to see Robert Sugden please.” She looks at me a little oddly and after a few seconds, I realise why, “Ahh, I forgot; Jake, you call him Jake down ‘ere. I’d like to see Jake Sugden.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

Liv interrupts before I get a chance to answer, “No, but he knows us. Tell him it’s Aaron and he’s sorry and he wants him back.” The receptionist glances between us, amused, which makes me want to sink into the ground and I give Liv an annoyed glare which she ignores.

“Take a seat please.”

.

Needing some space to breathe, I extricate myself from Liv and letting go of her hand I unzip my coat to see if that will help. With Liv now sat down, irked, I whisper to her, “You were supposed to be leaving it to me; she probably thinks we’re crazy.”

She bites back defiantly, “No, she doesn’t and you said to leave you to it with Robert, di’nt say nowt about no-one else.” Looking around this place with its crisp clean edges doesn’t help ease my nervousness any. There are at least two black suit guys hovering who I assume are security, understated yet intentionally obvious all at the same time. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, after all; I’m so out of my depth in a place like this and all these people work for Robert. I can just imagine how much mileage the rumour mill will get out of this, what on earth was I thinking of coming here. Though, what’s one more thing for him to hate me for in the grand scheme of things.

With my nerves shot and unable to sit still, I get up and pace before focussing on one of the pictures on the wall in an attempt to relax. Liv is watching me, swinging her legs casually away, but her face is flushed pink from the scrutiny we are receiving, belying that she’s feeling just as uncomfortable as I am.

.

“Aaron.” Liv’s voice interrupts my thoughts, but before I can respond, my heart lurches.

“Well isn’t this a turn up for the books. You should have called, it would have saved you a trip.” Spinning around on my heels, I hadn’t expected Robert to come down to meet us in person. Giving him the once over, he looks amazing, his suit hugging his body, but the phoney smile plastered across his face tells me that this is going to be just as difficult as I thought it was going to be.

Taking us both by surprise, Liv wraps herself around him, giving him a big hug, “I missed you. Aaron’s pancakes aren’t as good as yours.”

Robert has a hint of a smile at this, responding by returning the hug before withdrawing but his voice has softened, “You okay; your arm’s on the mend?”

She nods, “Yeah, still have the stitches but Paddy says it’s going the right way.” Although less evident with Liv, Robert’s body language has created a barrier. “Good.” Turning back to me with a stony face, it’s impossible to have the faintest clue about what might be going through his mind right now.

Shifting uncomfortably, I glance around us awkwardly, “Can we talk, somewhere more private?” Liv’s obvious show of affection makes me even more conscious of the other people in the foyer watching us with curiosity.

Turning to Liv, he addresses her, not me, “Liv, can you wait outside for a few minutes? Don’t worry you’ll be able to see him through the windows, we’re not going anywhere.” She hesitates, but seeing the look I give her and remembering the promise she made earlier, she nods and leaves us without argument albeit glancing back at least once to check on us. Robert’s gaze follows her until she’s out of earshot before giving me his full attention, “I don’t think we have anything to talk about, do you? You made yourself very clear, crystal clear in fact, that you didn’t want to be with me so I’m not really interested in anything you have to say anymore.”

Inexplicably, his attitude riles me and I snap my response, “Then, I suppose you’re not interested that Liv can’t sleep and has nightmares either.”

I see my words hit a mark with him and there’s a flash of contriteness, but it’s gone in an instant, the mask quickly back in place. “She’ll be fine, she has all the people she needs around her.”

“She needs you.” Without it being a conscious thought, I reach out, placing my hand over Robert’s heart, “She’s not the only one; I made a mistake, a huge mistake and I’m sorry more than you know. Please come home, home with us. I love you and I miss you, we both do.” Robert takes a pace back, leaving my fingers snatching at thin air; I want to extend their reach, but instead, let my arm fall back down to my side.

“Love’s overrated and meaningless without the rest to back it up, like trust, now that’s something worth holding onto but that’s gone; maybe we never really had it in the first place, I don’t know anymore. What was it you said, it was all an illusion?”

“I didn’t mean it. I was angry and wasn’t thinking straight. You know what I’m like, all I had in my head was what if Liv had died. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I know that the letter was a mix-up, Vic told me, I know that you didn’t do anything wrong and I should have believed you. Let me make it right, tell me how to fix this, I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Oh the irony of those words. There’s nothing to fix; you wasted your time and money,” he looks at his watch, “And speaking of which, I have a meeting.” Despite exuding a casual calmness, there’s no mistaking his bitterness as he continues, “You got what you wanted Aaron, I left so if you don’t mind I’d like that you now extend me the same courtesy. Say goodbye to Liv for me and tell her.....,” he pauses searching for the right words, “It doesn’t matter, I’m sure you’ll think of something, blame it on me, then at least we’ll be consistent.”

He turns away and I reach out once more, my fingers grabbing hold of his arm stalling his escape, but this time the tension in the air is thicker and I can feel rather than see the security reacting to Robert’s signal, moving in much closer as his eyes bore into mine, filled with his tightly controlled anger. “Let go, Aaron; I’m only going to tell you once so I suggest you leave now of your own accord whilst you still have a choice.”

“Robert, please.....”

The security moves a step closer and is now in my line of sight as Robert stares down at my hand on his sleeve, “Tick tock Aaron.....”

Knowing I don’t have a choice, I relax my hold, groping for the right words that might sway him into giving me another chance, but nothing comes to mind as the distance between us widens with every step he takes towards the lift. Finally, finding my voice, I call out in a last-ditch effort, “I fucked up Rob, I fucked big time; get over it. Neither of us is totally innocent in this. I’m not going back until you come home with me; I’m not going to let you run away, not this time.”

The lift closes and he’s gone. He hadn’t reacted to a single word and I acknowledge the security who are no longer hiding the fact that it’s time for me to leave, my tone defiant. I don’t regret any of my words, I don’t give a shit who heard them as long as Robert did and I know he did, “I’m going....., I’m going.”

.

The revolving glass door is gently spinning in the wake of my exit from the building and I can feel the stare of the security on my back still as I face Liv, my expression revealing my failure. “I’m sorry, I tried.”

“You’re not going to give up though, right?”

“Nope, but we need a strategy because I don’t think those security guys are going to let us back in anytime soon and he lives there, remember; we have to be smart, Robert Sugden kind of smart.”

My sister hugs me and I’m eternally grateful to her because I so need that right now, “We won’t give him a choice; we could always get Cain to help us kidnap him.”

Returning her conspiratorial smile, I can’t fault her creativity, “Hah, that might not be the best option if we want him alive, Cain still doesn’t like him.”

“Aaron Dingle?” Surprised at hearing my name, I spin around braced for trouble.

“I said we were going okay, we’re leaving don’t worry.”

“Well, if you so wish, but I thought I’d invite you back inside to see if we can’t help you remedy this little predicament you seem to have gotten yourself into.”

A shorter guy joins us, “Ruth says he’s not watching, he’s in the briefing room so we’re good.”

I look between them, wondering what on earth is going on. “Ah well, that settles it. Oh yes, introductions; I’m Nate, brains and brawn and that’s Craig, he’s just brains but really smart and apparently we’re both good at interfering where we are not wanted." Stunned, I don’t quite know what to say as he continues, “And you must be the charming Liv, how adorable; not at all like Suggers made you out to be.” Liv’s mouth is open as if she wants to say something but doesn’t quite know what. I know how she feels.

.

Although not really any the wiser, neither of us are daft enough to throw away what might be the last chance with Robert so we follow them inside the building whilst staying wary of the security guys just in case this is all a bad plot to get some sort of screwed up revenge on us.

Out of the lift on what seems to be the top floor, Liv is gripping onto my hand so tight, I’m in danger of her breaking a bone. She only relaxes it a smidgen as we walk towards a desk, with a smartly dressed lady beaming at us, “Ah you’re here.” She comes towards us, “Pleased to meet you finally. Would you like a drink? Coffee, camomile tea?”

“Water.”

“Still, sparkling?”

“Errm, just tap water’s fine.”

“Coming right up, and nothing for you young Liv?”

“No thanks.”

Seeing our inquisitive looks, she introduces herself, “I’m Ruth, Jake's personal assistant, general dogs body and the oil for the wheels of this marvellous office. Seriously, I’m good at making Jake toe the line and quelling rebellions, but if we have to suffer another two days of him like this he’s going to get more than he bargained for. I believe I spoke with his sister yesterday, Vic is it? She sounds nice.”

Feeling totally bowled over, I just about manage to sputter out an answer, “She can be.”

Craig interrupts, “How long do we have?”

“His call is scheduled for a half hour, then he should be coming back here. I’ll give you as much warning as I can but he was described as looking for an argument so I have a feeling he won’t be very long.” I watch her bemused, not quite knowing what to make of them all, “Right, water. Go on in with the boys, make yourselves at home.”

.

Walking through the double doors that Ruth had indicated, we find ourselves in a huge office, which I can only assume must be Robert’s. It feels as big as our entire house which is more than a little daunting. “Robert’s not going to like this, you know that, right?”

“Certainly, Jake, errm sorry Robert, doesn’t like a lot of things, but he most definitely likes the both of you. So, let’s talk about that strategy you mentioned because the one constant is that he’s a stubborn shit so you’ll have to bully him into submission. He’s hurting and he’s put his walls up,” I look at him wide-eyed, “But you know that.” Craig looks are me somewhat amused at my shocked expression at his candidness, “What, you didn’t expect him to make it easy did you?”

“No, and I don’t blame him. I’m just not sure he’s ever going to forgive me, what if I can’t get him to listen to me?”

“You will, he still loves you and he might not admit it but he wants to be with you. So, I’d strongly recommend grovelling and you’ll need to work hard at it, very hard I might add.”

There’s a knock at the door and Ruth brings in my water, “I took the liberty to call Jane, hope you don’t mind. She was in town so she won't be long; I thought that she could give Liv a hand at ordering what you need for Friday. It’s so inconvenient to have to buy everything and then having to make stuff, especially when the numbers keep changing short notice.”

Confused, I look to Craig who explains, “My wife, she’s so looking forward to meeting everyone on Friday. Look, you need some time alone with Robert and it wouldn’t do for Liv to be sitting around bored out of her head whilst you two work it out.”

I snort at the confidence they all exude whereas I feel as if I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m not sure if I wouldn’t prefer to be on my way to the station right now because I don’t fancy my chances knowing the mood Robert was in, “Don’t you think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourselves? At this rate, you’re more likely to be coming to my funeral than a housewarming.”

Ruth pats my arm, “I have every confidence.” There’s the chime of a mobile, “Oops, that’s our early warning sign, he’s on his way already, that was quick. Now, stay strong, admit where you went wrong and don’t let him run you over with his own brand of logic.” She beams another big smile at me and I’m tempted to suggest I go shopping with Jane and Liv and she can handle Robert for me but she’s already steering a mildly freaked out Liv away. She almost looks like she’s being abducted by aliens, but she goes with the flow mouthing good luck to me.

Craig squeezes my arm, “Now remember; when you don’t at first succeed.....”

With a weak smile, I nod, “I get it.”

Watching the door close, I suddenly feel very exposed; it’s the quiet before the storm. I seriously think they are all mad and I contemplate whether, in fact, this is a nightmare, just a bad dream that I’m going to wake up from and laugh about in the morning. It’s at this point that Robert walks into the room.

.

It takes him a few moments to notice me; he clearly wasn’t expecting to see me but when he does, he stares at me, stands stock still and then flings the door back open and unleashes what can only be described as hell hath no fury like a Sugden on the warpath.

“You’re all fired, you’re all fucking fired.”

I have no idea if Nate is being serious or doing it to wind Robert up, “You don’t mean that. He doesn’t mean that right?”

“Oh yes I do, this is a step too far.”

“Suggers, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, just calm down and talk to him before you make the biggest mistake of your life.”

I have to admit they do have some balls on them, I have no idea how Craig stays that calm, unlike Robert who is just bubbling with taut anger, “Oh I am calm, this is me being calm. Don’t forget this my company. You work for me, same as everyone else, not the other way around so don’t go thinking that just because you are my friends that this makes you any more special than the fucking cleaner. And where’s Liv? You know what, it doesn’t matter, I really don’t care.”

“You keep telling yourself that.”

I don’t hear what is said next, I’m too busy thinking how relieved I am that Liv isn’t here. If I’m going to crash and burn miserably at least she won’t be witness to it. However, what surprises me next is that Robert actually comes back into his office and slams the door, the room descending into absolute silence as he stalks past me without saying a word and disappears through another door that I hadn’t noticed until now.

Slamming it behind him, I’m left on my own, which kind of freaks me out. I’d gotten myself all worked up to have a massive blow out and now I’m left feeling underwhelmed and uncertain what to do next. It doesn’t look like anyone is coming to my rescue, so I can either leave or go to try and talk to him.

Yeah, I do have a death wish after all.

.

Opening the other door, there’s a staircase, any old office fire exit type of staircase, off-white painted concrete with the plaque on the wall showing where to go in an emergency; how ironic. I look down and then up; there’s no sign of Robert. Deciding to go upwards, after a couple of flights the steps come to an end, leaving me facing a single door with no visible signs of what is on the other side.

Taking a minute to prepare myself for the unknown, I open the door; walking through I realise I’m in Robert’s private rooms. This first room has a battered leather sofa, a small dining and kitchenette area with a door at the far end that I can see leading off to a bathroom. There’s one other door, half way down the right-hand wall; it’s closed and I can only assume leads to Robert’s bedroom. Taking a deep breath, I enter without warning. It's quite large, with floor to ceiling windows across the length of the room with doors that go through onto a rooftop terrace. Not that I need to go that far as Robert is laid outstretched on the bed. After glancing around quickly, I sit down in the only chair in the room, an old bedside chair which is surprisingly comfy as I sink into it.

“I don’t know how many times you need me to say it, but I am sorry. I should have waited before judging you. I didn’t mean all those things I said.”

“I think maybe you did Aaron.” Robert doesn’t look at me; he has his hand covering his eyes like you would as if shielding them from a bright light.

“I was scared and all I could think about was keeping her safe.”

“Safe from me you mean.” Although his hand now relaxes back down on the bed, he continues to stare up at the ceiling.

“Don’t twist my words.”

For the first time, he turns his head towards me and the hurt that I see is like a knife twisting, “What would you do in my shoes, Aaron? My brother wanted to kill me for something I didn’t do and you didn’t even try to see it from my side.”

“Yeah, what is it about you two and shotguns?”

“I don’t know, you want to find out?” I look around hesitantly, it hadn’t occurred to me that he might have a gun here. He sees the slight panic on my face and smiles maliciously, “Don’t worry, they’re all locked up for special occasions.” I’m not too sure that makes me feel any better, but I let it go. “It’s not as though the Dingles have never got mixed up in shit, you were a runner for a drug ring at her age so don’t tell me that you’re a stranger to guns.”

“Something I’m not very proud of. And Liv is different, she's my sister.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to say. In Paris, you said you’d have my back and when it came down to it you didn’t. If you want to be with me, I have to get equal rights to Liv, you can’t pick me up and put me down depending on which way the wind is blowing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you always made it clear that Liv was your priority, I just didn’t know that you meant at my expense.” Not knowing what to say to this, I don’t say anything. “Go home Aaron, just go home. I’m tired and angry; this isn’t helping.”

“Not without you.”

“I can’t do that, I can’t just come back and act as if this didn’t happen. I’m truly sorry about Liv getting hurt and you’re right, I can’t promise you that crap with my family won’t keep interrupting our lives and that might mean someone gets hurt. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to either of you, so it’s for the best like this. You can get on with your life and I can get on with mine, just not together.”

“I don’t want to act as if this didn’t happen, I want to make it right.”

“Until the next time something happens and you need someone to blame, and you know what Aaron, next time, it might be my fault. What then? This time you feel guilty because I didn’t do anything wrong, but that might not always be the case.”

“Do you love me?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is, you love me, I love you, but you love Liv more.”

“No, I don’t, it’s just different. What if we start again, take it slow? Let me earn back your trust in me, let me prove how much you mean to me.”

“I don’t know Aaron, it’s not as though we rushed into things is it; we spent months dancing round each other before we let something happen. You can't just come here and expect me to welcome you back with open arms. I need some time to think about this.”

“Okay.” It feels as if I leave it like this that there won’t be a way back and I’m reaching for straws, “Come to the cottage on Friday, bring your friends like you planned. It was always for your birthday as well as the housewarming and no-one knows ‘cept Vic and Liv that we’re not together. You don’t have to stay or anything, no pressure. You know, I’d beg if I thought it would make a difference; please, Robert, give us another chance that's all I ask. I promise I won’t let you down.”

“Maybe.”

TBC


	26. The Village People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accompanied by his friends, Robert returns to Emmerdale for the party.

Robert, Wednesday 19th April 2017

“Aaron left then? According to Security, he went down the service lift out the back.” Raising my eyebrows at hearing this, we both know that there’s going to have to be an admission on the back of it and Craig half smiles, looking slightly guilty yet unrepentant, “I might have acquired a soft spot for him Jake, but considering everything, I wasn’t about to leave him alone with the boss without some kind of oversight.”

“Was that for my benefit or his?”

“Maybe both.” I wait for the rest but the knowing half smile on my own face gives away that I’m not surprised, “And no they weren’t listening in, just watching from across the way and on the exits.” He gestures with his head to the building opposite.

There’s no point sounding off about it because I’d have done exactly the same thing if our positions had been reversed; some arguments are worth having and this isn’t one of them so I let it drop. “He didn’t fancy running into the men in suits.” With Craig still inside, I lean half in half out against the frame of the balcony door, randomly surveying the nearby buildings, some higher, some lower; the Thames is out of sight but I know it’s just a stone’s throw away as I soak in the vibe of the city. “I suppose we’re the talk of the office by now then?”

“A little bit, it’s not often they see you this riled, but remember we employ an eccentric super smart bunch of people for good reason, discretion is what we do.”

Talking with Aaron hasn't helped to ease the tightness that’s been lingering inside me since leaving Emmerdale at the weekend and I move outside to sit on the low wicker chair, stretching my legs out across the little table in front of me. It feels like someone has taken a rope and wrapped it around my insides, pulling it tight. I don’t expect it’ll go until I’ve worked through things properly; so many different emotions tugging on my heart strings, it’s all such a fucked up mess. In an attempt to shrug off the melancholy I’m feeling about the situation, I take a few minutes to profit from the afternoon sunshine, tilting my head back to match its angle.

.

“Here, get some food down you.”

With my eyes closed, I don't need to look to know he's brought my favourite from the nearby deli, "Thanks, mum.”

Opening my eyes, I sit upright, shifting a little to get comfortable. Craig is standing in the balcony doorway and I give him a tired smile, “I forgot earlier, you can tell Jane she still has her trip to Yorkshire, so you’re off the hook on that one.”

He doesn’t respond immediately like he’s trying to deduce me; Craig’s good but he’s no Sherlock Holmes, “So, does this mean you’re back together?”

Tipping my head backwards, I stare up at the blue sky watching a few birds flying over, “Let’s just see how it goes.” I wonder what it would be like to be them, free as a bird; I don’t imagine they have to go through all this shit in their world.

With a frown on his face, Craig comes to sit opposite me, “What does that mean, are you having second thoughts?”

“It means I’m being careful and haven’t committed myself to anything one way or the other.”

“Suggers, this isn’t a business deal, you’re head over heels in love with him whether you like it or not.”

I'm tired of talking about it, but I humour Craig with a response, “Hence the being careful part. You have no idea what it’s like for me back there, it’s like drinking poison and a fantastic vintage wine all at the same time.”

“Speaking of which, what about the thing with your brother and the farm, you still want to go ahead with what we discussed?”

“The two aren’t connected. Whether I get back with Aaron or not has nothing to do with it.”

“I get it, but I’m not sure Aaron will see it like that.”

Unable to hide my roguish smile, I let the devil inside come out to play, “Well, you’ll just have to make sure that he doesn’t find out then, won’t you. No-one threatens me or my family and gets away with it, I don’t care who they are. As things stand we’re not even together, so Aaron doesn’t get a vote one way or the other.”

“He’s not stupid Suggers, he’ll work it out, probably sooner rather than later.”

Craig sounds somewhat frustrated with me, but I ignore it, “Then I’ll deal with it, if and when he does.”

“I’m not saying pull the plug, just be honest with him because, from the little I know, he doesn’t seem like the kind of bloke that puts up with being lied to. Is this part of the reason you’re reluctant to give it another go with him, some warped attempt at trying to protect him?”

“No.”

“You sure?” Stuffing the devil back in its box, I don’t answer because I’m not sure of anything right now and Craig makes what he wants of my silence, “Just think about what I said because if you want to be with Aaron, then you have to be all in or you might as well tell him it’s over now and save yourselves both the heartache. Deep down you know that hiding who you are isn’t going to cut it.”

“Apparently, it did with Jess.”

“Aaron’s not Jess.” A part of me feels elated by the sheer significance of this, but the other part recognizes that since being with Aaron I’ve come to realise that my marriage wasn’t quite what I’d thought it was and I don’t know if I can deal with that right now on top of everything else.

.

Robert, Thursday 20th April 2017

“It’s a shame Ruthie couldn’t come, don't you think?” Smirking, I empty the last of the bottle into Jane’s glass, thinking of just how much entertainment value there would be if Ruth were here right now, she’d be so in her element. As it is, she’s had to go to the husband’s dad’s wedding where she has to play nice and be all dutiful. She can’t stand the new mother-in-law to be and I’ve spent the entire day gleefully winding her up about it. Payback’s a bitch and as Ruth hasn’t had a chance to learn about the lovely Chas yet, she couldn’t use that as ammunition against me. Taking a look over at Chas, along with some of the regulars from the bar, she's nosily observing us and I try not to dwell on the fact if I get back with Aaron, even unmarried, she would be the mother-in-law from hell. What’s worse is that if we don’t get back together and I stayed around the village, she would still be the mother-in-law from hell. Catch 22. Sometimes I really wish I’d never set foot back in Emmerdale.

A nudge from Jane, pulls me from my thoughts, “You doing anything actually on your birthday Suggers, it’s Saturday, right?”

Restraining myself, I hold off from being overly sarcastic with my response, “You know perfectly well it is.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“No romantic ideas to spend the day with your man?”

“What and let you all run amok in ‘the village’ unsupervised, I don’t think so and I’m not quite ready to foist all of you lot onto Aaron just yet.”

Catching my inquisitive glance in his direction, Craig shrugs his shoulders with a sly smile and steps in to re-direct the conversation. Seemingly, he hasn’t told anyone of our conversation about me not having made my mind up about being with Aaron, not even Jane. “So, when do we get to meet this sister of yours?”

“Tomorrow and I warn you now, she might be a bit peeved about the catering guidance having been delegated to someone else at short notice. That reminds me, are you going to tell me how much your little London adventure with Liv is going to cost me? I know where you shop remember.”

Jane smirks, her eyes dancing mischievously, I gather her and Liv got on like a house on fire; no wonder when they got free rein with my corporate credit card courtesy of Ruth, “Liv was in charge and before you start, yes I am aware this is Emmerdale and not London. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t party in style.”

I’m pretty certain her idea of what this entails is somewhat different to mine, “Mmmh, just make sure that Aaron doesn’t get wind of how much it all cost, he’ll go ballistic knowing him. He’s trying to teach Liv the value of money, not how to spend it as fast as you can earn it.”

.

Seeing Nate’s roaming eyes light up I turn to look who has walked in to catch his attention and I smirk at him amused, lowering my voice so as not to attract attention, “Don’t even think about it, Romeo. That is my darling sister-in-law Katie; you seriously do not want to rock that boat.” As if on cue she takes a double look at our table, probably not having expected to see me here, never mind with a group of friends.

Nate shoots me an indignant look, as if butter wouldn't melt, “A guy can look can’t he, she's fit even if she is the wicked witch of the west.”

Laughing at this I quickly stop upon seeing Andy. “You could, but as my brother just walked in, I wouldn’t recommend it and keep your voice down before you get us into trouble.” This gets everyone’s attention as they all curiously observe him making his way across to the bar, not once looking our way.

“Isn’t she from ‘The Wizard of Oz’, not ‘Village of the Damned?” Jane looks thoughtful as we all turn to her; drinking so much wine always brings out her quirky side which can be quite entertaining at times. “The wicked witch I mean.”

Snorting into my glass, a thought springs to mind because Nate has a habit of not always thinking before speaking, which is why he is an analyst and not a field specialist. “Whatever you do Nate, don't go telling tales and compare my sister with the ‘good witch’ to her face even if you mean it as a compliment. I will guarantee you’ll be sporting a black eye before you get a chance to explain.”

Nate looks offended, “As if, gosh, what is it with you village people? I swear there’s something in the water, I knew I should have brought some Evian with me.”

Half expecting her to burst out into song, I implore Jane not to set him up any further, “Don’t go there, please don’t go there; everyone will just get the wrong idea. As it is we’ll already be the height of the village gossip for the next few days.”

She cooperates albeit with a pout and getting up to go to the loo, I smile at Craig conspiratorially; he's watching his wife fondly as she starts waving her glass in front of me, “In that case Sugden, I want to see you in action and you should know that empty glasses on the table are not acceptable at this early hour. I'm child free for the next three days and I'm going to make the most if it, so I do believe it’s your round.”

.

Tuning everyone out, I wait for Chas to pull the last pint before returning to our table. I had wondered if I’d get a reaction from her tonight but it seems there’s a lot of self-preservation going on right now, with no hint that she or anyone else knows anything about what happened at the farm or that Aaron and I broke up, something for which I am truly thankful. Even Katie must have cottoned on that she wouldn’t be doing herself any favours if Chas found out and hasn’t said anything.

Grimacing as she puts the pint down on the bar, playing nice, I say thank you. Upon returning to my seat, Jane looks disappointed there'd been no fireworks. “Did Liv tell you what time to turn up tomorrow? She wants help with setting up.”

“She texted and I told her not to count on us, we have a call with the US until seven at the earliest. I’d leave them to it anyway, I mean it can’t be that hard work unpacking Fortnum and Mason party boxes.” I get a scolding look for making that assumption, but there is only one place that Jane will have taken Liv to shop for party goodies yesterday and it wouldn’t have been Marks and Sparks. If I’m going to be covering the bill to avoid Aaron kicking off on one, then I’m sure as hell not going to be unpacking it all as well.

.

Aaron, Friday 21st April 2017

With plenty people here, our little cottage seems almost bursting to the rafters, everyone tucking into food that looks like it rolled out of Buckingham Palace and making merry with the free booze. I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to know how much the food cost; Liv told me not to be rude when I asked and that I should just gracefully say thank you for the kind housewarming come birthday gift from the London lot. As she would never use the word 'gracefully' I take it someone prepped her response knowing I'd ask. As I have bigger things to get worked up about right now, I reckon I’ll do just that and as I bought all the drinks, I’ll call it quits, though I’m certain I got the better end of the bargain.

I’m already getting my fourth beer out of the fridge and taking a drink I watch everyone enjoying themselves and I wish it were me. “Hey, don’t look so worried, he’ll be here.” Vic tops up her wine glass and comes to stand next to me, leaning against the counter.

She’d caught me glancing at the clock for the hundredth time, where I see it’s after nine already, “You don’t know that. He might have decided to stay in London after all.”

Vic pulls a face, looking surprised, “You do know they were in the pub last night? I’m surprised your mum hasn’t told you with the amount of money they spent, or anyone else for that matter.” It’s written all over my face that I wasn’t aware and she looks apologetic, “Sorry, I thought with him being here you’d have spoken.”

“Not since Wednesday.” Turning around, facing into the cupboards, I play at reorganizing the glasses, trying to hide my disappointment. I'm not quite sure just what hurts the most; whether it’s the fact that he’s in Emmerdale and he didn’t see fit to set me at ease about him coming or that they were having fun getting pissed in the pub and I wasn’t invited. Gulping down a big swig of beer, I force my insecurities down along with it, knowing that I should simply be relieved that he’s in Emmerdale. It's not as though Robert would be drinking much anyway.

“The whole village is gossiping about them, you know what it’s like with new faces around. "Hey," Vic touches my arm, her hand moving to rest on my shoulder, “He’ll come around.”

Vic is the only one I’ve told about the conversation in London. Even Liv doesn’t know the half of it; I'd been economical with the truth, letting her think we are working things through but back together. With barely a whisper, I let my head tip to the side, resting it against hers, suddenly needing the connection, “What if he doesn’t?”

She doesn’t get chance to answer, a whoop cutting through the air, Liv’s dulcet tones catching everyone’s attention. Turning around, I see Liv sweeping Rob into a hug, babbling away at him. It's not often she shows her loving side in public; she’s cute with it. The fact that she clings to him is hard to watch because there are no guarantees at this point and I desperately want to be able to tell her it’s all going to be okay with the knowledge that I'm not hiding away from the truth.

.

Watching him work his way through the room introducing his friends as they go, I let them come to me not wanting to seem pushy and needy by rushing to meet them. Nodding a hello when introduced to Craig’s wife, she takes me by surprise giving me a kiss on the cheek. They all seem relaxed and I convince myself that I can do this as I help get them sorted with drinks. Robert gets Craig a beer whilst I pour Nate and Jane a wine. Daring to look at Robert directly for the first time, I ask him what he wants.

Helping himself to a glass, he fills it with tap water, “I’m good with this, thanks. Someone has to keep that rowdy lot in line and get us home in one piece so I’m driving.” He’s quietly smiling as his eyes follow Jane who has been accosted by Liv and pulled over to the food table, and I realise they have dragged both Nate and Craig with them, probably on purpose to give us a moment together. Even Vic has slinked off to god knows where.

Feeling totally at odds with myself, I have no idea what to say. It’s stupid, this is as much his cottage as mine; we’ve had sex on this counter for crying out loud and now we can barely look each other in the eye. “Vic said you were in the pub last night?”

“Yep. Thought I’d show them the delectable sights of Emmerdale and what better way to do it than with a couple of drinks in the Woolpack.” I pull a face, intimating that it might have been more than a couple but Robert doesn’t bite and it falls awkwardly quiet between us.

Plucking up my courage, I turn sideways onto him, acutely aware of just how close we are to each other and it takes quite some willpower to resist the urge to rub my knee up against his, “I was wondering, well me and Liv actually, we were wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow for your birthday. Our treat so you get to chill out and make fun of us. Your friends are welcome too if they are still around.”

“Errrm, we’re actually going to York tomorrow and staying over. They’ve never been round this neck of the woods so we said we’d do a bit of sightseeing.” My heart drops and the disappointment must have been written all over my face and at least he has the good grace to look a little guilty. Brushing his hand lightly over mine, the show of affection triggers all sorts of emotions but he moves it off as quickly as it had landed, “Thank you for the offer though, maybe we can do something another time?”

Nodding, I silently watch him go over to his friends after having heard his name being called, there’s not even a glance back. Watching them together, all smiles, chatting away as he helps himself to the food, it feels like my heart is being ripped out all over again, just like in London. The gulf between us is practically tangible now that he’s here in our home.

.

Robert, Friday 21st April 2017

“You hiding out here?”

I motion to the empty chair next to mine and Vic sits down, “Not really, just needed some fresh air, you know how it gets.”

“You’ve hardly spoken to Aaron.”

She is studying me closely so I focus on the trees and bushes a few feet away as a distraction, “I’m not ready yet.”

"But you will be; I mean you are going to stick around right?"

"For now."

"That sounds like you haven't made your mind up?" I’m shattered and it’s been a long emotional week; my lack of a response answers her question. "Do you still love him?"

After snatching a quick look at the cottage door to make sure no-one is listening in I let my gaze rest on my sister, “Yeah, that’s the one thing that hasn’t changed through any of this.”

“So, what’s the problem? I mean you wouldn’t have come tonight if you don’t want to be with him.”

Taking a sip of my water, I consider my words before speaking, “If we get back together, it has to be unconditional and I’m not sure he can do that.”

“You know what I think?”

Sarcastic as ever, I can’t refrain from answering, “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“I think you’re scared of getting hurt. Just give it a chance, it’s not like he cheated on you.”

“I know you’ll think I’m being daft, but it kind of feels like he did, though.” Not wanting to talk about it anymore, I cut her off before she can continue, “So how’s Andy?”

She answers without calling me out on the redirection, “As pig-headed as you, don't go counting on him apologizing?”

Tiredly, I rub my eye with the back of my hand, “What and break the habit of a lifetime.” I smile, “I'm not holding my breath.”

“You’re not going to do anything stupid about that are you?”

Feeling her piercing eyes watching my reaction, I keep my voice even and calm, “As long as they keep out of my way, I’ll stay out of theirs.”

“Dad doesn’t know anything. I think he’s getting suspicious though, what are you going to tell him?”

Shrugging, I stand up, needing to stretch a little, “Nothing. It’s not like we agreed to be friends or anything. Tell him you have my share, that’ll make him happy.”

“I already did.”

“So that’s all he needs to know then, isn’t it. I’m well out of it.” I nod towards her empty glass, “You want a refill?”

“Yeah. I’ll come in with you.” Standing up, she catches my arm, “Robert, you’re good for each other, please just talk to him; don’t let him think you don’t want to be with him. He's really struggling with not knowing where he stands. Put yourself in his shoes and think how you’d have reacted if it had been me. You know, you’re not that different when it comes down to protecting little sisters.”

"I can't help how I feel and you trying to bully me isn't a good idea." She huffs but doesn't argue as we make our way inside. Following her, deep down I know she's right but something inside me wants to hold back. She'd kill me if she knew it was my idea last night to go to York all because I didn't want to have to face putting on a front for Liv's sake or having to watch my every word with Aaron so not to set any false expectation.

.

Aaron, Friday 21st April 2017

Having waited to see them safely go into the cottage, I step out from my hiding spot the other side of the bushes, not quite knowing what to think or feel. With the bathroom being constantly taken and needing a waz, I’d taken the lazy option and sneaked outside instead, but I hadn't bargained on getting an insight into Robert’s mind with it, having heard their entire conversation. The tension pours out of my body now that I'm not holding my breath anymore. At one point, I was so convinced Robert had seen me, but I know that was just my imagination playing tricks on me.

Vic must be off her rocker if she thinks for one minute that Robert will leave it with Andy. I don’t know how, but for all that he’s ceded his rights to the farm to Vic, I just know he’s not likely to let this pass without some kind of payback one way or another.

Unable to face going back inside just yet, I sit in the chair vacated by Vic. Sinking into the cool night air, closing my eyes I feel totally removed from the party inside and everyone with it, wishing they’d all go, so I can go curl up in my bed. Not that it will make sleeping any easier after hearing all that. Despite Vic’s rally on my behalf, not once has Robert given any indication that he’s prepared to give it another go and I have no idea what to do for the best, push him or give him space still. It feels like a lifetime, not a week since everything went tits up and Liv is going to be gutted about tomorrow night. Well, Robert can explain that one to her himself; I'll let him deal with some of the consequences for a change.

.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

I know who it is without having to open my eyes but I do, “Be my guest.” Watching Craig sit beside me, I still can’t for the life of me fathom out why he’s giving me the time of day and I say as much, “Why are you helping me with Robert? What’s in it for you?”

He doesn’t answer the question directly, instead going off on a tangent, “You know, there are times over the years that I’ve wanted to blow this village off the face of the earth along with everyone in it and I barely know anything about the place, except every time my best friend mentions it, he’s a different person almost. The trouble with that idea is that it wouldn’t really help matters much.” He taps the right-hand side of his forehead with a couple of fingers, “You see, it’s all up here.”

One thing's for certain, I know it wouldn’t help, but maybe not for the reason that Craig believes, “He wouldn’t forgive you if you did blow it up, Jess and the kids are in the graveyard just over there.”

He looks at me, surprised, “I didn’t know that.”

Finding that hard to believe, I scoff, “I thought with all your interfering you’d know everything there is to know.”

He doesn’t seem to take any offence at my words, “No, not really. You might not believe it but Nate and I don’t usually barge around in Robert’s personal life. Now, Nate’s personal life, we interfere all the time, he kind of always needs saving from himself, but Robert, on the other hand, has always been the safe pair of hands in our friendship. For some reason, Aaron Dingle, I quite like you. You brought him back to life when no-one else could; at one point I wasn’t sure if it was going to be even possible until you came on the scene.”

“Well, I'm not doing too good of a job right now. He’s hardly said two words to me all night.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.”

“He has me fooled then because I don’t know what else I can do.” Continuing, I don’t even attempt to hide my bitterness, “I hear you’re off to York tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I was kind of hoping that Robert would invite you.”

“Am I wasting my time, Craig, honestly? Because if I am, then just take him back to London and I won’t ever try and contact him again.”

“I don’t have a magic wand or a crystal ball for you but for what it’s worth, I think things happen for a reason. I think you’ll work it out Aaron, together you’ll work it out. Believe me, he needs you and where Emmerdale is concerned you're probably the only person who can talk some sense into him so when I think he's doing something stupid, I'm not going to stand idly by.” Looking at him questioningly, I wait for him to explain this further, but he shakes his head. "Don't ask, I've already said too much." Craig thinks, in for a penny in for a pound, "Come to the house tomorrow before we set off. I'll tell him Jane invited you for a birthday breakfast, just you and then at least you'll get to see him on the day."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Maybe."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments on the last few chapters and the kudos. I'm going to be super busy for the next couple of weeks with work and I want to switch to 'In Daddy's Arms' for a bit, so there might be a lull before the next chapter, but I promise to try and not leave it too long.  
> Take care  
> Caro


	27. Hook, Line and Sinker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast at Home Farm isn't quite what either Aaron or Robert were expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I slightly played with dialogue between Vic and Rob towards the end of chapter 26, subtle changes, but changes nonetheless.

Aaron, Saturday 22nd April 2017

After knocking and waiting for someone to answer, I’m seriously questioning what I’m doing here. First off, I’m deadly tired from not having slept. Instead of turning in, I’d spent the night cleaning up after the party which had gone on into the early hours and when I’d finished there didn’t seem any point by then. Secondly, there hadn’t been so much as a peck on the cheek from Robert when they left. I’m surprised that no-one called us out on our lack of closeness, but no-one seemed to notice, probably too busy gorging themselves on all the expensive food and cheap booze. It must have been one of the few parties in Emmerdale’s recent history that went off without any kind of commotion or the police turning up. However, for me, the whole evening had put my world into an ever-deeper tailspin; in this last week, I’ve finally come to understand how truly damaged my relationship with Robert really is, yet Craig gave me a sliver of hope.

Upon the door opening, it doesn’t take a genius to tell that Robert isn’t faring any better than I am. Without so much as a word, he pulls the door open wide, then turns on his heels in the direction of the kitchen. I hadn’t exactly been expecting a gushing welcome, but I hadn’t been prepared for this neither.

Following on into the kitchen, I find Robert leaning against the counter, his hands cradling a mug of steaming coffee, “You want one?”

Shaking my head in response, I approach cautiously, card and present in hand and for some unknown reason I feel the urge to justify my presence, “Jane invited me last night, said to come for breakfast and catch you before you leave.”

“Did she now.”

Looking around it dawns on me how quiet it is and I get the distinct impression he wasn’t expecting me. Unsure what to do, I tentatively put the card and present on the breakfast bar in front of him, “Happy birthday, Liv sends her love, she’ll call you later.” Robert barely acknowledges them or my words, just a slight nod of his head before taking a sip of his coffee and I find myself lingering, feeling like an obsolete spare part. “Errrm, they still in bed? I thought you’d all be getting ready to set off to York?”

His strange behaviour continues; turning he clunks unnecessarily around the kitchen doing a lot of nothing, not saying anything and I wish I’d not come, “Well, I’ll be off then, leave you to it, I didn’t want to intrude, just wish you a happy birthday and I hope you have a nice time with your friends.” Making my way towards the kitchen door, disheartened, I feel the tears welling in my eyes knowing I’ve only got myself to blame, but that doesn’t stop it hurting.

“They’ve gone without me.” Turning, I hover in the doorway, not sure if this is license to stay or if I should keep going. “It’s the second Saturday in a row I’ve been yelled at, chastised and dumped.”

.

Confused, I wait for him to continue, assuming he’s told me this for a reason; there’s no mistaking the resentment in his voice, “Instead of a nice quiet birthday breakfast, Jane and Nate yelled, then Craig chastised and told me I should get my act together. It was decided to keep the peace, I’d be better off staying here, hence the dumped part. So, if the offer is still open, I could come for tea tonight. If you still want that is?”

“Sure,” I can’t get a handle on him at all. The words are coming out of his mouth, but he doesn’t particularly look as though he’s happy about it. “Liv’ll be stoked.”

“You sure you don’t want a cuppa?”

“I suppose I could have the one if it’s okay with you?”

“I offered, didn’t I?”

Biting my bottom lip, I feel caught between wanting to stay and being fearful this will descend into something we’ll never come back from “You just seem.....”

“For crying out loud Aaron, do you want a drink or not?”

“In that case, no I don’t. I think I’d better go.” Without waiting for a response, I turn around and walk towards the front door.

With my hand on the door-handle, I’m caught off guard by Robert putting his hand over mine, not necessarily preventing me from opening the door, but by default of his action and the fact his body is as close behind mine without touching as it is possible to be, causes me to freeze. Feeling his warm breath on the back of my neck, the tension between us is palpable, “Don’t go.” I debate if to turn around but decide to wait for him to make the next move, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be like that, I’m tired and cranky.” Slowly I turn around, my back resting against the door, our hands still joined, Robert’s height makes it feel as if he is towering over me. “I’d like you to stay, please.”

Not trusting myself to say the right thing, I simply nod and let him lead me back into the kitchen where sitting down quietly I watch him put the kettle on. The Robert before me now is nothing like the Robert we saw in London earlier in the week, he looks worn out as he opens the card we’ve written for him. We got it ages ago, it had appealed to Liv’s sense of humour and there’s a half smile as he reads it. Placing it on the kitchen worktop, darting a glance at the kettle, he then opens his present, the most obvious part being a box of 48 cream eggs; his eyes flick over to me in amusement and that we know him so well. Pushing the box to one side, he picks up and reads the postcard which essentially contains his main present. Watching his reaction carefully, I’m relieved as a real smile crosses his face, “Thank you.”

“We can change it if you want, but you mentioned it to Liv and well, we thought it’d be a good present.” A thought suddenly comes to mind, “You haven’t already done one, have you?”

He shakes his head slightly, “No, it is a good present.” The kettle finally boils and it goes quiet as he makes my mug of tea. Bringing it over to me, instead of putting it down on the counter, he keeps going into the living room. Not waiting for any further invitation, I slide off the bar stool and follow. Without even thinking about it, I sit myself down in the usual spot at one end of the sofa, tucking a leg under me like always. Picking the mug up off the coffee table, I blow on it before taking a sip, watching Robert sitting at the other end, bashing the cushion into submission before slotting it behind him, same as he always does.

.

Trying to find a connection, I start the conversation, “Remember when we decorated this place at Christmas?”

He nods, the memory seemingly as meaningful for him as it is for me, “Yeah, it was fun.”

Not wanting to rake up too many feelings about how we were back then, I switch topic, “The cottage looked like a bomb hit it after everyone left.”

“I can help you clean up if you like?”

“No need, it’s done.” Robert looks at me a little curiously, “I couldn’t sleep.” He nods knowingly. “Tea will probably be a picnic of left overs if that’s okay, it would be a shame to let everything go to waste, even Vic was impressed.”

He chuckles quietly, “So she should be considering where it came from.”

“Liv told me off when I asked how much it cost, she said it was our present.”

Robert has been avoiding my watchful gaze until now when he looks across at me; there's a mix of so many emotions written all over his face yet his voice remains neutral, “Jane does know how to throw a party.”

Needing more than banal chit chat, I put my fear to one side; one of us has to make the first move, it might as well be me, “I made a right mess of it, didn’t I?”

There’s a hint of a smile as he answers, “We’re still talking.”

“No thanks to me.”

Eying me directly, he seems perplexed and irritated hearing this, “I think we gave as good as we got.” Not understanding why he reacted like this I don’t say anything in response.

.

Silence descends on us, not uncomfortable but there’s an undercurrent like we’re both trying to work out what happens next. “If I ask you something, will you promise not to get worked up?”

Studying me curiously, he seems to be mulling the question over for an instant, “I’ll promise to try.”

I was probably going to ask anyway, but that’s good enough for me to forge ahead, “Why does Craig think you’re doing something stupid?”

Robert looks a little taken aback, not responding immediately. “I do what it takes to protect my family.”

There’s an edge in my voice, knowing we are moving onto dangerous ground but something tells me that if we don’t tackle it now, it will only come back to bite us, “Meaning?”

“I’m not sure you want to know Aaron.”

“Well, I won’t know that until you tell me, will I?” Our eyes meet and it’s as if we’re both trying to second guess what the other is thinking, but there are times that I’m as good at this as Robert and this is one of them.

The aggression in his voice is unexpected but strangely not as unnerving as perhaps it ought to be, “I don’t need your approval, so if you don’t like it, then you walk out of that door and there is no looking back.” I don’t let my eyes waver from his, not needing to say the words; he knows me well enough by now and I watch the conscious shift in his tone, now even, calm and resolute, “Andy won’t be staying at the farm.”

He chose his words carefully as do I, our eyes remaining locked, “He’ll be walking and talking though?”

“Definitely.”

Continuing with my questions, I don't give anything away on how I’m feeling about this, “And it’ll be safe?”

“Yes.”

I surprise myself sometimes with just how much Dingle there is in me. I'm no Cain but when it comes to family Vic wasn't too far off the mark with her comments last night about how similar we are, “I don’t need to know anything else then do I?”

“Discretion will be such that this would be impossible.” Getting his meaning, I nod, “That probably wasn’t the stupid part though.”

Well, I wasn’t expecting that and it clearly shows in my expression with my insides tightening as I brace myself for whatever’s to come next, “You going to tell me what was?”

“He said I needed to be honest with you about it.”

The tension uncoils like a spring, the relief washing over me in waves, “You didn’t have to say anything now, why did you?”

Once again, it’s impossible to read Robert, but there’s no doubting the sincerity of his words, “He said that if I want to be with you, it has to be all in, and hiding parts of who I am isn’t going to cut it with you like it did with Jess.”

The silence that follows isn’t intentional on my part but processing what this implies has knocked the wind out of my sails for a moment and I decide to return the honesty, “I heard you talking to Vic last night.” Robert looks vexed by this and I rush to explain, my insecurities tumbling out instead, “It wasn’t on purpose, punish me all you like for screwing up but don’t give up on us, please.”

Lips parting, Robert looks a little startled at my outburst, “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“I think Vic’s right, that you’re scared of getting hurt.”

The emotional fatigue is written all over his face and in his body language as he turns sideways on, resting the side of his head against the back of the sofa, “I can’t lose another family Aaron, I can’t go through that again. You saw what I was like last year and with you it’s....., it’s different, more somehow, and I still don't know how I feel about that. I know I’m not perfect but if we give this another go, then you have to be there with me through every mistake and to help me pick up the pieces afterwards, and I promise to do the same for you. It can’t be you and Liv, then me. We’re either a family, hook line and sinker and everything that entails or we finish it now.”

My words spill out before my brain gets into gear, “You’d best bring your toothbrush tonight then.”

Fearful my unintended humour is misinterpreted I relax hearing Robert snort a tight laugh and responds in kind, “You need toothpaste?”

Unabashed I smirk at him, “No, just you and your toothbrush, maybe a spare pair of shreddies.”

He looks offended, but I see the amusement in his eyes, “You burnt my stuff then?”

Feeling a little guilty, I shift my gaze away from him, “No, but some charity shop was very happy at the donation. A few bits and bats of personal stuff are bagged up that I was going to give to Vic, but never got round to it.”

The quiet that descends between us isn't necessarily awkward, but it’s definitely bordering on unsettling. If Robert’s feeling anything like me, then we’re both recognizing just how close we came to throwing what we have away. Needing to move I swing myself round to sit facing front and concentrate on finishing my tea. Robert gets my attention by playfully prodding me with his foot and I turn my head to look at him, “Go on then, be off with you; I have some stuff to sort out. I’ll see you tonight, don’t worry.”

“You kicking me out?”

“Yep, I have a life to rearrange unless you’ve changed your mind already.”

“No, no. I’m going.”

.

Once more by the door, I hesitate before opening it; we’re both leaning against the glass panes, sideways on, facing each other, “The other day, you said I felt guilty because you didn’t do anything and that next time....., well next time....."

“I remember.”

“I’ve not really had a family most of my life, not a real one. Being Liv’s guardian is the best and most scary thing I’ve ever known and it’s only been a year, I haven’t really got the hang of being dad, brother and a best friend all-in-one quite down just yet, the lines get all blurry you know.” Robert doesn’t say anything, but his face subtly conveys his acknowledgement, “Sometimes I might still lose sight of other things that are just as important and I’m going to need you to force me to stop and make me listen; don’t let me push you away, don’t walk away and I will listen I promise. I’m not perfect either.”

“Noted and I get it, Aaron; I know how hard it is. So essentially, you’re saying be stubborn with you, no running to London, not forgetting the, 'to be honest' at all times.”

“Exactly. Oh, and in the interest of honesty, I suppose there’s one other thing you should know whilst we’re at it.”

There’s a hint of laughter in his eyes, “There’s more?”

Grinning, I nod, “You cheat on me and I’ll rip your balls off.”

That elicits a chuckle, “Got it; protect the crown jewels is now ingrained into my brain for eternity. Is that it?”

“For now, you?”

His eyebrows seem to draw together and despite the humorous edge to our exchange, the underlying seriousness reappears with his words, “Don’t ever give up on me.”

There’s no mistaking the earnestness in my response, “Hook line and sinker, I won’t forget, I promise.”

.

Robert, Saturday 22nd April 2017

Liv is in fits of giggles so much that she has tears running down her face and Aaron is drooling all over the table, “We give up, you win Aaron, this is so the stupidest game ever.” However, despite my words I’m laughing at him, the same as Liv, it’s impossible not to, partly due to the game but mostly that the big kid in him never fails to entertain.

Taking the plastic mouthpiece out, he beams at us victorious, “Told you I’d win.”

“Yes, you did. Well done.” Getting up I throw a washcloth at Aaron and hand Liv a packet of tissues.

“That was hilarious. We should get Chas to play this, or Paddy, his mouth’s big enough.”

“Liv.” Aaron gives her an admonishing look, but his face belies that he agrees.

“See, you think so too.”

Getting Aaron out of the hole he’s dug himself, I redirect, “You going to get Cain to join in as well because I’d pay money to see that.”

“How much?”

Aaron smacks my head in a playful telling off, “Don’t go putting ideas in her head Rob and anyway, sometimes he surprises us and lets his hair down.”

Encouraged, Liv pipes up, “Really?”

He answers whilst throwing the washcloth back over to the sink, too lazy to move, “Nah, definitely not his thing, he’d run a mile first.” Before she can say anything, Liv yawns and looking at the clock, Aaron nudges her arm, “Bed time. It was into the early hours last night and it’s getting late.”

For once, it looks like Liv agrees, but after getting a glass of water to take with her she hovers by my side, her foot scuffing the floor nervously, “Will you be here in the morning for family breakfast?” She’s hedging her bets, her eyes switching between us, but it’s clear that Aaron is putting this ball in my court, apparently also waiting for my answer.

Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, I smile, “Yes Liv, I’ll be here in the morning for breakfast.”

Her face lights up, pleased; it’s hard to believe this is the same mouthy Liv that I met last year in the Coffee Shop, “Good because I was serious, Aaron’s pancakes aren’t a patch on yours.”

Liv and I exchange a knowing smile as he fails miserably at feigning hurt and gives up, “Right Miss, bed or you won’t be getting any pancakes at all.”

Not trusting that Aaron might make good on the threat, she heads to the stairs, “Night then.”

Aaron and I exchange a smile of our own, both speaking at the same time, “Night Liv.”

.

Putting the dishes on the side, I allow myself the luxury of pouring a birthday nightcap, my first alcoholic drink for quite some time and possibly required for a little Dutch courage now that we are on our own. After turning off the main lights, I join Aaron on the sofa where we savour the silence for a minute. It’s been good to hear us all laugh again; this time last week, I was already back in London.

Aaron is shooting a couple of nervous glances at me as we sit side by side, both leaning against the sofa back; we're close, but not quite touching, “I know what we said this morning but you don’t have to stay tonight if you’re not ready yet. You can still come back for breakfast in the morning, Liv won’t know any different.”

He reminds me of my words to Vic last night and I appreciate the gesture, “Is that what you want?”

“No, but....., I don’t want to pressure you or anything. I don’t know; it feels different now and I don't want to mess it up by rushing you.”

“It’s still just you and me Aaron, we haven’t changed really, we just know each a little better.”

He twists to sit sideways on and in doing so rests his hand on my arm and I realise this is the first time we’ve properly touched since I reached for his hand this morning. The light from the fire is dancing in eyes highlighting just how captivatingly gorgeous he is. Shifting a little towards him, I brush with the back of my hand down his cheek, following the direction of his stubble beard until my fingers come to a rest on his neck. “Relax Aaron, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry about.....”

“Shhhh, we’re both sorry. I know there are things we probably need to talk about still and we will, just not tonight.”

.

In Paris, it was Aaron doing all the leading, but tonight our roles are reversed with me being the one taking the initiative. He is practically radiating his desire yet is hesitant and his reticence just makes me want him even more. Leaning over to kiss him, I can sense his relief at my touch.

Unlike our usual frantic approach, our lips only ghost across at the first pass, barely glancing until wrapping my hand round the back of his neck, they make full contact, my tongue slipping into his mouth as I guide him into my arms. Our love making has always been passionate and intense, the burning need to climax often making us impatient and overeager. Tonight will be just as intense but I intend to take my time before burying myself as deep inside him as is possible.

Pulling Aaron half onto me, he curls his leg over my body as our kissing descends into a slow exploration until eventually we come up for air. Aaron's hands rest either side of my neck, our faces touching as we take a moment to catch our breath. His question is almost a whisper, “You want to take this upstairs?”

Unable to resist, I kiss him slow and passionately before answering, “Not yet.”

.

Pulling off our jumpers, Aaron straddles me as our fingers fumble to unbutton and unzip our jeans, freeing our engorged cocks, twitching with want. He moans as my hand teases them against each other, gasping out loud as I slip a finger inside him causing his body to arch, his head tipping back with eyes closed as his arousal builds. Shifting forward, I carry him with me, laying us both down together on the rug where I take time to ensure we are fairly well centred; the wood floor is great, but my knees won’t thank me for it in the morning if we stray too far.

Our hands roam and our tongues chase kisses, playfully vying for supremacy, but there’s only one person in charge tonight and that’s me. Kneeling back, I tug his jeans off before leaning forward and catching him a little by surprise, my mouth teases the head of his shaft before encouraging him to turn over to lie on his stomach, positioning myself in-between his parted legs. My left hand takes hold of his whilst my right strokes down his back, kissing as I go, then blowing lightly over the trail of wet that my tongue has left in its wake. It makes me smile as Aaron shivers, knowing it most definitely isn’t down to it being cool in here. Having steadily worked my way down to his lower back, I concentrate my attention here for a while, deliberately staying above his ass cheeks despite his attempts to get me to go lower. Licking a long line with my tongue up his spine, I stroke myself, my jeans still hanging loose around my hips, then after a detour kissing in-between his shoulder blades and neck I whisper into his ear, “I hope you’re not leaking all over the rug Aaron, that just wouldn’t do.” Aaron groans at me in desperation, yelping as I bite down on his shoulder, leaving my mark.

.

My fingers and mouth continue to slowly map every inch of his body until I know he’s reached his limit. I take delight in listening to his moans as I scrape lightly with my fingernails down his back before shifting his hips up so that he is kneeling with his upper body flush to the floor, his arms stretched out above his head. Then parting his cheeks, I slide my tongue down, fleetingly over his hole continuing down to his perineum and back, all the whilst caressing his thighs with my fingers. It’s breath-taking to hear his reaction as I push inside him with my thumb, his hole equally protesting and eager for more, his muscles contracting and releasing as his hand reaches back for my cock to try and pull me inside him.

Impatient for more I quickly discard my jeans; my cock certainly doesn’t need any attention, having been at full mast ever since we started kissing on the sofa. With very little preparation and spit, knowing this is what we both need, I slide into his tightness, my arms and body cocooning his as he adjusts to the sensation. Slowly thrusting into him I go deeper each time. Then without needing to part, I guide us onto our sides into a spooning position, our legs entangled as I hit his sweet spot whilst nibbling on his ear. I’ve never known Aaron to get this lost in our love-making, his breathing is ragged from the sensations, the pleasure we are both experiencing ratcheting up as I control every movement. He’s long since given up trying to speed things up, instead surrendering his body to me.

Glassy eyed, he tips his head back so we can kiss then sucking on my fingers as I push them into his begging mouth. It’s such a turn on to see him like this, pleading and blissed out that I almost never want it to end, however, the inevitable building pressure from our bodies rocking in unison is slowly becoming too much. My hand tweaks his nipple before sliding down his torso until it can wrap itself around his cock. Involuntarily resting his head back against me gives me access to his neck, not forgetting his ever so sensitive ear lobes.

I pray to high heaven that Liv’s asleep, as our release erupts so intensely that we both cry out, our mouths smashing together to muffle the noise as our bodies strain and convulse with Aaron spilling over my hand and me very quickly coming hard just after, my seed pouring into his body as we hold onto each other as tight as is humanly possible. With the unlocking of our lips, my head drops forward until our cheeks are touching; every so often we kiss whilst we recover ourselves, yet I take pleasure in continuing to tease him. Aaron quivers as my hand occasionally strokes his shaft, massaging in the milky goodness whilst moving slowly inside him, “God I missed that Aaron, I missed you.”

Listening to Aaron humming with satisfaction after I kiss the back of his neck, he eventually manages to respond, “Yeah.” He reaches with his tongue for my mouth which turns into a long luxuriating kiss as we enjoy tasting each other.

Cursing my body, after a spasm in my leg, I'm forced to pull out and once dealt with, we settle into each other’s arms, Aaron having now come round enough to speak, “I love you.” Squeezing him with my arms, I kiss his forehead. There isn’t a need for further words, we’re one with each other and I have no intention of letting that ever change. We are together again, for better or for worse this is us - hook, line and sinker.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t heard of the game Speak Out, here it is: http://www.toysrus.co.uk/toys/speak-out-game/TRUP917150001


	28. Rumour Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past creeps up on Aaron unexpectedly.

Aaron, Sunday 23rd April 2017

It would have been too good to be true to expect a hassle-free day to bask in the afterglow of our reunion, there’s always someone wanting to disturb the peace, “Rumour has it that you and Robert are having problems. I told you it was only a matter of time.” Without even needing to answer mum’s self-satisfying smug look, Robert’s timing couldn’t have been better; arriving he wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck before separating us to sit down on the bar stool beside me. “Pint please Chas and a still water for me. You were saying?”

The little boy inside me is laughing away at mum’s expression switching from one minute to the next, it’s priceless; the only spanner in the works is Paddy adding himself into the mix, “Well he must have worked that Sugden charm on you well and truly.”

Throwing Paddy a warning scowl, I can’t get too angry after he helped us out with Liv; I know he means well but it still irks they always have to put their oar in all the time. It’s Robert who brings a smile back to my face, leaning in close, smelling of toothpaste his warm breath close to my ear sets off tingles that such a simple act really ought not to be able to do, “Hey, Paddy thinks I’m charming, what do you reckon Mr Dingle?” Slipping his arm around my waist, my body fits to his almost by default as his fingers brush over my crotch and I feel a flush of embarrassment at my body’s response, just hoping that with us being so close into the bar no-one else in the pub noticed it.

Smirking, I can’t resist teasing him, “You have your moments I suppose, Sugden.”

God, he’s gorgeous when he smiles at me like right now, his eyes playful, turning me on even more, “I must have quite a few moments judging by earlier.”

There’s no way that my face isn’t bright red by now and the only saving grace is that mum’s face is equally red, just more from frustration and annoyance at us acting like loved-up teenagers right in front of her eyes. “Please, I’m going to gip. My customers came in for a quiet pint, not to hear about your bedroom shenanigans thank you very much.”

Robert hits back without hesitation, "I don't seem to recall being in the bedroom," turning to me, his eyes playful, are practically undressing me, "We forgot the bedroom, Aaron; we should definitely devote some time to the bedroom when we get home don't you think?" He turns on the most charming Sugden smile I have ever seen which makes me smile and mum glower, "Thanks for the reminder Chas, you're just full of good ideas."

She all but smashes my pint onto the bar, disgust written all over her face; I'd call it fifty-fifty that she didn't pour Robert's glass of water over his head as he puts a tenner down to pay for our drinks. My smile is replaced by a glare, I'm sick of them being all judgemental spoiling my day; it's a struggle, but I manage to keep my tone civil, “Grow up mum, we're together, so get used to it, the pair of you because this isn’t going to change, not now, not ever.”

Mum has a less than accepting look on her face, “Just you wait.”

I’m happy and that should be all that matters yet Mum is practically spitting feathers and something in me snaps; I’ve had enough of their bullshit, “No, just you wait, you screwed up your own love-life so many times it’s a joke, including cheating on Paddy and breaking his heart, even now you dangle him a carrot until someone better comes along. You’re so fucking self-absorbed, it’s always about what you want, it always was. You’re such a sad cow, so clueless that you even let Gordon weasel his way back into your bed, not that I’m surprised because you never noticed that he was getting into mine.” Vibrating with anger, I pull away from Robert who’s looking more than a little shocked at my outburst as I point my finger accusingly at mum, “You don’t get the right to tell me who I can and can’t fall in love with.” Turning on my heels clearly signals my desire to leave, “Come on, let’s go somewhere else with better bar staff.”

Once outside, I keep going. Right at this minute, I don’t care if Robert is behind me or not as I stalk down the street towards the cottage; thankfully no-one seems to have followed us out of the pub. I’m only stopped by Robert grabbing my hand and pulling me back into his arms where I stay until gradually the shaking in my body stops; even then my hands grip fast onto him, I wish I never had to let go. Sensing it’s too soon to talk, instead kissing my forehead helps to relax me a little further as wordlessly he gives me time to re-find my equilibrium. I get the feeling a few people have passed us by, probably giving us an odd look no doubt, but I couldn't give a toss about them.

Finally, feeling calmer I find my voice, “Can we go to yours?”

His fingers stroke through my hair, resting on the back of my neck, “We could, or you could help me knock something off my bucket list.”

Eying him suspiciously, I decide what the hell, “As long it get us out of the village I don’t care.”

“Well, it’s a good job you have me then. I’ll care for the both of us for the day.”

.

Bradford

Laughing at Robert hauling himself up off the ice for the hundredth time, we grin at each other, “Don’t you dare tell Liv about this, we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Aww, where’s your sense of fun? It’s not that embarrassing. I’m the one spending most of the time falling over, a right Robin Cousins you’ve turned out to be.”

“Who?” Raising my eyebrows at him says it all, but I can’t help admit to myself it feels good as I speed up, knowing Robert won’t mind just this once as I leave him in my wake. Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I propel myself forward, bringing my feet together savouring the rush of air and the sense of freedom flowing through me. For the first time in what seems ages, I feel carefree and I really don’t want to open my eyes, to be reminded it’s just a momentary escape from reality. Turning I open my eyes and see the reality of Robert’s predicament at trying to stay on his feet. Grinning at him, I skate to his side and slipping my hand into his, he smiles at me and I know it’s going to be alright; I just need a little time before I'm ready to talk about it.

Robert’s hand gripping mine tightly only serves to reinforce his words, “Well I think this is one on the list that won’t be repeated.”

“Awww, are you sure? I’ve quite enjoyed watching you fall on your arse.”

“That young man is because you like ogling it as I struggle to stand back up again. Some knight in shining armour you are.”

“I’ll make it up to you. I think we’ve got some cream at home that I can rub on to make it better.”

“Mmmh, we'll see. I can give you your own bruised arse if you would like.”

Catching the mischievous glint in his eye I squeeze his hand, “Promises promises.”

Narrowly avoiding to fall yet again saves me from any response he had lined up and by the time he's steadied himself with my help the moment's gone. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

Turning into Robert, my hands on his waist, I kiss him as he pushes me backwards towards the gate, by now more than ready to leave the ice, “I’m hungry for you.”

“You can have me later, I need to eat; what do you fancy?”

Ignoring the bait, I have to work hard to stop him tumbling arse over tit, receiving a look of gratitude for my effort whilst I answer as we step off the ice, “Nachos.”

“Real food, you know I need real food.”

“That is real food.”

“Yeah if you’re twelve.”

“Indian.”

“I could do Indian, yeah, Indian it is, I know just the place.”

.

Robert definitely did know the place because I don’t think I’ve ever felt so stuffed in all my life after having eaten possibly the best Indian ever; we will definitely be coming here again because that was just too good. We’ve been chatting about all sorts; we’ve learned things about each other, stuff I didn’t think we’d ever talk about, not to mention how wanting a try at ice skating landed on Robert’s bucket list along with a few other things he has on there. I love that he keeps surprising me; every time I think I know pretty much all there is to know, I find out there’s another layer to peel back for me to enjoy.

Groaning after a burp escapes, I glance around to check no-one other than Robert had heard and I think I’m safe as I lean back in my chair, satisfied I'm fit to bust, “You’re driving home, I don’t think I’ll fit behind the wheel.”

“Shouldn’t be such a greedy so and so then should you.”

“Well if we’d had Nachos I wouldn't be this full, so I blame you.” Robert smiles at me indulgently. My phone buzzes, “It’s Liv, she’s asking if we will be home soon.”

“See if she can stay over at Gabby’s and tell her that you’re going to stay over at mine. She won’t mind, she’ll probably be relieved thinking that we’ll be at it like rabbits again.”

“Mmmh, she didn’t half rub it in this morning. I didn’t think we’d made that much noise.” Robert’s expression says it all and I’m flushing with the memory of how badly turned on Robert made me last night, there’s no way I could have kept quiet, again Robert’s fault and I smirk at him, “Well there’ll be none of that tonight Romeo, I think a game of dominoes is about as much activity as I’ll be able to manage.”

“Joe used to play dominoes with me when I was little, I think I can still remember how to play. There might even be a set somewhere at the house.”

Glancing at him curiously I put my phone away, having texted Liv back. “That your uncle Joe?”

“Yeah, he was good at it, I hardly ever won.”

“You were just a kid, didn’t he ever let you win just because?”

“You must be joking, not in my family; even Annie didn't take prisoners when it came to playing games, didn't matter how old you were. Same with cards, although there was a strict no gambling rule at the farm whilst she was there. There was no such thing as mollycoddling with my lot.” Seeing his tight grimace reminds me that I'm not the only one with a screwed-up family.

.

Having paid the bill, we make our way to the carpark, “Funny thing families.”

I wait for Robert to continue but he doesn’t, instead, we clamber into the car, the quiet enveloping us as he heads in the direction of home. It’s only as I’m lost in my own thoughts, staring out of the window into the darkness as we drive along the motorway that his talking out of the blue startles me. “I bet Craig and co didn’t go ice skating today, that’ll teach them to go off in a huff leaving us behind.”

Snorting a laugh, I resist the urge to tease him about the amount of time he’d spent with his arse rather than his feet on the ice. Watching him drive is relaxing and it gets me thinking, “What was Jack like when you were little?”

“Unforgiving.”

“He was that bad?”

Robert contemplates a little before responding, “Sometimes he was the best dad in the world and others I wished he was dead. The farm was hard, really hard, there are more bad memories than good for me about growing up in Emmerdale. I was never the son he wanted; when I was good he never noticed or said well done and when I screwed up he went ballistic, there was no in-between. I reminded myself every day with Chloe and Harry that I’d never become him; stupid thing is, he’d probably have doted on them if they’d ever met him, grandad Jack. I can just hear Chloe with him now; huh, she’d have him wrapped around her finger in no time and so would Harry in his own way. They’d have made him smile.” Robert looks sad at his own words, “I never made him smile much.”

“Do you think you might want to have more children?”

This gets his attention and I panic slightly that he might be offended at how I'd worded this. He stares at me a minute before answering, “Is it something you want?”

“One day I think I’d like to, scares the crap out of me, but yeah if you were okay with it I’d like us to have a family of our own. I’m Liv’s guardian but she’s my sister and she’ll be off doing her own thing before we know it. We could adopt or there are other ways, I’ve not really thought about it.” Twisting sideways on, I wriggle close enough to him so I can rest my head on his shoulder wanting to be near to him, needing to touch.

“One day Aaron we’ll talk about it; when we’re both ready.” Needing more contact, I shuffle in as close as I can without hindering his driving and I can feel his eyes watching me as I rest my hand on his thigh, “You okay, Aaron?”

“I don’t know.”

“You want us to pull over a while?”

“No, wish we could just say beam me up Scotty to be at home in bed.” Robert’s hand covers mine, his thumb gently stroking. “I’m tired that’s all.”

There’s a lull in the conversation for a while and with my eyes closed, I let my mind wander.

.

“Shit, what now.”

I must have fallen asleep as I wake with a start. Robert has tensed up; stifling a yawn, I rub my eyes in an effort to bring myself back to the present after realising we have pulled through the gates of Home Farm to be faced with a police car parked in the driveway and two coppers stood on the doorstep, one of whom I recognize.

They wait for us to get out of the car as I sleepily follow them into the house. Quietly I watch Robert who has switched into businessman mode; it’s interesting how he has these different sides to him, all compartmentalised. It’s so seamless how he adjusts and I find it warming inside that I’m the only one who gets to see what lies beneath, holding it all together on the inside.

“There’s a case of some missing lambs from up at Emmerdale Farm and rumour has it that you might know something about it?”

Robert is an island of neutrality as he calmly answers, “Upon what basis would that be, officer?”

“Something about you might be after getting revenge of some sort."

His eyes narrow, he hates being the talk of the village more than most, “Would you care to share more about how this conclusion was drawn?”

“It’s common knowledge that there’s a rift between you and your family, not to mention I was here the night your dad was hammering at your door with a tyre iron.”

I'll never understand how Robert finds the memory of that night amusing considering I know it had shaken him so much at the time, not that he'll admit it to anyone else but me. Either way, the officers connect the hint of a smile that crosses his face for something else entirely, “Strangely enough, although I’m looking to open a northern office here for the business to operate out of, lambs aren’t part of the business model. Maybe you could relay the message to the local busy-bodies when you next see them."

"And what kind of business would that be Mr Sugden?"

It takes a concerted effort for me not to laugh out loud, especially at the looks on the coppers face to Robert's answer, "Intelligence."

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind telling me your whereabouts the last couple of nights, just so we can exclude you from the line of inquiry. You know how folk like to talk round these parts.”

“Well, I can only suggest you talk to someone else instead because I’ve had guests here the last couple of days who believe me are not the sort to partake in any night-time activity that doesn’t involve expensive food or copious amounts of alcohol and I’ve spent last night and today enjoying some quality time with my boyfriend. If you’d care to hear more details, I’ll willing oblige but I don’t believe my sex life and ability on a pair of ice skates would help you with your inquiries much.”

Amused eyes turn in my direction, “And you support this statement I would assume Mr Dingle? No plans on adding sheep rustling to the sheet I take it?”

Robert bristles just enough for me to notice, but he doesn’t say anything, allowing me to answer. Dingle attitude still comes in handy when I need it to, “What he said. We had a housewarming with half the village at mine on Friday night, my sister was with us last night at home for Robert’s birthday meal and we’ve been in Bradford most of today. I had Mughlai Karahi Gosht with lamb if you’re interested.”

Smiling at the two withering stares is satisfying, “Well thank you for your time gentlemen; we’re sorry to have bothered you but you’ll appreciate we have to follow up on these matters. We’ll leave you to your evening.”

“Not at all; thank you, officers.” Robert’s voice is dripping with charm, I’d also say full of sarcasm except that I realise to the police he sounds nothing but sincere. Turning around to face me after closing the door behind them, Robert relaxes, “Well that was interesting don’t you think?”

Leaning forward I rest my head against his chest, yawning, “Nope, the only thing that is interesting right now is a bed, with you in it snuggling.”

“Snuggling?”

“Yes, manly snuggling. You know I like to snuggle. Take me to bed please.”

.

Robert, Sunday 23rd April 2017

“Calm down Aaron, shhhh, shush now, it’s safe, you’re safe.” Aaron’s thrashing around had woken me. For all his traumatic past, this is the first nightmare he’s ever had when sleeping with me and it’s heart-breaking to hear him crying out. He’s experienced me having a few bad nights but to hear him like this and sense his raw fear is unnerving. The dilemma of whether to try and wake him resolves itself as he cries out loudly, with wide open eyes his body quivers, his sobbing all-consuming.

Scooping him into my arms, wrapping my legs around him, I do everything in my power to make him feel protected. Gripping onto me as if for dear life, his tears dampen my chest as he openly cries; I’m at a loss for what else to say. Whilst asleep, his mumbling had been a confused jumble of words and I don’t want to jump to conclusions what his nightmare was about in case I make it worse somehow by getting it wrong.

“Shhh, Aaron.” I smile to myself a little at his tired hiccupping which won't quite stop. "You want some water?"

“No." There's another one in-between, "Crap, I....., I can’t stop...., stupid things.” Eventually, both his hiccups and his tears slowly subside as I use words and touch to calm him to the point he is lying still and weary in my arms, just the odd chest heave with a huff and puff escaping whilst my hand continues to rub up and down his back, soothing him as best I can. “It’s just you and me, no-one’s going to hurt you I promise.”

Aaron still sounds as if out of breath, struggling to get the words out, “It was so real, he was here. He was….”

“It was just a bad dream, he’s not here, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“He was laughing at me, taunting me.” A rogue hiccup sneaks in between his words as I wipe away a tear rolling down his cheek, “Said he could have me anytime he wanted.”

“He’s dead Aaron, he won’t be hurting anyone ever again. I won’t let anyone hurt you or Liv ever, you got that?”

“You can’t promise that.”

“It’ll be over my dead body that anyone gets near to either of you to try.”

Burrowing into me, his fist hits against my chest, there’s no weight or malice behind it, but I grab onto it, just in case pulling it into my breast, holding just tight enough he’d have to work hard to pull away from me, “I hate him, I hate this.”

.

“Talk to me, Aaron.”

There's a slight hesitation, not because he doesn't want to talk, more I think to shore up his defences, the nightmare having left him feeling vulnerable, “I haven’t had a nightmare for months, nothing this bad anyway. Why now, it doesn’t make sense, why not before?”

After realising what had set him off this morning, I'd decided to let him work it through at his own pace, knowing he would broach the topic one way or another sooner or later; Aaron’s subconscious seemingly has got the better of him whether he wanted it or not. “It was last week, wasn’t it?” I don’t need to be more specific about it being a year since his dad was found guilty; Aaron nods silently and it might be my imagination but he feels to cling on to me tighter than ever. “Is that why you lashed out at Chas like that this morning?” There’s a shrug but no words still, not that I was expecting any, “I’m sorry that all my family crap what with Liv getting hurt, it probably just made everything worse.”

“S’not your fault and you could hardly have known the solicitors would fuck up or that Andy would be a bigger dick than usual. It didn’t make any difference anyway; if anything that’s what makes it so stupid now, because I haven’t thought about him once all week until I lost it with mum earlier. I wasn’t expecting it to creep up on me I s’pose. People have moved on, I’ve moved on, or I thought I had.”

“It was there though I think, you just pushed it away until you couldn’t anymore." I kiss him softly, his hand squeezing mine in recognition as I brush my other through his hair, "I’m so sorry Aaron, it never crossed my mind until now.”

“Why should it have, it's not like you were around back then." He falls silent an instant before continuing, "Do you think it’ll always be like this?”

“I don’t know.”

“I used to want him to be alive, so he would suffer you know, but now I’m glad he’s dead, that he’ll never be free. I’m not sure I would have coped with him ever being released.”

“You would; you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Aaron.”

“Only because I have you and Liv.”

“No, it's you, your courage, your strength Aaron; not mine or Liv's. We're just the helping hand when you need us, and your mum and Paddy. Just because they don’t like me, doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”

“They have a funny way of showing it.”

“What can I say, I bring out the best and worst in people.”

“That must explain the lambs being part of the nightmare then; that was so weird, believe me. It might be a while until I have lamb curry again.”

This elicits a morbid chuckle from both of us and I squeeze Aaron tightly, not wanting to let him go, “Tomorrows the start of the rest of our life Aaron.”

“You and me against the world. That’s what he used to say.”

Aaron’s laugh is filled with something I can’t quite put my finger on, it’s a part of himself he doesn’t show very often but I know he’s okay as he sinks into me when I kiss the top of head, he's opened himself up, not hiding away from me and I nudge him a little more, “And what do you say?”

“My life, my choices.” Aaron propels himself to lie on top of me, his eyes piercing into mine and I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like this before, filled with so much love, it takes my breath away; he takes my breath away, “Move in with us.”

TBC


	29. In the Land of Aaron and Robert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert are protective about their family.

Robert, Sunday 30th April 2017

Sighing in relief I plonk myself down on the sofa, “Thank the high heavens for that. It didn’t look a lot of stuff up at Home Farm until we got it all here.”

Obvious amusement passes silently between Aaron and Liv, “I think he just insulted his new home for not being big enough, what do you think, Liv? Maybe we ought to send him packing if this isn’t up to his lordship’s standards.”

Liv picks up a shirt off the top of the last box we’ve just opened, holding it out like it’s got fleas. It’s never been worn, one of those you get bought by the wife and you don’t have the heart to say it’s horrendous so you end up keeping it, forgotten until it comes back to bite you at times like these. I have no idea how it made it here. I was certain that I had thrown a lot of my things away but clearly not. Ruthie arranged the movers from the US, I couldn’t face it, so they did all the packing and it was easier to dump some of the boxes I knew I wouldn't need up in the loft at Home Farm. I should have just left them there I reckon.

Wrapping my arms around Aaron, I snort a laugh at the look of disdain on Liv’s face putting the offending article on the charity shop pile; subtlety’s not her strong point. I think there might be more on the ‘get rid of’ pile than the ‘to keep’ one. “Harriet’ll think I’m a never-ending supply for the charity stall at this rate.”

Smirking at her brother, Liv cheekily pats my arm as she passes, “That’s if she can sell half of it, you have some strange taste in clothes Robert Sugden.” Pushing down the quick retort that Jess had great taste, I bite my tongue instead to avoid saying something; it’s not Liv’s fault she doesn’t know the history of my wardrobe. It’s really the stupidest things that get a reaction out of me, there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme nor reason sometimes and it’s not like I even disagree with her; I didn’t buy most of these clothes myself. Releasing Aaron, I go to make a drink, but I can feel his eyes following me in puzzlement; he’d noticed the involuntary tightening of my arms around his waist at her words.

“Why don’t you take them round to the church Liv; Harriet should still be there after the service.” She’s about to protest but catching the look on her brother’s face and a slight shake of his head she does as asked albeit huffing and puffing. Giving me a curious look, catching on that something isn’t quite right she heads for the door, lugging three of the bin bags with her.

.

“You want one?” Steadfastly I ignore the concerned look on Aaron’s face who is now beside me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

He ignores the question, “We were only joking, you know?”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to move in just yet if it's too soon now.”

“I want to; stop fussing, I’m fine.”

“I’m not fussing, I just know you.”

Giving him a shy smile, I pull him into a hug, “Old memories catch me out sometimes that’s all.”

“Sorry.”

He is, I can tell, his eyes conveying the emotion and I seek to put his mind at rest. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Not wanting to reminisce about the past, I don’t offer up any further explanation and he doesn’t push. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to hear about every time I have flashbacks of my dead family which on times like this catch me out. As much as he’ll understand, it’s time to move on and today’s about the future, our future! It gives me butterflies every time I think about it. Kissing him is always a good distraction and nipping his bottom lip gets a grin in return, unfortunately, accompanied by tickling of my waist which gets the expected reaction from me; he knows all my weak spots.

Playfully fending him off, my lips find his once more as my body pushes him up against the counter. Grinning at each other I take profit of his parted lips, his mouth just begging to be kissed hard and I’m always happy to oblige.

.

“Urggh, we’re going to have to have rules. Rule number one, no sex in the kitchen.” Alas, Liv’s timing upon returning interrupts our lustful urges which had gone on a little longer than intended. I'm going to have to put the kettle on again; it’s so easy to get carried away when he looks and smells so good.

“We managed before Liv, I’m sure we’ll do it again.” Both of us smirk at the pinched look on her face, an odd combination of approving and I so don’t want to see my brother lip-lock with the boyfriend.

“Huh, before you spent more time at Home Farm. The walls here might be stone, but I can still hear when you two go at it you know.”

Aaron is coloured crimson in the flash of a second, it’s so very endearing and this time I step in, “We’ll remind you of that one day when it’s you in here with whoever.” Any retort she gave, I don’t hear, my yelp drowning out her words after I receive a not so playful smack from Aaron. “Oi, what did you do that for?”

“She’s fifteen.”

“Exactly. She’s going to be having nooky and a whole lot more at some point.”

“Not in my kitchen she’s not.”

The moment spoiled, I firmly push him to one side to concentrate on making the drinks now the kettle has boiled for a second time, “You keep telling me it’s 'our' kitchen. And I’d rather she was doing it here than somewhere else.”

The look on his face is a picture, protective Aaron is funny, “Whatever, she’s not having sex anytime soon.”

Liv interjects, evidently frustrated and embarrassed by the pair of us, “'She' is in the same room you know. There’s no way I’d be daft enough to get caught by either of you and just so we’re clear I’m not having sex.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Playing devil’s advocate, I decide it’s time Aaron realises his little sister probably won’t stay so chaste, the older she gets. “You do realise, when she’s coming home from Uni or whatever with the latest fling of the moment, she’ll be sending you all bright red for exactly the same reasons. Prepare yourself, little sister will one day be a grown woman; beautiful and clever, she’ll have them hanging off her arm.” I add the necessary caveat to this, it is Liv after all. “Assuming she doesn’t shoot them down with that smart mouth of hers for being idiots before they get that far.”

‘She’ doesn’t seem to know whether to laugh at us or follow her brother's example in smacking me one. In the end, she huffs, gets a bag of crisps and goes to switch the telly on, firmly ignoring us.

.

Laughing at Aaron who appears to be ramping up for a more serious discussion, I pull him back to me, nuzzling into his neck which pulls him off track, murmuring into his ear, “She’ll be fine Aaron. Now, where were we, oh yes. My beloved, if we can’t have sex in the kitchen, we could maybe take this upstairs?”

He raises his eyebrows in amusement, “Beloved?” Shrugging my shoulders, a smirk is my only response. I feel him relax against me and I know he’s tempted, but I have to say he’s got more willpower than I gave him credit for, “Nope, ‘our’ kitchen looks like a bomb’s hit it. With a last firm kiss, he releases me and I accept the moment has passed as he picks up a bin bag and unceremoniously places it on Liv’s lap, which gets an unimpressed grunt out of her as he picks up the remote and switches the TV off. “Take this and the one over there and then I’ll grab the rest.” Both armed with last of the bin bags, I smile fondly at the grimace on Liv’s face and I wonder if she’s going to get the ‘no sex ever lecture’ from her brother.

My own hopes dashed at having sex in the kitchen or anywhere else for that matter for the moment, I grab an armful of clothes to take upstairs, but I don’t even get past the bottom step before almost tripping arse over tit over Liv’s school bag which prompts me to add a rule of my own, “Rule number two Olivia, school bags belong either in your bedroom or on the coat hook.”

“God you’re as bad as Aaron,” focussing on him she continues, “You were right, we should send him back.” Hanging the bag on the coat hook out of the way, I know she’s joking; it’s impossible for her to ever hide her true feelings. Just like her brother, they’re written all over her face.

“Naah,” Aaron, showing he has gotten over his earlier big brother moment smiles at me mischievously, scanning me from head to toe, his eyes seem to devour my entire body without even being close enough to touch, “He’s too good in bed.” Now I think I'm the one with the bright red face.

"I'm doomed." Sticking her fingers in her mouth, Liv is out of the door in a shot leaving the pair of us laughing at her. He gives me a quick kiss before following on, “Love you.”

.

It feels right moving in, I hadn’t hesitated in saying yes to Aaron when he’d asked. We know there’s going to be moments where we have to find our feet but it’d be boring if we didn’t and despite what Aaron thinks, at some point in the next few years, Liv will move out as she builds her own life. It’s one of those things that creeps up on you before you realise it. It had only seemed like a blink of an eye from Chloe and Harry being babies to careering around causing mischief and mayhem, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Though it’ll be interesting if we are still just the two of us when she does. Aaron had surprised me a little talking about having a family of our own the other day. I don’t know why it did, he’s good with kids; I’ve noticed they seem to easily attach themselves to him, probably because half the time he’s like a big kid himself. I’m not sure how I feel about having more children, it’s different with Liv. Either way, that’s definitely a conversation for a lot further down the road.

.

My thoughts are broken off by my phone, the ringtone telling me it’s Vic. I’m in two minds whether to answer but I do, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Just checking up on you. A little birdy told me that you’ve moved into the cottage.”

Shaking my head to myself, I can visualise the pouty look on her face; the chiding in her voice evident because she’d not heard it from me first. What is it about sisters! “And what little birdy would that be?”

Typically, she ignores any questions I have, “So, I take it you and Aaron sorted it out then?”

Lying back on the bed, I settle in for a longer conversation than I would probably like, “Yes, all is well in the land of Aaron and Robert.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Flipping ‘eck Robert; it’s like pulling teeth. Have you moved in with Aaron?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

Indulging her nosiness, I give her something to keep her happy, “Yes, I’ve moved in with Aaron, yes I’m keeping Home Farm but no I haven’t decided if to set up the northern office from there or in Leeds or Manchester, and no I didn’t have anything to do with any lambs going missing up at the farm. Is that what you want to know?”

“There’s no need to be like that.” Smiling to myself, I’m picturing Vic pulling a face at me. “So, you’re staying for good?”

“For as long as he’ll have me.”

Seemingly satisfied I’m doing something right for once, her voice softens, “I’m happy for you; both of you, you know that, right?”

“Thanks, me too.”

.

“Whilst we’re on, I also heard that Aaron had a go at Chas the other day.”

Why am I not surprised at this popping up, “He was...., it was a difficult week. He said some things he didn’t really mean.”

“He needs to tell Chas that; she’s only trying to protect him you know.”

“From me you mean.” My sharp tone isn’t so kindly this time but as usual, Vic carries on.

“You can’t blame her, Aaron’s been through a lot and you don’t have the best track record in this village.”

“Neither does she from what I’ve heard and Aaron’s a big boy, he can make his own decisions.”

“Well, then you could get him to make a decision to go talk to her and put it right.”

“He’ll go in his own time Vic, I’m not going to tell him what to do, not on this anyway. Did you just call me to get Aaron to talk to his mum?”

“No.” I let the silence hang, it usually works with Vic if there’s any guilt to draw out of her and I’m not wrong, “I called to see how you’re both doing and well it’s not good for Chas and Aaron to fall out, not about this.”

I don’t disagree and sighing I give in to her demand, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Why don’t you come over to the pub for tea.”

“Stop interfering, Vic.”

“What, I’m not.”

“We’re still settling in and I’m feeling selfish, you can’t blame me. I want as much of him to myself as I can get after this last few weeks.”

“Liv’s there, it’s not like you can go at it on the kitchen table.”

“So, I’ve been told; rule number one apparently.”

Vic is chuckling down the phone at me and even I smile, remembering earlier events, “Hah, little sister cramping your style?”

“Not at all, it’s not as though we’re not used to living together. I spent most of my time here when I was up North before, one way or another.”

“This is different though, no-where to run to now.”

“I still own Home Farm and there’s the apartment at the office in London and then there’s always your couch.”

“I don’t think so, Adam’ll have a fit. He can’t stand you.”

“What did I ever do to him?”

“Well, it’s more like he’s worried about all the people he cares about getting hurt.”

“So, are you worried about me getting hurt?”

“You know I am; why else would I be checking up on you if I didn't care?”

“I thought you were just wanting to confirm the village gossip and do Chas’ dirty work for her.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“I’m not, it’s the truth.”

“No, it's not; why do you always make it so hard?”

Biting back from saying all the things I want to say, I keep my answer short and to the point, “Self-preservation. No-one in Emmerdale ever cuts me any slack, what do you expect?”

.

With a hint of apology in her voice, Vic changes tack, “I didn’t call to argue. Are you going back down to London tomorrow then?”

“Yep, first thing, but I’ll be back Wednesday night.” I’m distracted by the bedroom door opening as Aaron put’s his head around, “Listen, I have to go, food’s ready.”

“You won’t forget right?”

“No, I won’t forget, but let me handle it my way, okay?” Aaron’s eyebrows rise in curiosity.

“Alright, Mr Grumpy. I’ll call you when you get back.”

“You do that.” Ending the call, I put my hand over my face, talking to my sister lately is always a trying experience.

Aaron, still by the door, slides in the room a little more, but stays resting against the wall by the door, “Do I want to know?”

“Not really.”

“I can guess.” I turn my head in his direction but don’t volunteer any further information. “I’m all grubby, I need a shower. You wouldn't happen to fancy scrubbing my back, would you?” Smiling at the memory of all the fun moments we’ve had in the shower popping into my head, I’m pleased when Aaron grins at me, “And maybe a few other places, if you have time that is.” Pulling me up off the bed, our bodies come together once I’m standing, “Mmhh,” Getting in a quick kiss, I walk him backwards out onto the landing, moving us in the direction of the bathroom, “I’ve decided on rule number three.” Aaron’s only response is to drive his tongue into my mouth and I only finish my sentence as we clatter into the bathroom, closing the door behind us as our hands roam everywhere. “We get to have shower sex with no interruptions at least once a day.”

Our clothes are half off by this time; though with Aaron’s tongue down my throat and hand down my open jeans, I’ll take that as his way of agreeing.

.

Aaron, Tuesday 2nd May 2017

“You can’t avoid her forever you know?”

“I’m not.” Clearly, Faith doesn’t believe me and she’s only half right. I hadn’t been 100% sure that mum was off somewhere with Lisa for the night but fancying a pint, I’d taken the chance I’d remembered correctly. Also, it takes two to have a conversation and it’s not as though she’s come looking for me either. Grimacing, I grab my pint and the Hotten Gazette and park myself in a quiet corner, firmly ignoring Faith’s glaring.

It doesn’t take long for me to work my way through the local rag and I’m in the process of deciding if I want a second pint or if I should go home. I’d left Liv doing her homework so it’s not as though I’m going to be any use on that front, she calls Robert when she needs help.

However, the decision made, I’m surprised by a pint appearing before me on the table, and no less than Jack Sugden sitting down opposite me. Putting down the paper, it seems it’s just me and him as I glance around. I can’t imagine why on earth he would want to speak to me, but I suppose I’m about to find out.

.

“Apparently my sons aren’t on speaking terms anymore. Maybe you can tell me why?”

How is it always me that gets dragged into these things? All I wanted was a quiet pint and to read the paper, “Errrm, not really; you didn’t need to buy me a pint to talk to me you know.”

“I didn’t, Faith asked me to bring it over.”

“Oh, well. I don’t know what you mean and any road, that’s me done for the night. Liv’s expecting me.”

I might as well have not spoken, Jack carrying on regardless, “I think you do.”

“I think you should talk to your sons.”

“Vic’s not talking, and Andy and Robert are as tight-lipped as they ever were so I know something is going on and I want to know what. I assume you know considering Robert is living with you now.”

“He’s in London at work. Look, I don’t know why you think I have any idea what goes on between them, I try not to get involved in all their crap. It gets tedious after a while.”

Jack studies me, “So you’re also lying for him then; I didn’t mark you down as a liar.”

“I’m not. It’s just not my place to meddle.”

He grunts a coarse laugh, conveying what he thinks of that statement, “You’re a Dingle, meddling is par for the course.”

“Only when there’s something in it for me.” I add an afterthought, “Or the people I care about.”

“And I suppose you’ve got what you want then?”

Tired of the conversation, I put on my coat getting ready to leave, forcing myself to stay civil, “I don’t know what you mean and I’m not being funny or anything but you should talk to Robert, not me.”

“There’s no point, he’d lie straight to my face. He’s a good liar.”

“He doesn’t lie to me.”

“Don’t be so sure about that. People don’t really change, not that much they don’t. Trust me, Sugdens are as bad as your lot.”

Not taking kindly to his casting aspersions and wishing I'd kept my mouth shut, a harder edge creeps into my voice, “Well, then you already knew talking to me was a waste of time.”

“I don’t think so. You broke up with him around the time things started going off between them, all at the same time I got the letter from the solicitors. You see that’s what I can’t quite work out. If Robert gave Vic his share of the farm, why is there a cold war between them? I wasn't ever expecting them to be friends but I'm not stupid, something is going on. Then, you went running to get him back by all accounts. So, what was all that about?” I raise my eyebrows in surprise at how close he is to knowing the truth, it’s not as though we had broadcast anything about anything. Seeing my look, he smirks, “That grandmother of yours has a big gob.”

Once more clamping down on the urge to tell him to go fuck himself, I answer as calmly as I can manage, “We had a disagreement and I said some things I shouldn’t have; couples argue, nothing more, nothing less.”

“And it wasn’t anything to do with the farm?”

That’s it, I’ve had enough and vent my annoyance, “You know Jack, not everything revolves around Emmerdale sodding Farm. Sometimes people argue but unlike your family who is incapable of acting like normal human beings we work it out. No wonder Robert left all those years ago if this is what it’s like. Has it ever crossed your mind that he doesn’t need you lot? He has me and Liv now.”

“Mhhm, the pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.” My gaze follows the direction of where he had nodded to see mum standing behind the bar. Noticing me, she stops herself for an instant but then carries on as if she hadn’t but I can see the hurt look in her eyes. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, but think on, we all know secrets have a habit of being found out.”

He gets up and returns to his own corner of the bar and I realise mum must have gone into the back room, leaving Faith indicating that I should go and speak to her. I’ve already had Robert trying to talk me round and he’d hit the mark with his reasoning. That doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to the conversation though.

With a sigh of resignation, I refuse to be like the Sugdens. Wishing I were in a better frame of mind and ignoring Faith’s eyes doggedly following me, I go out back to find mum.

.

“You come to throw more insults at me?”

“No.”

“Living with Robert Sugden is really rubbing off on you son, you should be proud of yourself.”

“What, because I don’t like you putting him down at every turn? Grow up, mum. You can’t live my life for me.” I take a deep breath to centre myself, I came to put things right between us, “Look, I’m sorry I said what I did about Gordon, but you can’t carry on about Robert like that. We’re together and I love him. He loves me and he loves Liv. You know she loves him, so he must be doing something right. All I’m asking is that you give him a chance.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“Then trust me.”

Our eyes are locked and her immediate resistance is so ingrained, I wonder if we will ever find a way to get back to where we were, “It’s not that easy Aaron. Paddy’s all riled up, though he won’t tell me why.”

“You know how Paddy is, he’s like you, all super protective and he takes too much notice of village gossip.” I’ve tried reasoning before, but at some point, she has to see there’s some truth in what I’m saying, “I mean how much do you really know about Robert these days? He lost his entire family in an accident, he runs his own company and he has friends who look out for him, and for me and Liv, I might add. You keep judging him on what you remember he was like when he just a teenager and I know Katie is your best friend, but she’s no saint. She’s biased as hell. He signed over his share of Emmerdale to Vic, did she tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“So, what more do you need? He makes me happy mum and you being like this about him, it hurts.”

“I can’t help how I feel.”

“Neither can I, don’t make it so hard; I’m not asking you to be his best friend. You forgave me for all the crap I pulled when I was younger.”

“You had reasons.”

My voice is raised in frustration, it’s so tiring banging my head against a brick wall, it gives me a headache. That’ll teach me to sneak out for a quiet pint. “And so did he most likely.” I pause, physically taking a moment to rein myself back, before continuing more calmly, “You don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors. Just give him a fair chance and you’ll see, he’s not perfect but I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“It’s not that easy. I refuse to stand by waiting until he breaks your heart a second time.”

“Maybe it was me that almost broke his heart, not the other way round; did you ever consider it was my mistake that I almost lost him?”

“But.....,”

“But nothing mum. I’m asking you to have some faith in my judgement and for once just trust me. Apart from Liv, he’s the best thing to ever happen to me in a very long time. I'm tired of arguing with you about this. It’s make or break time, you either trust me or you don’t which means you hold more stock in what your best friend says than your own son and I’m not going put up with it anymore. Either, you start to change your tune or you’re no longer welcome at our home.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's wishing everyone a merry xmas for those of you that celebrate it. Thank you to everyone for your patience, kind comments and kudos, I realise I'm still quite slow at posting. However, I'm still loving this story and I promise there's lots to come. I'm working on trying to make Jack a more friendly character but every time I do, it never seems to turn out like that. Oh well, there's a way to go yet, so there's time.  
> Take care, have fun!  
> Caro


	30. Outside Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert confronts Jack about his conversation with Aaron and the boys have an interesting Sunday roast dinner.

Robert – B&B, Friday 5th May 2017

Making a conscious effort I pull the door closed, being careful to mind that it doesn't bang shut behind me, before following on into the private sitting room. There’s no sign of Diane thankfully. I’m here, having promised myself that I wouldn’t let my anger get the better of me but as always, I only have to look at dad and my hackles are up, and he knows exactly why I’m here. “What the hell did you think you were doing? If you want to know something, at least have the backbone to ask me to my face. You do not go to Aaron on a fishing expedition for information, understood?”

He doesn’t seem surprised at my turning up. The look on his face is an interesting mix of his usual supercilious, ‘I’m better than you’ tinged with wariness. Although that doesn’t stop him casually shrugging his shoulders and it's a close thing resisting the urge to just lamp him one. “He didn’t tell me anything. He’s a big boy Robert, he can fend for himself.”

“That’s beside the point and you know it. You don’t need to be nice to either of us; all you have to do is leave us alone and we’ll all get along just fine and dandy.”

“So cynical.”

He's sitting in his fireside chair whilst I remain standing. I’ve no intention of staying and he can goad all he likes; two of us can play at that game, “Well, as you would appreciate, I had an expert role model to learn from. It’s stood me in good stead over the years, I suppose I should thank you for that.”

“You’re more like me than you’d ever care to admit, son.”

There's no way in hell I'm giving him the satisfaction of any reaction to him calling me that; it’s not worth rising to the obvious baiting. He always did know how to use words as weapons, they were more effective than his fists could ever be. “Leave Aaron and Liv out of things, they don’t appreciate getting pulled into the middle of our family crap any more than necessary. You knew before you even spoke to him that he wouldn’t tell you anything, just that it would work its way back to me. Well here we are, you want to know something, ask away; I’m right in front of you.”

.

“Now, now, Robert what are you doing here? I hope you’re not planning on causing any upset.”

Turning, I see Diane coming in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a tea-towel, “Diane. Not planning to; no. Simply enquiring why your husband here was pestering Aaron for information about me when he knew I was working back in London.”

“You said they are family, you made that very clear at the church hall.” He pauses, taking a drink of the whiskey in his hand, “You don’t like calling me dad, do you? I’ve noticed that.”

“You stopped being my dad the day I left and I’ve managed perfectly well without you. So, seeing how I’m here, ask away." I almost call him Jack but there'd be no point and it would just come across as unnecessarily petty.

“You want a whiskey? You look as though you could do with something to relax you.”

“No.”

“Perhaps tea, coffee then?”

“No. I'm not staying.”

“Alright, have it your way. I want to know why you and Andy are at loggerheads again?”

“He thinks I’m going to screw you all over. He’s paranoid. I signed over my rights to Vic and that should have been an end to it.”

“Considering he was the one to talk me into the mediation, I’d thought you’d all but buried the hatchet.”

“I have.”

“So, what did you do to get him all riled up again?”

“I didn’t do anything. Andy has a short fuse, he always did. He doesn’t know how to be happy. Ring any bells?”

“Is that why Aaron threw you out and you went crawling back to London? And, I’ll have you know I’m very happy with Diane, aren’t we love?”

She looks at him fondly, “We do okay.” I’ll never know what she sees in him, “Don’t go poking that one Robert, it’ll only come back on you. I’m just finishing up for the night, try not to kill each other whilst I’m gone.” Her words get the same knowing snigger out of the both us, and our eyes catch the others in recognition of this fact.

I ignore the question about London, Aaron already gave him an answer so I'm just going to leave it at that. “Just can’t imagine you liking being at the beck and call of Eric Pollard any more than I would. Like you said, I’m a chip off the old block.”

“What can I say, I’ve mellowed in my old age and it has its perks. I hear you’re having the mother-in-law over for tea. Now that will be an experience. You not sharing the family love?”

“What, so you and Chas can gang up on us?”

“Believe it or not, I have nothing but respect for young Aaron. He’s got more mettle than most folk round here.”

My brain works in mysterious ways, but I’ve always gone on instinct and I decide to go with it now, “Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Sunday afternoon, four pm. Don’t be late, and bring a bottle; it doesn’t need to cost much, Chas only drinks the cheap stuff. Just make sure it's not from the pub; and remember, next time, leave Aaron out of it.” I’m out of the door before I retract the invitation. Aaron is going to kill me.

.

Robert – Jacob’s Fold, Friday 5th May 2017

“What on earth possessed you?” Liv having come in shortly after me, takes one look at her brother and scarpers upstairs out of the way, I almost join her; the horror on Aaron’s face conveys exactly what he thinks about the invitation I’d extended to Jack and Diane.

Ignoring it I soldier on with my reasoning, “It might work in our favour.”

“How d’you make that out?”

“Well, they could act as a buffer. Diane and your mum are good friends, it’ll help the conversation along.”

Not unexpectedly, he’s having none of it, “Robert, on our own, there might just have been a chance to get her and Paddy to see how much we’re a family together, and now you go throw a great ruddy big spanner into the middle of everything. It’s got more chance of turning into Yorkshire’s version of Midsomer Murders.”

“That’s a little bit of an exaggeration.” I'm mildly offended he has so little faith in my judgement but I suppose I can't blame him being nervous at the prospect; he was already bricking it being just Chas and Paddy coming.

“I don’t think so. Why don’t you ask Vic and Andy whilst you’re at it? Hell, we could ask the whole bloody lot of them, Dingles included. We could call the police in advance just to warn them, we wouldn’t even need to be there, it’ll be a riot.”

“Now, you’re just being facetious," Changing tack, I act all humble, “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, okay.”

“Such a liar; you’re always thinking, Robert.” Right at this moment, I’m thinking how sexy my boyfriend looks when he’s all worked up, but I keep that to myself.

Re-adjusting myself slightly, I remember to answer his questioning glare. “Ever since we met, Vic and you have been doing nothing but tell me about how we should act more like a family and the first time I do anything remotely close to that, you change your tune.”

“That was before your brother tried to kill you and almost killed my sister.”

“I didn’t invite Andy, I only invited Jack and Diane.”

Scoffing at me, he’s winding down his anger somewhat, having gotten over his initial surprise but it doesn’t stop him pointing his finger at me accusingly, “This has the hallmark of disaster written all over it.”

Cosying up-to him, I employ my wily charm, wrapping my arms around his waist, “We want to stay in the village and we want a quiet life. Well, getting your mum and my dad on-side is a good thing. It’s more a case of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.” We enjoy the gentle kiss I plant on his lips; he doesn’t stop me or avoid it, which tells me he’s slowly coming around to the idea.

“Mmmh,” Although he initiates the next kiss, he’s clearly not quite ready to let it drop, “We’ll be lucky if Paddy doesn’t kill you, he still blames you for Liv; he has a death stare to rival mums when he wants.”

Paddy’s a teddy bear compared to Chas, and he’s not stupid enough to tell her anything, of that I’m certain, “He won’t, he loves you too much to rock that particular boat.”

“Don’t be too sure.”

“Well, if you speak to him first, you can set him straight. He’s not stupid Aaron, he knows the deal. He doesn’t want to lose you any more than your mum does.”

“This is such a bad idea.”

.

Aaron takes Liv’s reappearance as the cue for us to part and he starts to dish out dinner, and having caught this last of Aaron's words, she's immediately interested, “What is?”

Handing her bag over, I give her my usual look of displeasure, to which I get a knowing smirk in response, “School bag on the hook or in the bedroom. How many times?”

“I was just coming down for it; you used to be fun before you moved in here. What’s for tea?”

We’re both experienced players at this particular game, and she knows I'm going to have the last word, “Your memory must be on the blink Olivia, I didn’t put up with your crap at Home Farm so there's no reason to assume that should change now I'm here.”

"Yeah yeah, rule number two, I know." Having accepted there’s no point arguing, she hangs her bag up on the hook by the door before sitting down at the table. Seeing Aaron bringing our plates over to the table, smiling at us fondly, I fetch us some knives and forks whilst Liv, as is to be expected, is persistent, “So, you going to tell me or what; what’s a bad idea?”

“Robert invited Jack and Diane for Sunday Roast with mum and Paddy.”

Ignoring the incredulous look on her face, I sit down with a look of my own as if butter wouldn’t melt, “Hah, can I film it? Oh, we should so get a family photo.”

Aaron’s look of horror is back, it’s a picture all of its own as he joins us at the table, “Christ no, it’ll be like the Adams family.”

Sneaking in a comment behind my hand, I like the stirring the pot, “Use your phone, get as many as you can.” Laughing, I’m stopped before I can say anything else as the damp dishcloth lands on my head, before falling down onto the table.

Liv considers throwing it at her brother but instead chucks it onto the counter behind us, “Who are the Adams Family when they're at home?”

Aaron and I share a smirk, and I decide if she wants to know, she'll have to look it up herself, “Google is your friend,” Seeing Aaron’s shift in expression, we focus on Liv because we have something else to talk about, “Do you have homework?”

“You know I do. Revision, remember? I have exams coming up.”

This is all Aaron’s and I let him take up the conversation, “Your mum rang earlier; she's invited you to go over for the summer holiday.”

Liv is always very unpredictable when it comes to Sandra. Sometimes she’s gushing and then at others she’s the polar opposite and wants to talk about anything but, and we haven’t quite worked out what exactly determines her moods, “What did you say?”

“I told her to speak to you.”

We’re both watching her closely, but thankfully she seems more amenable to the idea than not, speaking directly to Aaron, “You don’t mind if I go?”

He looks a little put out by the fact that she’d ever think this, “She’s your mum Liv, of course, I don’t mind. Didn’t she say anything to you when you spoke with her last?”

“Not really, you know what she’s like, it depends how you catch her.”

“She seems okay though, more settled.”

“Mhhm, for now.”

It’s only now, I add to the conversation, “You don’t have to go Liv, it’s up to you.”

She looks unsure as she switches her gaze between us, “Can I think about it?”

Aaron is the one to answer, I tend to leave the actual decisions about Sandra to the two of them unless I’m asked directly and this was most definitely a question to Aaron, “Yes. I said we’d call her at the weekend.”

.

Conversation whilst we ate moved on to other topics after that, but upon finishing she excused herself as quickly as possible, going upstairs to supposedly do her homework. Despite struggling to find the motivation, we start clearing up, it's our turn on the rota, “She should go.”

“I’m not going to force her, Robert.”

Touching his shoulder gently, I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, “I didn’t say you should, just she’s not got long to go until she’s sixteen and then she’ll be making her own decisions. I’ve never met the woman but you can tell when she calls, Sandra misses her. I think we all know Liv is better off here, but you can't fault her for wanting to spend time with her daughter. It must be hard for her. It’ll do them both good to spend some time together.”

He sighs in resignation, he still struggles with being the parent at times especially where Sandra is concerned, “I know, I’ll talk to her.”

Before he gets the idea to bring up the topic of our impending family meal, I move us onto something much more to my liking, bumping my hip against his playfully, “We could go away ourselves?”

Instantly, there’s a glint in his eye, “Or, we could just stay here and christen every piece of furniture in the house?”

Abandoning my coffee making, I’m more than ready to make an early start, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck, “We could indeed.”

Aaron has a light-bulb moment and pulls a face, which when he explains, I fully agree with, “Liv’s room is off limits though.”

“Yeah, that would be yucky.”

“Although, I wonder if she still has that riding crop?”

At that, I’m pushing him off me, going back to my coffee making, “No, it was borrowed and if she did there’d be absolutely no way I’d let you anywhere near me with it. Not ever.”

Sidling up behind me, I can feel how hard he is, “I’ll just have to use my hand then.”

It doesn’t take a lot of movement in my hips to provide him with some pleasant friction all whilst making my drink, “You’re incorrigible.”

“Hah, had you going though.” His hand is sliding down the back of my jeans, and I can’t hold in the turned-on moan that his wandering hand elicits.

Upon retrieving it, he picks up his mug of tea, more than well aware he’s left me wanting more, smirking back at me as he switches on the telly and planting himself down on the sofa, “You are so going to pay for that.”

“Yeah, bring it on.” Who needs coffee when Aaron is extending that kind of invitation.

.

Aaron - Jacobs Fold, Sunday 7th May 2017

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this point, it’s already one of those days and it’s still only just the three of us. Liv and Robert are up-to mischief in the kitchen area from which I have now been unceremoniously banned on the grounds of being in the way and that if I pinch any more food, there won’t be enough for the meal. How am I supposed to help myself when it tastes so good; I love their roast dinners, we’re having chicken. Robert unsurprisingly didn’t think lamb would be a good idea.

My head tips back involuntarily at hearing a knock at the door; I wish I could push the clock forward a few hours and it be all over and done with. With a look of encouragement from the chefs, I reluctantly make my way over to answer the door. No-one walks straight into our house like they do the rest of the Dingles, so I haven’t a clue if this will be mum or Robert’s lot. Taking a moment to get my game face on, I brace myself; the second knock gives it away, only mum is that impatient.

.

Having managed to survive champagne pre-meal drinks and polite conversation, we are finally all seated around the table. It’s times like these that I’m grateful that Robert hardly drinks, he’s under instruction to keep me sober, or fairly sober anyway. We had agreed to just play everything by ear and hope for the best. So far so good, but I’m waiting for the ball to drop because unless there is a minor miracle, it’s not a case of if but when.

“This is very nice, I didn’t realise you could cook.” Mum is looking pleasantly surprised at the spread before us; as far as she knew fish fingers and chips is as far as my culinary skills extend. “Liv did most of it, getting quite good in the kitchen, aren’t you?”

Liv’s worse than me when being made the centre of attention, even amongst family. She’s still always surprised when getting praised for anything; she doesn’t quite know what to do with it. I look at mum, “You could get her some lessons for her Christmas and birthday.”

Robert gets into the mix at my expense, “She’d be better off getting them as an early present for you.”

“Haha,” Pulling a face at his and Liv’s shared chuckle, I don’t take any heed of them, “My talents lie in other areas, like when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, again. I don’t understand why you use that old banger when you have the Audi and Land Rover sat idling away up in the garage at Home Farm."

“Cos, I don’t want them scratched or stolen being parked outside Hotten station every week. And I keep it because it’s sentimental value, I’ve had it a long time.”

We’re being observed, but we don’t seem to mind; they're here to see that we’re a family, well, this is how we are. I never asked him why he kept the old banger and it’s Jack's question that prompts an explanation, “It’s not that old thing you had when you left is it?”

“No, got rid of that years ago.” He turns back to me as he continues, “It’s Jess’s old run-about from when we lived in London, alright? I didn’t want to sell it and it’s been very reliable until recently.”

There’s something I didn’t know, and I squeeze Robert’s knee under the table making it clear I don’t mind that he still has it, “I’ll take a proper look at it when I get time later this week, I left it at the yard.”

“Maybe we should just replace it?”

“Why don’t we look at it together, you did used to be a mechanic right?”

“Sort of, not to the level that it probably needs. Okay, decision made; if it’s not worth repairing we’ll replace it,” He looks fondly at Liv, “Her ladyship here is going to need something to learn on, safe rather than snazzy though.”

Liv’s face is torn between being over the moon she’ll get a car for free but disappointed about the likelihood that the model we pick out for her might not be the one she would choose herself; but I’m with Robert on this, beggars can’t be choosers.

.

“So, Robert. What is it you and your company actually does? I never did quite get it and Aaron tells me that you might be setting Home Farm up as some kind of northern office.”

Robert turns to mum. You wouldn’t have a clue looking at him; to say that he isn’t overly enamoured with her would be putting it mildly, “Maybe, it’s a bit out of the way that’s the only problem. I haven’t decided yet. It’s called the Observation Group. There’s the office in London and then a small set up in New York and Sydney as well. The main part of the business is risk management, mostly for international companies, a little bit for governments.”

Diane digs for more, “What does that actually mean, risk management?”

Robert shrugs his shoulders. He’s relaxed when he’s talking about work; he’s naturally good at selling a concept, just today it’s more about selling himself as my successful, loving, boyfriend rather than the business, “It depends, could be anything from doing a simple background check on someone for a company, or a due diligence check to full-on asset, IP and information protection.” My look reminds him that’s not going to mean too much to Diane or mum even and he rephrases, “Creating security to stop someone from nicking their secrets essentially or helping companies avoid doing business with someone who’s a bit dodgy.”

“Sounds fascinating. Did I hear Vic right that you own it?”

“Yes, it pays the bills; it’s pretty boring, mostly research to be honest.”

Mum seems to baulk at that, but I'm not quite sure at which bit. Whichever, unlike the look on her face, her question remains civil, “Is that how you found Liv so quick when she took off?”

“No, I had some contacts, pulled in a couple of favours.”

“You’re not in the spying business at all then?”

“No, no spying Chas, just boring analysis and research. James Bond’s not really my thing.”

Liv speaks up before mum can get in a response to that, “And you own half the pub.”

Robert smiles at her, I love how close they are, watching out for each other, “I do, don’t I?”

“Silent partner.” I give mum a look, appealing to her better nature, resting my hand on her shoulder as I get up to go get the white wine out of the fridge to give her a top up. I might not be allowed to get tipsy, but it probably won’t do any harm that she has something to take the edge off. Robert’s look tells me he doesn’t agree, but either way, he keeps quiet about it.

.

I realise that Jack has been quiet, mostly observing, until now, letting Diane do a lot of the talking, “You don’t miss farming then?”

The look on Robert’s face provides the answer before he even opens his mouth to speak, “No, we both know it wasn’t my thing. If I’m honest, I never expected ever coming back to Emmerdale. I just didn’t know what to do or where to go after the accident, work wasn’t enough to plug the hole it left. I definitely never imagined I'd end up staying.”

“Until you met Aaron and Liv.” There’s a momentary silence at Paddy’s comment which sounded even to my ears more like a bitter accusation. Everyone knows how protective he is of me and Liv. They have both promised me faithfully that they will put their differences aside for the day, I just have to hope they can be true to their word.

“Aaron was a good friend when I needed one and Liv was....., Liv needed a firm hand.”

“I didn’t.” Her face tells a different story. She's so expressive in things, she's just like me that way.

However, I’m backing Robert up in this one, although I throw her a smile so she knows how proud of her I am, “I think you did. You’d have been expelled by now if it wasn’t for Rob and now look at you. You’re top of your class in four of your subjects, that speaks for itself. I used to dread answering the phone when the school’s number came up, I almost had a standing weekly appointment with the headmistress." She’s mumbling, trying to fob me off with a denial and I tease her, nudging her arm playfully, “What was that, huh?”

“Nuffin.” Robert raises his eyebrows and I chuckle at him. She did that on purpose, and knowing this he doesn’t rise to the bait. He’s been on at her to speak correctly, threatening to send her to elocution lessons. I’d stayed out of that one, partly because there was a chance he’d have me going as well, but I think I'm actually safe on that front; he likes me being more of the rough and ready type. At this thought, I have to bite down on my lip to stop my mind from wandering where it shouldn’t because with Liv staying over at Gabby’s last night, we took advantage of having the cottage to ourselves, leading to quite a lot of rough and ready well into the night; I’m still aching inside and out from it.

Paddy seems to relax after Liv starts to talk about what A-levels she wants to do after leaving school and into the bargain wangles herself a part-time job with him saying she’s interested in being a vet. It’s the first I’ve heard but then again, we haven’t really talked about the future. Until recently, I didn’t even think she’d have these kinds of options. Robert and I exchange a glance, smiling. We’re so the proud fathers even if we’re not her real dad, we are in every way that counts.

.

After eating we make coffee and tea, and move over to the sofas. It’s cosy with the cottage being small, but it’s okay and I’ve started to relax a little, thinking maybe we will get through the day unscathed. I should have known better really.

Rob has nipped up-to the loo and Mum has taken the opportunity to look at a picture of Robert with Jess and the kids on the side, they seem so happy in it. Not thinking she'd ever go there, I'm actually caught off guard by her question, “Is it weird having them watching over you like this?”

“No, I kind of like it. I know so much about them from Robert, it’s like I almost knew them in a way.”

Her frown shows she’s not convinced and whether she intended to say it out loud or not, she does “Creepy if you ask me, doesn’t it make you feel like second best that he talks about her like that?”

Robert picks this time to return, walking into the stunned silence following her question, I'm mortified knowing that he had heard her. I don't think even Paddy would be that cruel. He keeps a distance, leaning against the bannister at the bottom of the staircase, which on reflection, probably was to stop himself from losing it and throwing her out, “Actually, it’s more the other way around, Chas. Nothing and no-one stacks up-to Aaron.”

Undeterred, she turns to him, “You say that now when you’re both loved up. I mean were you even interested in blokes before you met him?”

“No. I loved my wife Chas, but she’s dead, so are Chloe and Harry. Life moves on, I’ve moved on. With Aaron it’s different. He knows me as well in less than a year than Jess knew me after several.” His eyes seem to narrow and his voice has taken on a threatening edge to it, “Don’t ever underestimate how much he means to me.” I think that’s possibly the end of it and maybe that we can salvage the day, but my heart sinks, mum had touched a raw nerve, “And don’t ever be disrespectful to my dead family again, I’m not as forgiving as Aaron is.”

“You seem to have made it up with your dad and Andy alright.”

“We’ve come to an arrangement, not the same thing.”

I’m as tense as can be, but something stops me from intervening; it’s almost like this is the test, whether Robert has a chance to pass measure. That and I don’t trust myself not to say anything that won’t make things worse. Jack is actually the one who turns things around which is a good thing as I know Robert’s look; he’s in control, but his anger is there, bubbling under the surface. They don’t know him well enough, but I do, and Jack does too. “Now Chas, none of us are whiter than white, you included. I never knew my grandchildren, and that’s partly my own fault, all I have is a picture. But anyone can see the boys are happy and despite our differences, believe me of which there are plenty, I still want him to be happy, just like you want Aaron and Liv to be happy. And you are, aren’t you?”

The question is directed at me, he’s already heard Rob speak enough of how he feels at the mediation. I nod, somehow managing to say the words out loud, “Yeah, we’re very happy.” Robert has made his way across to where I am sitting, his face still stony and I brush my hand over his as he pours himself a coffee with the other. Instead of taking the spare seat he settles on the chair arm next to me, and I drape my arm over his legs, a joint display of our affection. There's an awkward silence hanging in the air until Liv, bless her, pulls everyone’s attention on-to her, “I’m going to Dublin for the summer.”

Mum drags her eyes away from us and smiles at Liv and just like that, the distraction is accepted and the conversation moves on; we’re all still here and everyone is still alive. I let out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, and grabbing his hand, for an instant, we might as well have been the only two in the room as we look at each other. The one thing about Sugden men I’ve noticed is the total conviction with which they say something, you’re not left in any doubt that they mean what they say. His relationship with his dad is full of contradictions, anger and mistrust, yet there are times when that all fades away and you just have two men who deep down love their family very much. Liv and I are that family to Robert.

The moment passes and I look across at Jack, to find him watching us together. Like Robert, it’s difficult to tell what he’s thinking, but I get a hint of a nod which I return. Maybe Robert wasn’t as crazy as I had thought to get mum and Jack into the same room because for the first time today it's just possible that Vic’s ‘Project Sugden’ might have an outside chance; and whether they liked it or not, Mum and Paddy just got a first-row seat of what they are up against if they continue to try and cause a rift between us.

TBC


	31. Young Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is away for a few days leaving Rob and Liv on their own for the first time.

Robert, Mid May 2017

I'm sitting outside the pub waiting for her when Liv comes out to meet me, engrossed reading emails on my phone. Since the family meal the other day I haven’t particularly wanted to go inside, not trusting myself to remain civil. Chas’ words left a nasty taste in my mouth and it’s only for Aaron and Liv’s sake that I’m not making anything more of it, but believe me, it’s hard sometimes to hold down the urge to retaliate. Same as Chas, I’ll protect my family as much as I need to and that still includes my wife and children. It feels like she had tainted their memory with her words and I had made it crystal clear to Aaron that for the foreseeable future I don’t want her in our home. He hasn’t pushed me on it; he has his own issues with his mum about what she did that day so I know he understands but he thinks I’ll calm down and relent given enough time. I’m not sure I will. What holds me in check is Aaron’s faith in me, it’s from him I garner the patience to bide my time and maybe he's right, maybe I'll let it go. Either way, in the meanwhile, I can’t help feeling the smug satisfaction that just seeing us together rubs her nose in it.

Having been so caught up on work matters, I had been oblivious to what was going on around me and after standing up I’m surprised at Liv taking my hand in hers, gripping so tight it is as if her life depended on it. Turning to her, concerned, my eyes follow the direction of what is holding her attention and a wave of guilt crashes over me as I see the remnants of a shooting party up by the coffee shop. One of the nearby farms offers clay pigeon shooting through spring and summer but it’s not the easiest place to find so they come collect them and drop them off in the village. Seeing the shotguns on display, albeit mostly in their carriers, it still has Liv frozen to the spot, her eyes filled with a fear wrought of memories from that night on the farm. Wrapping my arm around her shoulder I guide her in the opposite direction for us to go home, “So Olivia, what are you making me for tea?”

I think just not having the group in her line of sight is helping to ease her tension and although visibly shaken, her hand again tightly grasping mine, she responds without hesitation, “You promised to teach me how to make my favourite, you know without using packet stuff. I thought we could do that.”

“We could. Did you check we have everything in or do we need to go shopping?”

“We’re good, I checked. Don’t tell Aaron though, he’ll be jealous he missed out.” There’s a hint of a smile from both of us as we turn down the path of the cottage and I let her open the door, taking us into the familiar welcoming of home. We do our usual ritual of me making sure Liv hangs up her coat and bag, she gives me the smile as if butter wouldn’t melt and I shoo her upstairs to get changed out of her school stuff.

It’s just the two of us for the next three nights, Aaron has gone off with Cain to help out some friend or other. I didn’t ask details and I’m not sure I want to know so I just kissed him and sent him off with a loving warning. It crosses my mind only now that it’s actually the first time that Liv and I will be on our own overnight without him and I’m surprised he didn’t make more fuss before leaving. Not that he doesn’t trust me, just that usually his overprotective streak kicks in where his sister is concerned and I can't believe he actually left without giving me the lecture about taking good care of her. Or maybe instead he had the talk with Liv to not play up knowing that I’m going to work from the cottage in Emmerdale all this week. I didn’t want to go up-to Home Farm during the day; it feels empty and nothing like home now that all my things are here.

.

Making tea together had been fun and Liv, although a little quieter than usual, had been mostly her usual self. We were both pretty sure Aaron would have gone spare at the state of the kitchen at one point but as Liv said, what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him. She enjoys learning new things as much as me so it was a good distraction from earlier, but I think we are both now regretting eating quite so much, our eyes bigger than our stomachs and neither of us would be outdone by leaving an empty plate. She’s showing me some pictures of the animals at the vets, it was her first day on Saturday helping out and it’s interesting to see how much it’s bringing out her caring side. She always likes to put on this tough girl image yet when she lets her guard down like now, you can’t help but see it. Not having seen her with a sketchpad for a while I had started to think she might have lost interest but she pulls it out now and it’s impossible not to grin at her cartoons of Paddy and Pearl; she’s quite talented, “Don’t let them see Liv, I’m not sure they’d see the funny side.”

“Aaron would though, don't you think?”

“He would, you should send him a photo of them, it'll tickle his fancy.” I watch her take a couple of snaps with her phone and send them to him and in doing so I catch a glimpse of a couple from the family meal which true to my request beforehand she had taken. “Here let me have a look at those again, oh and don’t forget to send me that photo you took of me and Aaron that we like, I want to get it framed.”

“Which one, there were a couple where you were swooning over each other.”

She has that habit of making me blush when she talks about us like this, “We don’t swoon.”

“Oh, but you do.”

Grinning at each other, I reach for the phone, “Hand it here, I’ll you show you.” Flipping through the pictures I search for the one I’m after. She’d only sent them to Aaron at the time, unsure how I’d react so he’d shown me them later that night in bed. There were a few really nice ones and then some really telling ones, some we had absolutely no idea she had taken. Stopping at finding the one I’d been looking for, I smile; it’s of me and Aaron together. Often, it’s Aaron cuddling up against me, but this one was just after everyone had left and we were on the sofa with me curling up against Aaron with his arms around me. I have one hand in his and the other on his cheek, we’d just been kissing and our faces were still really close; we had no idea she’d even been in the room. It's one of those photos that catches a moment in time which carries with it something a little bit special and both really liking it we’ve decided to frame it for our bedside table. In one photo it pretty much encapsulates everything there is to know about us as a couple. I’m smiling as I send it to my email there and then, thinking I'll have it done for when he gets back. Taking the opportunity I flick through some of the other photos. Liv is stood at the side of my chair, her hand on my shoulder making the odd comment that Aaron wouldn't probably have allowed yet I'm not feeling so charitable, finding myself smiling along with her because I don't disagree for the most part and neither would he really.

There are a few choice expressions and I find myself lingering on a couple of photos that I find interesting. One is of my dad, it’s just him in the photo, but I know from the angle that he’s watching us. I don’t quite know what to make of his expression, it’s one I don’t ever get chance to see on his face usually. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he looked proud, but there’s always that niggle inside me that makes it hard to trust anything positive when it comes to Jack. I’ve been there so many times when I was a kid, that after a while you stop hoping. The other is a picture of Chas and Aaron. I actually remember that moment. Everyone had been getting ready to leave, putting their coats on and whatnot; Chas had intended giving Aaron one of her usual hugs, but he had held her off. I don’t think anyone else had noticed but I had been keeping my distance, watching from the sidelines, impatient for them all to be on their way. It captures them both just after Aaron’s rejection, her wounded expression and Aaron’s detachment. In his own way, since then, he's been avoiding her as much as I have.

.

I’d almost forgotten that Liv is beside me, “She knows she shouldn’t have said what she did.”

Glancing at her, I shut off the phone and hand it back to her, “She won’t apologise for it though.”

“You know what they’re like, Dingles aren’t very good at saying sorry.”

“Aaron’s a Dingle and he’s stubborn, but he seems to manage it.” Liv’s about to say something, “Don’t go defending her Liv, not to me, not about this.” Before either of us can say anything else, my phone rings and I greet him with my happy voice “Hello you gad about, you saw the sketches then?” Placing my phone on the table I put it on speaker so Liv can hear. I’ve been getting a regular commentary throughout the day, mostly by text so it’s nice to actually hear his voice and amusing how Cain is winding him up. Hearing Cain in the background it sounds as though they are as bad as each other and I wouldn’t expect any different; it seems to be their usual method of communication. We’d agreed to speak later tonight, so I'm content listening to Liv and Aaron catch up; it’s quite adorable how they are with each other. Liv is even more so when after we end the call, upon getting up, without particularly thinking about it, I give her a kiss on the top of her head before going to put our pots in the dishwasher.

“What was that for?"

“No reason. Don’t you have homework?”

Now she's the one blushing, switching topics to cover up the fact that she likes we have an ever closer relationship, “Nah. Can I go over to Gabby’s?”

“The word and answer are both no. I'm serious about those elocution lessons you know.” I wait for the counter-argument but it doesn’t come. Probably because Aaron told her that I really am serious about the lessons and she knows that I'm a lot less of a pushover than he is. Just because he’s away for a few days, that doesn’t mean she can do what she wants. Aaron has set nights when she can go out and tonight is not one of them. “Did you look at that puzzle I gave you?”

Her face turns such a shade of sour that I laugh out loud. It's one of Nate's little tests that he teases the office with and being one of the easier ones I thought I'd try it out on her, “It’s impossible. You’re impossible.”

Smirking at the outburst, I can hear Aaron in her, “It’s abstract thinking.”

“It’s impossible.”

“Aaron got it.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but yes he did. We have a bet on how long it’ll take you.”

“How much and how long did it take him?”

“Not telling you and how long is irrelevant.” Despite smirking at her pout, I take a little pity on her, “I’ll tell you when you’ve got the answer.”

“I hate it when you do this. Now I won’t be able to think about anything else.”

“I’m sure you’ll cope Olivia.” Closing up the dishwasher and getting myself a glass of water, “Right, I’m going to finish my work in here, so if want to watch telly you’ll have to do it in our room.”

“I don’t know why you won’t let me have one in my room, why don’t you go upstairs and then I can watch down here?”

“Firstly, because according to your brother, you end up being grumpy and tired, leaving it on all night and secondly, because I’d like to work at the table. You should be thankful, I’m being nice letting you watch it upstairs because you know what Aaron would say so I suggest you go on up before I change my mind.”

“Alright, I’m going. Anyone would think you want to get rid of me.”

“What I want is to finish reading this contract. It won’t take me long and then we can watch TV together down here if you'd like.”

“There’s nothing on later.”

“More time for problem-solving then.”

“Honest, sometimes, I don’t know which of you is worse.”

“You do know and it’s me.” Smiling at her as I settle down to read I hear the TV switch on in our bedroom and tuning out the noise I immerse myself back into work, completely losing track of the time.

.

Unfortunately, there was no chance to attempt phone sex with Aaron later. He is sharing a room with Cain and wherever they are staying didn’t sound like it was the place to be wandering safely about on your own so we satisfied ourselves with small talk, ending the call with a promise from him to try to be alone tomorrow night instead. I decided not to tell him about Liv freaking out earlier, I’ll wait until he gets home as I don’t want him to worry. It wasn’t a long conversation, but we are clearly missing each other. We’ll probably laugh about it when he’s back home comparing notes on who was the biggest lovesick teenager between the two of us. I don’t know why, but this feels worse than when I’m in London, probably because he’s not in the UK and I can't help but worry about him. I don't quite trust Cain.

In the end, Liv hadn’t come down to watch TV with me and I had been so caught up in my work that I never heard her switch everything off and go to bed. Tired from working too long, I'd brought myself up to bed and comforted by Aaron’s scent on his pillow, it didn't take me anytime at all to drop off so it’s with a start that I wake. At first, I don't remember I’m in the cottage because it’s unusual to wake up here without Aaron beside me. Looking at the clock, it's just gone two and after a minute I turn over onto my other side, thinking that I’d probably imagined hearing something. Once re-settled I close my eyes only to realise, hearing the noise again, that I hadn’t been dreaming at all and as if having flipped a switch, I’m instantly wide awake.

Getting out of bed and pulling on my dressing gown I follow the sound to discover it is coming from Liv’s room. Hesitating outside her door I listen; it's quiet again but then hearing her cry out I decided not to wait any longer and enter her room.

Turning the bedside light on, Liv is awake although disoriented. She looks terrible as I perch myself on the edge of her bed and without a word from either of us, she sits up, simultaneously throwing herself into my arms. Wrapping them around her, I let her cry, her quiet sobs filling the room. There are no words, just my soft shushing as I rock her gently. For all she's on the cusp of becoming a grown woman, seeing her like this, it serves to remind me that she is still just a young teenage girl inside. It's not rocket science to know that earlier had triggered a bad dream, but seeing the effect of it is scary because I can’t simply rush in and take all the bad memories away. No-one could do it for me last year and I can’t do it for Liv now. I have no idea how long it takes for the sniffles to stop, but hearing them eventually subside, I reach over to grab her pack of tissues from the bedside table, handing her a couple. It’s with a sheepish, tired meek smile that she looks at me after making the loudest noise ever blowing her nose and I squeeze her tightly with an amused smile on my face.

.

After taking the used tissues from her, I get up onto the bed properly sitting on top of the duvet with my back up against the headboard as she slides back down underneath, curling up against me with my arm protectively around her shoulder. “You want to talk about it?”

She shrugs rather than saying anything. I know from Aaron she’s had nightmares since that night at the farm but she’s never had one when I’ve been here. It’s typical this would happen when Aaron’s away. I’m not sure I’m a good substitute at times like this yet I know this nightmare, I had my own years ago. I hadn’t seen Andy shoot Jack, but I’d heard the shotgun go off and I remember to this day the flood of emotion that went through me within the flash of that panic-filled moment kneeling down on the grass not knowing if dad was alive or not. Liv’s situation is completely different to mine. She had been the one hit by the bullet and it was just a nick of her arm yet that doesn't make it any the less scary and as I stroke my hand through her hair, I realise just how brave she’s been since it happened.

I don’t know how much she really knows about my past and I’m not sure dredging that up will help, this being the second time that Andy has hurt someone else intending for it to be me so I leave it. “You want me to get you a drink?”

“No ta.”

“You think you can go back to sleep?” I get another shrug, “I know I’m not Aaron and you probably blame me as much as Andy for what happened but I would do anything to keep you safe Liv, you and Aaron. I'm here for you. Whatever you need, don't ever be afraid to ask, okay?”

“I don’t blame you, I.....” Not wanting to rush her, I wait for her to find the words, “I don’t really remember it.” Remaining quiet, I continue to let Liv lead, “Aaron was so angry.”

“He was scared, he loves you very much. Do you get these a lot or was it just because of earlier in the village?”

“Sometimes but not that bad. It was loud, do you remember? Then there was lots of yelling, you were yelling.”

“Sorry, I was scared too. It was an accident Liv, a stupid accident and I'm sorry you got put in the middle of all the crap with my brother.” We let the silence hang in the air, each of us both lost in our own thoughts. Liv is relaxed against me and her eyelids are drooping, “It’s late and you’re tired, try and go back to sleep.”

“But you won't leave me, will you?”

“Not if you don't want me to. I’ll stay for a while, just until you’re asleep.”

.

“Will you talk to me?”

“What about?" Teasing her gently gets a smile, "I’m not going to tell you the answer to the puzzle if that’s what you’re after.”

“As if I thought you would.” After a squeeze of her shoulders, she seems to let go of the tension completely, shuffling down a little further, turning on her side and I do the same facing her, my arm now curled up around her head as I tuck in the duvet around her neck with my free hand. Aaron sleeps exactly the same, it’s like a security blanket that they both have when they’re asleep. No matter how hot it is, he holds the sheet or duvet tightly in his hands, clutching it into his neck. “Tell me about Chloe and Harry.”

Surprised by this, I take a moment to ponder about what to tell her. We’ve spoken about them before but only a little because like Aaron she always seems to think she's intruding but the more time passes the more at ease I am about talking about them and I think they are too. “You’d have liked them but they would have driven you round the bend at times.”

“What, like you do?”

“Oi, I’ll have less of that young Olivia, or next time you play up I’ll be taking your brother’s side instead of playing peacemaker."

“You think I haven’t worked you two out?”

“Don’t know what you mean.” I’m chuckling to myself as we all know the role we each play within our family of three and just for an instant a weight falls over me as I think about what could have been. It's not the first time I wonder where I’d be now if the accident never happened and it won't be the last, yet at the same time, I can't imagine never having met Aaron and Liv, knowing them and being a part of their lives, here and now. It might be easier, but I still get really emotional whenever I think of Chloe and Harry, and I find myself wiping a tear of my own away.

“Sorry.” Looking down, I find Liv watching me.

“Don’t be, it’s a good tear. They would have liked you too, Liv.”

“You think?”

“Yes, although you had to be on your toes with them else they'd be causing mayhem one way or another. Chloe was inquisitive and smart as a button where Harry couldn't sit still, too busy running rings round everyone, he was totally different, more like me. Chloe took after Jess, like Sherlock Holmes she tried to analyse and deduce everything and everyone. She was always nosing into things; when I come to think about it, she was a bit like Vic but on speed. She was only nine but ever since I can remember she wanted to be in the police. Jess was hoping she’d grow out of it and go for something more academic, but I’m not sure she would have.”

I’m lost in my own thoughts when Liv quietly prompts me to continue, “What about Harry?”

Turning onto my back, I stare up at the ceiling, the image of his cheeky face filling my mind and I push away the sadness in my heart. “I have no idea. He could have been anything he set his mind to I reckon. He would have travelled maybe. Anywhere we went his eyes would light up at seeing new things and he liked drawing; he would draw places and buildings though where you mostly draw people. Have you ever thought about doing more with your sketching? Your cartoons are good.”

There’s no answer and tipping my head to the side, I see that Liv's eyes are closed, having fallen asleep. Not quite daring to move in case I wake her, I stay a while until I’m sure she’s fast off. With the sound of her breathing in the background, I remember some of the happy times with Chloe and Harry, and also think more about what kind of parents Aaron and I would make together and for the first time I properly acknowledge that one day, not yet, but someday in the future, I'd like to find out.

.

Back in my own bed, I ache for Aaron, I miss him so much that I almost call him but it’s the middle of the night and knowing him he would be so worried about the pair of us that he’d be on the first plane or boat back here and Liv’s okay, we're both okay. If things were different I might have suggested counselling for her but that’s not really possible considering the circumstances though I’m sure I could find someone who would keep quiet if I had to.

I need to talk it through with Aaron because tonight is an indication that she needs more support to deal with what happened. Despite wanting to be there for Liv, he finds it hard and is consumed by guilt that we didn't do more to prevent it. No matter how hard though, we will do whatever it takes to give her whatever help she needs. A part of me wishes she isn't going to her mum's for the summer, but then I remind myself that getting away from Emmerdale will likely be good for her. There's no hiding the fact that I'm looking forward to having Aaron all to myself for a while and it's with this thought that I eventually drift off to sleep.

TBC


	32. A One Man's Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is feeling insecure about his ability to care for Liv and Robert receives an award for his creative thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while I know and a lot longer than I had ever anticipated, so sorry for keeping you waiting. I have a stressful job and this last few months it's been impossible to either find time or switch off. I can't promise it will get any better for the next couple of months, but I'm hoping after some June deadlines pass that I'll have a bit more time. 
> 
> This and the last couple of chapters are bringing about the end of one story arc and setting up for the next, where the boys are going to have work as a team to support each other through a tough time as well as working on repairing family relationships in Emmerdale. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy....  
> As always, thank you for all the warm comments and kudos.  
> Take care, Caro

Robert, Tuesday 23 May 2017

Waking up with a start, the first thing I realise is that I’m alone, and the second is that I’ve been alone for some time because Aaron’s side of the bed is stone cold. Looking at the clock and seeing it’s only six-thirty explains why the tug of sleep is pulling at me so strongly, having only had a couple of hours sleep.

I should have known he wouldn’t settle well after last night’s events. I’m just glad I was back in time, otherwise, I can’t imagine what state Aaron would have gotten himself into. Ignoring my weary body’s complaints, I take a minute to force myself to wake up properly and then haul myself out of bed.

He’s exactly where I expect him to be, leant against the doorframe of Liv’s room, silently watching over her. Remarkably, she handled last night much better than Aaron did, though I’m sure that there’ll be some fall-out to come still from both of them, one way or another.

There is no acknowledgement of my presence as I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him back into me. His eyes don't once waver from Liv, asleep in her bed, “Never heard you get up.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Did you even get to sleep?” The lack of a response gives me my answer. “She’ll be okay Aaron, she’s strong; she’s like you.”

“I don’t want her to have to be like me Robert and I’m not strong.”

At this, I pull him back onto the landing, closing Liv’s door so she can’t hear us. Thankfully he doesn’t resist as I turn him around, cupping his face in my hands, “Don’t say that, don’t ever say that Aaron. Sometimes we don’t get a choice. You are one of the strongest people I know and I’m not saying that just because I love you, I’m saying it because it’s true.” Aaron looks exhausted, but it’s obvious that sleep is the farthest thing from his mind right now. “Come on, I’ll make you breakfast. Somehow, I don’t think taking you to bed and fucking you senseless until you fall asleep will do the trick right now.”

There’s a hint of a smile, his head tipped forward, his forehead resting against mine, “No probably not. Maybe later when I’ve calmed down a bit more. Then I might need you to fuck me so hard until I can’t think anymore, just make it all go away.”

“Whatever you need, Aaron; I’m here. Come on.”

.

Downstairs, I plant Aaron in a chair at the kitchen table whilst I sort out his tea and toast, “There’s no bacon, I’ll go and get some when the shops open.”

“I told her she didn’t have to go to school today, so she can have a lie-in.”

“They’ll understand. You want me to call them later.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

Waiting for the kettle to boil, I take a moment to watch him, letting the quiet wash over us. Aaron’s fully absorbed reading the news on his tablet. I can see the pictures from where I’m standing and shrug off the shiver that runs through me, thinking how lucky we are with Liv safe and sound with us at home. I’m not sure Aaron would cope if anything serious happened to her.

The kettle boiled, I brew his tea and pour my coffee before joining him, resting my chin on his shoulder to also look along with him. The pictures show chaos and carnage. “It’s not like she wanted to go. She doesn’t even like Ariana Grande, she only went because Gabby asked her to. I should have said no, especially on a school night.”

“You can’t wrap her up in cotton wool, Aaron. We’ve talked about this before.”

“Why not; why can’t I keep her safe like that?”

“She is safe, and because life’s for living. Whether we like it or not, sometimes bad things happen.”

“I know, I just wish we’d get a break for longer than two minutes. Whenever I start to think we are all settled and happy then along comes something to tip everything back on its head. It’s wearing and I’m tired of it.” There’s nothing I can say that will make Aaron feel better right now, so I give him a kiss on the cheek and push the plate of toast towards him.

“Eat, it won’t do Liv any good to see you fainting on her or whatever because you’re too tired and haven’t eaten anything.” Reluctantly he does as he’s told as I continue, “Bernice is home. I got a text, she just has a badly sprained ankle.”

“I should have been there with them, not Bernice.”

“Yeah right; that was never going to happen. Look, Bernice might be a bit ditsy but when it comes down to it she’s more than capable.”

.

It had been very late when we got in, but we were all back in one piece and that’s all that counts in my book. On the one side, it was luck that I had just landed at Manchester airport from meetings in Paris; the news screens in the airport were showing the attack at Manchester Arena which had literally happened minutes earlier.

It took me ages to speak to a panicking Aaron who at that point was still trying to get hold of Liv. Eventually, I rang Jack who managed to reach Aaron in time to stop him getting into his car and together with Cain they convinced him to remain in Emmerdale whilst I went to find Liv, Gabby and Bernice. With me being practically there it didn’t make sense for him to drive all that way and he still had no idea where they would be. So, he was tasked with finding that out, whilst I made my way as best possible towards the arena.

With a lot of the roads blocked the closer I got, it took a long time, but eventually I managed to get to them, actually having gone into Manchester just to come back out to Wythenshawe hospital by the airport as Bernice had fallen over on her ankle in the throng of people rushing to get out and had ended up in an ambulance. We’d decided that I’d take Liv and a teary Gabby home because they didn’t know how long she’d be. Not being an emergency, it was a given it would be a while till she would have an x-ray and she wasn’t wrong based on the text I got a little while ago.

The girls had both fallen asleep on the drive home, so thankfully I didn’t have to force any conversation. I have no clue what I would have said to them that would have really helped. Back in Emmerdale, I had quickly deposited Gabby with Laurel and talked to Jack and Diane who said they would go collect Bernice. We eventually arrived home to a frantic Aaron who hugged Liv so hard, I had to almost prise them apart before he crushed her to death. It was as if he didn’t believe me that she was in one piece and okay until he had proof for himself.

Watching Aaron now as he flips through the pictures of the aftermath, we appreciate how fortunate we are. Many people are still unaccounted for and what happened to Bernice could have been so much worse. I’ve no idea why on earth she went with them to watch rather than just pick them up, but I’m forever grateful that she did and they weren’t on their own.

.

“Thank you.”

Aaron’s words pull me out of my thoughts, “What for?”

“Being there, everything.”

“There’s nothing to thank. You know how much I love you both.”

“I don’t think I could do this without you, Robert.”

“Yes, you can, but I’m glad for the both of us that you don’t have to.” Putting my hand on his arm, I tug a little and he lets himself be guided onto my knees, sitting sideways on. “Hey, don’t cry. Aaron, it’s alright.” Wrapping my arms around him, he finally releases the fear and tension that had built up last night and I don’t attempt to stop the tears as they tumble down his cheeks, tears of relief.

He mumbles into my neck, “Boring Robert. I want happy and boring for the rest of the year, please.”

Squeezing tightly with my arms in acknowledgement, I smile amused at the tone in his voice, “Maybe not completely boring, but I know what you mean. Nothing going wrong except you burning the tea would be very nice for a while.”

That earns me a pout and I take the opportunity whilst he’s looking at me to wipe his last tear away, “I don’t burn the tea……, usually. One time, I burnt tea one time, and that was your fault, you were distracting me and I lost track."

The memory of that day always makes me smile, he had been so horny and pissed off at the same time; if we’d realized a minute or two later, we would have had the kitchen on fire most likely. “Excuses, excuses. Look school will be out in a few weeks, then Liv’ll get some quality time with Sandra and we’ll get our alone time here. This’ll all be a distant memory by then and I promise you, it will be far from boring, unless you’ve changed your mind that is.”

Blushing slightly and biting his bottom lip, he shakes his head. “No. I’ve booked the week off work even.”

My hands take an appreciative tour of his upper body, “Did you now. Well, I think I could arrange to do the same. We’ll put boring on hold for that week then because I have plans for you and this hot body of yours, nefarious plans.” Aaron looks at me as though I’m a bit loopy making me chuckle but as much as we love taking care of Liv, I know he’s been looking forward to some alone time as much as I have.

.

His expression turns serious again, “Do you really think Liv and Sandra will be okay together? Maybe after this, she should stay here instead?”

Although startled at the suggestion, I’m not surprised at Aaron’s insecurity, “Absolutely not. If anything, it’ll do her even more good to get away, change of scene and all that. We need time for us Aaron and we can spoil Liv rotten when she gets back, remind her just how awesome we are.”

He still doesn’t seem fully convinced, “What about if we take two weeks, have a week here and then spend a few days with them over in Dublin. Liv’d like that, and you’d get to meet Sandra.”

Groaning at the prospect, I rest my forehead against his arm in mock defeat, “Great, mother-in-law number two. Who knows, maybe this one will like me.”

Aaron ponders this before smiling at me mischievously, “Hhmh, she knows who you are already, so I wouldn’t put money on it. But I’m sure you’ll work that Sugden charm on her once you’ve met.”

Mulling it over, it’s a long time ago and I have to think back, “I might have met her or at least seen her in the pub with your dad.”

“You didn’t hit on her, did you?”

“Ewww.” This I don’t have to ponder, “No.” Smirking, I earn myself a playful smack, “She wasn’t my type.”

“She does know about your womanizing past though, you have mum to thank for that.”

“Pfft, I’ll be on my best behaviour and the past is the past. I only have eyes for you these days and last time I checked, you were all man and I'm forever yours, a one man's man. Anyway, look on the bright side of life, before all that we’ve got your mum and Paddy’s engagement do to look forward to.”

“Grrr, don’t remind me.” He might not be on the best terms with Chas and Paddy right now, but I always thought Aaron would be really pleased with them finally being engaged and talking about getting married but instead, he’s been very subdued since the announcement. My expression must have conveyed my confusion at his lack of enthusiasm. “I’m pleased for them, I am.”

“But?”

“I’m not so sure mum has the staying power for marriage. Look at last time she got engaged to Paddy; we all know how that ended up.”

“According to your mum, I’m not marriage material either.”

“That’s a pile of crap, you’d be still married now if it wasn’t for the accident.”

“Maybe.” He looks at me curiously. It's something I've thought about on and off for a while now and I'm still unsure of the answer, “Do think we would have fallen in love if I’d come to the village when Jess was still here?”

Aaron seems so sure in his response, “No. You wouldn’t have cheated on her or the kids.”

Honestly, the more I’ve thought about it, the less I’m sure of this, “I think I might have, with you, given enough time.”

Aaron studies me closely, looking as though he doesn’t quite know what to say to that. Letting the silence linger, I feel guilty at even the thought of having cheated on Jess; but knowing how I feel about Aaron, I’m not sure just I could have walked away if I had known him like I do now, “I might have let you, given enough time.”

Shifting to straddle me, we hug tightly, neither of us in a rush to let go. “It’s wrong to say it, I know, but I’m glad we never had the chance to find out.” There’s no way I can hold a grudge at this, Aaron is only saying out loud what I’ve thought to myself before now. His words aren’t really a surprise, they are coloured by the depth of feeling we have for each other and the simple truth is that we’ll never know for sure what would have happened given the chance.

.

After a very intense kiss which carries with it all the emotions we don’t put into words, I focus on the future, “You should go to the engagement do; Paddy knows what he’s getting into with your mum. I don’t really want to be anywhere near either of them but I’ll try to play nice for you and Liv, or I can stay away, be in London or lie and stop at home even.”

“Hook line and sinker, remember. You’re coming with me even if I have to reel you in through the door; you’re not abandoning me to that lot on my own.”

He says this with such seriousness that it makes me laugh, “You do remember they all love you right; it’s just me they have a problem with.”

“You’re coming and that’s final. We don’t have to stay long, just show our faces for a while. Then at least I can’t drink enough to go do or say anything stupid to make things worse than they already are.”

“So unfair. It’s times like these that I actually miss being able to get plastered to the point it numbs all my senses. Anyway, who’s to say that I won’t be the one doing something stupid.”

“We’ll just have to find something to entertain ourselves with, then won’t we.”

Seeing the look on his face, it’s clear he has a certain something in mind, “Aaron Dingle, we will be in a public place remember and I’m pretty sure us getting up to some hanky-panky at their engagement do will get me killed.”

“There was me thinking that you were supposed to be the creative one of the two of us”

“Is that a dare I hear?”

“Make of it what you will. Let’s just say, if we get through the night in one piece and I leave the pub with a big smile on my face that’s not down to drinking myself to oblivion, then I’ll more than make it worth your while when we get home.”

“Oh, is that right. Well, I’ll have to see what I can come up with then; but if your mother murders me, you only have yourself to blame.”

.

Robert, Beginning June 2017

“You’re still late.”

Almost at the village, smiling at yet another text, the most recent of many that I’ve received since switching my phone on after my plane landed. I can picture him now, sitting in the pub being increasingly pissed at me, with everyone making merry around him, and knowing that lot, they’ll most likely be taking the opportunity to rub it in that I’m not a reliable boyfriend. My flight was late and it’s very apparent that my beloved is not best pleased. Having said that, I had anticipated tonight was going to be a difficult night and true to my word I have a cunning plan. Aaron will have more than just a smile on his face by the time we leave the pub if I have anything to do with it.

At the ping of another text, I chuckle upon reading it on the dash, “I don’t think Katie knows how to smile.” Quickly followed by another, “Miserable cow.” Ah, never get between Chas and her best friend, what was Paddy thinking in asking Chas to marry him.

I’ve been entertained the whole journey to Emmerdale, receiving a running commentary ever since Aaron got to the pub for Chas’ and Paddy’s engagement party. I had stayed an extra day in Singapore to finish up a really important deal which then delayed my stop off in Dubai for another meeting so instead of getting back yesterday which was the original plan, I’m now more than a little late home. However, at least I’m here. At one point I wasn’t sure I would make it back today at all, something which Aaron wouldn’t have let me forget in a very long time indeed if I’d abandoned him to the family all on his own on an occasion like tonight.

As I'm pulling up outside the cottage, the next text tells me Liv and Gabby have already left to go watch a dvd; which most likely means Liv will stay over with her. I really shouldn't be so pleased at that after being away so long because I've missed Liv as much as Aaron, but selfishly tonight I am. Going inside I dump my case and head for the shower.

.

Clean and changed, I'm feeling ten times better having lost that grubby feeling you get after being on a long flight, even business class. It's just after nine when I head up to the pub, so it's not too late and I needed it as much for Aaron’s surprise. I can’t wait to see the look on his face. He should know better than challenge me to be creative. I’ve learned with the right incentive, Aaron gets so wrapped up in the moment, he doesn’t even notice he has a slight streak of exhibitionist in him, well not until it’s too late and then his blushing recognition is just wonderful to watch.

Already hearing the cacophony of noise from inside the pub, after taking a deep breath, I walk through the door. Aaron has clearly been watching for me. It’s not often we’re apart for more than two or three days, but this has been over a week and we’ve missed each other very much. Unable to hold back my beaming smile upon seeing him, he’s as impatient as I am, meeting me halfway where he grumpily grabs hold of me mumbling a greeting, “About time.”

“Love you too.” We share a hungry kiss that neither of us shy away from, we’ve been separated for too long to care what anyone else has to say and despite his grumpy welcome, I can tell that he’s more than pleased I’m home.

It’s now that I realise just how tense he’s been; he physically goes limp against me and I hug him tightly, as he speaks softly, “Missed you.”

“You too. Fuck you look good enough to eat. Do you think anyone would notice if we left already?”

Smiling at me, pleased at the compliment, I can tell he’s had a few pints already, “No chance sunshine, if I had to be here to do my bit, then so do you.”

Resigned to being the dutiful boyfriend, after landing a last kiss on his forehead, I grab hold of his hand, letting him lead me over to their table and I can’t help admiring the view on the way, “Are these the new jeans you told me you bought, I like them.” Squeezing his hand, I tease him unashamedly getting us a few stares from people close enough to hear, “That is one very fuckable tight arse, Aaron.”

.

“Awww, isn’t that sweet, holding hands.”

Ignoring the sarcastic teasing I grin at my sister, “Love’s dream, Vic; Love’s dream.”

“You are talking about Aaron Dingle remember.”

“Oi.” He prods Vic playfully on the shoulder who just brushes his hand away.

“I’m only jesting. It’s cute.”

Aaron doesn’t do cute in his eyes and glares at her as we settle into the back corner. He lays his hand on my thigh whilst I curl my arm around his shoulders. You can really tell that we don’t like being apart for this long, we both know we’ll be all touchy-feely for the next few days until we get back into the usual routine.

“Anybody would think you’ve been to the moon and back.” Ignoring the comment, I finally take stock of who’s in. It would be easier to say who from the village isn’t in the pub tonight. Everyone has turned out in full force that’s for sure. Vic might not like how things are with our family, but apparently, she has no qualms winding me up about Aarons’, “You not going to go and give your congratulations to the happy couple?”

Tut-tutting, I turn to Aaron, “Didn’t you wish your mother and father well, Aaron?”

“Yes, for you too. They said thank you for the present and everything, sort of.”

I ignore the implication of the 'sort of'. I’ll ask him later at home because I can tell I'm probably not going to like it. “There, all taken care of; they're not interested in what I think.” Vic’s response is to stick her tongue out at me, which I’m tempted to return, but I’ll save it for another time.

.

I’ve been contented in quietly watching everyone until now, partly because a wave of tiredness had hit me; it’s the middle of the night as far as my body is concerned. However, being my round, I’m standing at the bar next to dad of all people. He’s set himself a little apart from the others, I think he’s having a small timeout by the looks of it and I can’t say as though I blame him. Andy seems to be on a bit of a roll.

I’d not made any effort to come over to give my own congratulations to either Paddy or Chas; I didn’t see the point and I still don’t. However, I seem to be getting a second wind and when it’s the lovely Chas who is serving me albeit begrudgingly, in typical form, I simply can’t resist the urge to act up, “Nice outfit Chas and I see you’re wearing your smile with it tonight; it suits you, you should do it more often.”

Jack is sniggering, whilst Chas is momentarily too gob-smacked to respond and then she doesn’t despite the murderous look on her face because an unaware Aaron returning from the loo appears. With their relationship being so strained, she ignores me and tries to make nice with him instead.

Dad shares a conspiratorial smile with me, “She’ll throw you out if you don’t watch it.”

“No, she won’t. She’s trying to get Aaron back on her good side and that means putting up with me, even if it kills her. Doesn’t mean I have to make nice with her though.” Aaron glances over at me, and there’s a tiny pang of regret at what I’d said before as Chas does actually look very nice this evening, but I ignore it because after what Aaron said about our present earlier, I’m not in the mood to be charitable where she is concerned.

“You’re playing with fire.”

I stare at dad wondering if he realises the significance of those words to me but he’s too busy watching Chas with Aaron to notice. “I can take care of myself and the only Dingle I’m interested in keeping onside is Aaron, the rest can go blow.”

Turning his attention back to me, he actually makes conversation, “I’m sure you can. Aaron said earlier, you were in Singapore for work.”

Studying dad for an instant, I wonder whether he had actually asked Aaron, or was just earwigging but on second thought, I let it pass. Aside from the fact, upon hearing Aaron snap something at Chas, I’m busy thinking maybe I should have kept my mouth closed earlier and been the better person. I’m almost ready to go to his aid, but seeing the look on his face, his mouth clamped shut, I decided he wouldn’t thank me for it and instead answer Jack’s question. “Yep, new client. They signed the dotted line earlier than expected so it was a good trip. I’m going to also open up a small hub out there which will be a lot more work for a while until it gets fully staffed but it makes sense to have a base in Asia.” I stop myself from rambling further; it's easy to forget my line of work might as well be a foreign language to most people in the village, although I suspect Jack understands more than most.

.

Katie must have been listening in, as she does; why am I not surprised. “Great you can move out there.”

“Why would I want to do that when the love of my life is happy here.” Aaron joins me and Chas is notably sour, what with throwing so many imaginary daggers at me I can almost feel them pierce my skin. I’ve got thick skin and ignore her completely except for rubbing her nose in it by putting my hand on the back of Aaron's neck, “You don’t want to move to Singapore, do you, Aaron?”

“No; that’s not on the cards is it?”

He relaxes at my answer, after first looking a little concerned that I might be serious, “Nope. Katie’s wishful thinking.”

Dad actually looks amused at the turn of events and as Aaron quite rightly pointed out, she has absolutely no idea how to smile these days. Her and Andy make a right pair, “That’s right you brag away, whilst the farm goes bust. Not that you give a shit.”

From what I can gather from hearing snippets of conversations earlier, Katie’s lost some of her regulars for the stabling and without them, the farm is really struggling. Andy isn’t a good drunk at the best of times, and he’s clearly had a fair few tonight what with it being an open bar. Just from reflex my grip on Aaron's neck tightens, knowing he's also had quite a lot to drink I don't want things to escalate. Thankfully, unlike Katie, Andy has the sense to keep his thoughts to himself albeit whilst openly glaring at me, but I’m the last person he’s going to ask for help and I’m the last person he’d get it from. In fact, hell will freeze over first as far as I’m concerned.

I almost suggest to Aaron that we go home now, but after this not so friendly interlude, I’m even more determined to make good on my promise about putting a smile on his face. Ignoring everyone around us, I set my plan into motion, whispering into Aaron’s ear, “Talking of Singapore, I got you a present. The assistant in the shop said she thought my partner would love the silk panties I bought.”

“You bought what?” Aaron’s eyes look like they are going to pop out of his head as he blurts out the question loudly, which has me laughing at him.

Deliberately pulling away, I hand a blushing Aaron three pint-glasses to carry, “Here, take them over to the others and I’ll bring the rest.”

Not wanting to hang around without my wingman or get dragged into any more of my family crap, I scoop up the rest of the drinks and take my leave to re-join our table.

.

As Aaron hadn’t sat down yet, I slide back into my corner seat, with him following closely behind. Glancing over at the others at our table, they are all absorbed in their drinks and some conversation or other; I’m not interested as long as they aren’t watching us too closely. It’s not by chance I’ve kept us sat in this corner, it provides some level of protection and privacy for what I have in mind. His eyes haven’t left mine, demanding an explanation. Leaning into him, my mouth is almost touching his ear and after a quick nip of his earlobe, he practically melts at the tingly feeling he loves so much from my warm breath as I speak, the wall behind our only witness as I bait him further, “What if I told you I’m wearing those silk knickers right now, just for you Aaron. They are very fetching even if I do say so myself. Snug. Soft. Leave nothing to the imagination.”

Whether he’s embarrassed by liking this idea or on my behalf, either way, I have his undivided attention, his face turned towards me and his gaze fixed on me in total disbelief. “You wouldn’t; you’re just winding me up to see what I'll say.”

The table is well placed allowing me to put my hand on his crotch to confirm what I already know. “Really, you think I'm making it up? Personally, I think you like the idea.” His arm had moved to shield us, but he doesn’t make any attempt to move my hand away; the exhilaration from our baiting has him hooked.

His face is such a lovely mix of embarrassment and curiosity, “Put your hand down the back of my jeans then, cop a feel and find out for yourself. I got them especially for you, just for your entertainment tonight.”

“I can’t, not here. People will see.”

“No-one’s watching Aaron, they’re too drunk or busy talking about other stuff. No-one's interested in us. I’m sure you can be as creative as I can when you’ve a mind to want and if I’m not mistaken, you want to, don’t you?” Aaron licks his lips and I want to kiss him so badly but I resist. He looks torn, he clearly wants to; his eyes darting nervously around in case anyone is watching, and the sultry edge to my voice gives him the last little nudge of encouragement that he needs. “They feel so good Aaron, better than I ever imagined. Don’t you want to know how they feel against my skin? Slide your hand down, just a little way.”

To anyone looking on, we're just a couple in love having a private conversation. Aaron is blushing like there’s no tomorrow, but being in the corner, there’s ample room behind me for him to slip his hand unseen down the back of my jeans and I’m so pleased with myself seeing Aaron’s eyes blown wide upon realising I’m telling the truth as his fingertips touch the silk fabric.

Unable to resist, I let the devil inside me come out to have a little fun as I continue to tease him further, “Do you like how they feel? Are you dripping yet into those black cotton shorts of yours, Aaron? Do I turn you on?”

“Fucker, yes you know you do.” He might be a reluctant exhibitionist; however, Aaron’s eyes are sparkling with unadulterated lust, his bulging jeans conveying just how exceptionally turned on he is. “Home, we need to go home.”

Pressing my arm down around his shoulders sufficiently prevents him from getting up, “In a minute.”

Aaron is practically overflowing with desire, “Please, Robert.”

“How much do you want it? Tell me, Aaron; say the words. With your hand on your boyfriend’s silk knickers, in a room full of our family and friends, tell me how much you want to fuck my brains out.”

With his face now tucked into the crook of my neck, hiding, his voice is barely loud enough for me to hear. “Shit you don’t play fair.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Say it; then we’ll go and I’m all yours.”

Aaron is however slowly getting over his initial shock, his lips curling up into the evillest most seductive smile I’ve ever seen on him. “You are so going to pay for this Sugden. I’m going to fuck you raw, but first I’m going to make you come so hard in your silk knickers for me that they’ll be soaking wet.”

If Aaron’s eyes before were blown, mine are now equally so, “What if I told you they already are.”

That is the final string for the both of us. Kissing me hard, Aaron stands up, swaying slightly from a mix of alcohol and adrenaline, and in a normal voice pronounces our departure. The mischievousness of his smile mirrored in his eyes is plain for all to see and all I can do is bask in its glow as he turns to me, “Bedtime Goldilocks. I don’t know about you but I’m tired.”

Without so much as a goodbye to anyone other than the few on our table, who clearly don't buy the story about sleep, we are out of the door before they can blink.

.

It feels good to be outside but before I can even catch my breath, Aaron is dragging me round the side of the pub, pushing me hard up against the wall in an out of the way spot. As our mouths mash together, his tongue rams down my throat whilst his hand grabs at the front of my jeans, his fingers clawing at the buttons until he has full access.

Aaron strokes my cock through the silky fabric, “So wet already, Robert.” I don't deny it. We devour each other with our kissing, both snatching the odd word in-between taking a breath; “So sexy....., missed you so much....., you’re never going away for that long ever again....., feel so good....., don’t stop....., not yet, don’t come yet....., please Aaron....., please....., do you like your present, Aaron?....., fucking tease....., love you....., so needy.....”

We are caught off guard by the sound of voices outside the pub, both standing stock still hiding in the shadows; except Aaron’s hand doesn’t stop, if anything it speeds up and I can’t prevent a loud moan from escaping as I try to hold off the inevitable climax. Knowing I’m close, his free hand moves to cover my mouth, smothering a whimper and yet another as the pressure builds until it becomes too much. I try to warn him, the muffled words of ‘I’m going to come’ stifled behind his hand, but it’s clear that’s what he wants and his mouth crashes onto mine, his body pressing mine against the wall as my hips buck upwards, semen spurting uncontrollably into his hand.

.

“Fuck, I can’t believe we just did that.” It’s in a fit of giggles, our breath ragged from the experience, that we rest against each other, supported only by the wall. We take our time to enjoy slow wet kisses, Aaron’s hand still wrapped around my softening cock.

Eventually, retracting it, he presses himself against the length of my body, curling his arms around my neck for us to cuddle, his form hiding that my jeans are still hanging half off my hips.“Are you smiling? It’s too dark to see.”

“You know I am.”

“Told you I’d take you home with a smile on your face.”

“You get points for creativity, I’ll grant you that.” A big yawn escapes as the veil of tiredness creeps upon me once more and Aaron realises I'm dead on my feet, "Come on sleepy-head, let's get going." My fumbling fingers hurriedly do up my damp jeans and with Aaron tugging on my hand, he leads us off down the lane.

It’s not far, but we set a slow pace giving us the time to talk a little on the way, “Did you see the dirty look your mum gave us as we left?”

Apparently, he did judging by the bitterness in his voice, “Screw ‘em.”

“That might have been my fault she kicked off, I was tired and couldn’t stop myself after what you’d said about the present. What did they say?”

“It doesn’t matter. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Your dad seemed to find it funny.”

“I know. He didn’t look too impressed with Andy or Katie either.”

As we reach the door, Aaron hovers, letting me be the one to search for the door key, “You know if you want to change your mind, you can do.”

Stopping, I look at him, not totally clear what he means, “About?”

“I’ve been thinking. Life’s too short sometimes. We should just let it go, the farm and everything.”

Opening the door, we head inside and I kick my shoes off, for once not caring where they land, “Is that what you want?”

Aaron follows suit and we make our way upstairs, “Would it make a difference if it is?”

“Yes. If you tell me to.”

“That’s not what you said before.”

“I didn’t say anything of the sort.” Flopping on the bed, I lie back, not even having the energy to get undressed at this point. I think Aaron extracted it all along with my orgasm. Tipping my head to the side, I watch him removing his clothes.

“Maybe not out loud, but I know you.”

I don’t answer. Instead, I let him undress me until it gets to my jeans and due to the dampness, they require me to actually help myself. Aaron lies on the bed, watching, admiring my silk underwear as I strip off. Now both naked, lying sideways on, there's the very noticeable smell of my sex as his fingers brush down my cheek, “I already called it off.”

He stills, and we silently observe each other an instant. “So, them losing business is nothing to do with us?”

Rolling onto my back I stare up at the ceiling, before making a concerted effort guiding us both into bed, under the duvet cover. Its only after Aaron switches off the bedside light that I answer, “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know.”

Cuddling close, we wrap ourselves each other, “What made you change your mind and how come you didn’t say anything?”

My first response is a shrug. There’s not really one simple answer to either of the questions, it was only last week and was the result of a combination of lots of things. Aaron’s clearly expecting an answer, “I keep telling myself I’ve changed, but if I’d gone through with it, then I haven’t, have I? Not really. You and Liv deserve better than that. And I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure how you’d react. You might have thought I’ve gone soft or something.”

It feels like our bodies are joined as one almost, we are so tightly intertwined, "I love you so much do you know that?”

“Good job, I don’t let just anyone give me handjob in the pub car park. I’ve got a lot fussier these days.” Snuggling tiredly against him another big yawn slips out, “You might have to postpone fucking me into the mattress until tomorrow; if that’s okay?”

“I can wait. I expect you to make a show for me though wearing your new knickers though.”

“Now who’s being all creative." He feels so good, familiar. I really missed his touch whilst I was away, especially at night like this, “Aaron.”

“Mmhm?”

“Don't ever stop being you; I love you just as you are.”

TBC


End file.
